IRLF 


•A 


"  You  can't  tell  by  his  looks  how  far  a  toad  will  jump." 

FRONTISPIECE. 

Page  H. 


>ly  $atchel  kqd  I, 


LITERATURE  ON  FOOT. 


BY  IKABOD  IZAX. 


ILLUSTRATED  BY  LOUIS   A.  ROBERTS, 


One  sees  when  he  travels, 
That  which  he  must  travel  to  see. 


SPRINGFIELD,  MASS  : 
D.   E.   FISK  AXD   COMPANY. 


Entered  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1873,  by 

D.  E.  FISK  &  CO., 
In  the  office  of  the  Librarian  of  Congress  at  Washington. 


WEAVER,   SHIPMAN  &  CO., 

ELECTROTYPERS  AND  PRINTERS, 

SPRINGFIELD,  MASS. 


ss// 


NOTE. 

To  encourage  a  Young  Author,  and 
a  Natural  Genius  for  illustrating  life 
scenes  in  a  mirth  provoking  manner; 
and  to  gratify  a  growing  taste  for 
cheerful  reading;  whether  by  the  Win 
ter  Fire,  at  the  Summer  Resort,  or  in 
the  Railroad  Car;  we  place  this  book 
before  the  Public,  trusting  it  will  prove 
a  good  investment  to  the  Reader  and 

PUBLISHERS. 


M5Q6253 


PREFACE. 

The  student  of  human  nature  and 
the  observing  traveler,  as  he  journeys 
over  the  country,  becomes  more  and 
more  convinced  of  the  truth  of  the  old 
adage,  "that  it  takes  all  sorts  of  peo 
ple  to  make  a  world."  Such,  at  least, 
was  the  experience  of  the  Author,  and 
fie  has  sorted  out  a  few  specimens 
among  the  peculiar  people  he  was 
called  ^lpon  to  deal  with,  and  shown 
up  some  of  their  most  striking  char 
acteristics.  As  the  Author  was  some 
what  amused  while  taking  these  ob 
servations,  he  hopes  that  all  who 
chance  to  read  them,  will  be  no  less  so. 

THE  AUTHOR. 


LIST  OF  ILLUSTRATIONS. 


Page. 

1.  "You  CAN'T  TELL  BY  HIS  LOOKS  HOW  FAR  A 

TOAD  WILL  JUMP."     Frontispiece 

2.  "  HAVE  You  GOT  THE  MUMPS  ? " 15 

3.  THE  SMITH  FAMILY 22 

4.  MY  FIRST  SUBSCRIBER 37 

5.  "  DE  GLORIOUS  SUN  OB  OUR  BETTER  DAYS  AM 

RISING." 53 

6.  MY  SPECIAL  SOLICITOR 65 

7.  u  Do  You  SEE  THAT  NAIL,   SIR  ?  " 71 

8.  SUNDAY  MORNING   CARNIVAL 113 

0.  REAR  OF  THE  GREAT  PROCESSION 150 

10.  RIGHT  HON.  TIMOTHY  BEETLE,  LL.  D.,  ESQ.  .  .161 

11.  "  HALLELOOYAH  !    GLORY  !    GOLLY  !  " 182 

12.  "  VALUED  AT  $1500,— INSURED  FOR  $1000....  197 

13.  Miss  SARAH  BUCKMINSTER 200 

14.  THE  LAST  OF  MY  FIRST  SUBSCRIBER 218 

15.  "  MIND   YOUR   BUSINESS  ;    LET   YOUR   TOES 

ALONE." 231 

16.  "  MEN,  TROT  OUT  THE  BABOON  !  " 242 

17.  MY  ELEPHANT 271 

18.  THE  BALLOON  ASCENSION 285 

19.  "  WHAT  ARE  You  DOING  WITH  THAT  Box?". .  .295 

20.  THE  MILITARY  DRILL 300 

21.  "Is  THIS  You,  IKABOD?" 315 


CHAPTER  I. 


LIFE,  in  the  history  of  almost  every  indi 
vidual,  is  filled  up  with  interesting  incidents, 
decisive  starting  points,  important  changes, 
which  terminate  either  in  success  or  failure, 
and  thus  individuals  are  like  so  many  chips, 
tossed  hither  and  thither  on  the  restless 
waves  of  human  life,  in  its  ceaseless  strife  for 
success  and  the  ascendancy ;  unless  perchance 
one  follows  the  guiding  star  which  points  un 
erringly  to  a  chosen,  and  as  it  were  a  predes 
tined  goal.  Few  there  may  be,  who  are  thus 
fortunate  in  divining  the  one  guiding  princi 
ple  at  the  very  outset  of  their  independent 
existence,  u  which  like  a  divinity,  is  to  shape 
their  ends,  rough  hew  them  though  they 
may,"  while  alas,  the  great  majority  of  man 
kind  are  obliged  to  battle  with  the  force  of 


10  MY    SATCHEL   AND   I. 

circumstances,  and  not  unfrequently  are  over 
borne,  and  cut  short  of  their  desires  and  aims, 
by  the  controlling  power  thereof. 

The  interests  and  aims  of  humanity  are  as 
unlike  and  diversified  as  are  the  hills  and  val 
leys,  which  give  variety  and  picturesqueness 
to  the  face  of  nature,  and  as  a  diversity  of 
objects  go  to  make  up  the  beauty  of  the  land 
scape,  so  does  a  diversity  of  aims  and  efforts 
characterize  different  people,  as  they  bring 
their  special  powers  to  bear,  in  the  accom 
plishment  of  their  several  and  individual 
plans  and  purposes,  one  pursuing  one  path, 
another  a  diverse  course ;  one  using  given 
means,  another  those  totally  unlike,  while  the 
results,  the  final  success,  are  as  varied,  and 
marked,  as  are  the  means  resorted  to  in 
their  accomplishment. 

In  illustration  thereof,  I  am  not  about  to 
record  the  adventures  of  a  wild  scout  of  the 
plains,  the  Alpine  explorer,  the  adventurer 
amid  the  deadly  jungles  of  tropical  climes ; 
nor  of  those  who  are  playing  with  icebergs  or 
scaling  lofty  glaciers,  in  their  perilous  efforts 
to  establish  a  highway  to  an  open  polar  sea ; 


MY    SATCHEL   AND   I.  11 

but  on  the  contrary  I  propose  to  narrate  to 
my  readers  the  eventful  life  of  a  traveling 
book  agent,  giving  you  the  incidents  as  they 
occurred,  thus  showing  to  you  the  lights  and 
shades  of  every  day  life,  illustrating  charac 
ter  by  the  light  which  the  freaks  and  peculiar 
streaks  of  human  nature  cast  upon  it,  and 
which  the  itinerant  bookseller  delights  in 
reading  and  recording. 

Having  always  possessed  a  strong  desire  to 
follow  a  given  calling,  and  not  having  the 
funds  necessary  to  qualify  myself  for  it,  I 
concocted  various  schemes  by  which  I  hoped 
to  enrich  my  purse,  but  which  proved  airy 
castles ;  and  so,  after  drifting  about,  engag 
ing  in  this  and  that  enterprise,  I  finally  deter 
mined  to  start  on  a  tour  through  the  coun 
try,  and  engage  in  the  enterprise  of  selling 
subscription  books ;  and  accordingly  on  the 
morning  of  June  7th,  18 — ,  I  presented  my 
self  at  the  office  of  Fox,  Bean  £  Co.,  sub 
scription  book  publishers,  to  procure  terms, 
secure  territory,  and  make  arrangements  for 
my  departure  for  the  chosen  field. 

Having  been  brought  up  in  the  woods,  in 


12  MY    SATCHEL   AND   I. 

the  very  shadows  of  a  continuous  mountain 
range,  where  humanity  seldom  was  visible, 
unless  it  was  in  the  shape  of  some  hoary,  un 
couth  codger,  who  chanced  to  be  migrating 
to  some  new  field  of  observation  or  plunder, 
I  very  naturally  did  not  present  any  too  at 
tractive  or  flattering  appearance,  as  I  walked 
into  the  publishers'  office,  with  my  slouched 
felt  hat  on,  its  rear  rim  turned  down,  and  its 
front  portion  turned  well  up  on  my  head ;  my 
pantaloons  tucked  into  my  boot-legs ;  my 
coat  of  the  swallow-tailed  pattern,  (what  lit 
tle  tail  there  was;)  a  standing  choker  for  a 
collar,  and  boots  of  such  size  that  corns  needed 
not  to  be  anticipated. 

Dressed  in  this  unpretending  regalia,  I 
walked  up  to  a  gentleman  seated  at  the  desk, 
busily  engaged  in  writing,  who  subsequently 
proved  to  be  the  veritable  Mr.  Fox  himself, 
the  senior  member  of  the  firm;  and  as  he 
came  to  a  pause  he  looked  up,  over,  and 
through  me,  and  fairly  riddled  me  with  those 
keen,  black  eyes  of  his,  as  I  proceeded  to 
make  known  my  errand,  in  these  words : 

"  Good    morning,    sir.      I  understand  by 


MY    SATCHEL    AXD    I.  13 

your  advertisements  that  you  desire  to  pro 
cure  men  to  act  as  your  agents  in  the  sale  of 
subscription  books,  and  having  nothing  special 
to  occupy  my  time  at  present,  I  desire  to  see 
what  arrangements  I  can  make  with  you  to 
engage  in  the  sale  of  your  works,  and  if  sat 
isfactory,  I  would  like  to  engage  myself  at 
once,  and  start  for  my  destined  territory." 

As  I  made  my  debut  before  the  old  gen 
tleman,  something  seemed  to  come  over  the 
spirit  of  his  dreams ;  was  he  thunder  struck, 
stricken  with  apoplexy  ?  Was  he  dumb,  or 
mad  ?  Standing  there  shivering  in  anguish 
and  mortal  terror,  as  he  eyed  me  through  and 
through,  I  felt  a  well  of  relief  boiling  up 
within  me,  as  the  veteran  statue  finally  gave 
utterance  to  the  inquiry  : 

"  What !  you  sell  books  ?  You  would 
frighten  the  natives,  scare  women  and  chil 
dren  into  their  houses,  and  prove  the  laugh 
ing  stock  of  the  backwoodsmen.  You  had 
far  better  engage  with  some  inland  farmer  as 
herdsman,  bog-cutter  and  ditch-digger." 

Being  naturally  of  a  modest  and  retiring 
disposition,  and  having  seen  but  little  of  the 


14  MY    SATCLEL    AXD    I. 

world,  this  bluff  game  that  the  old  man 
played  upon  me  quite  nonplussed  me  for  a 
moment;  but  soon  realizing  that  I  was  there 
for  a  purpose,  and  that  purpose  being  upper 
most  in  my  mind,  I  bethought  myself  of  an 
old  adage,  so  I  said  to  Mr.  Fox,  (with  due 
deference  to  his  age,)  "Sir,  'you  cannot  tell 
by  his  looks  how  far  a  toad  will  jump.'  ' 

As  the  old  man  came  for  me  with  a  good 
sized  shillalah,  he  shouted,  "Yes,  you  can, 
too,  when  you  touch  it  with  a  stick,"  and  as 
I  jumped  for  dear  life,  he  wound  up  by  say 
ing  that  a  toad  would  make  a  good  deal  bet 
ter  headway  jumping,  than  I  would  procuring 
subscribers,  and  thinking  under  the  circum 
stances  that  "  wisdom  was  the  better  part  of 
valor,"  I  passed  out  of  his  office  door  with 
commendable  alacrity,  a  sadder,  if  not  a 
wiser  man. 

As  I  sat  that  evening  before  an  ancient  and 
spacious  fire-place,  I  elevated  my  feet  upon 
the  top  of  a  neighboring  chair,  looked  at  the 
various  objects  in  the  room,  such  as  the  hams 
hung  on  the  ends  of  two  long  poles  suspended 
from  the  ceiling,  and  long  slices  of  pumpkin 


MY    SATCHEL    AXD    I. 


15 


drying  thereon  ;  the  corn-sheller  in  the  cor 
ner,  and  the  cat  on  the  bed,  when  suddenly 
my  musings  were  broken  in  upon  by  the  fol 
lowing  query  from  my  mother  : 

"  Izax,  what  makes  you  so  sober  and  dumb  ? 
Have  you  got  the  mumps?" 


u  What  ails  yon?     Have  you  got  the  Mumps? 

Stung  by  the  recollections  of  my  interview 
with  the  publishers,  and  meditating  upon  the 
cold  and  stern  rebuff  that  I  received  from 
them,  I  replied,  "  Mumps  ?  no  !  I  shouldn't 
mind  those,  for  soon  as  the  swelling  is  gone, 


16  MY    SATCHEL   AND   I. 

one  is  all  right  again ;  but  I  have  been  at 
tacked  by  something  worse  than  the  mumps, 
a  plaguey  sight!"  and  here  I  related  to  my 
mother  the  experiences  of  the  day. 

Now,  as  every  mother  thinks  her  son  has 
got  it  in  him  to  succeed,  and  win  fortune,  so 
thought  my  respected  parent  of  me,  and  so 
she  gave  me  words  of  comfort  and  good 
cheer,  and  being  of  puritanical  stock,  she 
taught  me  perseverance  and  self-reliance, 
and  advised  me  to  make  another  attempt  in 
some  other  quarter. 

On  the  following  morning,  my  courage 
being  aroused,  I  arose  early,  made  a  fire, 
opened  the  door  of  the  large  brick  oven,  took 
therefrom  an  old-fashioned  skillet,  greased 
my  boots,  went  up  stairs,  oiled  and  brushed 
my  hair,  put  on  a  clean  collar,  and  thus  pre 
pared,  I  started  for  the  publishing  house  of 
Lion,  Skinner  &  Co. 

As  I  approached  their  office  door,  over 
which  hung  their  sign,  the  very  names  thereon 
seemed  to  portend  some  evil  omen,  but  hesi 
tating  a  moment,  I  walked  in,  and  in  the 
same  words  used  on  the  former  occasion,  I 


MY    SATCHEL   AXD   I.  17 

made  known  my  errand  to  an  obese,  middle- 
aged  man,  who  sat  by  an  open  window,  en 
joying  the  cooling  breezes.  He  looked  at  me 
with  an  extremely  inquisitive  expression  of 
countenance,  and  asked  me  if  I  had  ever  had 
any  experience. 

••No  sir,  not  any." 

"  Where  do  you  wish  to  canvass  ?  " 

"  I  am  not  very  particular." 

"  Well,  young  man,  there  is  no  knowing 
what  you  can  do  until  you  make  an  effort,  so 
supposing  that  you  make  your  first  endeavor 
in  Pelham."  • 

I  informed  Mr.  Skinner,  the  gentleman 
with  whom  I  had  been  making  arrangements, 
that  most  of  his  propositions  were  satisfac 
tory,  but  the  territory  allotted  me  did  not  at 
all  please  me,  for  having  lived  near  by  Pel- 
ham  all  my  days,  I  knew  that  the  town  could 
scarcely  go  alone,  and  indeed  had  been  try 
ing  to  be  united  to  another  town  so  that  by 
coalescing  it  could  make  a  live  of  it,  by  ceas 
ing  to  exist  in  name. 

"  I  have  no  more  time  to  devote  to  you 
this  afternoon,  but  if  you  will  take  the  trouble 


18  MY    SATCHEL   AXD   I. 

to  come  here  at  2  o'clock  tomorrow  after 
noon,  possibly  we  can  assign  you  to  a  better 
field  of  operations." 

Promptly  on  the  arrival  of  the  hour,  I  pre 
sented  myself  at  headquarters,  and  this  in 
terview  resulted  in  my  being  assigned  to  St. 
Lawrence  County,  New  York. 

The  books  which  I  engaged  to  canvass  for 
were  the '  Pilgrim  Fathers/  'History  of  the  De 
luge,'  and  the  '  Galley  Slaves/  books  which  it 
will  readily  be  seen,  were  of  no  very  modern 
date,  and  none  too  well  calculated  to  interest 
the  class  of  subscribers  which  I  was  likely  to 
procure.  Receiving  instructions  from  my 
employers  to  proceed  with  wisdom  and  cau 
tion,  and  by  all  means  to  secure  the  names  of 
the  most  influential  persons  first,  such  as  the 
judges,  (judges  used  to  be  considered  first- 
class  people,  but  now  they  are  known  as 
first-class  rascals),  doctors,  ministers,  school 
teachers,  and  town  clerks,  for  then  the  com 
mon  people,  who  have  no  mind  of  their  own  (?) 
will  follow  suit.  Thus  armed  and  equipped, 
and  after  receiving  the  blessing  of  the  firm, 
with  a  hearty  wish  for  my  success,  I  went 


MY    SATCHEL    AXD    I.  19 

aboard  the  train  which  was  ready  to  start  for 
Albany. 

My  first  stopping-place  was  to  be  Gouver- 
neur,  in  Northern  Xew  York,  which  place  I 
reached  about  noon  of  the  second  day's 
journeying,  and  deeming  noon  a  very  proper 
time  in  which  to  find  a  boarding-place,  I  imme 
diately  set  about  establishing  myself  in  some 
quiet  family,  for  a  good  boarding  place  I  con 
sidered  was  my  real,  as  well  as  a  very 
important  base  of  operations.  After  con 
siderable  searching  and  repeated  inquiry,  I 
was  finally  directed  to  the  house  of  a  Mr. 
Smith,  down  near  the  bridge,  and  feeling 
quite  sure  I  had  heard  of  the  name  of  Smith 
before,  or  came  across  it  somewhere  or  some 
how  in  my  travels,  I  felt  encouraged  and 
light  of  heart,  and  I  was  happy  indeed, 
after  my  arrangements  had  been  perfected, 
whereby  I  was  constituted  at  once  a  member 
of  the  hospitable  family  of  Smiths. 

Mr.  and  Mrs.  Smith  were  the  only  mem 
bers  of  the  family  whom  I  met  at  noon,  and 
they  were  large,  bony,  formidable-looking 
specimens  of  humanity,  of  very  prominent 


20  MY   SATCHEL   AND   I. 

and  plain  features,  but  were  good,  honest, 
jolly  people,  full  of  fun,  and  hence  I  was  soon 
quite  at  home. 

I  thought  I  would  not  try  to  do  anything 
that  afternoon,  but  spend  the  remainder  of 
the  day  in  getting  wonted  to  the  place,  and 
acquainted  with  the  family.  Supper  time 
came,  and  but  a  few  moments  had  elapsed 
after  the  old  folks  and  I  had  seated  ourselves 
at  the  table,  when  imagine  my  surprise  to  see 
two  girls,  six  feet  in  height,  with  long  faces, 
good  stout  built  Roman  noses,  arms  long  and 
skinny,  whom  the  old  lady  introduced  to  me 
as  her  twin  daughters,  Cynthia  and  Rebecca 
Smith.  I  made  twin  bows  to  the  remarkable 
progeny,  and  as  I  took  a  look  skywards  up  at 
the  top  of  their  heads,  studiously  observing 
their  wondrous  altitude,  I  remarked  to  the 
fond  parents  what  a  long  and  jolly  time  they 
must  have  had  growing  up  together. 

"  How  long  do  you  suppose?"  chimed  in 
the  father. 

"  I  should  guess  about  thirty-five  years." 
Those  twins  could  not  have  been  more  sur 
prised  at  a  thunder  clap  in  a  clear  sky. 


MY    SATCHEL    AXD    I.  21 

They  both  blushed  ;  one  coughed  ;  the  other 
sneezed,  and  the  father  relieved  their  anguish 
a  little  by  replying  : 

"  You  are  mistaken,  sir,  they  are  only 
eighteen  years  old  last  April." 

"  Were  they  born  on  the  first  clay  of 
April?" 

"  No,  sir  ;  about  the  middle  of  the  month, 
I  believe." 

"  It  seems  to  me,  Mr.  Smith,  that  people 
ripen,  (I  beg  your  pardon)  mature  early,  in 
this  section  of  the  country." 

"  Yes,  they  have  a  plenty  of  work  to  do, 
which  makes  them  grow  strong,  and  have  a 
plenty  of  good  substantial  food  to  eat,  which 
makes  them  grow  fast." 

At  breakfast,  two  other  young  ladies  about 
four  feet  in  height,  very  fleshy  and  of  hand 
some  features,  presented  themselves  at  the 
table,  when  the  old  lady  introduced  them  to 
me  as  her  second  pair  of  twins.  What  to 
make  of  this  remarkable  phenomenon,  of 
these  parents  having  two  pairs  of  twins,  each 
one  of  the  different  pairs  looking  so  exactly 
like  the  other,  that  even  their  parents  could 


22 


MY    SATCHEL   AND    I. 


not  tell  them  apart  when  separated,  and  the 
two  pairs  being  so  utterly  unlike  in  form  and 
feature,  I  could  not  tell,  nor  did  they  attempt 
to  solve  the  mystery. 


•'  The  Smith  Family." 

When  the  last  pair  of  twins  appeared,  and 
there  were  twins  on  my  right  hand,  and  twins 
on  my  left,  I  inquired  of  the  father,  if  that 
was  the  way  they  had  in  St.  Lawrence  county 
of  raising  families,  and  everybody  ran  to 
twins,  or  whether  this  was  an  exceptional 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  23 

case  ?  From  the  fact  of  having  two  pairs  of 
twins  of  such  striking  dissimilarity,  Mr.  Smith 
thought  he  must  have  been  the  founder  of 
the  system,  and  should  lay  claim  to  the  pa 
tent  right. 

Knowing  what  I  did  of  the  American  fam 
ilies  in  general,  and  their  dislike  for  a  numer 
ous  progeny,  I  assured  him  that  not  many 
would  be  inclined  to  dispute  his  right  and 
title.  The  tall  twins  were  fond  of  corn  meal, 
and  the  short  twins  of  butter-milk,  so  I  soon 
learned  to  distinguish  them  by  the  names  of 
corn-crackers  and  butter-milkers. 

I  have  thus  minutely  described  the  several 
family  characters,  in  order  that  all  may  know 
how  I  was  situated,  and  that  they  may  follow 
me  in  my  wanderings,  know  the  people  with 
whom  I  had  to  deal,  and  that  they  may  the 
better  realize  the  joys  and  tribulations,  the 
inns  and  outs,  of  a  canvasser's  life ;  and  suf 
fice  it  to  say,  that  my  sojourn  in  the  Smith 
family  was  much  enjoyed,  and  when  the  time 
came  for  me  to  change  my  location,  I  parted 
from  the  hospitable  family  with  many  regrets. 


24  MY    SATCHEL   AND   I. 

On  the  morning  following  my  arrival  at 
Gouverneur,  I  sallied  forth  in  search  of  my 
first  subscriber,  and  not  forgetting  the  injunc 
tion  of  the  publishers,  to  get  the  names  of 
the  principal  inhabitants  first,  I  called  upon 
the  Rev.  John  Q — ,  and  as  he  came  to  the 
door  and  spied  my  satchel,  he  inquired : 

"  What  have  you  there  ?" 

"  Books,"  I  replied;  "  subscription  books," 
at  the  same  time  giving  him  their  names,  and 
enlarging  upon  their  merits,  and  intrinsic 
value,  as  fast  as  I  could,  for  as  I  saw  that  the 
divine  evidently  did  not  intend  to  invite  me 
into  his  sanctuary,  I  knew  that  I  must  accom 
plish  what  I  proposed  to  quickly,  for  I  knew 
very  well  that  his  patience  would  not  hold 
out  long  on  the  threshold.  Taking  out  the 
first  sample  copy  that  I  laid  hands  on,  I  began 
by  saying : 

"  This  is  a  '  History  of  the  Galley  Slaves.'  " 

"  '  Galley  Slaves  !  '  I  wish  that  every  book 
agent  was  sentenced  to  the  galleys  for  life ! 
Leave  !  I  want  none  of  your  books." 

"  I  beg  your  pardon,  sir,  but  here  is  a  book 


MY    SATCHEL    AXD    I.  25 

right  in  your  line,  which  cannot  fail  to  inter 
est  you,  and  may  be  of  service  to  you  in  your 
study;  the  ' History  of  the  Deluge.'  ' 

"  Do  you  hear  me,  young  man  ?  Begone, 
or  I  will  show  you  a  deluge  that  you  won't 
like  !"  f 

I  did  not  stop  to  show  him  a  copy  of  the 
'Pilgrim  Fathers/  fearing  that  he  would  not 
reverence  them,  as  it  evidently  was  not  his 
reception  day,  and  I  considered  that  as  a  pil 
grim  I  was  having  about  as  rough  a  time  of 
it  as  did  my  Plymouth  ancestors. 

My  next  move  was  for  the  residence  of 
Judge  C — ,  Judge  of  the  Police  Court,  and 
as  I  rang  the  bell,  I  recalled  the  inquiries  of 
the  Rev.  John  Q — ,  so  I  determined  not  to  be 
bluffed  at  the  outset.  The  colored  servant 
waited  upon  the  door,  and  I  inquired  if  Judge 
C —  was  in. 

"  Yes  sir,  but  he  is  engaged  just  now.  Who 
shall  I  say  wishes  to  see  him  ?" 

"  No  matter  about  names  or  particulars ;  I 
would  like  to  walk  in,  and  see  him  when  he 
is  at  liberty." 


26  MY    SATCHEL   AND   I. 

I  was  shown  into  an  ante-room  which 
opened  into  the  room  occupied  by  the  Judge 
as  a  study,  and  after  waiting  long  enough  for 
him  to  have  summed  up  the  evidence  in  a 
murder  trial,  the  venerable  dispenser  of  jus 
tice^)  pushed^  aside  the  folding  doors,  when 
I  at  once  arose,  saluted  his  majesty,  and  pro 
ceeded  to  business.  Taking  up  my  satchel, 
he  hastily  inquired : 

"  What  have  you  there  ?  " 

"  Something  of  great  interest,  that  I  wish 
to  show  you,  and  if  you  never  have  heard  of 
it,  or  read  about  it,  you  cannot  fail  of  being 
interested  in  it."  Handing  him  a  copy  of  the 
"  History  of  the  Deluge,"  I  informed  him  that 
that  was  a  most  remarkable  history  of  a  most 
remarkable  event. 

"  Young  man,  have  you  any  parents  ?" 

That  was  a  stunner  ;  not  because  I  did  not 
know  that  I  had  parents,  but  what  he  could 
possibly  mean  by  such  a  question,  I  knew 
not.  Catching  breath,  I  replied  that  I  had  a 
couple. 

"  Well,  then,  let  me  tell  vou  that  the  safest 


MY    SATCHEL   AND   I.  27 

and  best  thing  for  YOU  to  do  is  to  take  a  bee 
line  out  of  here,  and  take  the  shortest  route 
to  your  paternal  ark." 

At  the  mention  of  the  word  ark,  I  felt  satis 
fied  that  the  judge  had,  somehow  or  other, 
become  acquainted  with  the  fact  of  the  Deluge 
as  a  matter  of  history  before  I  saw  him,  so  I 
thought  it  useless  to  attempt  to  prolong  the 
interview.  Hesitating  a  moment,  I  was  about  to 
show  him  a  copy  of  the  "  Galley  Slaves,"  when 
the  idea  dashed  into  my  brain  that  by  hook 
or  by  crook  (the  hooks  and  crooks  of  law  are 
so  numerous)  the  Judge  might  possibly  be 
commissioned  with  enough  authority  to  ena 
ble  him  to  add  one  to  the  list  of  the  bound 
and  fettered,  and  thinking,  too,  of  his  refer 
ence  to  the  "  ark  of  safety,"  I  suddenly 
changed  my  mind,  and  told  him  that  I  was 
sorry  if  I  had  disturbed  him,  and  inwardly 
sorrowing  a  great  deal  more  because  he  had 
disturbed  me  so  decidedly,  I  bade  him  good 
morning  with  a  sigh  of  relief. 

I  now  began  to  lose  faith  in  the  leading 
people  of  the  place,  and  thought  that  they 
were  rather  leading  me  by  the  nose,  but  I 


28  MY    SATCHEL   AND   I. 

resolved  to  make  one  more  attempt  amongst 
the  higher  grades  of  society,  and  accordingly 
I  started  for  the  residence  of  the  Postmaster 
and  Town  Clerk.  Finding  him  at  liberty,  I 
made  known  my  business,  but  I  did  not  know 
exactly  which  one  of  the  three  books  to  take 
out  first,  but  after  scanning  his  physiognomy, 
and  reading  my  man  as  well  as  I  could,  I  fan 
cied  that  there  must  be  in  his  bosom  a  little 
respect  for  his  ancient  relatives,  and  that  he 
would  prove  to  be  a  grateful  offspring  there 
from,  so  I  opened  on  him  with  the  "  Pilgrim 
Fathers."  Now  postmasters  are  frequentlv 
either  run  down  politicians,  or  such  as  have 
commenced  to  develop  considerable  political 
ability  and  tact,  and  are  made  postmasters  so 
as  to  keep  them  quiet,  and  thereby  not  en 
danger  the  official  positions  of  those  in  pos 
session  of  fatter  offices  ;  and  as  a  rule,  a  poli 
tician  is  all  politics,  and  nothing  else,  politics 
being  alike  the  subject  of  his  life  thoughts, 
his  nightly  dreams,  and  his  daily  devotions. 
He  lives  by  it ;  lives  in  it ;  swears  by  it,  and 
dies  in,  and  of  it.  Such  a  man  and  politician 
was  this  postmaster,  and  when  I  had  dis- 


MY    SATCHEL   AND   I.  29 

coursed,  with  the  best  of  my  ability,  until  I 
had  exhausted  the  merits  of  the  book,  and  a 
great  deal  more,  he  stupidly  inquired  if  the 
'•'Pilgrim  Fathers"  were  Whigs,  Democrats  or 
Free  Sellers.  Not  knowing  the  political  pre 
dilections  of  the  office  holder,  but  knowing 
full  well  that  our  forefathers  as  they  landed 
on  Plymouth's  shore,  were  free  sellers  in  the 
broadest  acceptation  of  the  term,  I  replied  to 
that  effect. 

"  I  cannot  subscribe  for  your  book,  sir." 

"  Do  you  not  like  the  book  ?  " 

"  The  book  may  be  all  right,  but  I  do  not 
wish  to  show  any  sympathy  with  that  party, 
as  it  might  endanger  my  present  position  and 
interests.'' 

I  ventured  then  to  show  him  a  copy  of  the 
"  Galley  Slaves,"  but  I  was  doomed  to  disap 
pointment,  and  saw  that  I  must  search 
further  for  my  first  subscriber,  for  this 
shrewd,  far-sighted  post-master  inquired  if 
they  were  all  sent  there  for  political  offenses. 
I  had  to  acknowledge  that  a  sprinkling  of 
them  were  enjoying  that  carnival  for  practic 
ing  political  chicanery,  feeling  at  the  same 


30  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

time  as  though  a  much  larger  delegation  ought 
to  be  sent  on  immediately.  This  admission 
was  altogether  too  much  for  his  courage,  and 
put  a  veto  to  his  subscription  for  the  "  Galley 
Slaves." 

Finding  him  a  little  more  pliable  than  my 
two  former  antagonists,  I  ventured  the  third  at 
tack,  and  handed  him  a  copy  of  the  "  History 
of  the  Deluge."  It  was  profusely  illustrated, 
which  seemed  to  interest  him  to  a  good  degree, 
and  as  he  patiently  looked  at  the  illustrations 
all  through  the  book,  I  watched  the  varied 
expressions  of  his  countenance,  and  as  signs 
of  a  smile  appeared  now  and  then,  I  mentally 
had  him  marked  down  as  my  first  subscriber. 
As  he  closed  the  book  and  returned  it  to  me, 
I  saw  that  I  had  arrived  at  positive  conclu 
sions  prematurely,  and  I  was  doubly 
convinced  of  it  when  he  propounded  the 
inquiry  : 

"  Was  it  not  a  temperance  movement  ?  " 

He  had  discovered  the  fact  that  water  was 

all  the  rage  on  that  occasion,  and  so  conceived 

the    idea    of  its  being    a  grand   temperance 

campaign.     I   informed  him  that  in  general 


MY    SATCHEL    AXD    I.  31 

terms  it  might  be  called,  as  it  no  doubt  was, 
a  temperance  measure,  and  as  such,  was  emi 
nently  successful ;  but  that  it  had  no  special 
bearing  upon,  or  reference  to  the  use  and 
sale  of  intoxicating  beverages,  I  thought  to 
be  the  generally  accepted  opinion. 

"Whisky,"  said  he,  "is  one  of  our  most 
powerful  weapons  of  offense  and  defense,  for 
when  a  politician  is  working  for  his  election, 
you  know  that  if  he  gives  his  friends,  and 
those  not  stiff  on  one  side  or  the  other,  just 
enough  to  drink,  so  that  it  will  make  them 
feel  good  and  neighborly,  they  will  vote  for 
him :  and  when  he  wants  to  get  his  oppo 
nents  to  vote  for  him  he  •  gives  them  enough 
to  drink,  so  that  it  will  confuse  them,  when 
they  are  sure  to  do  his  bidding." 

Whisky  being  his  sheet-anchor,  his  hopes 
of  life  and  office,  and  the  Deluge  a  gigantic 
temperance  rally,  I  saw  that  my  game  was  up 
with  him,  so  I  departed  from  his  presence, 
meditating  upon  what  singular  and  fine-spun 
threads  hang  the  life  of  a  politician  in  power. 

Becoming  heartily  sick,  tired,  and  disgusted 
with  the  cream  of  society,  having  found  it 


32  MY    SATCHEL   AND   I. 

exceedingly  sour,  and  the  churning  process 
unprolific,  I  determined  to  lower  my  stand 
ard,  go  down  a  few  grades,  and  see  what  I 
could  do.  I  had  heard  my  grandfather,  who 
raised  tobacco,  talk  about  the  "  firsts  and 
seconds,"  which  denoted  the  different  grades 
of  the  smoking  leaf,  and  so  I  wondered  what 
the  seconds  must  be  in  society,  if  these  people 
that  I  had  been  laboring  with  were  the  firsts. 
My  next  adventure  was  illustrative  of  the 
old  maxim,  that  one  extreme  follows  another. 
Believing  that  my  chances  for  procuring  sub 
scribers  would  improve  the  farther  I  went  in 
land,  and  into  the  wooded  and  sparsely  popu 
lated  country,  in  which  Northern  New  York 
abounded,  I  started  for  De  Kalb,  a  small 
townshp  consisting  of  here  and  there  scattered 
dwellings  in  the  partially  cleared  woodland, 
inhabited  mostly  by  recent  settlers  of  foreign 
nativity.  After  walking  for  several  miles 
over  a  rough  corduroy  road,  through  dense 
woods,  I  came  out  into  a  cleared  tract,  where 
I  saw  a  small  log-house,  some  distance  back 
from  the  road,  and  the  proprietor  engaged 
near  by  in  burning  brush,  and  preparing 


MY    SATCHEL   AND    I.  33 

space  for  a  garden.  His  wife  was  busy  at  the 
wash-tub,  which  was  placed  on  a  bench  out 
of  doors,  and  was  enjoying  a  habit  which  she 
had  always  had,  she  informed  me  afterward. 
viz  :  of  smoking.  Two  bare-headed  children 
were  playing  in  the  dirt  near  by,  and  a  mule 
was  feeding  out  of  a  box  placed  in  the 
kitchen  door.  I  stepped  up  to  the  lord  of 
this  landed  estate,  and  bade  him  good  morn 
ing,  and  commented  somewhat  at  length  upon 
the  wildness  and  romantic  appearance  of  his 
rural  retreat,  which  appeared  to  please  him. 
He  was  a  Norwegian,  who  had  but  recently 
found  his  way  thither,  and  though  rough  and 
uncouth  in  appearance,  he  was  honest,  true 
as  steel,  and  knew  his  business,  and  not  other 
people's. 

After  a  somewhat  protracted  conversation, 
which  I  carried  on  as  a  feeler,  as  the  saying 
is,  I  told  him  that  I  desired  to  show  him 
something  of  great  interest,  and  thinking  he 
might  enjoy  an  exciting  narrative,  I  showed 
him  a  copy  of  the  "History  of  the  Deluge." 
Having  never  heard  of  it,  he  wanted  me  to 

3 


34  MY    SATCHEL   AND   I. 

explain ;  questioned  me  as  to  the  cause  of  the 
deluge ;  how  it  began  and  ended  ;  all  about 
how  the  people  took  it;  how  the  ark  was 
made ;  how  it  looked  inside ;  if  any  Nor 
wegians  were  there,  and  finally  wanted  to 
know  if  it  troubled  the  town  of  De  Kalb  any. 

I  answered  his  inquiries  as  well  as  I  could, 
considering  my  knowledge  of  the  affair,  and 
the  fact  that  I  was  not  an  eye  witness  of  the 
scene,  and  when  I  answered  his  last  inquiry 
as  to  whether  it  ever  troubled  the  town  of 
De  Kalb,  he  yelled  out : 

"Wife  !  come  here;  I  have  found  out 
what's  the  matter  with  our  old  pastures  over 
yonder,  that's  so  chock  full  of  stones  and  big 
boulders." 

"And  is  that  so  ?  indeed,  what  can  the 
matter  be  ? " 

"  They  have  had  a  great  time  in  this 
country  with  what  they  call  a  deluge,  a  big 
water,  and  when  it  came  clown  through  my 
farm  here,  it  just  skinned  the  dirt  clean,  and 
left  those  rocks  sticking  up  there." 

"  Is  that  the  truth  that  you  are  now  speak- 


MY    SATCHEL    AXD    I.  35 

ing,  dear  Dowsky  ?  '-  Mister,  do  you  think 
there  is  any  danger  of  another  one  of  those 
things?" 

"  I  feel  quite  sure  there  will  not  be 
another." 

"  If  you  think  there  is,  then  Mr.  Dowsky 
had  better  go  down  to  Mr.  Langmore's  and 
have  him  put  this  in  writing  :  '  I  promise  in 
good  faith  to  take  back  this  farm,  and  return 
all  money  paid,  provided  another  deluge 
comes  ;'  for  it  is  best  to  be  on  the  safe  side, 
you  know." 

I  assured  Mr.  Dowsky  that  there  was  no 
need  of  any  such  fears,  and  finally  I  succeed 
ed  in  quieting  him  down,  but  could  not  pre 
vail  upon  him  to  subscribe  for  the  "  History 
of  the  Deluge,"  as  he  had  seen  enough  of  its 
effects  upon  his  premises.  I  now  handed  him 
a  copy  of  the  "  Galley  Slaves,"  and  began 
to  explain,  when  he  broke  in  upon  me  by 
saying : 

"Don't  waste  your  time,  you  can't  tell  me 
anything  about  those  chaps,  for  I've  been 
there  myself." 


36  MY    SATCHEL    AXD    I. 

Sure  enough,  he  had  not  forgotten  the 
rough  times,  which  he  related  to  me,  and  I 
thought  it  wise  not  to  harrow  up  his  feelings, 
and  bring  fresh  to  his  mind  past  miseries,  so 
I  tried  to  interest  him  in  the  "  History  of  the 
Pilgrim  Fathers." 

As  he  looked  at  the  title,  he  wanted  to 
know  whose  fathers  they  were,  and  explain 
ing  as  wrell  as  I  could,  he  enquired  farther,  if 
any  of  them  hailed  from  Norway — his  native 
land. 

"  Yes,  I  believe  they  did,  or  from  that  di 
rection." 

Dowsky's  wife  suggested  the  idea  that  per 
haps  it  might  tell  something  about  some 
people  that  left  their  old  native  place,  a  good 
many  years  ago. 

Now  I  thought  that  idea  was  not  so  far 
fetched  as  it  might  be,  so  I  at  once  coincided 
with  her  views. 

"How  much  is  it?"  asked  Dowsky. 

"Two  dollars  and  seventy-five  cents." 

"I  ain't  got  so  much  money  as  that." 

"I  shall  not  want  any  until  I  come  around 
again  in  about  four  or  five  weeks." 


MY    SATCHEL   AXD   I. 


37 


"I  can't  pay  you,  Mister,  till  I  dig  new 
pertaters." 

Mrs.  Dowsky  felt  sure  that  they  could 
save  enough  to  pay  for  it  in  six  weeks.  I 
drew  out  my  prospectus  for  him  to  sign,  when 
he  declared  that  he  did  not  wish  to  bind  himself 
in  writing.  I  assured  him  that  he  would  not 


"A.  DOWSKY."    MY  FIRST  SUBSCRIBER. 


38  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

sign  away  his  freedom  in  the  matter,  after 
which  he  took  the  pen  and  signed  in  a  bold, 
rustic  style,  the  name  Alex.  Dowsky,  and  so 
my  first  subscriber  proved  to  be  a  genuine, 
full-blooded  Norwegian. 


CHAPTER  II. 


Ix  undertaking  any  new  enterprise,  there 
are  many  things  to  be  taken  into  considera 
tion,  much  time  and  thought  generally  has  to 
he  devoted  to  its  establishment,  a  vast 
amount  of  patience  exercised,  and  more 
or  less  disappointment  experienced  before 
success  is  obtained  ;  but  when  the  first  evi 
dence  of  success  is  seen,  then  it  is  that  hopes 
spring  up  afresh,  a  feeling  of  relief  succeeds 
to  one  of  despondency,  and  the  battle  seems 
nearly  won.  Such  were  my  feelings,  as  I 
bade  good-day  to  Alexander  Dowsky  on  that 
fine  morning,  and  I  gazed  with  admiration 
upon  that  Norwegian  autograph,  the  first  that 
graced  my  prospectus,  and  which  appeared 
to  me  to  be  the  forerunner  of  future  prosper- 


40  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

ity.  With  a  light  step,  and  buoyancy  of 
spirits,  I  resumed  my  search  for  another 
victim,  and  following  the  same  road  still  far 
ther  into  the  interior  of  that  wooded  and 
sparsely  populated  territory,  I  suddenly  came 
upon  quite  a  pretentious  affair  for  a  dwelling 
house,  and  feeling  positive  that  people  in  this 
secluded  retreat  would  of  necessity  want 
something  to  read,  to  help  while  away  the 
hours,  I  boldly  walked  up  to  the  door  and 
rang  the  bell.  No  one  answering  the  call,  I 
listened  and  searched,  and  finally  came  to  the 
conclusion  that  it  was  uninhabited,  and  my 
conclusion  was  soon  proved  to  be  quite  cor 
rect,  by  an  old  negro  who  appeared  upon  the 
premises  as  I  was  about  to  leave,  who  in 
formed  me  that  "  that  am  a  house  where  de 
pleasure  folks  stay  in  de  hot  wedder." 

"  0,  it's  a  summer  resort,  is  it  ?  " 

"  Ya,  ya,  yes  sar." 

"  What  is  your  name  ?  " 

"Dey  calls  me  Sam  Sloan,  sar." 

"Do  you  live  around  here  ? " 

"Yes  sar,  I  lives  over  yonder,  near  dere 


MY    SATCHEL    AXD    I.  41 

whar  you  sees  dem  yeller  pine  trees,  and  I 
takes  care  of  dese  premises  while  de  white 
folks  am  gwine  away." 

"  How  many  people  are  there  here  in  sum 
mer  time  ?" 

"I  dunno  zactly,  I  'spose  fifty,  sartain  ;  lor 
yes,  I  reckon  dere  is,  and  more  too.  I  dinks 
suah  dar  was  more  than  hundred  and  fifty 
dis  summer,  just  gwine  away." 

"How  much  do  they  pay  you  for  your 
services?" 

"  Dey  gives  me  my  close  what  I  wear,  and 
the  wittles  I  eat." 

"Is  that  all?" 

"Yes  sar,  only  once  in  a  while  I  picks 
up  a  bit  by  toting  de  ladies'  cabins  down  to 
der  cars,  and  by  bringing  der  band-boxes  for 
dem  dandy  fellers  dat  come  Saturday  night, 
and  tarry  over  Sabba'  day." 

"Do  they  all  return  to  the  city  to  do 
business  through  the  week?" 

"Lor  sar,  no;  but  I  ask  massa  landlord, 
who  dem  fellers  was,  and  why  dey  all  went 
home  so  fast." 

"Well,  what  did  he  say?" 


42  MY  SATCHEL,  AND  i. 

"Ya,  ya,  I  laifed  when  der  boss  told  me 
how  dey  was  dem  young  fellers  dat  sell 
kaliker,  ribbins  and  der  silk." 

"O,  dry  goods  clerks,  you  mean,  don't 
you?" 

"  Dem's  um,  and  der  boss  says  how,  ya,  ya, 
ya,  dey  could  not  earn  nuff  to  stay  over  Sun 
day,  and  pay  for  dere  hash  Monday 
morning." 

"  They  don't  go  home  without  their  break 
fast?" 

"Yes  sar,  and  dey  takes  de  sunrise  train 
too,  and  some  of  dem  chaps  have  been  strut 
ting  round  dis  summer  hotel  for  three  years, 
and  have  not  paid  my  ole  woman  for  washing 
der  collars  and  stockings." 

"That's  too  bad,  Sam,  you  must  demand 
your  pay  in  advance." 

"  Ya,  I  tried  dat  game  on  dem  fellers  once, 
and  found  out  dat  dey  nebber  had  a  dollar  in 
de  advance,  nor  I  dinks  dey  ain't  anywhar 
else.  Mister,  my  ole  woman  nebber  washes 
any  bosom  shirts  for  dem  showy  chaps." 

"Don't!     Why  so?" 

"  Ya,  ya,  it's  wicked,  I  knows,  but  I  must 


MY    SATCHEL   AND   I.  43 

tell  you,  sar.  Ya,  ya,  old  boss  told  me  todder 
mornin'  dat  most  of  urn  hadn't  got  but  one, 
and  dey  had  to  get  dat  one  done  up  at  home, 
Saturday  afternoon,  afore  dey  come  here." 

"  Well,  Sam,  you  are  about  as  well  off  as 
they  are,  ain't  you  ?  " 

"  I  wouldn't  swop  places  with  clem  chaps 
nohow." 

"  Have  you  got  any  money  laid  up,  Sam — 
any  at  home?" 

"  Mebbe  I  has  a  wee  bit,  but  'pears  how  it's 
a  werry  little." 

"Can  you  read?" 

"Me  read!  lor,  yes  sar;  I'se  a  preacher." 

"  Of  what  denomination  are  you  ?  what 
style?" 

"What  dey  calls  me,  you  mean,  sar?" 

"Yes." 

"0,  I'se  a  Meth'dist  preacher." 

"Where  is  your  parish  located  ?" 

"The  meetin'-house,  you  mean?" 

"Yes." 

"  I  reckon  it's  about  fo'  miles  up  dat  way, 


sar." 


"  Well,  Sam,  as  you  are  a  preacher,  I  have 


44  MY    SATCHEL   AND   I. 

something  that  will  help  you,  and  from  which 
you  can  obtain  material  for  several  sermons." 

"Yes,  sar." 

"  It's  a  '  History  of  the  Deluge/  Sam,  full 
of  pictures,  and  you  will  be  very  much  inter 
ested  in  reading  it." 

"  Dat  is  good,  sar,  werry  nice,  s*ar,  but  de 
fact  is,  mister,  dat  I'se  preached  about  dat 
show  so  many  times  dat  my  people  tells  me 
dey  won't  nebber  pay  der  rent  on  der  settees 
unless  I  tells  them  some  other  narrative,  so  I 
dunno  as  I  want  to  invest  in  dat  ting,  for 
'pears  how  it  is  about  dun  gone,  with  de 
people  ob  my  charge,  most  too  much  dried  up." 

Being  pretty  well  convinced  that  Sam  had 
gone  through  the  deluge  pretty  effectually,  I 
therefore  approached  him  with  the  subject  of 
"  Galley  Slaves,"  and  the  mention  of  the  sub 
ject  seemed  to  strike  a  cord  of  sympathy,  and 
awaken  a  feeling  of  interest  in  the  old  man's 
bosom.  I  went  into  details  somewhat 
minutely,  selecting  such  portions  as  I  thought 
most  likely  to  interest  him,  and  having  been 
a  slave  himself,  I  had  a  good  lever  to  work 
with,  and  he  seemed  not  to  be  aware  of  any 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  45 

distinction  between  the  galley  slaves,  and  the 
slaves  on  the  Southern  plantations.  After 
repeated  inquiries  from  him  concerning  the 
contents  of  the  book,  and  earnest  solicitation 
on  my  part,  he  was  at  length  induced  to  sub 
scribe,  and  hence  Sam  Sloan  became 
chronicled  as  my  second  subscriber. 

Taking  leave  of  my  sable  friend  and  patron. 
I  journeyed  onward  for  a  mile  or  two.  and 
came  across  a  German  who  was  quite  intelli 
gent,  and  had  quite  a  family  of  sons  and 
daughters,  ranging  in  age  from  five  to  twenty- 
five  years.  He  had  quite  a  fine  farm,  and  a 
dairy  of  ten  cows,  a  nice  flock  of  sheep,  a 
good  barn,  and  all  appearances  in  and  about 
the  house  and  about  the  premises  denoted 
thrift  and  enterprise.  I  seated  myself  in  a 
chair  on  the  piazza,  and  as  he  took  a  seat  close 
by,  I  made  known  my  business  at  once.  He 
said  he  was  very  much  interested  in  books, 
and  as  he  looked  at  all  three  of  my  samples 
for  some  time,  I  thought  it  was  about 
time  that  he  had  made  up  his  mind,  so  I 
asked  him  which  one  he  liked  best. 


46  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

"  Veil,  Mynheer,  der  piedures  are  shoost 
nice  as  never  vas,  but  der  reading  vas  older 
as  der  hills." 

"  YoiAaean  that  the  circumstances  narrated 
occurred  a  good  while  ago,  but  the  account 
thereof  is  not  very  old.l  can  assure  you." 

"I  knows  shoost  von  der  deluge  vas.  as 
veil  as  yourself  does." 

"  We  don't  care  much  about  the  time  it  took 
place,  it's  the  correct  history  of  it  that  we 
want  to  make  ourselves  familiar  with." 

"Vas  1  not  mit  der  deluge  shoost  der  same 
as  you  vas  —  shoost  none  at  all?  I  shoost 
don't  vant  none  of  your  old  deluge.  Vat  I 
vants  most  is  shoost  von  big  deluge  of  lager 
bier." 

I  thought  it  not  best  to  argue  the  point 
further,  but  I  tried  to  get  him  interested  in 
the  -Pilgrim  Fathers."  and  the  "Galley 
Slaves."  but  he  thought  his  first  duty  was  to* 
look  out  for  his  wife  and  children,  and  as  his 
reasoning  was  sound  on  that  point,  I  wished 
him  success,  and  then  departed. 

It  was  now  Saturday  night,  and  as  I  was  to 
report  to  the  publishers  at  the  end  of  the  lirst 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 


,  1  ,sat   down  and   wrote   the  following 
letter  : 


I)E  KAI.K.  ST.  LAWKI  \.  i 

Ni  \v  Y..KK,  .June  l.'Jtli,  IN— 
Messrs.  Lion,  Skinner  &  Co., 

Book  Publishers,  Hartford,    Conn. 
DEAR  SIRS  : 

According  to  agreement,  I  herewith  send  you  the  re 
port  of  my  success  for  tin-  week  that  I  have  been  engaged 
in  your  service.  In  strict  obedience  to  your  instructions,  I 
called  Upon  the  leading  people  of  the  place  first,  and  instead 
of  securing  their  names  as  subscriber-,  I  received  only 
shameful  treatment  at  their  hands.  By  taking  a  tour 
into  the  country,  I  have  succeeded  in  si-curing  two  sub 
scribers,  Alexander  Dowsky,  a  Norwegian,  and  Sam 
Sloan,  a  negro  Methodist  preacher,  who  is  quite  an  aged 
African. 

The  great  trouble  seems  to  be,  that  everybody  almo-t  \\\ 
this  country  has  heard  of  the  4  Deluge,'  4  Pilgrim  Fathers,' 
and  the  '  Galley  Slaves  '  In-fore!  Kveu  the  old  n.'irro 
preacher  had  preached  so  many  times  on  the  deluge  that  it 
caused  a  rebellion  in  his  parish.  I  want  to  have  you 
a<M;rn  me  to  some  new  territory,  where  the  u  History  of 
the  Deluge"  is  not  known,  or  never  has  been  seen,  and 
then  perhaps  I  can  do  something.  I  hope  that  you  will 
i>-ui«  IHM.U-.  lii-t'un-  a  nival  while  on  some  topics  of  more 
recent  interest,  that  people  of  this  generation  will  take  a 
fancy  to.  It  strike-  in.  .  as  it  does  most  people  upon 
whom  I  call,  that  your  books  treat  upon  decidedly  old 


48  MY    SATCHEL   AND   I. 

and  thread-bare  subjects.  While  I  am  waiting  to  hear 
from  you,  I  shall  continue  to  canvass,  and  I  trust  with 
better  success  than  I  have  had  thus  far.  Hoping  for  an 
immediate  reply,  I  remain  your  faithful  and  laborious 
servant, 

IKABOD  IZAX. 

After  taking  my  departure  from  Sam  Sloan 
on  Saturday  afternoon,  I  proceeded  north 
ward  for  a  distance  of  two  or  three  miles,  and 
put  up  at  a  small  country  inn,  over  the  Sab 
bath  ;  and,  thinking  that  I  would  attend 
divine  service  on  the  morrow,  I  inquired  if 
there  was  any  church  in  the  vicinity,  and 
upon  being  informed  that  there  was  a  Method 
ist  chapel  near  by,  I  repaired  thither  at  the 
usual  hour  of  service,  and  found  a  small  con 
gregation  gathered,  composed  mainly  of 
colored  people  ;  and  after  having  been  seated 
for  ten  or  fifteen  minutes,  imagine  my  sur 
prise  at  seeing  my  venerable  and  veritable 
subscriber,  Sam  Sloan,  walk  up  the  aisle  and 
take  his  seat  behind  the  desk.  I  whispered 
to  a  sable  friend  in  front  of  me,  and  asked 
him  if  that  man  in  the  pulpit  was  their  regu 
lar  minister,  and  he  replied  in  the  affirmative. 
When  Sam  Sloan  announced  his  first  hymn,  he 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  49 

sounded  the  key-note  of  the  whole  forenoon  s 
services.     This  was  the  first  verse  : 

"  Oppression  shall  not  always  reign, 

There  comes  a  brighter  day, 
When  freedom,  burst  from  every  chain, 

Shall  have  triumphant  sway." 

There  was  a  quartet  choir,  and  the  audience 
joined  in  on  every  other  line,  or  in  chorus,  as 
the  case  might  be,  and  the  music  was  tremen 
dous,  and  fairly  made  the  chapel  and  the 
surrounding  woods  resound.  The  singing  of 
the  hymn  was  followed  by  a  prayer  from  the 
venerable  pastor,  which  I  did  not  attempt  to 
carefully  note  down,  for  if  any  one  of  my 
readers  has  ever  attended  one  of  these  meet 
ings,  conducted  by  an  ex-slave  preacher,  he 
can  appreciate  the  difficulty  and  almost  utter 
impossibility  of  keeping  track  of  one  of  their 
prayers,  for  so  fast  do  their  words  flow,  and 
so  lofty  is  the  key  of  the  voice,  that  the 
words  are  lost  in  the  immensity  of  space. 
After  sweating  over  the  exercise  for  near 
ly  half  an  hour,  he  suddenly  collapsed, 
wound  up  in  a  whisper,  and  sat  down  in  a 
state  of  complete  exhaustion.  After  wiping 

4 


50  MY    SATCHEL   AND   I. 

the  perspiration  from  his  brow,  he  requested 
the  congregation  to  "  sing  de  Doxology  in  de 
longest  meter.  '  Praise  de  Lord,  from  whom 
all  de  blessings  flow/  "  w^hich  they  did  with  a 
will.  My  clerical  friend  now  arose  in  his  pul 
pit  with  an  air  of  dignity,  and  after 
considerable  bluster,  announced  his  subject  as 
follows  : 

"  Bred'ren  and  fellow  sistars  :  I  am  about 
to  preach  to  you  on  de-  subject  ob  vital  in 
terest  to  you  all.  As  most  of  you  have 
been  in  de  wilderness  of  oppression  yoursels, 
or  have  children  and  friends  clere  now,  1 
want  you  to  listen  wid  your  eyes  open  and 
your  ears  likewise,  while  I  make  de  attempt  to 
proclaim  to  you  de  truth  and  de  whole  truth 
about  Pharo',  and  how  he  would  not  let  de 
people  go  free.  De  perticklers  ob  de  cam 
paign  you  can  find  in  de  older  section  ob  de 
blessed  word.  Pharo'  and  Uncle  Sam,  whom 
you  all  know  was  much  the  same,  for  de 
reason  dat  not  one  or  tother  would  let 
de  folks  in  bondage  go  free,  altho'  dey 
promised,  and  'peared  as  how  dey  were 
gwine  to  ebery  day ;  but  when  de  next 


MY    SATCHEL    AXU    I.  51 

mornhr  came  round,  what  was  de  condition  of 
de  people  in  bondage  ?  You  know  werry 
well,  my  feller  prisoners  and  suffering  sistars, 
how  it  was.  Pharo's  slaves  had  to  go  toting 
clay,  and  cutting  the  straw  for  to  make 
brick,  and  we  had  to  eat  our  hoe  cake  or 
starve,  and  start  afo'  sun  rise  for  de  rice 
and  de  cotton  fields,  dig  all  day,  and  come 
home  by  de  light  ob  de  glorious  moon. 
Pharo'  would  let  his  people  go  he  thought 
when  he  was  scared  out  of  his  five  senses,  by 
de  lice,  de  toads,  and  de  tunder  and  hail,  and 
de  rest  ob  de  plagues ;  but  when  de  coast  and 
sky  was  clear,  he  would  not  keep  his  promise. 
So  Uncle  Sam  has  been  making  believe  dat 
freedom  was  de  crowning  glory  ob  his 
country,  but  we  nebber  saw  much  ob  it  down 
on  de  old  plantations,  when  we  was  dar,  did 
we,  bred'ren  and  sistars  ?" 

Just  then  an  old  woman  in  the  further 
corner  of  the  room  shouted,  "  Golly,  no ; 
'pears  how  I  didn't,  nohow." 

"Amen;"  was  the  response  from  an  aged 
father,  who  occupied  a  pew  ahead  of  me. 

There  were  several  worshippers  in  the  con- 


52  MY    SATCHEL   AND   I. 

gregation  known  as  pat-foots,  and  one  stout 
woman  began  to  pat  vigorously,  and  shout 
occasionally,  as  is  their  wont,  when  they  be 
come  moved  by  the  words  of  the  preacher. 
Sam,  seeing  one  of  his  flock  thus  affected,  re 
marked  to  Deacon  Thomas,  that  he  wished  he 
would  go  and  converse  "  wid  sister  Harriet, 
as  she  'peared  to  have  a  heap  o'  feeling." 
As  Sam  Sloan  began  to  enlarge  upon  the  sins 
of  Pharo'  in  retaining  his  people  in  bondage, 
and  upon  the  wickedness  of  Uncle  Sam's  per 
petuating  slavery  at  the  South,  the  whole 
audience  seemed  to  be  convulsed,  and  such  a 
shouting  and  patting  of  hands  and  feet,  one 
seldom  hears  or  sees.  As  the  voice  of  the 
preacher  was  drowned  by  the  turbulent  voices 
below,  the  minister  stated  that  they  might 
now  sing  a  hymn  appropriate  for  de  occasion, 
which  read  as  follows  : 

"  There  is  a  happy  land, 

Far,  far,  far  over  yonder, 
Where  de  slaves  were  gwine  to  dwell 

While  de  massa's  gwine  to  tunder." 

There  were  several  verses,  and  these  last 
two  lines  constituted  the  chorus,  which  they 


MY    SATCHEL    AXD   I. 


53 


all  joined  in  singing  with  much  feeling,  and 
all  the  power  of  voice  at  their  command. 

When  the  singing  was  over,  and  quiet  was 
restored,  the  preacher  stated  that  "  as  his 
time  was  about  up,  he  would  touch  upon  de 
last  clause  ob  his  discourse,  which  was  upon 
de  fact  that  Pharo'  had  finally  to  let  his  peo- 


" De  Glorious  Sun  <»b  our  Jtetter  Days  am  Rising." 

pie  go  free,  and  he  believed  that  Uncle  Sam 
would  likewise  have  to  let  de  slaves  ob  de 
Yes,  bred'ren  and  sistars," 


South  go  free. 


54  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

de  glorious  sun  of  our  better  days  am  rising, 
and  though  it  be  obscured  by  de  storm  clouds 
ob  our  doubts  and  fears,  and  by  big  disap 
pointments,  we  can  see  de  bright  bow  ob  de 
promise  hung  right  up  on  de  outside  ob  'em. 
So,  bred'ren  and  sistars,  don't  worry  yoursels 
to  death,  and  in  closing  dese  services,  let  us 
all  sing  de  following  hymn  in  the  lively 
meter : 

u  Better  times  near  us  boys, 

Wait  just  a  little  longer, 
Then  our  fears  will  turn  to  joys, 

When  \ve  go  up  dar  yonder." 

"  We'll  all  be  free  and  happy  then, 

When  we  go  up  dar  yonder, 
And  be  no  slaves  to  feller  men, 

When  we  go  up  dar  yonder." 

After  service  there  was  a  general  hand 
shaking,  a  friendly  recognition,  and  a  word 
of  good  cheer,  which  one  seldom  sees  in  the 
more  pretentious  and  fashionable  churches  of 
to-day,  particularly  amongst  the  orthodox 
congregations  ;  for  in  them  the-  rule  appears 
to  be,  speak  to  no  one,  and  know  no  one ; 
hence  it  is  that  people,  strangers,  attend  such 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  OO 

churches  for  a  year  without  knowing  any  one 
or  being  known  ;  and  such  religious  societies 
can  learn  something,  make  themselves  ten 
fold  more  useful,  by  taking  pattern  from  Sam 
Sloan's  hearers,  and  learn  to  be  social,  cor 
dial,  earnest. 

On  Monday  morning,  June  loth.  1  resumed 
my  journeyings,  satchel  in  hand,  in  search 
for  subscribers.  Taking  a  direct  course 
along  the  main  road,  through  the  wooded 
country,  I  soon  found  myself  on  the  borders 
of  the  town  of  Malone,  but  not  fancying  the 
route,  I  changed  my  course  for  Messina, 
which  was  quite  a  famous  watering  place  at 
that  time,  and  withal  quite  a  stirring  place. 

After  walking  along  for  half  a  mile  or 
more,  I  came  upon  a  blacksmith's-shop,  in 
which  the  smith  was  busily  engaged  in  the 
manufacture  of  horse-shoe  nails,  and  seating 
myself  upon  an  anvil  near  him,  I  watched 
his  handiwork,  and  commented  upon  the 
rapidity  of  his  working,  as  well  as  the  excel 
lence  of  his  products. 

Xow  as  all  men  are  more  or  less  suscept 
ible  to  flattery,  so  was  this  sturdy  blacksmith 


56  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

to  my  flattering  comments.  He  declared  that 
there  were  a  great  many  people  who  were 
such  fools  that  they  could  not  tell  a  good 
piece  of  work  when  they  saw  it,  or  else  they 
thought  that  no  one  could  accomplish  any 
thing  but  themselves. 

Thinking  that  I  had  now  wrought  the 
blacksmith  up  to  about  the  right  heat,  and 
thinking  it  to  be  about  the  right  time  to 
strike,  I  remarked  that  I  supposed  he  could 
tell  a  good  piece  of  work  when  he  saw  it, 
whether  it  was  made  of  wood,  iron  or  paper, 
to  which  he  replied  that  he  considered  him 
self  a  passable  judge. 

"  Well,  then,  my  good  friend,  I  would  like 
to  show  you  a  nice  thing  in  the  shape  of  a 
book,  a  "  History  of  the  Deluge,"  finely  illus 
trated,  five  hundred  pages,  elegant  type, 
heavy  tinted  paper,  and  good  durable  bind 
ing,  all  for  two  dollars  and  seventy-five 
cents." 

"  My  hands  are  so  dirty,  sir,  I  cannot  han 
dle  it." 

"  Well,  my  dear  sir,  I  will  show  it  to  you." 

Taking  it,  and  carefully  calling  his  atten- 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  57 


tion  to  the  most  interesting  points  in  the 
book,  the  finer  illustrations,  and  speaking  in 
glowing  terms  of  the  exceeding  interest  ev 
ery  one  had  in  reading  the  history,  he  in 
quired  if  the  history  was  really  a  true  one, 
and  I  informed  him  that  it  doubtless  was,  in 
all  the  essential  particulars. 

"  To  tell  you  the  truth,  Mister,  business  is 
pretty  slack  now-a-days,  and  I  think  I  had 
better  not  invest  just  now,  in  these  tight 
times." 

"  I  shall  not  want  any  money  for  some 
weeks  yet." 

"  Well,  I  don't  mind  if  3-011  put  my  name 
down." 

"  Can  you  not  write  ? 

"Yes,  I  spose  I  can,  after  a 'fashion,"  so  he 
took  the  pen,  and  just  as  he  was  in  the  act 
of  subscribing,  or  signing  his  name,  in  came 
a  stout,  burly-looking  woman,  who  proved  in 
a  mighty  short  space  of  time  to  be  his  wife 
and  master,  and  she  fairly  shouted  out : 

"  Jacob,  what  are  you  doing  there  ?"  at  the 
same  time  snatching  the  pen  from  his  hands. 

"  Onlv  driving:  a  nail,  old  woman." 


58  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

"  Yes,  and  you  would  have  had  it  clinched 
in  a  minute,  had  I  not  happened  in.  You 
had  better  drive  horse-shoe  nails,  and  none 
other,  for  the  present,  until  we  get  our  place 
paid  for." 

If  ever  I  hated  the  sight  of  a  woman,  it 
was  just  then,  and  the  blacksmith's  wife  was 
the  woman.  Having  been  foiled  in  one  at 
tempt,  I  resorted  to  other  measures,  and  hav 
ing  found  the  old  man  to  be  influenced  by 
flattery,  I  tried  it  on  the  old  woman,  and  she 
mellowed  down  wonderfully  under  its  influ 
ence.  This  was  how  I  exercised  it.  She  was 
followed  to  the  shop  by  three  little  ragged 
urchins,  with  heads,  legs,  and  feet  bare,  hair 
matted  together  in  a  maze  of  snarls,  with 
faces  dirty  as  pigs,  and  taken  altogether,  they 
were  forbidding  looking  specimens  of  hu 
manity.  Taking  one  of  them,  the  youngest, 
in  my  arms,  I  caressed  it,  showed  it  the  pic 
tures  in  the  "  History  of  the  Deluge,"  and 
as  it  appeared  so  much  interested,  the  other 
two  crowded  around  me,  and  as  they  did  so, 
I  took  occasion  to  say  that  she  had  very  in 
teresting  and  intelligent  children,  and  that  if 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  -39 

well  educated  they  would  DO  doubt  make 
smart  men,  and  be  enabled  to  engage  in  busi 
ness  more  profitable  than  was  their  father's. 

u  Do  you  think  so,  now.  Mister  ?  " 

"  Yes,  ma'am." 

u  And  how  would  you  educate  them  first. 
Mister  ?" 

"  It  is  a  very  good  idea  to  make  them  ac 
quainted  with  the  history  of  the  most  impor 
tant  events  that  have  transpired,  and  then 
teach  them  the  natural  sciences,  perhaps." 

"  What  books  have  you  there  ?" 

u  I  have  a  work  here  of  great  historical  in 
terest,  giving  an  account  of  the  Deluge,  and 
one  that  most  people  become  familiar  with  in 
their  earlier  education." 

Jacob  endeavored  to  remark  that  he  had 
heard  of  how  much  education  had  done  for 
many  people,  but  his  wife  cut  short  his  re 
marks  by  saying  that  u  he  knew  well  enough 
how  to  make  nails,  and  shoe  horses  and  cat 
tle,  and  education  would  not  help  him  any  in 
his  work,  and  he  might  as  well  keep  at  it." 

I  saw  clearly  that  the  woman  was  lord  over 
all  present,  and  that  I  must  look  to  her  for 


60  MY    SATCHEL    AXD    I. 

any  favors  which  I  hoped  to  receive.  I  in 
formed  the  woman  that  I  thought  a  knowl 
edge  of  this  history  would  he  of  great  ser 
vice  to  her  children,  (for  I  felt  sure  that  they 
were  none  too  familiar  with  water,)  and  ad 
vised  her  to  secure  a  copy  now,  while  she 
had  so  good  an  opportunity. 

"  I  don't  know  but  I  had  best  to,"  she  re 
plied,  and  so  handing  her  the  pen,  she  signed 
her  name,  "Mrs.  Jacob  Overhiser." 

Bidding  good-bye  to  my  new  subscriber, 
and  her  numerous  progeny,  I  walked  on, 
meditating  upon  the  power  of  flattery  over 
mankind,  and  women  in  particular,  and  the 
success  attending  strategical  measures.  I 
found  out  soon,  that  no  routine  method  of  so 
liciting  subscribers,  no  set  speeches,  would 
avail,  but  that  I  must  study  my  men,  read 
human  nature,  please  the  women  by  praising 
them  up,  and  extolling  the  personal  attrac 
tions  of  their  little  ones,  which  sometimes,  as 
in  this  latter  case,  was  hard  to  do,  as  it  re 
quired  a  stretch  of  the  imagination  to  see 
any  attractions,  and  a  strong  stomach  to  al 
low  them  near  one.  But  however  menial  the 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  61 

occupation  may  be,  one  thing  is  certain,  hon 
est  toil  is  praiseworthy,  and  the  labor  and 
poverty  of  the  blacksmith  is  ten-fold  more  to 
be  desired,  than  the  riches  and  luxuries  of 
the  wealthy,  dishonestly  obtained.  "  A  good 
name  is  rather  to  be  chosen  than  great  riches," 
is  a  text  that  people  in  general  do  not  believe 
in,  or  at  least  live  tip  to. 

I  felt  quite  elated  over  my  success  in 
securing  as  a  subscriber  the  first  person  that 
I  had  called  upon  during  the  day,  and  looked 
upon  it  as  a  decidedly  favorable  omen  for  the 
rest  of  the  day.  It  is  generally  much  more  dif 
ficult  to  take  the  initiative  in  any  undertaking 
than  it  is  to  take  the  successive  steps,  and  the 
stimulus  that  one  feels  from  having  made  sure 
of  a  good  beginning,  helps  greatly  to  insure 
future  prosperity :  but  working  against  fate, 
with  nothing  but  a  blank  to  look  back  upon, 
is  an  entirely  different  thing,  and  not  so  easy 
to  endure. 

The  next  person  that  I  called  upon  was  a 
farmer,  who  owned  a  fine  house,  a  large  farm, 
kept  a  splendid  dairy,  and  had  a  large  and 
pleasant  family.  He  was  at  work  in  his  gar- 


62  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

den,  back  of  his  house,  where  I  approached 
him  on  the  subject  of  books.  His  first  salu 
tation  was  : 

"  0,  you  are  a  beggar,  are  you  ?  " 
"  Yes,  sir,  in  the  same  sense  that  you  are/' 
"  Don't  you  insult  me  by  calling  me  a  beg 
gar." 

"  If  it  is  right  for  you  to  call  me  a  beggar, 
is  it  not  right  for  me  to  return  the  compli 
ment  ?     Now  I  will  prove  to  you,  in  just  two 
minutes,  that  you  are  a  regular  beggar." 
"  You  had  better  be  in  better  business." 
"  I  suppose  so,  but  seeing  that  you  set  me 
up  in  the  business,  I  choose  to  do  what  I  have 
set  out  to  do.     Do  you  not,  every  year,  go  to 
the  markets  and  ask  the  merchants   to  buy 
your  corn,  oats,  potatoes,  butter  and  cheese  ?  " 
"  Yes." 

"  Well,  you  beg  people  to  buy,  don't  you  ?  " 
"  I  don't  call  it  begging,  for  they  buy  if 
they  want  them,  and  let  them  alone  if  they 
don't." 

"  That's  what  I  want  you  to  do  when  I 
ask  you  if  you  wish  to  subscribe  for  a  book  ; 
but  you  began  to  curse  me  before  you  knew 


MY    .SATCHEL    AXD    I.  63 

whether  my  books  were  what  you  wanted  or 
not.  Now.  my  dear  man,  show  me  a  single 
man,  if  you  can,  who  is  not  a  beggar  in  the 
sense  that  you  call  me  one.  The  merchant 
begs  his  customers  to  purchase  goods,  and  he 
is  wholly  dependent  upon  the  people  for  pat 
ronage,  and  his  living.  The  minister  is  a  beg 
gar,  when  he  is  seeking  a  call  to  preach,  for 
he  is  dependent  upon  the  patronage  of  some 
church  organization  for  his  support.  The 
politician  is  a  beggar,  when  he  urges  his  con 
stituents  to  vote  for  him,  and  secure  him  place 
and  power.  Yanderbilt,  Stewart,  Astor,  and 
all  who  are  now  laden  with  wealth,  have  been 
beggars,  in  this  same  sense.  No  man  ever 
has  been,  is  now,  or  ever  can  be,  altogether 
independent  of  his  fellow  men." 

"  Well,  I  never  looked  at  it  in  just  that- 
light,"  replied  the  farmer,  but  I  can't  gainsay 
it,  and  if  I  wanted  any  books  I  would  sub 
scribe,  but  I  hardly  think  that  I  do." 

"  These  works  that  I  have  here  are  all  his 
torical,  and  as  such  I  think  that  you  .will  find 
them  quite  interesting." 

"What  are  thev?" 


64  MY    SATCHEL   AND    1. 

I  described  them  to  him,  and  he  took  them, 
carefully  looked  them  over,  and  said  that  his 
children  might  possibly  be  interested  in  the 
"  Galley  Slaves/'  and  he  did  not  care  if  I  put 
his  name  down  for  that,  which  I  gladly  did, 
and  I  rejoiced  over  John  Peterson  as  a  sub 
scriber,  whose  name  I  considered  to  be  a  good 
card  for  me,  as  it  might  possibly  help  me  to 
further  success.  As  I  left  him  I  thought  how 
strange  it  often  appears  that  people  will  yield 
to  the  same  kind  of  an  argument  as  they 
use  themselves,  and  stand  corrected  thereby 
(though  the  argument  be  abusive),  when  they 
will  stand  out  against  any  other.  It  is  in  ac 
cordance  with  the  old  homoeopathic  theory, 
that  like  cures  like,  and  in  this  case,  it 
operated  quite  successfully.  I  soon  learned 
to  read  my  man  at  sight,  and  knew  pretty 
well  what  course  was  best  to  pursue,  how  to 
approach  him  ;  whether  it  were  better  to  flat 
ter,  to  battle  with  him  with  his  own  weapons, 
or  cater  to  his  views  and  opinions,  and  trust 
to  his  judgment  altogether. 

When  I  had  taken  leave  of  the  farmer,  who 
was  my  second  subscriber  for  the  day,  I  soon 


MY    SATCHEL    AXD    I. 


65 


found  myself  on  a  road  that  led  through  quite 
a  stretch  of  wooded  country,  with  occasional 
cleared  patches,  and  nothing  but  log  cabins  for 
houses.  Proceeding  along  for  some  distance, 
I  saw  confronting  me  an  object  which  looked 


MY  SPECIAL  SOLICITOR/ 


very  much  as  though  it  fully  intended  to  sub 
scribe  to  my  stock,  but  not  specially  in  the 
book  line,  but  doubtless  had  more  direct  re 


ference  in  its   own 
5 


head  of   subscribing  for 


66  MY    SATCHEL   AND   I. 

my  carcass,  and  taking  immediate  and 
forcible  possession  of  the  same,  and  as  my 
special  solicitor,  in  the  shape  of  a  huge  black 
bear,  stood  eying  me,  I  tried  to  read  his  in 
tentions,  so  as  to  frustrate  his  movements, 
and  at  the  same  time  casting  my  eyes  around 
to  see  what  movements  I  had  best  to  make. 
I  was  not  slow  in  coming  to  a  conclusion,  nor 
not  a  bit  slower  in  scaling  a  four  rail  fence  : 
and  if  I  ever  traveled  fast  without  the  aid  of 
steam,  it  was  when  I  went  over  that  four  acre 
corn-field  to  a  cabin  a  half  a  mile  or  more  be 
yond.  Learning  that  a  farmer  living  along 
the  route  that  I  was  traveling  had  lost  sev 
eral  sheep  within  a  week  or  two,  I  concluded 
that  Bruin  had  fared  tolerably  well,  and  did 
not  feel  very  ravenous  when  he  espied  me, 
for  had  he,  I  no  doubt  should  have  had  less 
time  to  consider  what  tracks  to  make,  as  he 
no  doubt  would  have  made  tracks  for  rne  at 
once. 

Finding  my  way  to  the  farmer's  house  re 
ferred  to  above,  I  informed  him  of  meeting 
the  enemy  that  had  been  devouring  his  stock, 
and  he  at  once  organized  a  squad  of  men,  and 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  67 

started  in  pursuit,  and  as  I  afterwards  learned, 
secured  the  object  of  his  search,  which  proved 
to  be  a  bear  of  between  three  and  four  hun 
dred  pounds  weight. 

Walking  on  still  further,  I  saw  several  In 
dian  tents  or  wigwams,  pitched  on  a  river 
bank,  the  river  running  alongside  of  the  trav 
eled  road  for  some  distance,  and  these  tents 
were  on  the  opposite  bank.  1  began  to  think, 
sure  enough,  that  I  had  got  beyond  the 
bounds  of  civilization,  and  my  prospects 
looked  rather  dubious  for  the  book  business 
in  these  regions.  I  finally  came  out  through 
the  woods  into  quite  a  nice  territory,  with 
good  houses,  respectable  farms,  and  things 
looked  brighter  generally,  and  as  it  was 
noontime,  I  called  at  the  house  of  a  widow 
lady  for  dinner,  and  while  I  was  there,  a  mid 
dle  aged  Indian  with  his  squaw  came  into  the 
house,  and  asked  for  something  to  eat.  When 
they  left,  I  called  the  widow's  attention  to 
the  fact  that  the  squaw  had  helped  herself  to 
a  wash-basin,  and  had  secreted  it  under  her 
apron.  She  told  me  to  keep  quiet,  for  she 
did  not  dare  to  say  a  word,  for  fear  that  they 


68  MY    SATCHEL    AND    1. 

might  take  offense,  and  do  her  more  damage 
in  some  other  way.  She  said  that  all  of  the 
people  about  the  neighborhood  were  afraid 
to  offer  any  resistance,  as  the  Indians  would 
resent  it.  I  inquired  if  they  proposed  to  let 
them  steal  everything  they  could  lay  their 
hands  on.  She  replied  that  they  were  obliged 
to  submit  to  it,  and  the  Indians  considered  all 
timber  land  common  property,  and  they 
would  spoil  large  tracts  of  woodland,  by  cut 
ting  down  the  trees,  and  taking  what  they 
wanted  to  work  up  into  wooden  ware,  bas 
kets,  and  everything  of  the  kind.  The  own 
ers  of  these  woodlands  were  afraid  to  say  a 
word,  for  fear  that  their  buildings  would  be 
fired,  out  of  revenge.  There  was  a  settle 
ment  of  fifteen  hundred  Indians  at  St.  Regis, 
in  the  northeastern  part  of  the  county,  which 
was  their  headquarters  in  the  winter  season, 
while  in  the  summer  and  fall,  they  would 
wander  around  the  country,  and  live  in  tents, 
which  they  would  pitch  wherever  occasion  or 
convenience  required.  I  saw  quite  a  collec 
tion  of  them  one  day,  fishing,  while  another 
squad  had  just  returned  from  a  hunting  tour. 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  69 

A  good  portion  of  the  men  evidently  had  im 
bibed  too  liberally  of  "  fire  water/'  as  they 
were  exceedingly  jolly,  full  of  their  antics, 
and  the  squaws  were  dancing  and  yelling  as 
though  they  were  having  a  regular  pow-wow. 
Some  of  the  more  sober  squaws  were  trying 
to  sell  their  fish  to  people  passing  by,  taking 
cash,  tobacco,  or  anything  of  marketable 
value,  for  pay. 

After  reaching  Messina,  I  put  up  over  night 
at  the  house  of  a  shoemaker,  intending  to 
take  a  bright  and  early  start  next  morning. 


CHAPTER  III. 


BEFORE  taking  leave  of  the  shoemaker  on 
the  following  morning,  I  thought  I  would 
give  him  an  opportunity  to  subscribe  for  one 
or  more  of  my  books,  and  as  I  stepped  into 
his  shop,  and  approached  him  on  the  subject, 
he  arose  from  his  seat,  pointed  to  a  large  nail 
driven  well  into  the  door  casing,  and  said : 

"  Young  man,  do  you  see  that  nail  ?" 

"I  do,  sir." 

"  Well,  sir ;  when  I  drove  that  nail  in  there, 
I  swore,  then  and  there,  that  I  never  would 
subscribe  for  another  book  until  I  could  pull 
that  nail  out  with  my  thumb  and  finger." 

I  thought  really  that  if  my  securing  his 
name  as  a  subscriber  depended  upon  his  abil 
ity  to  perform  that  feat,  my  time  was  being 


SIV    SATCHEL   AND   I. 


71 


"Do  you  see  that  nail,  sir?" 

wasted,  and  all  argument  did  prove  of  no 
avail  then,  but  afterwards  I  had  the  satisfac 
tion  of  taking  his  name  for  a  book  which  he 
fancied,  and  valued  far  above  the  price  paid 
for  it.  When  a  man  makes  a  rule  in  a  fit  of 
anger,  which  he  swears  he  will  be  governed 
by  at  all  hazards,  he  either  has  to  break  his 
resolutions  sometimes,  or  else  suffer  more  or 


72  MY    SATCHEL   AXD    I. 

less  inconvenience  and  privation  thereby. 
The  book  which  I  afterwards  sold  him,  des 
pite  the  twelve-penny  nail  in  the  door  casing, 
and  the  resolution  regarding  it,  was  a  work 
on  physiognomy,  and  how  he  came  to  pur 
chase  it,  I  will  explain.  He  seemed  to  be  a 
well  informed  man,  and  on  a  more  extended 
acquaintance,  I  found  out  that  he  had  been 
the  general  official  of  the  town.  He  had 
been  selectman,  overseer  of  the  poor,  high- 
way  surveyor,  standing  juryman,  special  com 
mittee  on  all  important  occasions,  chorister, 
and  still  played  in  the  same  choir  in  which 
little  '  Eb,'  as  they  used  to  call  him,  had  played 
the  violin  for  nearly  fifty  years.  He  had  also 
blown  a  trumpet  in  a  brass  band,  and  he 
was  a  leading  member  of  the  village  fire  com 
pany.  For  the  last  dozen  years  or  more  he 
had  acted  as  auctioneer  for  the  entire  vicin 
ity,  and  being  naturally  of  a  comic  turn  of 
mind,  he  seemed  to  enjoy  the  position  as  well 
as  any  he  ever  held.  He  had  his  own  pecu 
liar  way  of  making  people  bid,  and  they 
would  flock  to  the  sales  for  the  sake  of  the 
fun  and  laughter  which  he  would  provoke. 


MY    SATCHEL    AXD    I.  73 

He  was  a  homely,  red-headed  fellow,  but  he 
had  a  keen  eye  for  the  ludicrous,  and  as  my 
sojourn  in  the  place  was  somewhat  lengthy, 
and  becoming  quite  familiar  with  his  ways,  I 
found  out  how  to  touch  him  in  the  right 
place  to  sell  him  a  book. 

I  told  him  that  I  thought  he  was  a  good 
judge  of  human  nature,  and  could  read  faces 
and  character  very  well,  and  this,  of  course, 
must  be  of  great  service  to  him  as  an  auc 
tioneer.  The  idea  took  at  once,  and  talking 
with  him  about  the  Avork  on  physiognomy,  he 
seemed  to  be  much  interested,  and  so  he  sub 
scribed  for  the  book,  and  never  regretted  so 
doing,  and  he  afterwards  subscribed  for  sev 
eral  books. 

In  this  village,  I  learned  much  of  human 
nature,  and  amusing  incidents  now  and  then 
occurred,  of  which  as  a  traveler,  I  was  an 
eye  witness.  I  one  day  saw  a  Mr.  W —  buy 
ing  a  cow  which  had  brass  balls  upon  her 
horns  to  prevent  her  from  doing  injury  to  her 
kind.  The  bargain  was  completed,  the 
money  paid,  and  Mr.  J —  was  to  send  the  cow 
on  the  following  day  to  Mr.  "\V — .  The  next 


74  MY    SATCHEL   AND    I. 

day  the  cow  was  sent  according  to  contract, 
but  minus  the  balls  on  her  horns.  Mr.  W — 
said  nothing  at  the  time,  but  after  a  few  days 
had  passed  he  was  in  the  Post-Office  which 
was  kept  in  the  country  store,  and  meeting 
Mr.  J —  there,  he  bought  a  pair  of  brass 
balls,  ox-balls  as  they  were  called,  and  put 
ting  them  in  a  nice  little  box,  he  stepped  up 
to  Mr.  J — ,  presented  it  to  him,  and  left. 
Mr.  J —  was  seen  to  open  the  box  very  care 
fully,  and  running  out  his  tongue  reflected 
upon  the  affair  some  time.  He  was  ever  af 
terward  called  u  ox-ball  J — ."  He  was  a  well 
to  do  man,  had  everything  to  make  him  hap 
py,  except  an  awfully  penurious  disposition. 
I  endeavored  to  sell  him  a  book,  but  it  was 
of  no  use,  and  a  book  would  do  such  a  man 
no  more  good  than  it  would  to  lecture  to  him 
upon  the  joys  which  one  experiences  who 
exercises  charity,  and  gives  freely  to  those  in 
need. 

While  waiting  in  the  Post-Office  to  have  the 
mail  distributed,  I  was  meditating  upon  what 
course  to  pursue  next,  whether  to  remain  in 
Messina  and  vicinity,  or  to  retrace  my  steps 


MY    SATCHEL   AXD    I.  75 

and  work  westward  along  the  borders  of  the 
St.  Lawrence  river,  which  was  a  rich  farming 
country.  Upon  inquiring,  I  found  a  letter 
in  reply  to  the  one  which  I  sent  to  Lion,  Skin 
ner  £  Co.,  some  days  before,  in  which  I 
found  fault  with  the  ancient  character  of  my 
books,  to  wit :  the  "  Galley  Slaves,"  "  Pil 
grim  Fathers,"  and  the  "History  of  the 
Deluge,"  and  informed  them  that  nearly  all 
of  the  people  had  heard  of  the  "  Deluge," 
and  the  "  Pilgrim  Fathers  "  before.  I  will 
give  you  their  letter  verbatim  : 

HARTFORD,  CONN,  June  25,  18 — . 

IKABOD  IZAX  : 

DEAR  SIR  : 

When  you  have  been  in  the  business  as  long  as  we 
have,  you  will  then  have  got  through  the  teething  pro 
cess  perhaps,  and  have  your  wits  about  you.  You  have 
only  got  your  stomach  teeth  yet,  and  you  will  find  it  more 
tedious  getting  your  eye  teeth  cut,  but  when  that  is  ac 
complished,  you  will  need  less  soothing  syrup.  You  will 
also  learn,  after  you  have  been  engaged  in  your  present 
calling  for  a  few  mouths  longer,  that  success  does  not  de 
pend  so  much  upon  the  book  itself,  as  it  does  upon  the 
individual  who  sells  it.  Some  persons  have  so  little  tact 
for  business,  and  so  little  force  and  personal  ambition, 
that  if  they  were  sent  out  to  secure  subscribers  for  bars 


76  MY    SATCHEL   AND   I. 

of  gold  of  a  ton  weight,  at  two  shillings  apiece,  they 
would  not  earn  their  salt ;  while  there  are  others  who 
are  so  wide  awake  to  business,  and  so  ambitious,  so  con 
vincing  in  word,  look,  and  ways  generally,  that  they 
could  get  a  good  living,  and  lay  up  money,  selling  beau- 
poles  and  pea-brush.  The  truth  with  you  is,  that  you  are 
so  afraid  of  people  that  they  brush  you  away  from  their 
doors,  as  easily  as  they  would  a  house-fly  from  their  nose. 
The  books  are  all  right,  and  no  matter  if  the  events 
therein  recorded  did  transpire  a  few  hundred  years  ago, 
the  account  thereof  may  be  new  and  interesting  for  all 
that.  Wake  up,  and  shake  your  bones  ;  go  for  people  as 
though  your  life  depended  upon  it,  and  if  a  man  attempts 
to  bluff  you,  stick  to  him  like  a  gad-fly.  Follow  these 
directions,  and  we  shall  expect  to  see  in  your  next  report 
that  you  have  been  deluged  with  subscribers. 

Yours, 

LION,  SKINNER  &  CO. 

P.  S.  Don't  devote  all  your  time  to  Norwegians,  su 
perannuated  negro  preachers,  etc.,  but  call  upon  the 
wealthier  classes,  and  people  of  some  literary  taste,  and 
treat  them  just  as  they  treat  you,  and  show  them  that 
you  are  just  as  good  as  they  are,  and  don't  be  afraid  of 
them. 

After  reading  the  contents  of  this  letter, 
and  meditating  awhile  thereon,  I  came  to  the 
conclusion  that,  taken  as  a  whole,  it  was 
rather  of  a  cool  affair,  and  that  the  publish 
ers  showed  me  none  too  much  mercy,  and 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  77 

seemed  not  to  take  into  consideration  the 
difficulties  under  which  I  seemed  to  labor ; 
probably  caring  but  little,  if  only  their  pur 
poses  were  accomplished  in  the  disposition 
and  sale  of  their  books,  and  replenishing  of 
their  purses.  I  was  well  aware  of  the  fact 
that  thus  far,  I  had  not  proved  a  very  profit 
able  investment  to  them,  nor  was  the  course 
that  I  had  pursued  at  all  well  calculated  to 
ensure  success,  as  I  had  been  running  here 
and  there,  spending  the  greater  portion  of 
my  time  in  traveling  from  place  to  place, 
leaving  but  a  little  time  in  which  to  canvass. 
Although  the  general  tone  of  the  publish 
ers'  letter  was  so  provoking,  I  could  not 
dispute  the  truth  and  force  of  their  state 
ments,  so  I  resolved  to  change  my  tactics,  go 
to  Canton,  which  was  quite  a  large,  flourishing 
place,  and  go  to  work  with  a  will,  determined 
to  do  something,  and  make  up  my  mind  to 
call  upon  the  better  and  the  wealthier  classes 
and  not  to  be  bluffed  by  them  as  I  had 
been.  Taking  an  early  train,  I  arrived  at 
Canton  in  the  afternoon,  and  started  bright 
and  early  the  next  morning  to  canvass. 


78  MY    SATCHEL   AND   I. 

The  first  person  that  I  called  upon  was  a 
widow,  and  I  solicited  her  to  subscribe  for  the 
"  History  of  the  Deluge." 

"A  religious  book,  is  it  ?"  she  inquired. 

"  Yes,  madam,  if  you  choose  to  call  it  so ; 
it  treats  upon  biblical  history. 

"  Has  my  minister,  Mr.  R — ,  subscribed  for 
it.  If  he  has  not,  I  do  not  want  it,  and  if  he 
has,  I  will  take  it. 

"  What  possible  difference  can  it  make 
with  you  whether  he  takes  it  or  not,  see 
ing  that  he  cannot  judge  for  you,  nor  you  for 
him,  and  besides,  he  doubtless  has  in  his 
library  several  books  bearing  upon  the  same 
subject,  to  a  greater  or  less  extent." 

"  This  is  the  reason :  if  my  minister  has 
taken  it,  I  know  that  it  is  all  right,  for  he 
would  not  have  taken  it  unless  it  was,  and  if 
he  has  subscribed  for  it,  it  is  all  the  recom 
mendation  that  I  want  for  it." 

I  saw  that  the  poor  creature  had  no 
mind  or  judgment  of  her  own,  or  if  she  had, 
she  could  not  trust  it.  It  doubtless  is  a  good 
thing  for  ministers  to  have  the  entire  con 
fidence  of  their  flocks,  but  it  is  well  in  this 


MY    SATCHEL    AXD   I.  79 

day  and  generation,  for  people  to  have  a  little 
confidence  in  themselves,  and  not  be  gov 
erned  altogether  by  another's  opinions. 
"  Put  not  your  trust  in  princes,"  is  a  wise 
charge,  and  I  think  that  it  would  not  be  a 
bad  idea  to  include  some  ministers  that  I 
know  of  in  that  injunction.  I  used  to  rever 
ence  a  minister  as  I  would  my  Creator, 
regarding  even  the  ground  whereon  they 
stood  as  holy,  and  I  used  to  gaze  upon  them 
with  awe,  and  dread  their  near  approach  to 
me,  on  account  of  their  supposed  perfect 
holiness;  but  as  I  increased  in  years,  saw 
things  in  a  truer  and  more  reasonable  light, 
the  clergy  became  divested,  in  my  judgment, 
of  much  of  their  extreme  holiness,  especially 
as  I  saw  an  eminent  divine  investing  in  dime 
novels  and  kindred  literature,  and  saw  him 
pass  by  the  humble,  poor  day  laborer,  strug 
gling  to  secure  an  honest  and  honorable 
living,  while  he  would  grasp  cordially  the 
hand  of  a  wealthy  citizen,  whom  I  knew  ob 
tained  his  wealth  by  the  foulest  of  means, 
and  I  was  well  aware,  too,  that  the  said 
divine  was  not  ignorant  of  the  latter  fact. 


80  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

I  thought  that  I  would  not  venture  to  re 
late  this  fact  to  the  widow,  whose  faith  in  her 
pastor  was  so  perfect  and  entire,  for  I  knew 
a  book  agent  would  stand  a  poor  chance 
with  her,  with  a  minister  for  an  opponent,  so 
I  decided  to  waste  no  more  time  in  arguing 
the  case  with  her  ;  but  I  lost  no  time  in  seek 
ing  out  this  minister,  who  had  such  marvelous 
influence  over  his  people,  particularly  this 
widow. 

I  will  say  right  here,  that  I  would  not 
have  my  readers  infer  that  I  do  not  respect 
the  clergy  and  their  calling,  for  I,  do,  most 
assuredly,  but  I  do  not  have  any  respect  for 
such  among  them  as  have  too  many  strings 
to  their  bow,  and  play  upon  this  and  that 
one,  as  occasion,  profit,  or  policy  suggests 
and  dictates.  If  a  minister  is  true  to  his 
calling,  sincere  and  earnest,  I  will  back  him 
every  time,  and  bid  him  god-speed  ;  but  if  he 
be  the  reverse  of  this,  I  shall  let  him  alone, 
and  leave  him  joined  unto  his  idols,  giving  the 
devil  his  due. 

After  leaving  the  house  of  the  widow,  I 
learned  the  fact  that  she  was  a  lady  of  con- 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  81 

siderable  refinement  and  wealth,  and  further 
more,  that  her  minister  was  somewhat  her 
junior  in  years,  single,  smart,  and  was  grow 
ing  in  popularity  continually.  Finding  him 
in  his  study,  I  engaged  in  a  commonplace 
conversation  with  him,  remarking  upon  the 
beauties  of  the  place,  its  appearance  of  thrift, 
and  inquired  after  his  church  and  parish,  and 
1  told  him  that  as  I  expected  to  remain  in 
the  place  some  Aveeks,  I  hoped  to  enjoy  his 
ministrations.  After  beating  about  the  bush 
twice  as  long  as  1  felt  like  it,  I  came  to  real 
business  after  this  manner  : 

"  Mr.  R — .  1  have  just  come  to  the  place 
with  two  or  three  books  of  historical  interest, 
which  1  would  like  to  have  you  carefully  ex 
amine,  and  endorse,  by  giving  me  your  name 
as  a  subscriber  thereto.  Doubtless  you  are 
well  aware,  sir,  that  there  are  many  people 
in  every  parish  of  the  size  of  yours,  who  do 
not  feel  qualified  to  pass  judgment  upon  lit 
erary  works,  or  if  they  really  are,  they 
choose  to  be  governed  by  the  opinions  of 
those  whom  they  are  in  the  habit  of  look- 

6 


82  MY    SATCHEL    AXD    I. 

ing    to    for    advice    upon   all   of  the    more 
important  matters  of  life. 

He  replied  that  there  was  such  a  thing  as 
people's  relying  too  little  upon  their  own 
judgment,  and  too  much  upon  the  opinion  of 
others.  I  saw  at  once  that  Mr.  R — 's  head 
was  level,  and  that  he  held  to  views  that 
were  in  perfect  harmony  with  modern  theo 
rists,  and  that  he  and  I  could  meet  on  the 
same  platform,  and  agree  in  our  opinions  very 
well,  and  I  answered  him  that  there  was  no 
disputing  the  truth  of  his  statement,  but  he 
doubtless  was  well  aware,  that  when  several 
intelligent  people  had  expressed  a  favorable 
opinion  upon  any  subject,  or  endorsed  any  ar 
ticle,  by  giving  their  names  in  its  support,  it 
made  the  way  clear  for  other  people  to  do  so. 

"  Doubtless  that  is  so,  sir,  but  I  don't  know 
of  many  people  in  my  parish,  who  are  not 
abundantly  able  to  judge  for  themselves,  as  I 
certainly  much  prefer  that  they  should." 

"I  presume,  sir,  that  they  are  able,  but 
they  prefer  a  little  assistance  from  those 
of  riper  judgment,  and  I  ventured  to  state  that 


MY    SATCHEL    AXI)    i.  83 

the  widow  Bednor  (for  this  was  the  widow's 
name,  in  question)  was  one  of  this  class.  1 
saw  that  the  mention  of  the  widow's  name 
changed  the  expression  on  the  clergyman's 
countenance,  and  it  gave  evidence  that  the 
name  of  the  widow  was  not  unfamiliar  to 
him,  and  the  alacrity  with  which  he  subscribed 
afterwards,  convinced  me  that  the  widow  had 
good  and  substantial  reasons  for  trusting  him, 
and  courting  his  opinions,  as.  in  fact,  they 
were  courting  each  other,  as  it  afterwards  ap 
peared. 

Wishing  the  minister  good  morning.  I 
started  for  the  widow's,  meditating  upon  the 
"way,  how  much  circumstances  influence  one's 
opinions,  and  upon  what  slender  and  cunning 
foundations  opinions  are  often  based.  I  found 
Widow  Bednor  at  home,  showed  her  the  min 
ister's  name,  in  his  own  hand-writing,  and 
informed  her  of  her  promise  to  subscribe  if 
he  did.  So  she  kept  her  word,  signed  her 
name,  and  now  I  suppose  there  are  two  copies 
of  the  i%  History  of  the  Deluge  "  in  the  par 
son's,  one  more  than  is  needed,  for  they  both 


84  MY    SATCHEL    AXD    I. 

are  in  the  family,  and  I  hope  that  the  widow 
and  the  parson  still  think  alike. 

Some  of  my  readers  may  think  it  strange 
that  I  went  for  the  widow  immediately  after 
securing  the  parson's  name,  but  I  acted  upon 
the  principle  that  it  is  best  to  take  people  at 
their  word,  before  they  forget  it ;  for  just 
think  of  what  my  chances  would  have  been 
of  securing  Widow  Bednor  as  a  subscriber,  in 
case  she  and  the  parson  had  had  a  falling  out 
during  any  delay  of  mine. 

Having  secured  the  pastor  and  his  expect 
ant  bride,  I  felt  sure  that  I  had  obtained  a 
firm  foot-hold,  and  success  was  assured,  at 
least  among  his  parishioners,  and  I  went  to 
work  full  of  hope  and  ambition.  I  thought 
that  as  I  had  got  started  among  the  church 
officials,  I  would  bore  still  further,  and  go 
through  the  ranks,  and  accordingly  I  called 
upon  the  good  deacons  of  the  church,  inter 
viewing  in  the  first  place  Deacon  Standish, 
who  was  an  Englishman  by  birth  and  in  sen 
timent.  He  was  a  man  who  stood  six  feet  in 
his  stockings,  of  huge  proportions,  very  obese. 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  85 

with  long  ears,  long  flowing  beard,  a  large 
nose  with  a  crook  and  a  twist  in  it,  and  had 
a  general  expression  of  countenance  which 
indicated  that  he  was  a  close,  shrewd,  self- 
willed,  opinionated  fellow,  a  hard  one  to  deal 
with,  and  I  think  that  the  results  of  the  in 
terview  will  show,  that  I  read  my  man  pretty 
correctly  at  first  sight. 

I  missed  fire  at  the  first  shot,  for  I  opened 
on  him  with  the  "  Pilgrim  Fathers."  I  ought 
to  have  known  better,  as  I  should  if  I  had 
had  my  wits  about  me.  but  seeing  that  I  had 
commenced  the  battle.  I  was  determined  to 
fight  it  out  as  best  I  could,  and  abide  by  the 
consequences.  No  sooner  had  I  commenced 
to  extoll  the  virtues  and  praise  the  heroism 
of  our  forefathers,  than  the  deacon  fairly 
came  down  upon  them  with  a  storm  of  in 
vective,  and  declared  them  to  have  been  a 
pack  of  cursed  fools  for  leaving  the  glorious 
old  country  that  gave  them  birth,  and  an 
honorable  heritage,  and  landing  on  the  God 
forsaken  shores  of  old  Plymouth,  among 
heathen,  barbarous,  savage  tribes. 


86  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

"  What  do  you  suppose  I  want  of  any  his 
tory  of  those  old  renegades  ?  " 

"  Most  people  like  to  know  something  of 
their  ancestors,  and  distant  relatives,  so  that 
down  through  the  several  generations  they 
can  trace  out  their  pedigree." 

"  Oh,  you  would  fain  make  me  believe  that 
I  am  somewhat  related  to  that  apostate  tribe, 
that  miserable  stock,  would  you?" 

"  I  do  not  see  how  it  is  possible  for  you 
to  deny  a  distant,  yet  direct  kinship." 

"  You  might  know,  young  man,  if  you 
only  had  your  eyes  open,  and  your  wits  about 
you.  Why,  young  man,  my  very  carcass 
ought  to  convince  you  that  I  am  not  related 
to  the  diminutive,  dried- up  specimens  of  hu 
manity  which  you  Yankees  represent." 

"  Do  you  know,  my  dear  sir,  what  makes, 
or  what  is  the  real  difference  between  the 
Americans,  or  Yankees,  as  you  choose  to  call 
them,  and  you  Englishmen?" 

"  That's  as  plain  as  the  nose  on  your  face ; 
you  American  people  are  made  up  of  the 
chaff  of  all  nations,  while  the  wheat,  the 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  87 

cream  of  our  European  population  remains 
at  home." 

Now,  if  he  had  only  said  that  this  question 
was  as  plain  as  the  nose  on  his  face,  I  could 
have  seen  the  force  of  his  statement  at  once, 
and  his  argument  must  have  proved  convinc 
ing,  hut  as  it  was.  I  informed  him  that  the 
difference  was  this  : 

"  You  Englishmen  all  run  to  flesh  and  blood, 
(directing  my  eyes  to  his  ponderous  abdo 
men.  )  while  the  Americans  all  rim  to  brains 
and  nerve  force,  and  the  live  Yankees  live 
out,  and  go  through  more  in  two  hundred 
years,  than  you  easy-going,  plethoric  Eng 
lishmen  would  in  six  hundred  years/' 

I  was  soon  convinced  that  I  had  not  loaded 
my  last  gun  with  a  blank  cartridge,  for  the 
old  fellow  would  not  have  fluttered  half  so 
badly,  had  he  not  been  hit  in  a  tender  spot ; 
for  an  Englishman  thinks  that  what  his  na 
tion  and  people  cannot  do,  cannot  be  done, 
and  is  not  worth  doing.  His  enormous  tab 
ernacle  of  fat  quivered  to  its  very  foundations, 
and  the  blood  fairly  boiled  therein,  and  his 
face  was  red  as  though  there  was  a  high  pres- 


88  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

sure  engine  within,  forcing  the  blood  all  into 
his  head,  as  he  fairly  roared  out : 

"  Ya-as,  you  told  the  truth  when  you  said 
the  Yankees  \vould  '  live  out  and  go  through ' 
more  in  two  hundred  years  than  we  English 
men  would  in  six  hundred  years.  It's  the 
whole  business  of  the  American  people,  liv 
ing  on,  and  going  through  other  nations.  You 
are  a  nation  that  stole  away  from  home  to 
begin  with,  and  have  been  stealing  away 
ever  since." 

I  could  not  deny  that  as  a  race  the  Ameri 
can  people  were  adepts  at  the  trade  of  steal 
ing,  and  were  altogether  too  much  for  any 
other  nation  under  the  sun,  but  I  informed 
the  turbulent  Englishman  that  our  ancestors 
must  have  known  something  of  the  funda 
mental  principles  of  this  style  of  doing  busi 
ness  before  they  left  home,  or  else  this  pecu 
liar  faculty  would  not  have  developed  so  won 
derfully,  and  to  such  gigantic  proportions,  on 
foreign  soil. 

He  denied  it,  saying  that  "  this  heathenish, 
devilish  style  of  doing  things,  was  indigenous 
to  this  country,  a  natural  product  of  our  own 


MY    SATCHEL    AXD    I.  89 

nation,  our  mixed  and  irresponsible  popula 
tion. 

"  Now,  my  dear  sir,  before  you  abuse  the 
Pilgrim  Fathers  any  more,  I  would  like  to 
ask  you  if  you  know  who  they  all  were,  or 
what  were  their  names  ?  " 

No,  sir,  I  don't  know,  neither  do  I  want  to, 
for  the  less  one  knows  about  such  a  set  of 
rascals  the  better  it  is  for  him."  and  he  arose, 
hat  in  hand,  and  started  for  the  door. 

"  Look  here.  Deacon  Standish,  there  was 
one  chap  among  those  Pilgrim  Fathers  in 
whom  you  might  possibly  be  interested/' 

"  Me  interested  ?  " 

"  Yes,  sir." 

"  I  guess  not.  What  was  the  old  fellow's 
name,  if  you  think  I  care  for  him  or  his  his 
tory  ?" 

"  His  name  was  Miles  Standish,  and  you 
no  doubt  descended  from  that  ;  wild,'  ;  hea 
then.'  -barbarous.'  ;  savage,'  '  apostate,'  'ren 
egade.'  " 

I  wish  that  you.  reader,  could  have  just 
for  one  moment,  seen  that  good  deacon  fairly 
fry  in  his  own  fat,  as  the  perspiration  rolled 


90  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

down  his  cheeks  on  that  hot  afternoon,  in 
this  moment  of  frenzied  rage,  as  he  stormed 
around  and  said : 

u  Where's  your  book  ?  As  England  was 
glad  enough  to  get  rid  of  those  old  fellows  at 
any  cost,  so  shall  I  be  glad  to  get  rid  of  you 
by  subscribing  for  your  book.  There  are 
some  people  that  others  are  happy  to  dispose  of 
on  any  terms,  and  you  are  one  of  them ;  so  now 
that  3^011  have  my  name,  1  hope  that  you  are 
satisfied,  and  will  know  enough  to  leave." 

I  had  reached  just  that  point  where  I  was  in 
perfect  readiness  to  beat  a  retreat,  and  I  did 
so  in  good  order,  just  as  they  used  to  in  Mc- 
Clellan's  time,  on  the  Potomac,"  and  as  I  took 
leave  of  the  deacon,  I  bade  him  a  good 
afternoon,  and  for  more  than  an  hour  after 
wards  I  chuckled  over  my  success  in  pulling 
in  this  old  English  crab  on  the  line  of  his  own 
ancestry,  with  his  own  hook,  baited  with 
Yankee  bait.  Human  nature,  like  murder, 
i;  will  out,"  and  the  sooner  a  man  finds  this 
fact  out,  and  fights  his  fellow  men  with  their 
own  weapons,  the  sooner  will  his  success  in 
dealing  with  them,  be  assured. 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    1.  91 

Deacon  Crook  was  the  next  person  that  I  in 
terviewed,  and  I  assailed  him  with  a  copy  of 
the  "  Galley  Slaves/' 

•'  I  don't  want  anything  of  your  •  History 
of  the  Galley  Slaves  : '  1  am  slave  enough  my 
self,  digging  as  I  have  to  here,  from  sunrise  to 
sunset,  on  this  rocky  farm,  trying  to  get  an 
honest  living  ;  besides,  I  bought  a  book  once 
of  you  traveling  agents  that  was  not  worth  the 
cost  to  bind  it,  and  when  an  old  fellow  like 
me  gets  cheated  once,  he  knows  enough  to 
look  out  in  future." 

Going  it.  as  the  deacon  did  to  start  off 
with.  I  stood  there  confronting  him  in  perfect 
amazement,  wondering  if  his  tongue  ever 
would  run  down,  so  that  I  could  thrust  in  a 
word  somehow  or  other,  but  as  he  finally  gave 
out.  I  asked  him  if  he  never  would  purchase 
anything  again,  because  he  had  been  cheated 
once.  Supposing  I  had  done  the  same  way, 
what  would  have  become  of  me  ?  I  bought 
a  pair  of  boots  once,  and  never  got  so  badly 
cheated  in  my  life.  I  bought  a  pair  of  pan 
taloons  once,  and  got  wofully  taken  in.  I 
bought  a  coat  and  vest  once,  and  was  so  bad- 


92  MY    SATCHEL    AXD    I. 

ly  sold  that  they  did  almost  no  service  at  all. 
I  purchased  a  bosom  shirt  once,  and  as  it 
proved  to  be  of  rotten  texture,  and  slender 
fibre,  it  was  ripped  from  top  to  stern  at  the  first 
sudden  strain  put  upon  it.  Now  what  would 
my  predicament  have  been  after  that,  had  I 
sworn  that  I  never  again  would  have  any 
thing  to  do  with  boots,  pants,  coats,  vests  and 
shirts,  because  1  had  been  once  cheated  in  buy 
ing  them  ?  How  I  should  look  traveling  around 
here  without  them.  I  think,  sir,  that  you 
would  be  the  very  first  one  to  condemn  me, 
if  you  did  not  adjudge  me  insane,  and  take 
legal  measures  to  have  me  sent  to  an  insane 
asylum.  Supposing,  too,  if  a  man  buys  a 
bushel  of  potatoes  of  you,  and  when  he 
comes  to  eat  them  he  finds  them  hollow  and 
worm-eaten  inside,  and  he  should  swear  that 
he  never  would  buy  another  potato  as  long  as 
he  lived,  would  you  not  set  him  down  as  an 
unreasonable  man,  if  not  a  fool  ?" 

"  That's  a  different  thing  altogether,  for  we 
have  no  control  over  the  growth  and  forma 
tion  of  the  potato,  and  we  sell  them  for  what 
they  look  to  be,  a  good  article." 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  93 

••  Neither  do  I  have  any  control  over  other 
book  agents  and  publishers,  and  so  cannot 
prevent  them  from  publishing  and  selling  in 
ferior  books.  I  ask  you  to  subscribe  for  a 
book  which  I  believe  to  be  a  good,  true,  and 
interesting  one/' 

"  It  will  do  very  well  to  philosophize,  young 
man,  if  you  can  gain  your  point  thereby." 

"  But  is  not  my  philosophy  quite  natural, 
and  correct  upon  this  point  ?  " 

"  Well,  it  sounds  well  enough  when  you 
talk  it,  but  I  don't  think  much  of  its  practi 
cal  application." 

"Well.  sir.  if  it  sounds  all  right,  I  guess  it 
cannot  be  far  from  correct,  and  thus  believ 
ing,  I  think  that  you  had  better  give  me 
your  name  for  the  book,  and  see  if  you  do 
not  buy  a  thing  once  in  your  life  without  get 
ting  so  wofully  cheated  ;  for  if  there  was  any 
special  danger  of  every  one's  being  cheated 
who  subscribes  for  this  book,  I  do  not  be 
lieve  your  minister  nor  Deacon  Standish 
would  have  given  me  their  names  for  it." 

"  If  they  have  taken  it.  why,  I  should  not 
be  afraid  to  if  I  wanted  it.' 


94  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

"  You  do  not  wish  to  be  an  odd  sheep  ; 
better  go  in  with  the  rest  of  the  parish." 

"I  don't  care;  write  my  name  for  me  if 
you  choose,  but  if  it  is  not  just  what  you  say 
it  is,  you  will  have  the  pleasure  of  sending  it 
back  where  it  came  from,  for  I  am  deter 
mined  not  to  be  cheated  again." 

"Don't  you  take  it,  sir,  unless  it  answers 
fully  and  perfectly,  the  description  given. 
Good  morning,  Deacon  Crooks." 

Thinking  that  the  last  deacon  on  the  list 
could  not  stand  out  against  subscribing,  now 
that  the  pastor  and  two  other  deacons  had 
given  me  their  names,  I  proceeded  to  Deacon 
Goldfinch's  place  of  business,  and  made 
known  mine.  I  showed  him  a  copy  of  the 
"History  of  the  Deluge,"  and  described  the 
contents  of  the  book  somewhat  at  length, 
and  stated  to  him  that  his  pastor,  his  asso 
ciate  deacons,  and  Widow  Bednor,  had  fully 
indorsed  the  works  by  giving  me  their  names, 
and  I  should  be  delighted  if  I  could  have  his 
also. 

"The  account  of  the  Deluge  as  given  in 
the  Bible;  is  about  as  reliable,  I  dare  say,  as 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    1.  95 

is  your  history  of  it.  and  I  think  it  would  be 
more  satisfactory  to  me." 

"  No  doubt,  sir,  the  Bible  account  is  all 
right,  but  this  history  goes  into  details  and 
modern  speculations  regarding  it." 

••  I  do  not  fancy  too  much  stuffing  in  my 
literature,  as  it  adds  nothing  to  its  real  value." 

"  Is  it  not  well,  Deacon,  to  accept  the  opin 
ions  of  others  sometimes,  and  not  be  governed 
altogether  by  one's  own  ?  " 

"  Yes,  where  their  opinions  are  of  any 
value." 

"  Well,  then,  how  can  you  know  whether 
they  are  of  any  value  or  not.  until  you  know 
what  they  are,  as  for  instance  the  opinions 
expressed  in  this  book  ?  " 

"  I  take  it  for  granted,  in  this  case,  that 
they  are  of  but  little  value." 

"  It  is  not  a  fair  proceeding,  this  taking 
things  for  granted,  as  I  can  speedily  prove  to 
you.  Supposing  that  your  neighbor  had  a 
certain  fowl  in  his  yard,  and  he  should  miss 
it  on  a  certain  day.  and  a  week  afterward 
should  find  it  in  your  henery.  You  knew 
nothing  about  how  it  came  there,  but  your 


96  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

neighbor,  seeing  it  on  your  premises,  caged 
up,  has  you  arrested,  tried,  and  sentenced  for 
the  supposed  theft.  How  would  you  like 
taking  it  for  granted  in  this  case  ?  A  murder 
is  committed  in  your  town,  and  as  you  might 
have  been  seen  near  the  house  soon  after  the 
deed  was  done,  and  there  should  happen  to 
be  some  blood  on  your  clothing,  that  you  had 
spattered  thereon  a  few  days  previous  while 
killing  hogs,  and  you  should  be  arrested  upon 
suspicion,  and  it  should  be  taken  for  granted 
upon  this  slight  circumstantial  evidence,  that 
you  committed  the  deed,  and  you  should  be 
tried  and  sentenced  for  it,  do  you  think  it 
would  be  such  justice  as  you  would  like  ? 
Very  grave  mistakes  are  often  made  by  peo 
ple  who  are  always  taking  things  for  granted, 
and  it's  quite  possible,  sir,  that  you  may  be 
mistaken  when  you  take  it  for  granted  that 
this  history,  or  the  opinions  expressed  therein, 
are  worthless." 

Deacon  Goldfinch  was  not  so  blind  to  rea 
son  as  not  to  see  some  little  common  sense  in 
my  remarks,  and  declared  that  he  did  not 
wish  to  do  me  nor  my  books  any  injustice, 


MY    SATCHEL    AXD    I.  97 

and  in  order  to  set  matters  right  he  would 
subscribe  for  the  "  Pilgrim  Fathers,"  as  he 
had  books  already  that  treated  upon  the  sub 
ject  of  the  Deluge,  and  more  works  of  the 
kind  he  thought  would  be  superfluous. 

Any  one  in  reading  this  account  of  my 
conversation  with  the  pastor  and  three  dea 
cons,  may  think  it  a  little  strange,  if  not 
doubtful,  about  people  yielding  to  arguments 
iu  this  way.  and  finally  subscribing  for  books, 
but  nevertheless  such  improbable  things  have 
taken  place,  and  are  transpiring  every  day. 
If  you  attempt  to  drive  a  fractious  mule,  you 
will  find  out  that  so  long  as  you  let  him  have 
full  swing,  in  his  own  way.  he  will  go  just 
where  you  don't  want  him  to.  and  any  mild 
talk  or  gentle  lashings  will  avail  nothing  ;  but 
just  have  a  short  discussion  with  that  mule, 
the  force  of  your  arguments  being  dealt  with 
a  powerful  blow  over  its  head,  that  will  make 
him  pause  a  moment  and  consider,  then  it 
will  understand  that  you  mean  business,  and 
that  you  are  the  master  of  the  situation  and 
it,  and  then  it  will  follow^  the  right  path. 
You  have  got  to  deal  with  many  men  as  you 


98  Mi'    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

would  with  this  mule,  the  only  difference 
being  in  the  kind  of  weapons  used.  In  other 
words,  if  a  man  is  civil  and  gentlemanly,  in 
word  and  deed,  treat  him  accordingly,  but  if 
he  be  rough,  savage,  in  word  and  deed,  com 
bat  him  with  his  own  weapons,  and  he  will 
often  be  ashamed,  and  acknowledge  his  bru 
tality. 

The  few  names  that  I  now  had  on  my 
books,  helped  me  very  materially  in  securing 
others,  and  I  found  but  little  difficulty  in 
procuring  several  others  of  the  prominent 
people  of  the  place,  as  subscribers. 

I  became  acquainted  in  this  place  with  a 
man  by  the  name  of  Stevens,  who  was  a 
traveling  fire  insurance  agent,  and  learned 
that  his  wife  was  one  of  the  daughters  of  Mr. 
Smith,  of  the  celebrated  Smith  family  before 
referred  to,  and,  strange  to  say,  she  was  an 
odd  one,  and  not  a  twin,  as  were  all  the  rest. 
I  made  Mr.  Stevens'  house  my  headquarters, . 
and  I  would  start  off  in  the  morning,  some 
times  not  returning  for  one  day,  or  seven,  as 
the  case  might  be.  Mr.  Stevens  proposed  to 
have  me  take  insurance  applications  for  him 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  99 

•while  I  was  canvassing,  whenever  an  oppor 
tunity  presented  itself,  and  I  accepted  it,  and 
when  I  could  not  sell  a  book  to  a  man.  I  en- 
.deavored  to  insure  his  house,  barn  and  stock. 
I  made  several  journeys  with  him  out  into 
the  surrounding  country  towns,  and  it  may 
not  prove  uninteresting  if  I  relate  some  of 
the  scenes  and  incidents  connected  with  these 
journeyings  over  the  newly  settled  region. 
We  drove,  one  pleasant  Friday  morning,  to 
the  town  of  Renssalaer,  and  receiving  in 
structions  from  Mr.  Stevens,  how  to  proceed 
in  the  matter  of  insurance,  he  took  his  de 
parture,  pursuing  one  route  with  his  team, 
while  I  followed  another  on  foot.  The  route 
that  I  selected  was  over  a  plank  and  rough 
corduroy  road,  through  a  very  dense  wooded 
region.  There  were, .  here  and  there,  scat 
tered  farms,  the  land  being  mostly  such  as 
had  been  but  recently  cleared,  and  in  the 
main  they  were  occupied  by  new  settlers, 
mostly  foreigners.  There  were  toll-houses, 
erected  over  the  roads,  I  should  judge,  not 
more  than  a  mile  or  two  apart,  and  before 
one  could  pass  through  the  gate,  he  must  pay 


100  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

his  toll,  this  being  the  method  of  obtaining 
funds  sufficient  to  keep  the  roads  in  repair. 
I  learned  that  a  murder  had  been  committed 
a  short  time  previous,  at  one  of  these  toll 
houses,  but  whether  it  was  done  for  the 
purpose  of  obtaining  the  funds  that  was  sup 
posed  to  be  in  the  toll-keeper's  possession,  or 
because  toll  was  so  frequently  demanded  for 
traveling  over  a  road  so  horribly  out  of  re 
pair,  that  the  murderers  became  exasperated 
beyond  all  bounds,  I  know  not.  I  felt,  after 
roughing  it  over  these  horrid  roads  for  a 
week,  and  paying  toll  every  hour  or  two,  as 
though  1  could  with  good  grace  and  perfect 
complacency,  give  the  tax-gatherers  a  pretty 
considerable  pounding,  to  say  nothing  about 
the  murder  question.  But  then  one  sees 
many  things,  and  enjoys  many  an  amusing  in 
cident  while  traveling  in  these  wild  romantic 
regions,  among  people  of  every  kith  and  kin, 
and  T  trust  my  readers  will  enjoy  them,  as 
they  are  about  to  be  related. 


CHAPTER  IV. 


IT  was  now  the  first  of  July,  and  seeing 
that  it  was  Saturday,  and  the  weather  so  in 
tensely  warm.  I  thought  that  I  would  not 
devote  myself  very  enthusiastically  to  busi 
ness,  accordingly  I  engaged  quarters  for  the 
day  and  the  following  Sabhath  at  the  house 
of  a  middle-aged  Scotchman.  I  found  him  and 
his  wife  exceedingly  pleasant  and  hospitable, 
and,  as  a  race,  the  Scotch  are  the  most  hospit 
able  people  under  the  sun,  if  I  am  any  judge 
of  what  genuine  hospitality  is.  This  family 
lived  in  a  log  cabin,  but  it  was  a  model  of 
neatness,  and  the  supper  that  I  sat  down  to 
that  evening  would  have  done  credit  to  any 
house-keeper.  and  satisfied  the  cravings  of 
the  most  fastidious. 


102  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

As  I  remarked  above,  the  people  inhabiting 
these  newly  settled  regions,  were  comprised  of 
various  nationalities,  of  all  grades  of  people, 
high  and  low,  those  in  well  to  do  circumstances, 
and  others  of  extreme  povery.  I  inquired 
of  the  Scotchman  with  whom  I  was  stopping, 
about  the  people  in  his  immediate  neighbor 
hood,  and  learned  from  him  that  an  Irishman 
owned  the  farm  next  to  his,  and  that  he  was 
in  comfortable  circumstances,  and  so  towards 
evening,  when  the  weather  had  cooled  down 
a  little,  so  that  the  heat  of  the  day  was  en 
durable,  I  thought  I  would  sally  out  and  see 
him.  He,  also,  lived  in  a  log  cabin,  and  like 
almost  every  other  Irishman,  had  a  large  fami 
ly  ;  his  pig  and  cow  in  close  proximity  to  his 
house,  and  there  were  a  lot  of  hens  feeding 
around  the  kitchen  door.  The  lord  of  the 
manor  was  hoeing  potatoes  back  of  his  man 
sion  when  I  appeared  before  him,  and  bade 
him  good  afternoon,  and  as  I  thus  addressed 
him,  he  removed  his  pipe  from  his  mouth, 
and  resting  upon  his  hoe  handle,  he  replied : 

"  Good  evening  to  ye's." 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  103 

"A  fine  patch  of  potatoes  you  have  here, 
Patrick." 

"Yes,  sir,  they  looks  right  healthy." 

"What  kind  are  they?" 

"  They  calls  them  Jenny  Lhuls.  1  believe, 
sir." 

"Does  your  soil  here  yield  well  ?" 

"  You  may  say  that,  indade ;  last  year  I 
raised  pratees  enough  off  from  this  little 
patch  to  keep  my  old  woman  and  five  childer 
over  winter." 

"  Well,  indeed,  that  was  either  a  big  yield 
or  else  your  family  are  small  eaters." 

"A  divil  a  bit  they  are  not,  then  ;  they  go 
through  wid  a  bushel  of  pratees  mighty 
quick,  I  tell  ye's,  and  it  takes  about  all  of  my 
time  the  year  around  to  keep  those  mouths 
agoing,  and  pretty  hard  scratching  it  is  at 
that." 

"  I  suppose,  however,  that  you  manage  to 
save  up  a  little  something  every  year,  don't 
you?" 

"Av  coorse  T  must  put  up  a  wee  bit.  now  in 
my  prime,  or  what  will  become  of  us  when 
we  give  out  and  can't  work  ?  " 


104  Ml"    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

"That's  good  philosophy,  Patrick,  so  I 
rather  think  that  you  will  come  out  right,  and 
ahead  in  the  end/' 

"I  mean  to,  sure,  now,  that's  true  for  ye." 
"  Do  you  send  your  children  to  school  ?  " 
"There  is  no  school  near  here,  or  else   I 
would  do  that  same  thing." 

"  You  believe,  then,  in  education  ?  " 
"  Well,  I  s'pose  it  does  no  harm  at  all,  and 
perhaps  it  may  help  them  a  bit  sometimes." 
"  Can  you,  or  any  of  your  family,  read  ?  " 
"  I  can,  sir,  but  my  old  woman,  she  can't 
read  first  rate,  and  my  childer  have  not  had 
a  chance  to  learn  yet." 

"Are  you  interested  in  history  ?  " 
"  What's  that  you  mean  ?  " 
"  Do  you  like  to  read  stories  about  things 
that  happened  some   time   ago ;  about  acci 
dents,   criminals,    folks   that  leave   their  old 
country,  and  such  like." 

"  Irish  folks,  is  it,  that  ye  mean  ?  " 
"  Yes,  and  all  other  kinds  of  people." 
"  Some  people  I  likes  to  read  about,  and 
more  I  don't  care  anything  about  at  all." 


MY    SATCHEL    AXD    I.  105 

"  How  would  you  like  this  book,  the  "  His 
tory  of  the  Pilgrim  Fathers  ?'  " 

"  What  fellers  are  them,  and  where  did 
they  come  from  ?  " 

"  They  left  England  more  than  two  hun 
dred  and  fifty  years  ago." 

"Mister,  I  would  not  give  one  d — n  bit, 
for  the  history  of  the  whole  d — n  pack  of 
England." 

"  Tut,  tut.  Patrick,  you  should  not  swear 
about  them  so." 

"  Would  not  the  likes  o'  ye's  swear  at  'em, 
had  ye  been  cursed,  and  ground,  and  crushed 
to  bits  by  their  old  land  holders  for  seven 
hundred  years  ?  " 

I  saw  that  Patrick  was  posted,  regarding 
the  wrongs  which  his  country  had  suffered  at 
the  hands  of  their  English  lords  and  rulers, 
for  ages  gone  by,  and  I  saw,  too,  that  I  must 
change  my  plan  of  operations,  in  order  to  get 
my  subject  to  subscribe. 

"  You  don't  like  the  English  very  well,  do 
you.  Patrick  ?  " 

"That  I  don't  sure." 

"  Well.  Patrick*.  I  suppose   that  you  would 


106  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

like  to  see  some  of  them  suffer  for  the  wrongs 
they  have  done  your  mother  country,  would 
you  not?" 

"  Be  jabers,  an'  I  bet  I  would  that,  and 
wouldn't  I  like  to  be  one  of  'em  what's  giv 
ing  it  to  them  now  ?  " 

"  Come  here,  now,  Patrick,  and  let  me 
show  you  something  that  will  interest  and 
please  you." 

I  took  out  of  my  satchel  a  copy  of  the 
"  Galley  Slaves,"  and  called  his  attention  to 
a  picture  representing  a  long  row  of  galley 
slaves,  with  their  feet  fast  in  the  stocks,  while 
with  their  hands  they  were  engaged  in  the 
manufacture  of  various  articles ;  and  on  the 
opposite  page  there  was  a  picture  of  another 
row  of  slaves,  with  hands  and  feet  both  fast 
in  the  stocks. 

"  That's  rather  tough  on  those  fellers, 
though,  ain't  it,  Mister  ?" 

"  There's  nothing  very  agreeable  about  it, 
I  should  say." 

Looking  at  the  long  row  of  slaves  whose 
hands  and  feet  were  both  fast  in  the  stocks, 
Patrick  cried  out : 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  107 

"  And  sure  there  is  one  Englishman,  be 
golly,"  at  the  same  time  pointing  to  a  fat, 
burly-looking  fellow,  situated  about  midway 
in  the  gang.  "  I  know  he  is  a  bloody  English 
man  by  the  make  of  his  infernal  carcass.  Ann  ! 
Ann  !  come  here.  now.  while  I  spake  to  ye's. 
Do  you  mind  that  fellow,  now  ?  Bedad,  there 
is  one  Englishman  in  a  mighty  tight  place 
for  onct,  any  how,  thanks  to  the  powers  that 
be." 

"  And  sure,  Pat,  that  is  good  enough  for 
the  likes  o'  them,  ain't  it  ?"  says  Ann  to  Pat 
rick.  "  Do  ye  spy  that  old  Englishman 
making  shoes  over  in  that  row,  wid  his  feet 
tied  up  in  a  box  ?" 

The  way  that  Patrick  and  his  wife  seemed 
to  enjoy  the  fancied  sufferings  and  privations 
of  those  condemned  criminals  of  English  ap 
pearance,  was  amazing  to  behold.  I  had 
reached  the  hearts  of  Pat  and  his  wife  by 
making  them  fancy  that  their  old  oppres 
sors  were  having  to  undergo  a  little  merited 
punishment. 

"  What  do  ye's  ask  for  this  book,"  inquired 
Patrick. 


108  MY    SATCHEL   AND   I. 

"  Two  dollars  and  seventy-five  cents." 

"  That's  too  much,  I'm  sure,  Mister  ;  You'll 
take  two  dollars,  sure,  won't  ye  ?  " 

"  I  cannot  do  it,  as  the  price  must  be  the 
same  to  all,  and  I  only  want  your  name  now, 
the  book  to  be  delivered  to  you  in  about  six 
weeks  from  now,  and  you  will  not  have  to 
pay  for  them  until  then." 

"  I  believe  I  would  like  one  of  them  books, 
so  when  I  gets  to  thinking  about  how  those 
old  fellers  used  our  poor  folks  at  home,  I  can 
jist  sit  down  and  have  the  fun  of  seeing  them 
bucking  away  there  in  their  harness." 

Patrick  and  Ann  took  a  book,  looked  once 
more  at  the  supposed  English  galley  slaves 
and  shouted,  "Arrah  now,  you  blackguards ! 
bad  luck  to  the  likes  o'  ye's.  Mister,  I'll  take 
one  o'  these  books." 

"  Well,  then,  please  to  sign  your  name 
here." 

"And  sure,  I  don't  want  to  put  my  name 
to  any  paper :  I  will  take  it  when  ye's  come 
around  wid  the  books." 

"  Can't  you  write  your  name  ?  " 

"A  divil  of  a  bit  I  can't,  but  the  cross." 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

"  Well,  then,  I  will  write  your  name,  and 
you  may  make  your  mark,  so  that  I  shall 
know  that  it  is  you  that  wants  the  hook.  He 
made  his  cross,  and  I  wrote  his  name,  and 
here  is  the  signature  complete : 

his 

PATRICK  X  MOKIARTY. 
mark. 

The  abuse  which  England  had  heaped  upon 
her  Irish  subjects  for  centuries  past,  was  the 
means  of  securing  for  me  one  subscriber,  and 
furnishes  one  more  illustration  of  the  old 
adage,  "  Tis  an  ill  wind  that  blows  no 
body  any  good."  It  now  being  late,  Satur 
day  afternoon.  I  returned  to  the  house  of  the 
Scotchman,  where  I  had  engaged  quarters  for 
the  Sabbath,  and  thus  ended  my  labors  for 
the  week,  with  the  exception  of  reporting  to 
the  publishers  my  success  since  last  they 
heard  from  me,  and  to  reply  to  the  scathing 
letter  1  received  from  them  a  few  days  since. 
The  letter  that  I  forwarded  that  evening,  read 
as  follows : 


110  MY    SATCHEL   AND   I. 

RENSSELAER,  NEW  YORK,  > 
July  2,  18—.  ) 

LION,  SKINNER  &  Co. : 

MESSRS  : 

Your  last  letter  to  me,  which  was  received  a  few 
days  since,  was  needlessly  severe,  and  rather  abusive. 
You  publishers  can  sit  there  in  your  easy  chairs,  and 
howl  at  your  agents  in  the  field,  if  they  do  not  meet  your 
expectations,  and  do  things  next  to  impossible,  that  you 
may  thereby  be  the  gainers.  If  publishers,  and  you  in  par 
ticular,  would  issue  better  books,  books  of  some  practical 
value,  gotten  up  in  decent  looking  shape,  and  bound  so 
that  they  will  hold  together  a  respectable  length  of  time, 
they  doubtless  would  find  them  to  be  more  profitable  iu 
the  end  than  is  the  trashy  stuff  that  you  and  many  others 
are  flooding  the  country  with.  I  am  having  very  good 
success  now,  considering  the  books  that  I  have  to  sell, 
and  according  to  your  statement,  I  think  that  I  have 
made  some  progress  in  the  "  teething  process,"  and  know 
better  how  to  take  people.  One  thing  I  am  sure  of,  viz : 
that  the  "  better  class  "  of  people  don't  brush  me  away 
from  their  doors  quite  as  easy  as  they  would  a  fly  from 
their  nose,  for  I  fairly  stick  to  them,  until  they  shake  me 
off,  or  subscribe.  If  you  are  soon  to  issue  new  books,  I 
shall  hope  to  canvass  for  them,  in  place  of  these  antique 
affairs  that  I  am  now  boreing  people  with. 
Y ours,  on  the  road, 

IKABOD  IZAX. 

After  thus  completing  my  labors  for  the 


MY    SATCHEL    AXD    I.  Ill 

evening,  I  sat  down  in  the  sitting-room  with 
the  family  of  the  Scotchman,  which  was  com 
posed  of  himself,  wife,  grand-parents,  and  six 
children,  the  six  children  having  been  born 
in  as  many  years.  The  young  folks  were  dis 
posed  of  early,  and  all  in  a  heap,  having  been 
put  to  bed  at  sun-down,  in  one  chamber,  ad 
joining  the  one  that  I  occupied.  They  slept 
a  greater  part  of  the  night,  but  towards 
daylight,  when  I  always  put  in  my  tallest 
sleeping,  there  was  deviltry  a  brewing.  No 
sooner  did  the  roosters  begin  to  crow,  than 
the  whole  pack  of  young  Scotch  began  to 
imitate,  and  if  ever  I  wanted  to  make  a  clean 
sweep  of  a  roost,  it  was  then,  and  that 
Scotch  roost  was  the  one. 

The  Scotch  are  somewhat  noted  for  their 
church-going  propensities,  and  as  this  family 
had  quite  a  distance  to  go  to  church,  an  early 
start  was  necessary.  While  the  parents  of 
this  numerous  flock  were  up  stairs  arranging 
their  toilet,  the  children  wrere  left  with  their 
grand-parents,  and  I  assure  you  that  if  ever 
there  was  a  family  of  young  ones  that  were 
possessed  with  the  devil,  this  one  was.  One 


112  MY    SATCHEL    AXD    I. 

young  one  made  for  the  stove,  at  the  same 
time  pulling  the  tea-kettle  over  on  to  it, 
causing  a  pretty  generous  scalding,  and  a 
louder  yell :  the  other  one  snatched  the  cat's 
tail,  while  the  cat  vainly  essayed  to  make  way 
with  itself,  at  the  same  time  contributing 
greatly  to  the  music  of  the  occasion  ;  another 
youngster,  in  its  night-shirt,  pulled  over  a 
table  of  crockery,  while  still  another,  im 
mersed  himself,  head  first,  in  a  tub  of  water, 
which  had  been  placed  there  preparatory  to  a 
general  Sunday  morning  scrubbing  of  the 
numerous  progeny.  The  grandmother  be 
coming  exasperated,  took  the  reins  of 
government  into  her  own  hands,  and  vigor 
ously  p'jjnded  the  gluteal  regions  of  the 
eldest  one,  while  another  one  was  beginning 
to  stir  up  the  ire  of  the  grandfather  by  climb 
ing  upon  the  back  of  his  chair,  and  buzzing 
continually  in  his  ears,  while  he  was  trying 
to  read  his  religious  paper.  1  did  just  ache 
to  stand  up  and  usurp  the  power  of  govern 
ment  for  just  five  minutes,  when  I  felt  sure 
that  quiet  would  reign  in  that  log  cabin  for 
that  length  of  time,  or  else  there  might  have 


114  MT    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

been  grave  dangers  attending  the  existence 
of  these  young  ones,  to  say  nothing  of  the 
probable  need  of  the  services  of  grave  diggers. 
Had  I  really  got  to  work,  I  should  have 
endavored  to  clean  out  every  one  of  them 
but  the  old  grandfather,  for  I  could  endure 
him,  seeing  that  he  was  quiet  and  minded  his 
business  ;  but  when  the  old  grandmother  was 
aroused  she  made  things  blue  around  the 
premises,  as  she  did  the  boy  that  she  collared 
and  laid  across  her  knee.  The  parents,  how 
ever,  soon  appeared  upon  the  scene  of  action, 
and  the  way  they  scolded,  in  Scotch  brogue, 
was  not  slow,  which  finally  succeded  in 
producing  a  calm.  The  mother  apologized 
for  the  actions  of  her  children,  when  I  re 
marked  that  they  seemed  to  enjoy  themselves, 
and  evidently  thought  that  it  was  best  to  im 
prove  the  time  to  the  best  of  their  ability, 
while  she  was  absent. 

The  father,  after  he  had  got  fully  rigged 
for  church,  inquired  if  I  desired  to  attend, 
and  giving  him  an  affirmative  answer,  I  soon 
made  what  little  preparation  I  deemed  need 
ful,  and  we  three,  myself,  the  Scotchman,  and 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  115 

his  wife,  started  in  the  one  horse  chaise  for 
the  sanctuary.  The  church,  which  was  rather 
of  an  old  building,  was  three  miles  or  more 
away,  and  we  arrived  there  just  as  the  ser 
vices  began.  The  services  proved  to  be  quite 
interesting,  and  1  paid  good  attention  to  the 
preacher,  until  my  eyes  were  attracted  by 
the  operations  of  a  family  of  seven  persons, 
viz.,  father,  mother,  one  daughter,  and  four 
sons,  who  occupied  the  pew  just  ahead  of  us. 
It  being  an  exceedingly  warm  day,  there 
was  a  good  demand  for  handkerchiefs  and 
fans.  It  appeared  that  this  family  had  but 
one  handkerchief,  so  the  old  woman  would 
use  it,  then  pass  it  to  her  husband,  then  he 
in  turn  would  hand  it  to  "  Ed,"  and  "Susan" 
would  be  anxiously  waiting  her  turn,  and  so 
on.  That  bandanna  was  in  such  continual 
demand,  and  so  constantly  used  in  wiping  off 
the  perspiration  from  the  family  brows,  that 
it  became  pretty  well  used  up  during  the 
forenoon.  The  mother  was  known  as  an  ex 
ceedingly  penurious  woman,  and  no  doubt 
thought  that  it  would  have  been  very  ex 
travagant  had  they  had  one  apiece. 


116  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

It  being  communion  Sunday,  a  ludicrous 
scene  took  place  in  consequence.  There  was 
an  old  man  in  the  audience  who  had  not 
walked  circumspectly  before  the  world  and  in 
the  eyes  of  the  church,  and  was  accordingly 
expelled.  He  was  a  man  of  an  iron  will,  and 
determined  to  do  as  he  thought  best  in  the 
matter,  so  at  every  communion  season,  he 
would  bring  his  bottle  of  wine,  or  water,  as 
the  case  might  be,  or  convenience  suited  him  ; 
and  also  a  slice  of  bread,  and  he  would 
station  himself  beside  a  stove  that  was  placed 
at  one  side,  or  in  one  corner  of  the  church,  and 
when  the  pastor  prepared  the  bread  and  poured 
the  wine,  this  old  man  would  take  out  his  slice 
of  bread  and  bottle  of  wine,  spread  his  pocket- 
handkerchief  on  the  top  of  the  stove,  and 
place  the  bread  and  wine  thereon,  and  go 
through  the  regular  ceremony,  with  all  due 
decorum  and  formality.  To  add  to  the  an 
noyance  that  such  an  exhibition  of  personal 
independence  must  have  been  to  pastor  and 
people,  this  old  fellow  had  a  violent  and  dis 
tressing  asthmatic  cough,  which  would  fairly 
make  the  building  resound  with  the  noise 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  117 

thereof;  and  it  really  seemed  as  though  the 
old  man  put  in  his  most  tremendous  barks  on 
purpose  to  attract  the  attention  of  the  con 
gregation  to  himself.  This  affair  may  appear 
too  absurd  for  my  readers  to  believe,  never 
theless  it  was  an  actual  occurrence  :  but  why 
the  church  should  have  tolerated  such  a  re 
bellion  against  their  authority,  was  a  great 
mystery  to  many,  and  could  only  be  ex 
plained  upon  the  ground  "  that  what  cannot 
be  cured  must  be  endured,''  and  finding  dis 
cipline  to  have  been  of  little  value,  conclud 
ed  to  let  him  fight  it  out  on  his  own  hook. 

While  speaking  of  these  church  incidents,  I 
will  relate  one  more  that  took  place  in  an 
other  church  not  many  miles  away.  A 
farmer  in  town  by  the  name  of  P — ,  seldom 
attended  church,  say  about  once  in  three 
months.  Another  man  had  been  engaged  in 
some  mechanical  work  for  a  firm  in  an  adjoin 
ing  town,  and  the  parties  had  failed,  owing 
this  man  W —  about  two  hundred  dollars. 
The  account  had  been  standing  for  about  a 
year,  when  one  Sabbath  Mr.  P — ,  attending 
church,  met  Mr.  W — ,  wTho  was  a  member, 


118  MY    SATCHEL   AND   I. 

passing  down  the  broad  aisle  at  the  close  of 
the  services.  Mr.  P — ,  be  it  said,  was  an 
honest,  upright  man,  a  good  neighbor,  but 
would  swear  a  little  now  and  then,  and  in  a 
pretty  loud  tone,  too.  As  Mr.  P —  met  Mr. 
W — ,  he  asked  : 

"  How  do  you  do,  Mr.  W — ?  " 

Mr.  W — ,  extending  his  hand,  replied  in  a 
quick,  low  tone  of  voice. 

Mr.  P—  then  inquired  if  W.,  W.  &  Co.  had 
paid  him  yet. 

'-  No,  sir,"  was  the  mild  response  of  W — ; 
when  Mr.  P — ,  in  more  than  his  usual  high 
tone  of  voice,  replied  : 

"Well,  d — n  'em,  they  never  will." 

The  affair  created  no  little  surprise,  inas 
much  as  it  was  heard  by  all  the  passers  by  ; 
some  were  shocked,  some  laughed,  and  the 
general  effect  can  as  well  be  imagined  as  des 
cribed. 

Sunday  being  over,  I  settled  with  the 
Scotchman  for  my  board  and  lodging,  and 
started  at  eight  o'clock  Monday  morning  on 
foot,  wending  my  way  through  the  sparsely 
populated  region,  expecting  to  procure  sub- 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  119 

scribers,  but  determined  to  insure  the  prop 
erty  of  such  as  I  could  not  get  to  subscribe 
for  books. 

Proceeding  for  quite  a  distance.  I  saw  a 
very  good  looking  cottage  house,  and  every 
thing  around  itMlenoted  thrift,  enterprise  and 
taste,  and,  upon  gaining  admission  within,  I 
found  it  occupied  by  an  elderly  Scotchman 
and  his  wife ;  the  old  gentleman  proving  to 
be  a  veritable  genius,  and  his  mechanical 
skill  was  cunningly  displayed  in  various  speci 
mens  of  his  workmanship,  that  filled  the 
house.  He  showed  me  a  parlor  organ  which 
he  constructed,  and  he  played  thereon,  much 
to  my  delight.  He  then  showed  me  a  dulci 
mer  that  he  had  just  completed,  the  music  of 
which  was  exceedingly  charming.  Having 
shown  me  various  musical  instruments  of  his 
manufacture,  he  requested  me  to  step  into 
another  room,  and  examine  some  breech- 
loading  guns,  of  his  own  design  and  patent. 
The  one  that  he  called  my  special  attention 
to  was  a  breech-loader,  so  arranged  that  he 
could  put  into  one  chamber  one  hundred 
little  pill  caps,  as  he  called  them,  and  in  the 


120  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

other  chamber  one  hundred  balls.  Having 
placed  them  therein,  he  said  that  ho  could 
fire  it  off  one  hundred  times  in  succession 
with  great  rapidity,  the  "  powder  pills"  and 
balls  falling  into  their  proper  places  as  rapid 
ly  as  one  could  fire  the  piece.  The  mechan 
ism  was  simple,  yet  marvelous  in  its  execu 
tion.  The  stock  of  the  rifle  was  most  elabor 
ately  and  beautifully  inlaid  with  gold,  silver, 
and  other  ornamental  materials.  The  old 
Scotchman  said  that  he  could  hit  a  very  small 
object  a  mile  distant,  every  time,  by  the  aid 
of  a  telescopic  attachment  to  enable  him  to 
see  the  mark.  I  asked  him  why  he  did  not 
try  to  sell  his  valuable  patent  to  some  one,  to 
which  he  replied  : 

"  Different  parties  have  tried  to  buy  it  of 
me,  and  have  offered  to  manufacture  it  on 
certain  conditions  profitable  to  myself,  but  I 
don't  care  much  about  it,  for  I  have  enough 
to  keep  myself  and  wife,  and  I  only  do  this 
work  in  order  to  occupy  my  mind,  and  pass 
away  the  time." 

I  tried  to  interest  him  in  my  books,  but  I 
could  not  prevail  upon  him  to  look  at,  and 


Mi"    SATCHEL   AXD   I.  121 

much  less  subscribe  for  them,  so  I  then  alluded 
to  the  matter  of.  insurance  upon  his  stock  of 
fire-arms,  musical  instruments,  household  fur 
niture,  £c.  He  thought  possibly  that  there 
might  be  more  or  less  danger  of  fire  disturbing 
him  some  time,  as  fires  were  frequently  set  in 
the  surrounding  woods  by  the  hunters,  es 
pecially  in  the  summer  and  fall,  and  so  he 
concluded  to  have  me  insure  his  premises  for 
twenty-five  hundred  dollars.  Had  this  old 
Scotchman  only  put  his  talents  and  mechani 
cal  genius  at  work,  and  allowed  capitalists  to 
have  taken  hold  of  and  fully  developed  his 
inventions,  wealth  must  have  poured  into  his 
treasury  in  various  streams  and  from  various 
sources.  I  left  his  home  feeling  that  though 
he  did  not  subscribe  for  my  books,  I  had  yet 
done  him  a  favor  in  securing  him  against  loss 
by  fire,  while  he,  at  the  same  time,  had  been 
of  more  pecuniary  advantage  to  me  by  insur 
ing  than  he  could  have  been  by  subscribing. 
I  next  proceeded  to  a  house  located  about 
half  a  mile  distant,  the  residence  of  a  law 
yer  who  did  business  in  Canton,  riding  to  and 
fro  from  his  place  of  business,  night  and: 


122  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

morning.  As  good  luck  wowld  have  it,  I 
found  the  attorney  at  home,  and  disengaged, 
so  after  a  little  common  conversation,  I  sought 
to  direct  his  attention  to  books,  remarking  at 
the  same  time  that  he  had  a  fine  library,  and 
judging  therefrom  I  should  say  that  he  was  not 
only  interested  in  literature,  but  ought  to  be, 
and  no  doubt  was,  a  good  judge  of  it.  He 
smiled  graciously,  and  with  commendable 
modesty  said  that  he  "considered  himself  a 
passable  judge  of  what  was  practical,  and 
worthless  in  the  world  of  literature." 

I  eyed  my  subject  very  closely,  to  see  if 
I  could  divine  his  probable  likes  and  dislikes, 
and  in  just  what  direction  his  literary  tastes 
would  be  apt  to  run,  when  I  concluded  that 
he  had  no  special  predilection  for  biblical  his 
tory,  or  any  scriptural  teachings,  (as  lawyers 
are  never  known  to  have  in  our  day,)  so  I 
made  bold  to  attack  him  with  a  copy  of  the 
"  Galley  Slaves."  Drawing  the  book  care 
fully  from  my  satchel,  I  opened  to  the  title 
page,  and  recited  it  to  'Squire  Damon,  and 
used  the  most  eloquent  language  at  my  com 
mand,  in  speaking  of  the  wonderful  interest 


MY    SATCHEL   AXD   I.  123 

of  the  work,  and  of  its  hearty  endorsement 
by  the  best  people  of  the  country.  He  looked 
at  me  with  a  steady  gaze,  sober  as  a  judge, 
with  an  air  of  assumed  dignity,  and  asked  : 

"  Young  man,  have  you  a  license  to  sell  in 
this  town?" 

"  Yes,  sir,  all  the  license  that  I  want,  or 
propose  to  have." 

"  Do  you  see  that  blank  book  there,  on  the 
table  ?  " 

« I  do." 

"  Well,  therein  are  the  names  of  several 
vagrants,  who  have  been  prowling  around 
here  every  few  days,  with  worthless  articles 
to  sell,  and  I  have  had  them  arrested  and 
fined,  not  paying  which  they  were  sent  to  the 
work-house  for  a  longer  or  shorter  period." 

"  Well,  'Squire,  I  did  not  come  here  to  get 
licensed,  but  to  show  you  some  books,  and  if 
that  is  a  criminal  offense  in  your  eyes,  or  the 
eyes  of  the  law,  then  your  law  is  mighty 
poor,  and  I  shall  not  be  governed  by  it." 

"  You  had  better  save  yourself  needless 
trouble  and  expense,  by  paying  me  the 


124  MY    SATCHEL   AND    I. 

license  fee,  and  I  will  then  furnish  you  with 
license  papers." 

"  What  authority  have  you,  any  way,  in 
the  matter?" 

"  Oh,  I'm  special  attorney  for  the  town, 
and  regulate  these  matters  as  I  deem  wisest." 

"  0,  that's  the  way  you  obtain  your  living, 
is  it — by  legal  robbery  ?  You  are  what  might 
with  propriety  be  called  a  legal  highwayman, 
are  you?" 

"I  shall  report  you,  young  man,  to  the 
town  authorities,  and  order  your  arrest,  or  at 
least  recommend  it." 

"  All  I  ask  of  you  is,  not  to  exceed  your 
authority,  for  law,  at  best,  you  know,  is  all  a 
swindle  now-a-days.  There  was  a  time  when 
there  was  some  reason  to  expect  justice, 
when  law  wras  had  recourse  to,  but  now  it  is 
just  the  reverse  of  this." 

"  If  you  are  not  more  civil,  sir,  I  will  make 
you  feel  the  force  of  law,  if  there  is  no  jus 
tice  in  it." 

"'Squire,  I  came  in  here  on  a  perfectly 
honorable  and  legitimate  business,  and  now, 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  125 

if  you  do  not  want  to  look  at  my  books,  you 
can  say  so,  and  be  gentlemanly  about  it,  for 
I  demand  civil  treatment.  Had  I  no  legal 
right  to  canvass,  I  should  not,  but  knowing 
that  I  have,  I  shall  stick  to  it,  and  if  you  ex 
pect  to  frighten  me  into  paying  you  a  fee,  I 
think  that  you  will  not  succeed,  as  I  question 
your  authority  in  the  matter." 

He  boiled  over  with  wrath,  showed  me  the 
door,  and  tried  to  impress  upon  my  mind  the 
fact  that  I  had  better  pass  out  of  it  in  a 
hurry. 

"  Hold  on  a  moment,"  said  I  to  the  young 
limb  of  the  law.  "  I  know  what  the  law  is 
concerning  the  matter,"  at  the  same  time 
taking  out  of  my  pocket  the  printed  statute, 
and  it  is  needless  to  say  that  he  raised  no 
more  law  points,  and  retired  from  the  field  in 
disgust. 

I  made  up  my  mind,  then  and  there,  that 
where  there  was  the  fewest  lawyers  to  be 
found,  there  was  the  more  justice,  and  when 
justice  shall  be  fully  and  impartially  executed, 
not  only  more  thorough-bred  criminals  will 
be  found  guilty,  and  be  punished  according 


126  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

to  their  guilt,  but  the  greatest  criminals  of 
all  will  be  found  among  the  lawyers  them 
selves,  who  by  all  means  ought  to  be  made 
to  take  the  place  of  the  criminals  that  they 
convict. 

Of  course  I  did  not  get  this  attorney  to 
subscribe,  for  being  defeated  in  his  suit  for  a 
license  fee,  he  felt  none  too  gracious  towards 
me  ;  and  I  did  not  try  to  insure  his  wordly 
goods,  for  I  had  much  rather  they  should  burn 
up  than  not,  having  no  sympathy  whatever 
with  the  man.  Disgusted  with  the  lawyer, 
who  knew  no  better  than  to  assail  every  one 
that  came  across  his  path,  with  some  legal 
question,  I  bade  him  good  morning,  and  left 
him  in  his  study,  where  I  hope  he  afterwards 
posted  himself  upon  the  law  regarding 
licenses,  so  that  he  has  not  since  dogged  every 
passer-by  for  a  fee. 

The  next  house  I  came  upon  was  that  of 
an  Englishman,  a  cooper  by  trade,  whom  I 
found  making  tubs  in  which  the  farmers  in 
the  surrounding  country  packed  their  butter. 
Seating  myself  on  a  barrel  near  him,  I  began 
to  discourse  upon  the  subject  of  books,  while 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.    ,  127 

he  at  the  same  time  kept  busily  at  work, 
which  proceeding  generally  indicates  that  the 
person  to  whom  you  are  talking  is  not  over 
and  above  interested  in  the  subject  under 
consideration.  After  viewing  my  man  over, 
canvassing  his  form  and  features,  I  deemed 
it  to  be  my  best  plan  to  introduce  to  his  at 
tention,  in  the  first  place,  a  copy  of  the 
"  Galley  Slaves."  Taking  out  the  book,  I 
opened  it  and  called  his  attention  to  the  illus 
trations  therein ;  and  while  he  was  engaged 
in  looking  at  them,  I  rapidly  alluded  to  the 
subject  matter  of  the  works  as  of  remarkable 
interest,  so  much  so,  that  no  one  who  ever 
bought  it  appeared  to  regret  it.  Returning 
the  book  to  my  hands  in  few  moments,  he  re 
marked  : 

"There  hain't  no  use  of  talking  or  reading 
about  those  fellers,  for  an  'onest  man  'as  got 
to  be  a  slave  'imself,  if  he  gets  an  'onest  liv 
ing  ;  hanyhow  I  works  'ere  from  sunrise  till 
sunset,  scratching  mighty  'ard,  and  gets  a 
poor  living  at  that,  sir." 

"  What  you  say  is  true,  sir,  for  it  is  a  no 
torious  fact  that  the  man  that  is  devoid  of 


128  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

principle,  a  rascal  at  heart,  a  villain  by  nature, 
a  thief  by  practice ;  who  makes  it  his  busi 
ness  to  cheat  and  rob  other  people,  oftentimes 
succeeds  in  acquiring  wealth,  and  through  his 
wealth,  a  high  social  position  ;  and  the  pub 
lic  will  cater  to  such  people  always,  in 
preference  to  an  honest,  upright,  capable  man, 
who  struggles  in  his  poverty,  to  acquire  an 
honest  living,  and  people  are  ever  ready  to 
pay  a  premium  for  the  services,  influence,  and 
patronage  of  such  monied,  unprincipled  men." 

"  But,"  said  I  to  my  friend,  "  you,  no 
doubt,  find  a  good  deal  of  satisfaction  in  labor 
ing  to  maintain  your  integrity  and  honesty 
unimpaired." 

"  Sometimes  it  appears  like  mighty  poor 
comfort,  sir,  in  trying  to  do  it,  while  one  man 
'as  to  fight  against  such  hodds,  and  all  of 
these  devilish  sharpers  are  growing  rich  by 
skinning  other  people's  purses." 

"  Never  mind  ;  you  will  come  out  right  in 
the  end." 

"  End  of  what  ?  end  of  life,  I  guess,  if 
hany  time." 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  129 

"You'll  doubtless  get  the  best  of  them 
then,  if  you  don't  before." 

"  That's  the  only  chance  for  an  'onest  man 
hany'ow.  There  are  so  many  crooks  and 
twists  to  law  'ere  in  America,  that  these  rich 
rascals  can  do  what  they  please,  and  the  law 
is  made  to  suit  their  difficulties,  and  they  go 
clear,  while  a  poor  laborer  like  myself  would 
be  shown  no  mercy.  Yes,  sir,  many  will  do 
any  and  everything  for  a  mean  man,  but  an 
'onest  man,  without  money,  stands  no  chance 
at  all  in  law,  or  society." 

"  You  are  right,  sir,  poverty  stands  no 
chance  with  riches,  honesty  with  rascality ; 
the  poorer  the  man,  however  honorable  he 
may  be,  the  less  he  is  thought  of  by  society 
in  general,  while  a  rich  man's  influence  is 
courted  in  society,  church,  and  state." 

"  That's  just  so,  Mister,  for  there's  Mr. 
Burns,  over  in  the  center  of  the  town,  who 
has  got  rich  selling  rum,  and  making  people 
miserable,  and  he  'as  a  fine  span  of  'orses,  a 
fine  carriage,  and  people  say  he  is  such  a  nice 
man ;  so  they  put  'im  on  the  committee  to 
manage  church  affairs,  town  business  and 

y 


130  MY    SATCHEL   AND    I. 

everything  of  the  kind.  They  don't  think  of 
'ow  many  poor  children  'ave  starved  to  death 
through  'is  infernal  traffic." 

"  Stick  to  your  principles,  Mr.  Lowe,  and 
you  will  triumph  yet." 

"  I  am  a  going  to  for  a  while  yet,  and  so  I 
can't  buy  any  books  now,  hany'ow." 

"  Well,  sir,  you  know  best  what  you  can 
do,  and  so  I  will  not  urge  you." 

"  Perhaps  you  will  be  coming  this  way 
again,  sometime,  when  I  may  be  able  to  buy 
something  of  you,  if  I  wish  to." 

Being  interested  in  him  and  his  principle,  I 
told  him  that  I  should  be  that  way  again  pro 
bably,  and  took  my  departure,  meditating  as  1 
journeyed  on  upon  the  proverb,  "  the  destruc 
tion  of  a  poor  man  is  his  poverty,"  and  I  also 
thought  of  the  deceitfulness  of  riches,  and 
of  how  much  more  money  is  valued  than 
principle. 


CHAPTER  V. 


THE  next  individual  that  I  labored  with, 
was,  in  his  own  estimation,  an  exceedingly 
important  one,  viz.:  the  physician  of  the 
tosvn,  and  in  those  days  the  town's  peo 
ple  thought  that  what  their  minister  and  doc 
tor  could  not  explain  and  account  for,  would 
not  admit  of  an  explanation,  and  was  alto 
gether  unaccountable. 

He  was  one  of  those  naturally  pompous, 
egotistic  young  physicians,  who  esteem  them 
selves  wise  above  their  day  and  generation, 
and  possessed  with  marvellous,  if  not  miracu 
lous  gifts  of  healing,  and  by  constantly  mag 
nifying  his  works,  he  succeeded  in  inflating, 
as  it  were,  the  mind  of  the  -public,  with  a 
similar  sense  of  his  wonderful  powers,  and 


132 


MY    SATCHEL    AND   I. 


the  people  would  flock  to  this  "  sounding 
brass  and  tinkling  cymbal,"  until  they  found 
out  to  their  sorrow  the  shallowness  of  his  pre 
tended  knowledge,  and  realized  the  force  and 
truth  of  an  old  adage,  and  one  that  people 
in  general  are  mighty  slow  in  believing,  to 
wit,  that  it  is  only  the  "  still  waters  that  run 
deep,"  and  also  that  it  is  the  smallest  kind  of 
fish  that  are  caught  in  noisy,  running,  gurg 
ling  streams. 

I  gained  admission  into  his  private  office, 
and  while  we  were  engaged  in  the  usual  pre 
liminary  conversation,  relative  to  the  weather, 
prevailing  diseases,  and  the  times  in  general, 
his  office  door-bell  rang,  and  he  pompously 
strided  toward  and  opened  the  door,  when  he 
was  saluted  by  about  as  forlorn  and  demented  a 
looking  individual  of  the  male  persuasion  as 
one  often  sees,  with  the  inquiry  if  he  was  Dr. 
Charre,  and  being  informed  that  he  stood  in 
the  presence  of  that  august  personage,  he 
walked  in.  I  thought  that  I  would  step  out 
side  while  the  consultation  was  being  held, 
but  the  Doctor,  w7ith  a  wave  of  his  hand,  re 
quested  me  to  seat  myself,  and  I  did  so.  The 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  133 

Doctor,  in  turning  his  attention  to  the  pa 
tient,  inquired  "what  he  could  do  for  him." 

The  patient  proved  to  be  of  Celtic  origin, 
and  replied  in  his  own  peculiar  brogue : 

"  In  respect  to  ye,  sir,  I  have  a  very  great 
impression  upon  me  bowels,  with  great  pain 
sometimes,  and  more  times  I  don't,  but,  may 
it  plaze  yer  honor,  there  is  great  sickness  in 
me  stomach,  and  powerful  dizziness  in  me 
head,  'pearing  as  how  the  top  of  me  skull 
would  be  poked  off  o'  me." 

The  Doctor  began  to  pry  into  the  case,  by 
means  of  various  inquiries,  as  follows : 

"  Have  you  not  had,  Mr.  Doherty,  particu 
larly  at  night,  optical  delusions  ?  " 

"  And  what  is  that  same  thing  that  yer 
mean?" 

"  I  mean  flitting  visions,  spectacular  scenes, 
dancing,  moving  objects,  passing  before  the 
field  of  your  mental  or  natural  vision,  as  it 
were  of  colored  lights  passing  before  the  eyes, 
or  the  flying  by  of  lightning-bugs  and  other 
illuminating  objects  ?  " 

"  I  have  had  none  of  these  things  in  my 
eyes  sure,  for  I  can  see  right  smart,  and  how 


134  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

could  I,  in  faith,  if  my  eyes  were  full  of  those 
fellers?" 

"  You  do  not  seem  to  fully  comprehend  the 
full  purport  of  this  kind  of  symptomatology." 

"  In  faith,  Docther,  I  don't  that  same." 

"  Well,  then,  have  you  any  tinnitis  or  so 
norous  reverberations  within  your  cranial 
cavity,  when  you  feel  on  the  top  of  your 
skull  the  pressure  from  within  ?  " 

"  What  is  this  you  mean,  Docther  ?  " 

"  Any  sounds,  noises  ?  " 

"  0,  no,  Docther,  it's  all  quiet  inside,  in  re 
spect  to  ye,  exceptin'  a  powerful  rattlin'  and 
rumblin'  in  me  belly,  sir,  and  when  that 
comes  on  to  me,  it  pulls  me  all  up  double  in 
a  heap,  wid  the  powerful  pain." 

"  When  you  have  these  pains,  does  there 
seem  to  be  any  transmission  of  sympathetic 
influence,  through  the  conducting  medium 
of  the  sympathetic  nerve,  and  the  connecting 
links  of  nerve  ganglia  from  the  abdomen  to 
the  cerebrum  or  cerebellum  ?  " 

With  an  expression  of  mortal  terror  the 
poor  Celt  replied  that  he  "  had  not  had  any 
of  'em,  at  all,  at  all." 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  135 

"  Stand  up  here,  Mr.  Doherty.  and  let  me 
sound  your  bowels  and  your  thorax  a  mo 
ment," 

After  a  vigorous  pounding,  and  thorough 
percussing  of  the  same,  the  Doctor  summed 
up  the  evidence  as  presented  by  the  symp 
toms,  and  thus  came  to  the  question  of  the 
diagnosis  of  what  he  thought  to  be  the  pa 
tient's  actual  disease,  which  he  finally  pro 
nounced  to  be  as  follows  : 

"  Your  trouble,  my  dear  fellow,  is  this : 
Your  bowels  are  so  overstrained  by  the  pres 
ence  and  pressure  of  the  superabundant  gases 
therein,  that  it  seriously  interferes  with  and 
greatly  retards  the  vermicular  motions,  and 
the  peristaltic  action  of  the  villous  surfaces 
lining  the  intestinal  tract,  giving  rise  to  vio 
lent  spasmodic  perturbations  of  the  muscular 
walls,  producing  in  turn,  acute  congestion 
and  active  inflammation  of  the  peritoneal  sur 
face,  thereby  destroying  the  equilibrium  of 
the  circulatory  forces ;  the  disturbance  of  the 
various  currents  and  counter  currents,  as  they 
radiate  and  ramify  from  the  blood  center,  to 
wit.  the  heart,  finally  reacting  upon  the  brain. 


136  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

through  the  medium  of  the  spinal  cord  and 
sympathetic  nerve  ganglion,  causes  the  cere 
bral  disturbance,  or  the  feeling  that  you  com 
plain  of,  as  if  the  top  of  your  head  was  going 
to  bulge  out,  and  your  only  hope,  Mr.  Do- 
herty,  is  in  harmonizing  these  discordant  ele 
ments,  and  in  regulating  these  fractious  func 
tions,  and  I  shall  treat  you  upon  the  true,  as 
well  as  wonderful,  mysterious  homoeopathic 
theory,  "  sirnilia,  similibus  curantur,"  and  in 
strict  accordance  with  it  I  shall  give  you 
something  that  will  produce  another  ache,  so 
that  when  the  secondary  ache  shall  come  to 
equal  the  first,  or  natural  ache,  the  two  will 
coalesce,  harmonize,  and  pass  away  like  a 
gentle,  noiseless  zephyr." 

"  Ha,  an'  sure,  Docther,  you  flather  me ; 
but  can  you  cure  me,  Docther  ?" 

"  Why,  yes  ;  have  I  not  told  you  so  ?" 

"  En  sure  you  have  not." 

Mr.  Doherty  evidently  had  not  compre 
hended  the  meaning  of  the  doctor's  wordy 
tirade  upon  his  complex  disorders,  which  he 
had  diagnosed,  but  which  was  simply  wind 
colic,  nothing  more ;  and  as  I  sat  there 


MY    SATCHEL   AND   I.  137 

thiough  that  somewhat  protracted  consulta 
tion,  I  wondered  why  the  doctor  used  such 
hifalutin  language  in  talking  with  his  verdant 
patient,  and  I  could  only  account  for  it  from 
the  fact  that  a  great  many  jackasses  have  an 
irresistable  desire  to  bray,  and  when  one 
jackass  brays  loud  and  long,  he  attracts  a 
great  many  other  jackasses  to  him.  Suffice 
it  to  say  that  the  doctor  prescribed  for  the 
patient  a  complex  remedy,  hoping  and  confi 
dently  expecting  to  hit  the  mark,  with  one 
or  more  of  the  medicated  shot,  of  various 
sizes  that  he  poured  down  his  muzzle,  wrhile 
I  am  yet  to  learn  which  it  was  that  passed 
away,  the  pain  or  the  patient. 

The  doctor  remarked  to  me,  as  his  patient 
retired  from  his  office,  that  it  was  very  trying 
to  his  patience  to  have  so  many  people  come 
to  him  who  were  too  stupid  to  comprehend 
anything. 

I  replied  that  there  were  a  great  many 
stupid  people  in  the  world,  but  1  did  not  tell 
him  that  I  thought  he  was  much  more  stupid 
than  was  the  poor  Irishman  who  had  just  de 
parted  from  his  door,  (as  I  certainly  did),  for 


138  MY    SATCHEL    AXD    I. 

had  I  done  so,  it  would  doubtless  have  im 
paired  my  prospects  for  selling  him  a  book. 
I  saw  that  I  should  be  the  most  likely  to 
secure  this  doctor  for  a  subscriber  by  com 
batting  him  with  his  own  weapons,  and  that 
the  contest  must  resolve  itself  into  a  war  of 
words;  so  after  his  process  of  menf.il  ebuli- 
tion  was  calmed  down,  I  informed  him  that  I 
desired  to  call  his  attention  to  some  wrorks  of 
great  value,  and  remarkable  literary  taste, 
which  had  delighted  generations  past,  as  they 
were  destined  to  generations  to  come.  I 
called  liis  attention  to  the  "  History  of  the 
Deluge/'  in  the  first  place,  telling  him  that  it 
gave  a  graphic  account  of  the  wiiole  affair, 
giving  the  condition  of  the  air,  with  all 
of  the  atmospheric  changes  ;  the  barometric 
rise  and  foil ;  the  humidity  of  the  air ;  ex 
plaining  all  the  meteorological  phenomena ; 
giving  measurements  of  the  actual  rain  fall ; 
showing  the  motions  of  the  great  currents, 
and  counter  currents ;  the  ebb-flow,  and  un 
dertow  of  the  universal  tide  ;  the  illustrations 
showing  the  directions  of  the  flight  of  the 
dove  from  the  ark,  and  its  return  thither  5 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I<  139 

giving  the  reason  as  well  as  the  illustration  of 
the  ark's  resting  on  Mt.  Ararat  in  preference 
to  any  other;  accounting  for  the  deep  cuts  in 
the  present  mountain  ranges,  from  the  fact 
that  the  ponderous  ark,  with  its  world  of 
freight,  rushed  along  with  the  rushing, 
mighty  waters  with  such  rapidity  and  awful 
momentum  that  it  struck  the  top  of  these 
mountain  ranges,  and  ploughed  its  pathway 
through  them,  as  if  they  were  stubble ;  the 
whole  scene  being  depicted  in  language  of 
surpassing  eloquence,  and  magnificent  gran 
diloquence. 

"  I  am  sure,  doctor,  that  a  man  of  your  in 
telligence,  and  remarkable  comprehension, 
can,  as  it  were,  see  through  the  whole  scene 
by  intuition,  and  seize  upon  the  world's  great 
est  drama,  with  your  intellectual  grasp,  and 
a  man  of  your  keen  perception  cannot  fail  to 
see  at  once  the  marvelous  interest  that  per 
vades  every  sentence,  and,  as  it  were,  drink 
into  the  deep  recesses  of  your  gigantic  brain, 
the  distilled  quintessence  of  the  knowledge 
of  this  consummate  tragedy. 

"  Is  this   supposed  to  be   an  authoritative 


140  MY    SATCHEL   AND    I. 

description  of  that  carnival  of  the  material 
forces  ?  "  asked  the  doctor. 

"  No  doubt  of  it,  sir." 

"  Do  you  suppose  that  the  inhabitants  then 
living  had  any  warning  of  the  approaching 
torrents  ?" 

"  They  had  sufficient  warning,  hence  the 
ark  was  made  ready  for  the  faithful." 

"  I  mean,  sir,  if  they  probably  noticed  any 
special  phenomenon,  meteorological  changes 
or  conditions  which  led  them  to  suspect  it." 

Seeing  that  "  Old  Probabilities  "  was  not  on 
the  spot  then,  I  expressed  my  doubt  in  the 
matter  ;  but  added  : 

"  I  am  sure  that  you  will  be  enabled  to 
gain  an  intelligent  idea  from  this  work,  upon 
this,  as  well  as  upon  other  questions  of  great 
value." 

"  Well,  sir,  as  the  public  expect  me  to 
know  everything,  I  don't  wrish  to  disap 
point  their  expectations,  so  I  will  give 
you  my  name,"  and  with  not  less  than  twenty- 
four  gyrations  of  his  long,  feathered  quill,  he 
recorded  in  massive  scrawls,  and  sundry 
scrolls,  the  name  of  Dr.  Laboyse  Charre. 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  141 

Having  made  sure  of  his  name,  I  summari 
ly  took  my  departure,  feeling  very  much  as 
I  should  think  one  might  feel  after  he  had 
been  put  into  a  huge  winnowing  machine, 
and  been  blown  through  an  immense  amount 
of  chaff.  While  walking  along,  thinking  of 
the  doctor  and  his  patient,  meditating  serious 
ly  upon  the  relations  existing  between  them, 
and  upon  the  imminent  danger  that  the  pa 
tient  must  be  in  from  his  disease,  as  the  doctor 
diagnosed  it,  and  the  still  greater  danger  that 
the  Irishman  was  in  from  the  doctor's  com 
plex  remedy,  I  bethought  myself  of  a 
scriptural  saying,  which  I  thought  might  soon 
apply  in  this  case,  viz  :  "  Man  goeth  to  his 
long  home,  and  the  mourners  go  about  the 
streets/' 

I  had  proceeded  but  a  little  way,  when  I 
espied  a  farmer  plowing  in  a  field  by  the 
road-side,  and  I  thought  I  would  not  pass  him 
by  without  an  attempt  to  get  him  to  sub 
scribe.  Thinking  that  it  would  do  his  cattle 
good  to  rest,  I  walked  up  to  him  and  said 
good  afternoon,  while  he  at  the  same  time 


142  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

gave  his  cattle  a  cut  with  his  long  lash,  and 
shouted,  "  Gee  in  there,  go  lang,  Daisy.'* 

I  judged  by  his  actions,  that  he  did  not 
propose  to  stop  and  rest  his  bovines,  so,  see 
ing  that  my  business  was  traveling,  and  that 
I  had  got  pretty  well  used  to  it,  I  followed 
him  one  bout  around  a  four  acre  lot,  all  the 
time  buzzing  in  his  ears,  giving  a  glowing  ac 
count  of  the  "  Pilgrim  Fathers,"  he  all  the 
while  uttering  not  a  word  but : 

"  Whoa,  haw  !  Gee  there,  old  Daisy  !" 

After  I  had  followed  him  around  that  long 
distance,  and  he  had  reached  the  end  of  the 
route,  I  confidently  expected  that  he  would 
have  the  politeness  to  stop  a  minute  and  tell 
me  to  clear  out,  if  nothing  more  ;  but  to  my 
utter  surprise,  he  gave  old  "Daisy"  a  mighty 
crack  with  his  long  lash,  followed  by  his  reg 
ular  charge,  "  Whoa,  haw  !  Gee  in  there,  old 
Daisy!" 

I  now  thought  that  the  old  agriculturist 
was  taking  things  most  decidedly  cool,  and 
not  just  liking  the  idea  of  being  altogether 
ignored  by  the  ploughman,  I  accosted  him  as 
follows : 


MY    SATCHEL    AXD    I.  143 

"Mister,  I  am  sure  that  it  won't  hurt  you 
nor  old  '  Daisy,'  if  you  stop  and  rest  a  mo 
ment,  and  while  you  are  resting,  I  wish  to 
show  you  something  of  great  value." 

He  did  not  so  much  as  look  at  me,  but 
lashing  old  "Daisy  '  once  more,  shouted: 
"Whoa,  haw!  Gee  up  there,  Daisy!  " 
I  became  somewhat  exasperated  over  the 
situation,  not  liking  the  actions  of  the  sullen, 
obstinate  farmer,  so  I  resolved  to  attract  his 
attention  for  one  moment,  at  least,  I  took 
the  pistol  from  my  pocket,  which  I  always 
carried  loaded  for  my  protection,  while  trav 
eling  in  these  backwoods,  and  as  I  did  so  I 
stepped  just  back  of  the  farmer  as  he  walked 
along  in  the  furrow,  and  fired  right  by  his 
head,  at  a  blackbird  that  sat  on  a  limb  of  a 
tree  a  little  ways  off.  "  Old  Daisy"  jumped 
out  of  the  furrow,  giving  the  farmer  a  lively 
jerk,  that  pulled  him  down  on  to  his  knees, 
but  hanging  on  to  the  plow-handles,  he  soon 
jumped  up,  and  shouted  onec  again: 

"  Whoa,  haw  !   Gee  in  there,  old  Daisy  !" 
I  at  last  saw  through  the  secret  of  the  old 
man's  sullenness,  for  he   proved  to  be  stone 


144  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

deaf,  not  hearing  the  report  of  the  pistol,  and 
as  I  started  to  walk  away,  I  looked  back,  and 
seeing  the  old  fellow  plodding  on,  I  sat  my 
satchel  down,  and  resting  my  hands  on  my 
knees,  I  laughed  heartily  over  the  affair,  and 
many  times  afterward,  as  I  related  the  inci 
dent  to  people  whom  I  met,  I  could  not  help 
laughing,  and  they  seemed  to  enjoy  the  joke 
as  well  as  myself. 

Somewhat  amusing,  also,  was  a  case  of  mis 
taken  identity.  I  called  upon  another  farmer, 
read  the  contents  of  my  prospectus  to  him, 
recited  to  him  several  interesting  passages 
from  the  "  History  of  the  Deluge,"  but  all  to 
no  purpose.  At  this  interview,  I  found  him 
at  his  house.  Later  in  the  day,  as  I  was  trav 
eling  along,  I  saw  a  farmer  at  work  haying  in 
the  field,  so  I  went  out  into  the  hay-field,  and 
secured  his  attention  long  enough  to  read  to 
him  the  contents  of  my  prospectus,  and 
quoted  the  same  interesting  passages  from 
the  "  History  of  the  Deluge,"  when  to  my 
surprise,  he  broke  out : 

"  Young  man !  I  should  think  that  you 
would  get  your  story  learned,  by  and  by,  for 


MY    SATCHEL    AXD   I.  145 

this  is  the  second  time  you  have  recited  that 
yarn  to  me,  to-day." 

Sure  enough,  he  was  the  same  farmer  whom 
I  saw  at  his  house  earlier  in  the  day,  but 
having  changed  his  dress  so  much,  I  did  not 
recognize  him. 

On  the  following  day,  I  overtook  a  man 
driving  his  cows  to  pasture,  and  walking 
along  with  him,  I  read  to  him,  as  usual, 
the  contents  of  my  prospectus,  and  recited 
the  same  old  passages  from  the  ''History  of 
the  Deluge,"  when  he  burst  out  laughing,  and 
asked  : 

"  How  many  more  times,  young  man.  are 
you  going  to  besiege  me  with  your  "'  History 
of  the  Deluge  ?'  This  is  the  third  time,  al 
ready,  that  you  have  done  it." 

"I  could  hardly  believe  it,  but  sure  as  my 
name  was  Ikabod,  there  stood  before  me  the 
veritable  farmer  who  I  had  attacked  at  his 
home,  in  the  hay-field,  and  now  on  the  high 
way.  I  always  thought  that  I  was  pretty 
good  at  remembering  faces,  but  this  omnipres 
ent  farmer  was  too  much  for  me  altogether. 

10 


146  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

It  was  slightly  embarrassing  to  me  at  the 
time,  but  ever  afterwards,  in  thinking  of  the 
incident,  it  appeared  so  ridiculous  in  itself, 
that  I  could  not  refrain  from  laughing  over  it. 

It  w^as  now  late  in  the  afternoon  of  the 
third  day  of  July,  and  as  the  following  day 
was  the  fourth,  and  there  was  to  be  a  celebra 
tion,  I  put  up  at  the  small  hotel  in  the  center 
of  the  town,  prepared  to  enjoy  the  festivities  of 
the  day,  as  business  was  out  of  the  question, 
while  the  whole  attention  of  the  entire  popu 
lace  was  so  completely  diverted  from  labor 
and  care,  and  directed  toward  the  ceremonies 
and  festivities  of  Independence  Day. 

The  landlord  of  this  country  inn,  was  a  fat 
Dutchman,  who  was  in  one  of  his  jolliest 
moods,  in  view,  no  doubt,  of  the  great  influx 
of  custom  that  he  hoped  to  receive  on  the 
succeeding  day.  He  depicted,  in  glowing 
terms,  the  various  features  of  the  morrow's 
celebration  ;  spoke  of  the  grand  cavalcade  ot 
horsemen  in  full  regalia,  that  was  to  head  the 
long  procession,  which  was  composed  of  the 
dignitaries  of  the  town ;  a  trades  procession, 


MY    SATCHEL    AXD    I.  147 

representing  all  of  the  different  trades ;  sev 
eral  couples  riding  in  the  old-fashioned  pos 
tilion  style,  &c. 

The  prominent  feature  of  the  clay's  cele 
bration  was  to  be  the  oration,  which  was  to 
be  delivered  on  the  village  green,  by  Timothy 
Beetle,  Esq.,  the  lawyer  of  the  place,  who 
had  his  office  in  the  Dutchman's  hotel,  and 
who  imbibed  enormous  quantities  of  the  Dutch 
man's  lager.  In  the  evening  there  was  also, 
to  be  a  grand  display  of  fire-works.  The 
great  celebration  was  the  universal  topic  of 
conversation  at  the  village  hotel,  all  the  eve 
ning  long. 

I  thought  that  I  would  retire  early,  so  as  to 
be  refreshed  and  strengthened  for  the  exer 
cises  of  the  great  and  glorious  day,  so  near  at 
hand.  I  did  not  sleep  much,  for  what  with 
the  depredations  of  the  mosquitoes,  and  the 
infernal  noise  of  tin  horns,  tin  pans,  fire  crack 
ers,  cannon,  and  the  howling  young  Dutch 
around  the  premises,  rest  was  out  of  the  ques 
tion,  until  towards  morning,  when  I  suppose 
the  young  gamins  either  retired  to  rest,  or 
went  for  refreshments.  I  was  enabled  to  put 


148  MY    SATCHEL    AND   I. 

in  just  about  one  and  one-half  hours  sleep 
during  all  that  horrible  night. 

The  sun  arose  bright,  clear  and  hot,  on  the 
morning  of  the  great  day ;  and  people  of  all 
sorts,  sexes,  sizes,  colors  and  conditions,  came 
flocking  into  town  soon  after  sunrise,  in  drays, 
droskeys,  diligencies,  dump  carts,  cattle  teams, 
with  rack  wagons,  on  horse  back,  mule  back, 
astride  jackasses  ;  one  man  came  riding  an  ox, 
another  a  cow  ;  and  so  on  they  came  in  hybrid 
procession,  borne  upon  the  backs  of  every 
thing  sporting  legs  and  a  tail.  The  Dutch 
landlord,  standing  on  the  piazza  to  his  hotel, 
and  gazing  upon  the  -motley  throng  wending 
its  circuitous  way  toward  the  village  green, 
turned  towards  me,  and  with  a  broad  grin  on 
his  face,  and  with  a  loud  and  heavy  slap  of 
his  hand  upon  his  uplifted  thigh,  said : 

"  Mynheer,  dis  am  shoost  one  big  day  for 
Rensselaer." 

At  half  past  eight,  the  Marshal  of  the  day, 
who  was  a  little  bantam  of  a  man,  mounted 
on  a  buckskin  pony,  came  riding  toward  the 
village  green,  all  bedecked  with  red,  white 
and  blue  ribbons,  and  just  as  he  appeared 


MY    SATCHEL    AXD    I.  1-iO 

upon  the  scene,  the  band  struck  up,  and  the 
great  cavalcade  and  procession  began  to  form, 
so  as  to  be  ready  to  start  promptly  at  9  o'clock, 
the  advertised  hour.  The.  procession  when 
fully  organized  and  started  on  its  grand  march, 
consisted  of  twenty-five  horsemen,  six  men 
mounted  on  mules,  the  man  astride  his  ox, 
another  riding  his  cow,  six  horses  with  men 
and  women  both  thereon,  these  followed  by 
the  trades,  to  wit :  A  shoe  maker  at  work  on 
his  bench,  in  a  one-horse  dump  cart ;  a  baker 
moulding  a  lump  of  dough  on  a  table  placed 
in  a  rack  wagon ;  a  dairyman  churning  in  an 
ox  cart,  with  a  cow  tied  to  the  hind  end  of 
the  cart,  followed  by  her  sucking  calf;  a  tan 
ner  with  a  two  horse  load  of  hemlock  bark, 
with  sides  of  leather  hanging  on  the  wagon 
stakes ;  the  town  crier  in  a  top  carriage,  ring 
ing  his  bell ;  a  tinsmith  making  a  clothes  boiler 
in  a  cart  drawn  by  a  jackass  ;  the  yeast  man 
with  his  cart,  blowing  his  tin  horn,  and  the 
town  sexton  with  the  hearse,  brought  up  the 
rear  of  the  great  procession.  The  appear 
ance  of  the  hearse  in  the  procession  seemed 
to  some,  to  be  rather  sacrilegious,  but  in  a 


150 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I, 


"  The  Rear  of  the   Great  Procession." 

town  of  the  size  of  Kensselaer,  they  had  to 
muster  everything  and  everybody,  in  order 
to  make  a  decent  show  as  to  numbers. 

As  I  had  nothing  else  to  do,  I  followed  the 
crowd  that  followed  the  procession,  and  just 
as  the  horses,  which  bore  the  men  and  women 
together  on  their  backs,  were  passing  down 
the  main  thoroughfare,  a  boy  threw  a  fire 
cracker  into  the  road,  which  made  one  of 
the  horses  rear  up,  and  the  old  lady,  seeing 
that  she  was  destined  to  slide  off  the  rear  end 
of  the  horse,  grabbed  hold  of  the  man's  coat- 
tail  in  front  of  her,  and  as  she  slid  down  the 
horse's  back-bone,  the  man  held  on  to  the 


MY    SATCHEL    AXD    I.  151 

bits,  while  nis  coat-tail  kept  lengthening  out 
until  the  old  woman  hung  half  way  off  the 
horse's  rear,  clinging  to  that  coat-tail  for  dear 
life,  and  yelling  like  murder,  when  some  one 
came  to  her  rescue  and  caught  her  before  she 
fell. 

This  fracas  so  frightened  the  horse  that 
was  attached  to  the  dump-cart  in  which  was 
the  shoemaker  at  work  on  his  bench,  that  he 
kicked  up,  knocked  out  the  pin  that  held 
the  fore  part  of  the  cart-body  down,  so 
that  the  cart  dumped  the  shoemaker  uncere 
moniously  into  the  street ;  this,  of  course, 
frightened  the  cattle  drawing  the  cart  with 
the  dairyman  churning  therein,  and  the  cow 
tied  behind,  so  that  they  started  to  run,  and 
they  made  good  time,  while  the  cow  held 
back,  and  much  of  the  time  was  drawn  along 
by  her  horns,  all  the  while  a  bellowing,  and 
the  man  was  holding  on  to  his  churn,  with 
the  milk  or  cream,  whichever  it  was,  a  flying 
all  over  him.  The  jackass,  apparently  think 
ing  that  insubordination  was  in  order,  began 
to  bray,  gave  one  mighty  kick  with  both  hind 
feet,  and  then  could  not  be  made  to  stir  out 


152  MY    SATCHEL   AND    I. 

of  his  tracks.  Matters  looked  very  serious 
for  a  time,  and  very  much  as  though  the 
hearse  that  was  in  the  rear  might  not  be  so 
much  out  of  place  in  a  Fourth  of  July  pro 
cession,  after  all,  as  people  seemed  to  think, 
but  finally  the  great  procession  returned  to 
its  starting  point,  somewhat  disorganized,  'tis 
true,  by  the  catastrophe  that  had  occurred. 
The  little  marshal,  mounted  on  his  buck 
skin  nag,  did  not  prove  to  be  a  success  in 
marshaling  the  procession,  for  his  pony  had 
the  spring-halt  badly,  and  when  things  got  so 
mixed  up  during  the  general  scare,  his  horse 
took  fright  with  the  rest  and  started  off  on  a 
brisk  trot,  and  the  marshal  not  being  able  to 
keep  time  with  the  horse,  in  his  goings  down 
and  comings  up,  on  it's  back,  got  awfully 
shook  up,  and  see-sawed,  and  the  pony  all  the 
while  increasing  its  gait  soon  became  un 
manageable,  so  that  the  marshal  was  obliged 
to  let  go  his  check-rein  and  devote  all  his  en 
ergies  to  hanging  on  to  the  saddle,  while  the 
horse  took  a  bee-line  across  the  lot  for  the 
village  green,  and  left  the  grand  cavalcade  to 
follow  suit.  I  certainly  thought  that  this 


MY    SATCHEL    AXD    I.  153 

was  quite  an  auspicious  opening  of  the  exer 
cises  of  the  "  great  day  for  Renssalaer,"  and 
if  everything  passed  off  so  nearly  according 
to  programme  as  the  procession  had,  the 
celebration  must  prove  a  success  indeed. 

It  was  now  ten  o'clock,  a.  m.,  just  one  hour 
before  the  great  oration  was  to  be  delivered 
on  the  village  green,  so  I  sauntered  out  on 
to  the  fair-ground  to  witness  some  of  the 
miscellaneous  sports,  which  were  being  en 
joyed  by  quite  a  crowd.  I  first  looked  at 
the  men  climbing  a  greased  pole,  to  secure 
the  prize  at  the  top,  which  was  a  red  silk 
"bandanna.  The  man  had  reached  nearly  the 
top,  when  another  youth  thought  he  would 
try  his  luck,  and  after  he  had  succeeded  in 
working  his  passage  half  way  up  the  pole, 
the  fellow  at  the  top  lost  his  grip,  and  slid 
down  in  such  hot  haste  that  he  struck  the 
youth  below,  plumb  on  his  head,  knocking 
him  senseless. 

Another  scene,  which  greatly  amused  me 
and  the  crowd  standing  by,  was  this  :  Instead 
of  a  greased  pig  they  had  a  full  grown  hog 
in  a  pen,  thoroughly  oiled,  and  as  it  was  let 


154  MY   SATCHEL  'AXD   I. 

loose  from  its  cage  it  was  to  be  the  prize  for 
any  one  who  could  catch  it,  and  hold  it  for 
five  minutes.  Several  persons  had  tried  in 
vain,  as  they  now  and  then  would  get  a  grip 
only  to  lose  their  hold  the  next  moment.  A 
stout,  burly  looking  Irishman,  who  had  stood 
near  by  me,  had  been  an  interested  and  anx 
ious  spectator,  and  tapping  me  on  my  shoulder, 
he  called  my  attention  to  two  pieces  of  coarse 
sand-paper,  that  he  held  in  his  hands,  and 
said : 

"  Mister,  when  I  gets  a  pull  at  him,  be 
gorra,  I'll  stick." 

It  was  not  long  before  a  good  opportunity 
presented  itself,  and  Patrick  made  a  dive,  and 
landed  square  on  the  hog's  back,  wound  his 
arms  around  its  neck,  his  legs  around  its  body, 
when  away  the  hog  ran,  Pat  clinging  to  his 
prey,  and  the  crowd  following  with  shouts  of 
laughter.  The  hog  made  directly  for  a  pair 
of  bars,  where  the  lower  rail  had  been  left 
down,  and  as  it  dashed  through,  Pat's  head 
came  in  collision  with  the  rail  above,  which 
made  a  clean  sweep  of  him  from  off  the  hog's 
back,  when  he  gave  up  the  chase,  and  rising 


MY    SATCHEL   AXD   I  155 

from  the  dirt,  he  looked  in  the  distance  at  the 
still  rapidly  retreating  hog,  and  shouted  : 

"  Be  jabbers,  go  it,  you  slippery  cuss,  I  ain't 
after  ye ;  you  are  too  much  pork  to  be  after 
handling  without  mittens." 

Just  here  the  programme  was  changed,  so 
that  instead  of  having  the  oration  at  11  A. 
M.  they  concluded  to  have  the  dinner,  fol 
lowed  by  toasts,  and  have  the  oration  at  2  P. 
M.  Feeling  quite  hungry,  I  thought  the 
change  of  programme  a  good  one,  and  I  went 
into  the  large  tent  and  dined  with  the  digni 
taries  of  the  town,  paying  fifty  cents  for  the 
privilege.  Regarding  the  dinner,  suffice  it  to 
say,  that  it  was  a  pretty  commendable  affair, 
for  the  day  and  place. 

After  dinner,  toasts  and  speeches  were  in 
order,  and  the  Dutch  landlord  was  master  of 
ceremonies,  and  toast  master  in  particular. 
After  a  short  introductory  speech,  he  an 
nounced  the  first  toast,  as  follows : 

"  The  glorious  Fourth,  may  it  shoost  come 
every  day  in  der  year;"  and  called  upon 
Seth  Harkins,  the  Town  Clerk  and  Postmaster, 
to  respond,  which  he  did  in  this  wise : 


156  MY    SATCHEL   AND   I. 

"  As  the  landlord  has  just  remarked,  the 
Fourth  of  July  am  an  exciting  day  for  young 
as  well  as  old,  and  as  the  landlord  suggested, 
I  should  like  plaguy  well  to  have  it  come 
every  day  in  the  year,  except  Sundays,  if  it 
wa'n't  so  outrageous  hot,  and  my  haying  was 
done,  and  I  had  nothing  else  to  do.  I  think, 
however,  that  people  would  object,  as  I  should 
be  obliged  to  keep  the  Post  Office  closed  all 
of  the  time,  seeing  that  the  Fourths  are  legal 
holidays,  according  to  law  and  custom." 

The  toast  master  arose,  and  said  :  "  That  it 
was  as  plain  as  der  daylight,  that  his  toast  was 
not  made  shoost  right,  for  in  dis  case,  either 
der  Post  Office  or  Independence  Day  would 
have  to  be  null  and  void." 

The  second  toast  was  :    "  The  dairymen  of 
Rensselaer ;   may  their  cows  never  dry  up ;  " 
and  a  great,  stout  farmer,   by  the  name  of 
Linus  Lapland,  was  called  upon  to  respond 
to  it.  § 

Rising  from  his  seat  in  the  further  part  of 
the  great  tent,  he  said  that  "  he  was  very 
grateful  to  the  toast  master  for  the  very  kind 
and  generous  wishes  that  he  had  expressed 


MY    SATCHEL   AND   I.  157 

for  the  welfare  of  the  dairymen  of  Rens- 
selaer,  and  what  is  still  better,  I  have  already 
been  blessed  with  the  kind  of  success  ex 
pressed  in  the  toast,  for  two  of  my  cows,  Spot 
and  Brindle,  have  not  dried  up  for  more  than 
two  years,  and  I'll  be  blowed,  if  I  don't  think 
that  they  never  will.  My  only  regret  now  is. 
that  the  rest  of  my  cows  don't  go  and  follow 
the  illustrious  example  of  their  glorious  fel 
low  companions.  I  don't  know  as  I  have  any 
thing  more  to  say,  but,  Mr.  Toast  Master,  I 
should  like  to  hear  from  my  brother  dairymen 
if  it  is  in  order." 

"  Shoost  as  dey  please,"'  replied  the  toast- 
master. 

An  elderly  looking  man,  with  a  quacking, 
shrill  voice,  of  unmistakable  Irish  brogue, 
arose,  and  asked  Mr.  Lapland  "  what  he  did 
to  make  those  two  cows  hold  out  so  in  their 
yield  of  milk." 

He  replied  that  he  served  them  all  alike, 
and  that  this  especal  favor  was  entirely  volun 
tary  on  their  part. 

The  toast-master  now  called  upon  some  one 
to  take  the  chair  while  he  stepped  down  in 


MY    SATCHEL   AND   I. 

the  audience  a  moment  or  two.  I  saw  that 
he  was  aiming  for  me,  and  as  he  reached  my 
side,  he  inquired  my  name,  and  having  ascer 
tained  it,  he  shouted  : 

"Mr.  Chairman!" 

"Aye,  aye,  sir." 

"  I  desire  to  announce  a  toast,  with  your 
consent." 

"  Go  it,"  replied  the  chairman  pro  tern. 

"  Mr.  Chairman,  the  stranger  mit  us ; 
might  he  make  shoost  one  in  our  midst,  and 
feel  at  home  mit  us,  and  be  happy  on  dis 
great  day  we  all  celebrate." 

The  chairman  called  for  the  name  of  the 
stranger. 

"It  am  Ikabod  Izax,"  replied  the  Dutch 
man. 

"Ikabod-Izax  has  the  platform,"  shouted 
the  chairman. 

Now,  knowing  as  I  did,  that  the  Dutch 
landlord  had  an  eye  to  business,  when  he  an- 
noun.ced  his  first  toast,  viz.:  "  The  glorious 
Fourth ;  may  it  shoost  come  every  day  in  der 
year,"  (for  he  expected  a  rush  at  his  hotel,) 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  159 

I  thought  I  had  better  improve  this  opportu 
nity  for  my  benefit,  so  I  responded  as  follows  : 
"  I  am,  as  a  great  many  others  have  been,  a 
stranger  and  a  pilgrim  on  the  face  of  the  earth, 
and  I  am  especially  so  here  among  you  to  day. 
It  is  pleasant,  however,  to  every  stranger,  as 
it  has  been  to  me  to-day,  to  receive  kind  atten 
tion  from  people  among  whom  our  lot  chances 
to  be  cast.  But  what  must  have  been  your 
feelings,  or  mine,  had  we  been  cast  upon  a 
bleak,  rocky,  foreign,  hostile  shore,  in  the 
midst  of  a  bleak  winter,  everything  around 
us  bearing  the  impress  of  desolation,  and  no 
one  present  to  care  for,  or  sympathize  with 
us  ?  If  there  is  any  one  here  who  does  not 
revere  the  memory  of  our  "  Pilgrim  Fathers," 
then  whoever  he  or  she  may  be.  that  individ 
ual  ought  not  to  have  any  right,  or  title,  to 
the  joys  of  Independence  Day.  I  have  been 
very  much  interested  in  reading  the  history 
of  our  "  Pilgrim  Fathers,"  and  I  advise  all  of 
you,  who  have  not  read  it,  to  purchase  it  im 
mediately,  and  see  what  a  treat,  a  rich,  intel 
lectual  repast  awaits  you.  In  a  more  direct 
response  to  the  toast,  I  would  say,  that  I  pro- 


160  'MY  SATCHEL  AND  i. 

pose  to  "  make  myself  one  in  your  midst'* 
for  a  few  days,  and  I  trust  that  I  shall  be 
made  supremely  happy  by  you  all,  in  your 
subscriptions  for  this  marvellous  book,  which 
I  shall  show  to  you  all  as  I  call  upon  you  from 
house  to  house." 

As  it  was  now  nearly  time  for  the  oration 
to  be  delivered,  a  motion  was  made  to  adjourn 
until  the  next  Fourth  of  July,  which  motion 
was  speedily  carried.  Promptly  at  2  o'clock, 
the  orator  arrived,  and  was  conducted  to  the 
platform  by  the  marshal  who  figured  so  con 
spicuously  in  the  procession,  in  the  early  part 
of  the  day.  He  introduced  the  orator  of  the 
day  in  the  following  language  : 

"  Ladies  and  gentlemen  of  Rensselaer : 
Allow  me  to  make  known  to  you  all,  both 
young  and  old,  rich  and  poor,  high  and  low, 
short  and  tall,  weak  and  strong,  and  the  rest 
of  you,  whatever  be  the  condition  of  your 
body,  mind,  or  estate  ;  allow  me,  I  say  again, 
to  introduce  to  you  Right  Honorable  Timothy 
Beetle,  LL.  D.,  Esq.,  who  will  now  proceed,  ac 
cording  to  programme  and  prior  appointment, 
to  harrow  up  your  emotions,  and  set  them,  as 


"  Right  Hon.  Timothy  Beetle,  LL.  D.,  Esq." 


11 


161 


162  MY    SATCHEL   AND    I. 

it  were,  to  rising,  with  the  yeast  of  his  un 
fathomable  and  incomprehensible  eloquence, 
and  let  me  charge  you  now,  and  once  for  all, 
to  give  him  your  undeviating  attention,  as 
the  rich  morsels  which  he  extracts  from  the 
mysterious  caverns  of  his  microscopic  brain, 
roll  out  of  his  mouth  and  drop  into  your 
ears,  which  will  tickle  and  reverberate  in 
them  like  the  music  of  the  spheres." 

The  marshal  sat  down,  wiped  the  perspira 
tion  from  his  brow,  when  the  orator  arose, 
and  bowing  to  the  marshal,  proceeded  to  de 
liver  his  oration,  of  which  the  following  is  an 
extract : 

"  Ladies  and  gentlemen  :  It  is  with  mixed 
feelings  of  awe  and  anguish,  that  I  stand 
here,  on  this  platform,  on  this  momentous 
occasion,  to  give  you  the  healthy  results  of 
my  daily  meditations  and  nightly  dreams,  for 
the  past  six  months,  upon  the  deeply  inter 
esting,  all-absorbing,  soul-stirring,  world 
sweeping  subject  of  our  National  Independ 
ence.  (Cries  of  "  good,  good.")  Let  us,  in 
order  that  we  may  take  it  all  in  at  one  view, 
swallow  it  at  one  mouthful,  and  digest  it  in 


MY    SATCHEL   AXD   I.  163 

one  brief  hour,  just  review  the  incidents 
which  attended  the  birth,  weaning,  and  in 
conceivable  development  of  this  infant 
nation  ;  the  marvelous  monstrosity  of  human 
machinations  and  achievement.  (Cheers,  and 
cries  of  "  down  in  front.")  The  glorious  orb 
of  day,  as  it  rides  around  the  world,  making 
a  clean  sweep  and  everything  red  hot  in 
its  remorseless  and  shadeless  track  across  the 
heavens,  bedecked  with  planetary,  starry, 
and  satellite  jewels,  never  shone  into  the  nur 
sery  windows  of  such  an  hitherto  unimagin 
able,  unknown,  impossible,  non  -  creatable 
progeny  of  nations,  nor  never  will.  (Cries 
of  "  he's  a  Millerite.") 

The  marshal  arose,  and  cried  out,  "  Order, 
Order  I  say  ;  let  order  reign  in  these  domains 
for  the  rest  of  the  day." 

An  old,  rheumatic  woman,  who  stood  be 
side  me,  whispered  to  her  bosom  companion, 
and  asked  him  "  if  that  feller  was  going  to 
lecter  all  day  ?  " 

Order  being  restored,  the  orator  proceeded  : 
"  When  this  infant  was  torn  from  its  trans- 
Atlantic  breast,  and,  like  Moses,  was  put  to 


164  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

sea,  not  exactly  in  a  bulrush  boat,  but  in  a 
May  Flower,  (cries  of  "  why,  how  dare  they?") 
tossed  on  the  waves  and  tides,  which  it  was 
as  incompatible  to  resist,  while  bearing  this 
gold  dust  in  earthly  tabernacles,  as  it  would  be 
for  a  mole  without  eyes  to  tunnel  a  mountain  ; 
a  woman  with  a  parasol  to  shelter  the  whole 
population  of  the  globe  during  a  violent  thun 
der  storm  ;  or  for  an  infant  two  days  old  to  eat 
sailors'  biscuit,  or  army  hard  tack.  (Laugh 
ter  and  cheers).  After  this  wonderful  infant 
nation  landed  on  its  foreign  shore,  looking  and 
crying  for  adoption,  its  mother  country  still 
swung  the  lash,  and  continued  to  box  its  ears. 
But  when  it  grew  up  in  the  lap  of  time,  and 
made  its  own  tea,  using  Boston  Harbor  for  a 
teapot,  and  filled  it  with  the  Atlantic  Ocean, 
then  it  was  that  its  mother  country  began  to 
think  that  it  might  possibly  have  to  be-weaned, 
and  feared  that  it  might  soon  go  alone,  (cries 
of  "  good,  good,")  and  when  the  battle  of 
Bunker  Plill  was  fought,  the  maternal  ties 
were  soon  severed.  The  sound  of  that  old 
brass  bell  in  Independence  Hall  in  Philadel 
phia,  which  sounded  our  independence  in  1776, 


MY    SATCHKL    AND    I.  16-J 

still  reverberates  throughout  the  land,  and 
rerechos  in  the  hearts  of  the  American  peo 
ple,  on  every  succeeding  Fourth  of  July. 
This  infant  nation,  then  and  there,  sold  its 
English  pottage  for  a  mess  of  Yankee  birth 
right.  (Here  the  Dutch  toast  master  nudged 
me,  and  said,  *•  Ain't,  he  shoost  one  mighty 
big  gun?")  This  wonderful  infant  they 
christened  Uncle  Sam.  and  they  chose  for  his 
colleague  the  great  American  eagle.  They 
chose  the  eagle  because  in  its  lofty  soarings, 
majestic  nights  beyond  the  clouds,  it  was  em 
blematical  of  the  way  this  infant  was  to 
develop  and  spread.  Again,  as  the  eagle 
gathers  the  insects  on  mount ian  crags,  and 
dives  into  the  deep  waters  gathering  fish  in 
its  talons  for  its  young,  so  will  Uncle  Sam  pick 
up  the  outlying  provinces,  and  the  islands  of 
the  seas,  as  territory  for  the  growth  and  en- 
la  rgment  of  his  dominions ;  and  thus  may 
things  hum,  until  Uncle  Sam  shall  become  the 
grand  dictatorial  sachem  of  the  whole  family 
of  kingdoms,  and  until  he  can  play  with  kings 
and  queens,  as  a  man  would  with  dice,  shak 
ing  them  up  together,  and  see  what  he  can 


166  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

make  out  of  the  game.  (Cries  of '  good,  good.') 
As  the  Aurora  Borealis  streaks  up  the  north 
ern  horizon,  flashing  in  its  parti-colored  lights, 
it  simply  reflects,  as  it  were,  the  rising  glory 
of  Uncle  Sam's  power  ;  as  the  vivid  light 
nings  dart  across  the  heavens,  in  their  quick, 
zigzag,  delirium  tremens  movement,  they  por 
tray  the  rapidity  of  the  master  strokes  of  pol 
icy,  which  Uncle  Sam  executes  now  and  then, 
to  the  utter  astonishment  of  the  awe  struck 
universe.  As  the  deep,  long,  loud  rumbling 
thunder  reverberates  through  the  heavens 
above,  and  shakes  the  earth  beneath,  it  is,  as 
it  were,  but  the  voice  of  Uncle  Sam,  speaking 
in  commanding  tones  to  the  nations  of  the 
earth.  Then  let  the  American  Eagle  expand 
its  wings,  spread  its  tail,  and  soar,  and  dive, 
and  dive  and  soar,  until  with  its  gigantic  beak 
it  picks  out  the  life  and  heart  of  all  other  na 
tions,  and  returns  triumphantly  to  rule  and 
reign  o'er  earth's  domains,  bringing  in  its 
world-grasping  talons,  the  gory  and  ghastly 
remains  of  the  slain  kingdoms."  (Cries  of 
"  hurrah  !  hurrah  !  ") 

Space  will  not  allow  of  a  more  extended 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  167 

quotation  from  the  oration,  but  I  have  given 
enough  to  convince  any  one  of  the  real 
merit  thereof,  and  suffice  H  to  say  that  it 
created  quite  a  sensation,  and  the  lawyer's 
reputation,  as  a  public  speaker,  it  is  needless 
to  say,  was  now  fully  assured. 

The  display  of  fire-works  in  the  evening, 
was  a  pretty  grand  affair,  and  I  suppose  that 
not  a  single  person  in  the  whole  town  re 
mained  at  home  that  evening,  unless  it  was 
such  as  were  bed-ridden  for  some  good  cause, 
or  genuine  illness.  People  flocked  to  the 
show  that  evening,  whose  ages  ranged  from 
three  weeks  to  ninety-nine  years,  and  in  my 
best  judgment  I  should  think  that  the  babies 
present,  who  were  under  three  weeks  of  age, 
must  have  numbered  as  high  as  one  hundred 
and  fifty,  so  of  course,  the  display  of  fire 
works  was  well  interspersed  with  music. 

Thus  passed  away  the  greatest  of  celebra 
tions  that  had  ever  been  noted  in  all  this 
region,  one  long  to  be  remembered,  and  on 
the  following  morning  I  resumed  my  journey 
on  the  highways,  in  search  of  subscribers. 

People  recognized  me  for  miles  around  as 


168  MY    SATCHEL    AM)    I. 

the  person  that  was  introduced  to  the  Fourth 
of  July  audience  as  Ikabod  Izax,  and  re- 
membered  my*  alluding  to  the  "Pilgrim 
Fathers  "  in  my  reply  to  a  toast,  hence  they 
were  quite  ready  and  curious  to  look  at  and 
examine  it.  I  met  with  very  good  success 
during  the  remainder  of  the  time  I  tarried  in 
this  vicinity,  not  only  in  securing  subscribers, 
but  in  placing  insurance  upon  their  property. 
Doubtless  a  few  more  .  incidents  that  trans 
pired  during  my  travels  thereabouts  may  not 
prove  uninteresting,  but  before  relating  them 
let  us  see  what  the  publishers  have  written. 


CHAPTER  VI. 


HARTFORD,  Coxx.,  July  3d,  18 — 

IKAHUD  I/AX,  ESQ., 
DEAR  SIR  : 

In  your  latest  report,  we  received  the  welcome  intelli 
gence  that  you  are  making  a  grand  success  of  your 
undertaking,  especially  for  a  beginner,  and  if  you  con 
tinue  in  your  good  work,  we  believe  that  you  will 
surprise  yourself,  as  you  have  us  already.  We  confess 
now  that  we  allowed  you  to  go  to  work  for  us,  with  many 
misgivings  as  to  your  fitness  for  the  work,  and  you  have 
proved  to  be  true,  that  which  you  told  Fox,  Bean  &  Co., 
the  publishers  upon  whom  you  called  before  engaging 
with  us,  viz  :  that  '•  they  could  not  tell  by  its  looks  how 
far  a  toad  could  jump."  You  have  jumped  into  success 
much  sooner  than  we  anticipated.  Should  we  issue  any 
new  books,  we  shall  calculate  upon  you  to  help  sell  them. 
Now  that  you  know  so  well  how  to  read  human  nature, 
and  just  what  tactics  to  resort  to  in  getting  people  to  sub- 


170  MY    SATCHEL   AND   I. 

scribe,  we  advise  you  to  stick  to  the  business,  and  we  will 
ever  glory  in  your  success.  Report  often,  and  we  don't 
care  how  favorably,  only  the  more  so  the  better,  of 
course. 

Yours,  &c., 

LION,  SKINNER  &  CO. 

It  appears  quite  evident  that  the  publishers 
are  beginning  to  appreciate  my  services  and 
successes,  and  have  ceased  to  doubt  my  qual 
ifications  for  a  canvasser. 

I  had  walked  about  a  half  of  a  mile  or  more 
after  leaving  the  Dutchman's  hotel,  when  I 
came  upon  a  small  log  cabin,  with  a  little  barn 
or  out-shed,  both  of  which  were  situated  some 
distance  back  from  the  road,  on  some  newly 
cleared  land.  I  saw  smoke  issuing  from  the 
chimney,  so  I  thought  it  best  to  inspect  the 
premises.  Following  the  path  that  led  to  the 
house,  I  soon  presented  myself  at  the  door, 
and  after  knocking  a  full  blooded  negro  came 
to  the  door,  and  upon  wishing  him  good  morn 
ing,  he  replied : 

"Good  mornin,  sar,  good  mornin." 

"  Do  you  live  here  all  alone,  my  friend  ?  " 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  171 

"  Not  quite,  sar,  my  wife  Sarah  has  gone  to 
town  just  now,  sar." 

"You  have  no  children,  then?" 

"Not  any  here  now.  sar;    we've  lost  two, 


sar." 


"Can  you  read?" 

"  I  reckon  so,  sar." 

"  I  would  like  then  to  show  you  some  books, 
and  possibly  you  may  like  them  well  enough 
to  want  to  subscribe  for  them." 

"Have  a  seat,  sar." 

Seeing  that  the  weather  was  very  warm,  I 
told  him  I  would  sit  on  the  bench  just  outside 
in  the  shade,  so  he  seated  himself  beside  me, 
while  I  showed  him  a  copy  of  the  "  Galley 
Slaves,"  calling  his  attention  to  certain  points 
of  interest,  showing  him  the  most  interesting 
illustrations,  and  I  read  to  him  several  extracts 
from  the  book,  so  that  he  might  thereby  ob 
tain  a  general  idea  of  the  work.  After  listen 
ing  very  attentively  to  me  for  some  time,  and 
eyeing  me  very  closely,  he  asked  me  where  I 
hailed  from,  and  upon  informing  him  that  I 
came  from  the  State  of  Massachusetts,  his 
countenance  brightened  up,  and  he  asked  me 


172  MY    SATCHEL   AND    I. 

"if  I  was  an  abolitionist  and  a  friend  of  the 
poor  slaves." 

I  replied  that  I  was. 

"  Can  yon  keep  a  secret,  sar  ?  " 

"I  think  I  can." 

"  Well,  sar,  yon  know  that  a  little  while 
ago  you  asked  me  if  I  had  any  children,  and 
I  told  yon  that  I  had  lost  two." 

"  Yes." 

"  Well,  Massa,  those  two  children  are  slaves 
at  de  Souf,  and  I  am  a  runaway  slave, .  what 
am  escaped  from  his  massa,  and  nobody  around 
here  knows  who  I  am." 

"Is  that  so?" 

"Dat  am  the  truth." 

a  What  is  your  name  ?  " 

"  I  go  by  de  name  ob  Harry  Hines  now, 
but  my  slave  name  was  Tom  Saunders." 

"  How  and  when  did  you  make  your  es 
cape  ?  " 

"  Well,  sar,  I'll  just  tell  you  all  about  it. 
It  was  on  one  wrarm  afternoon,  in  de  month 
ob  June,  fo'  years  ago,  dat  Massa  sent  me  out 
into  de  pine  woods,  near  Kingston,  North 
Carolina,  for  to  cut  de  pine  trees,  so  as  to 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  173 

make  the  pitch  run,  to  make  turpentine  wid. 
Dere  was  three  more  fellers  wid  me,  but  we 
did  not  work  together,  being  instead,  scattered 
about  in  de  woods  wherever  we  found  de 
pines  dat  we  wanted  to  fix.  De  boss  ob  de 
gang  was  an  old  man,  who  could  not  travel 
werry  fast,  and  de  hounds  were  all  left  at 
home  dat  day.  so  I  thought  I  would  work  as 
far  away  from  de  rest  as  I  could,  and  if  I 
could  get  a  good  start.  I  would  try  my  luck 
at  running  away.  It  was  about  an  hour  afo' 
sunset,  when  I  had  worked  my  way  well  into  de 
woods,  yet  not  so  far  but  dat  de  sound  ob  my 
axe  as  well  as  theirs  was  heard,  when  I  start 
ed  on  a  dead  run.  I  knew  de  country  round 
dar  berry  well,  and  knowing  dat  I  had  got  a 
long  road  to  travel  before  I  should  dare  to 
ask  for  anything  to  eat,  I  stuffed  most  ob  my 
dinner  into  my  pocket.  I  ran  as  hard  as  I 
could  for  more  than  two  hours,  and  reached 
the  river  late  in  the  evening.  Here  hiding 
mysel'  I  waited  until  about  midnight  before  I 
dared  to  start  out  ob  de  woods,  and  go  down 
to  de  river  bank.  Finally,  after  reaching  de 
bank  ob  de  river,  I  looked  along  shore  for 


174  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

quite  a  distance,  when  I  saw  an  old  dug-out, 
which  is  nothing  but  a  log  hollowed  out,  and 
sticking  two  or  three  old  dried  limbs  into  it, 
one  on  each  end,  and  another  in  de  middle 
ob  de  log,  so  as  to  make  it  look  like  an  old 
tree  floating  down  de  river,  I  pushed  off 
from  shore,  laid  down  in  de  boat,  and  floated 
off  down  stream  bound  for  Morehead  City, 
where  I  knew  dat  de  steamers  from  de  North 
used  to  load  up  with  cotton  and  turpentine. 
I  was  more  than  three  nights  making  my  pas 
sage  down  there,  for  I  did  not  dare  to  float 
along  in  de  daytime,  as  on  the  second  eve 
ning  I  started  along  pretty  early,  before  it 
was  werry  dark,  and  was  floating  down  in  de 
middle  ob  de  stream,  some  hunters  on  shore 
spied  de  log  in  de  river,  and  I  heard  one  ob 
'em  say  6  Dat  log  looks  like  a  dug-out,  don't 
it,  boys  ?'  Anodder  one  said,  '  No,  its  nuffin 
but  an  old  dead  tree,  for  don't  you  see  de 
limbs  stretching  out  all  around  it,  you  fools.' 
Just  then  one  ob  'em  said,  '  Let's  all  fire  into 
it,  and  if  it  is  a  dug-out,  and  any  darkey  is  in 
it  he  will  be  pretty  apt  to  squeal,  or  show  his 
colors.'  I  thought  my  time  had  come  shuah, 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  175 

and  my  heart  bumped  agin  the  bottom  ob  dat 
ere  log  right  smart,  as  I  lay  face  downwards 
in  one  end  ob  it,  but  I  was  glad  ob  one  thing, 
Mister,  and  dat  was,  dat  my  '  colors  '  would 
not  show  worth  a  cent  in  the  dark.  Well, 
sar,  dey  all  fired  at  once,  and  I  should  think 
by  the  sound  ob  de  bullets  dat  struck  de  dug 
out,  dat  dere  must  have  been  more  than  a 
dozen  ob  dem,  but  being  so  far  from  shore,  de 
bullets  did  not  trouble  me,  but  lodged  in  de 
side  ob  de  dug-out.  Not  hearing  any  squeal, 
or  seeing  any  colors  come  out,  one  feller  said, 
'  You  were  right,  Dick,  dat's  an  old  dry  tree, 
and  we  are  all  fooled  dis  time,  shuah,  and  no 
game.'  Shuah  'miff,  dey  was  fooled,  for  dey 
did  not  suppose  dere  was  a  big  black  possum 
in  that  old  dry  tree." 

"But  look  here,  Harry,  how  did  you  keep 
the  dug-out  from  working  in  towards  shore  ?  " 

"  Just  this  way,  sar.  You  see  dat  as  I  laid 
down  in  de  dugout,  I  could  not  see  whether  I 
was  gwine  toward  the  shore  or  no,  so  I  took 
a  long  bladed  knife  dat  I  carried  in  my  pocket 
and  bored  a  hole  on  each  side  ob  de  dug-out, 
just  above  the  place  where  de  water  come,  so 


176  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

dat  I  could  peek  through,  and  when  I  saw  dat 
I  was  gwine  toward  shore,  1  would  drop  and 
drag  de  limb  on  de  opposite  side  in  de  water, 
which  would  set  me  right  again." 

"  Did  you  not  get  hungry  ?  " 

"  Yes,  sar,  but  in  de  dead  ob  night  I  would 
work  in  on  shore,  pick  up  roots  and  bark,  and 
now  and  then  1  would  catch  a  fish,  using  a 
string  for  a  line,  and  a  bent  pin  for  de  hook, 
and  a  piece  of  de  cold  meat  I  saved  in  my 
pocket,  for  de  bait,  but  I  found  it  werry  tough, 
sar,  eating  de  fish  raw.  I  had  not  been  float 
ing  along  more  than  two  hours,  on  de  fourth 
night,  when  I  found  dat  I  was  coming  to  More- 
head  City,  my  place  ob  destination,  whar  I 
hoped  to  find  some  steamer,  and  some  wray  by 
which  I  could  fool  de  hands  at  work,  and  steal 
aboard,  and  hide  myself  until  she  put  to  sea 
and  during  the  passage.  Putting  in  shore  I 
now  left  my  old  dug-out  and  put  into  de  woods, 
all  de  blessed  wrhile  working  my  Avay  to  de 
steamer  landing.  It  was  about  one  or  two 
o'clock  in  de  morning  when  I  reached  de  edge 
ob  de  woods  near  de  steamer  landing,  and  I 
spied  de  steamer  dare  wid  de  blessed  olc  flag 


MY    SATCHEL    AXD    I.  177 

a  floating  on  de  mast,  and  dare  was  several 
negroes  at  work  loading  cotton,  turpentine, 
rice  and  sich.  I  thought  it  was  queer  enough 
dat  dey  should  be  loading  up  at  dat  time  ob 
night,  but  I  found  out  afterward  dat  de  steamer 
was  late,  and  ought  to  habe  gone  de  day  be 
fore,  and  could  not  stay  away  longer,  and  so 
dey  must  work  at  night.  How  to  get  aboard 
and  not  be  found  out,  was  de  tug  ob  war  wid 
dis  chile,  shuali.  .  1  crawled  along  by  de  shore 
in  de  dark,  and  when  I  had  got  within  two  or 
three  rods  ob  de  steamer,  I  watched  my 
chances,  so  when  de  slaves  war  busily  at  work 
tugging  away  a  rolling  in  de  barrels  ob  tur 
pentine  and  bales  ob  cotton.  1  rushed  up  in 
de  darkness,  grabbed  hold  ob  a  bale  of  cotton 
with  two  other  negros,  and  shouted  wid  de 
rest,  '  heigh  ho.  push  Sam,  dar  she  am  rising/ 
and  amid  de  noise  and  confusion  ob  loading 
coal,  cotton  and  eberything,  and  by  rushing 
around  lively  wid  de  men  I  was  not  strictly 
obsarved.  nor  suspected.  I  had  an  eye  out 
for  my  own  storage,  and  ebery  time  I  went 
down  into  de  hold  with  a  load,  I  looked  out 
for  a  place  to  put  my  carcass.  It  so  hap- 


178  MY    SATCHEL   AND    I. 

pened  dat  dar  was  some  salt  fish  in  small  tubs 
to  be  stowed  away  in  back  ob  de  coal  bin,  so 
when  I  went  in  with  a  tub,  I  did  not  throw 
mine  in  until  de  other  fellers  had  gwine  out, 
when  I  threw  it  over  into  de  coal  bin,  way 
back  in  one  corner,  and  when  a  good  time 
came,  I  threw  myself  in  too,  and  covered  the 
fish  and  myself  up  in  de  coal  as  well  as  I 
could.  It  was  one  jolly  moment  for  dis  chile, 
sar,  when  I  heard  de  captain  say,  '  haul  in  dat 
plank  from  de  gangway,'  and  order  de  blessed 
tug  boat  to  drag  her  out  into  de  channel.  De 
first  puffs  ob  de  steam  tug  was  like  heavenly 
music  in  my  ears,  and  when  we  were  fairly 
out  to  sea,  I  was  a  happy  chile,  tho'  I  had 
many  small  holes  to  crawl  through  yet  before 
I  was  shuah  ob  my  freedom.  After  living 
upon  salt  fish  for  twenty-four  hours  you  may 
believe,  sar,  dat  I  began  to  believe  dat  dis 
chile  was  berry  thirsty,  and  I  kneAV  as  well  as 
I  knew  nothing  dat  I  could  not  live  so  until  I 
got  to  de  North,  and  just  what  to  do  I  did  not 
know ;  but  looking  carefully  around,  I  spied 
a  lead  pipe,  which  carried  the  water  from, — 
what  is  dis  dey  calls  it  ?  " 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  179 

"  The  condenser  ?  " 

"  Ya,  ya,  dats  de  macheen ;  so  I  took  out 
my  knife,  and  carefully  bored  a  hole  into  de 
pipe,  but  before  doing  dis  ting  I  had  fixed  a 
plug  to  stop  up  de  hole  with,  when  not  in  ac 
tual  service,  and  I  made  dis  strategy  work 
berry  well.  I  was  obliged  to  keep  berry  quiet 
and  shady,  sar,  and  once  I  came  berry  near 
being  caught  while  taking  my  drink  from  de 
pipe,  for  de  coal  bearer  came  walking  right 
opposite  me  before  I  spied  him,  and  de  way 
I  sunk  out  ob  sight  ob  dat  mortal  on  dat  o.cca- 
sion  was  right  smart,  peart,  I  reckon.  I  felt 
quite  anxious  as  I  saw  the  pile  of  coal  gwine 
away  so  fast,  and  I  was  berry  much  afraid  de 
coal  bearer  would  work  his  passage  into  de 
corner  ob  my  retreat,  but  blessed  am  de  way 
dat  pile  ob  coal  held  out,  he  did  not  shuah. 
After  about  four  days  we  arrived  in  New  York 
Harbor,  and  berry  soon  de  'spector  came  a 
board,  and  peeked  all  around  just  as  though 
eberyting  was  his,  and  I  heard  him  ask  :  '  Is 
dare  any  disease  or  darkies  in  dis  crew  ?  '  and 
de  boss  ob  de  ship  said,  dare  was  not  a  darkey 
nor  dare  was  no  disease.  Ya,  ya,  it  was  lucky 


180.  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

for  dis  poor  sinner  dat  dat  'spector  did  not 
appear  to  me  in  de  bin  of  coal,  longside  ob 
his  bit  ob  salt  mackerel,  ain't  it,  sar  ?  Ya,  ya, 
he  was  right  smart  disappointed  dat  time,  for 
dare  was  one  darkey  aboard  dat  I  knows  ob, 
and  ya,  ya,  dare  was  one  disease  on  him  too, 
shuah. 

"  Was  there,  Harry  ?  What  was  it  ?" 
"  Yes,  sar,  right  cher,"  putting  his  hands 
on  his  knees,  hips,  and  shoulders  ;  "  dere  was 
werry  much  roomatics  in  dis  chile,  shuah,  or 
1  don't  know  when  de  sun  am  rising,  or 
nuffing  else.  When  we  got  landed,  I  did  not 
know  for  sartin  how  dis  chile  was  gwine  to 
unload  hisself,  and  fearing  dat  dey  would  be 
gwine  to  load  up  wid  coal  again  soon,  I  began 
to  be  uneasy  and  berry  restless  in  the  coal- 
bin.  I  waited  until  dark,  and  when  I  heard 
dem  busily  at  work  unloading,  I  watched  my 
chances,  and  when  de  workmen  had  all  gwine 
out,  I  wrapped  myself  all  up,  and  walked  off 
with  two  or  three  other  passengers,  and  my 
color  being  so  similar  to  the  color  ob  de 
blessed  darkness  ob  dat  glorious  night,  dat 
no  one  was  kind  enough  to  distinguish  me, 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  181 

sar.  I  just  kept  walking,  and  walking,  I  did 
not  know  where,  nor  did  I  care,  for  I  knew 
dat  dis  runaway  chile  was  making  progress  at 
every  step  away  from  de  old  plantation,  into 
de  bowels  ob  de  blessed  freedom  ob  de  North. 
As  I  was  gwine  along  one  country  place,  I 
spied  de  old  flag  ob  freedom  a  flapping  in  de 
breezes,  and  as  dere  was  no  one  round  dere,  I 
walked  up  to  de  pole,  and  said,  '  Am  dat  you, 
shuah  ?  Am  you  de  stars  ob  de  spangled 
banner  ?'  Ya,  ya,  dat  am  de  flag,  shuah, 
Halleloolyah  !  glory,  golly  !  I  did  not  dare 
to  dance  around  de  blessed  pole  much  for  fear 
dat  some  one  would  distinguish  me,  so  I 
kissed  de  pole,  paid  my  best  respects  to  de 
banner  up  dere,  and  walked  along.  I  stopped 
to  buy  some  food  several  times  on  de  road, 
and  no  one  frightned  me,  and  finally  I  reached 
dis  place,  where  I  engaged  to  work  for  a 
farmer,  who  now  lets  me  have  dis  cabin 
for  to  live  in,  and  where  I  am  a  free  citizen 
ob  de  North." 

"  You  must  have  hated  to  leave  your  chil 
dren  down  there  in  slavery." 

"  I  reckon  I  did,  but  dey  were  sold  away 


(182) 


Hallelooyah!    Glory!    Colly!" 


MY    SATCHEL    AXD    I.  183 

from  us,  so  we  might  just  as  well  be  cher,  as 
dare,  for  all  ob  seeing  them. 

"  Well,  Harry,  I  am  glad  indeed  that  you 
are  free,  give  us  your  hand.  Now,  Harry,  I 
think  that  instead  of  the  '  Galley  Slaves,'  you 
had  better  subscribe  for  the  '  Pilgrim  Fathers/ 
who  had  about  as  hard  a  time  of  it  in  escaping 
from  the  old  country,  and  finding  their  way 
over  to  this,  as  you  had  in  gaining  your 
freedom." 

"  I  am  too  poor,  sar,  and  it  takes  all  that  I 
can  get  to  keep  me  in  clothes  and  wittles." 

"  Well,  Harry,  I  do  not  wish  to  distress  you." 

Seeing  that  it  would  really  be  burdensome 
to  him,  I  thanked  him  for  the  interesting  ac 
count  of  his  escape  from  bondage,  and  reas 
suring  him  that  I  would  tell  no  one,  I  took 
my  departure. 

In  an  inland  country  town  like  this,  away 
from  public  communication,  as  it  was  then,  its 
inhabitants  new  settlers  many  of  them, 
it  was  not  at  all  strange  that  a  person 
traveling  should  chance  to  meet  people  who 
were  more  or  less  peculiar,  and  hardly  up 
with  the  times,  and  the  village  schoolmistress, 


184  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

a  woman  who  had  had  summers  enough  pass 
over  her  head  to  take  the  life  out  of  a  natur 
ally  prolific  head  of  hair,  and  make  it  toler 
ably  grey,  was  a  woman  of  just  this  class.  I 
had  the  pleasure  of  dining  with  her,  as  the 
house  where  I  applied  for  dinner  happened 
to  be  her  boarding  place.  I  judged  from  her 
conversation,  that  she  never  had  enjoyed  the 
educational  advantages  of  a  seminary  like 
Mt.  Holyoke.  I  tackled  her,  after  dinner, 
with  the  "  Pilgrim  Fathers,"  and  though  she 
disclaimed  any  personal  knowledge  regarding 
their  history,  she  believed  that  she  had  heard 
her  father  speak  of  them  once,  when  telling 
a  story.  I  told  her  that  it  was  eminently 
proper  that  she  should  possess  the  work,  as 
everybody  expected  that  persons  who  filled 
the  important  office  of  public  instructor,  and 
were  thus  training  and  guiding  the  minds  of 
the  young,  were  familiar  with  everything  of 
historical  interest,  and  of  practical  value  in 
education. 

"  Yes,  I  suppose  so,  Mister,  but  I  am  not 
able  to  buy  it  now." 

"  Madam,  you  need  not  pay  for   it  until  I 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  185 

deliver  the  book,  two  or  three  weeks  hence, 
and  really  I  should  like  your  name,  as  it  may 
help  me  to  obtain  others,  seeing  that  you  are 
so  well  known  throughout  the  town/' 

Feeling  highly  complimented  by  my  re 
marks,  she  subscribed,  and  after  a  little  con 
versation  in  winding  up  the  interview,  she 
politely  invited  me  to  visit  her  school,  and 
seeing  that  the  day  was  intensely  warm,  I 
thought  that  I  might  as  well  spend  a  portion 
of  the  afternoon  in  visiting  her  charge.  I 
started  for  the  school-house  a  little  while  after 
she  did,  and  at  half  past  one,  I  knocked  on 
the  school-house  door. 

"  Come  in,"  was  the  loud  and  unladylike 
response. 

I  obeyed  the  summons,  and  upon  getting 
inside,  I  found  that  it  was  an  old  fashioned 
school-house,  with  the  long  rows  of  benches, 
one  on  each  side,  extending  the  entire  length 
of  the  room,  and  a  third  running  across  the 
rear  end  of  the  room.  The  teacher's  desk 
was  just  one  side  of  the  door,  and  as  I  walked 
in,  she  gave  me  the  only  chair  there  was  in 
the  room,  and  seated  me  just  about  in  the 


186  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

center  of  the  hollow  square  formed  by  the 
seats.  As  in  many  country  schools  in  those 
days,  there  was  in  this,  pupils  of  considerable 
age,  and  very  old  in  iniquity,  over  whom  the 
teacher  had  no  control.  I  had  not  been 
present  but  a  little  while  before  I  saw  trouble 
brewing,  and  that  her  discipline  was  most  de 
cidedly  faulty.  Seated,  as  I  have  before 
stated,  in  the  center  of  this  hollow  square, 
the  pupils  had  a  good  chance  to  fire  at  me 
from  all  sides,  and  they  could  not  or  did  not 
resist  the  temptation  to  improve  it.  *  Tear 
ing  up  pieces  of  paper  and  stowing  them 
into  their  mouths,  they  chewed  them  up  into 
soft  pulp,  and  made  balls  of  them  by  rolling 
them  in  the  palms  of  their  hands,  and  every 
little  while  I  could  hear  a  heavy  thud  as  the 
balls  struck  the  ceiling  overhead.  Now  and 
then  one  would  be  seemingly  carelessly  thrown 
at  me,  but  I  soon  saw  that  it  was  wholly  in 
tentional  on  the  part  of  the  pupils. 

The  teacher  sought  to  correct  them  two  or 
three  times,  when  these  paper  balls  would  be 
sent  after  her  pretty  lively.  I  looked  towards 
the  boys  that  were  engaged  in  this  sport,  and 


MY    SATCHEL   AXD    I.  187 

sought  thus  to  deter  them  from  an}7  further 
demonstrations  of  the  kind,  but  it  did  not 
avail  much,  and  I  saw  that  deeds,  not  looks, 
were  demanded,  in  order  to  subdue  the  en 
emy.  Calling  to  mind  my  interview  with  the 
deaf  farmer  in  the  field,  I  resolved  to  resort 
to  strategy  in  seeking  to  protect  myself  from 
the  insults  of  these  pupils.  Putting  my  hand 
into  my  pocket,  I  slowly  and  carefully  with 
drew  therefrom  my  pistol,  proceeded  quietly 
and  lazily  to  load  it,  at  the  same  time  direct 
ing  my  searching  gaze  toward  here  and  there 
a  pupil.  After  loading  it,  I  looked  daggers 
at  several  of  the  oldest  pupils,  and  seeing 
their  faces  turning  pale  all  around,  I  folded 
my  arms,  and  sat  there  pistol  in  hand,  with 
out  being  again  disturbed,  and  discipline  was 
enforced  for  once,  the  pupils  being  pretty 
effectually  muzzled  for  the  rest  of  the  after 
noon. 

After  the  geography  class  had  recited,  the 
teacher  invited  me  to  ask  any  questions  that 
I  chose,  so  I  asked  the  class  what  made  the 
ocean  salt.  One  little  urchin  raised  his  hand 
and  replied : 


188  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

"  It's  the  codfish  that's  in  it." 

"  Where  is  the  Isle  of  Man  ?  " 

One  bright-eyed  boy  answered,  "  In  the 
ocean." 

"Where  abouts  ?  " 

"  In  the  whale's  belly." 

I  saw  that  their  geographical  knowledge 
was  confined  to  narrow  limits,  and  thought 
it  useless  to  question  them  any  more.  The 
whole  school  were  now  told  to  repeat  the 
fives  in  the  multiplication  table,  and  stand 
ing  up,  they  repeated  the  table  very  much 
in  keeping  with  the  tune  of  Yankee  Doodle, 
some  going  up  to  a  high  pitch,  others 
low,  and  in  all  manner  of  keys.  This  per 
formance  being  over,  they  were  requested 
to  repeat  selected  passages  of  scripture,  which 
closed  the  afternoon's  exercises.  One  fellow 
undertook  to  repeat  the  verse,  "  Ye  blind 
guides,  that  strain  at  a  gnat,  and  swallow  a 
camel,"  and  this  was  his  version  of  it:  "  Ye 
blind  giddies,  that  strain  at  a  gnat,  and  swal 
low  a  corn-mill."  Another  started  to  say 
something  about  "  Herod,  the  Tetrach,"  and 
said,  "  He  rode  the  tater-cart." 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  189 

At  the  close  of  school  I  was  invited  to 
make  some  remarks,  and  in  so  doing  I  took 
occasion  to  condemn  the  discipline  of  the 
school,  and  a*lso  gave  the  pupils  a  little  whole 
some  advice  regarding  it,  and  advised  them 
further  what  studies  they  should  pursue.  I 
told  the  pupils  that  as  I  had  found  them  so 
wofully  ignorant  concerning  matters  of  his 
tory,  I  should  advise  by  all  means  a  more 
general  study  of  that  subject  in  all  the  schools, 
and  I  knew  of  no  books  treating  upon  histor 
ical  subjects  that  I  should  take  greater  pleas 
ure  in  recommending  than  the  "  History  of 
the  Pilgrim  Fathers,"  the  "  Galley  Slaves/' 
and  the  "  Deluge."  By  studying  the  history 
of  the  "Pilgrim  Fathers,"  they  would  possi 
bly  learn  to  reverence  their  ancestors,  their 
grand-parents,  their  own  parents,  their 
teacher,  those  visiting  their  school,  in  short, 
all  those  who  were  older  in  years  and  wis 
dom,  than  they ;  and  tins  lack  of  respect  and 
reverence  on  their  part,  I  considered  to  be 
the  crowning  evil  with  which  the  pupils  pres 
ent  seemed  to  be  badly  afflicted. 

In    studying  the  history  of   the    "  Galley 


190  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

Slaves,"  they  would  see  what  they  as  pupils 
stood  in  imminent  danger  of,  if  they  per 
sisted  in  their  evil  ways,  and  I  further  stated, 
that  if  I  ever  visited  that  school  again,  as  I 
was  liable  to  in  a  few  weeks,  and  saw  such 
evidences  of  insubordination  as  I  had  seen 
that  afternoon,  I  should  feel  it  incumbent 
upon  me  to  recommend  that  several  of  the 
older  pupils  present  be  sent  to  the  galleys, 
during  the  remaining  years  of  their  minority, 
especially  those  boys  present  who  fired  paper 
balls  at  me,  in  the  earlier,  part  of  the  after 
noon. 

Lastly,  as  they  engaged  in  the  study  of 
the  "  History  of  the  Deluge,"  they  would 
see  that  people  by  their  intolerable  conduct 
sometimes  become  intolerable  nuisances,  and 
hence  have  to  be  abated,  and  the  world 
washed  clean  of  them  and  their  guilt.  "  It 
would  be  a  sad  spectacle,  indeed,  young  pu 
pils,  for  your  parents  to  see  you  engulfed 
in  a  boundless  ocean  of  water,  and  doomed 
therein,  as  you  are  now  engulfed  in  an  un 
fathomable  sea  of  iniquity,  and  doomed  in 
deviltry,  and  pickled  through  and  through  in 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  191 

the  muddy  waters  of  sin,  in  which  you  have 
been  drifting  recklessly  about,  hither  and 
thither,  like  so  many  worthless  sticks.  Ev 
ery  one  of  you  are  in  great  jeopardy,  for  tough 
as  you  may  think  you  are,  in  view  of  your 
flinty  hearts,  and  reckless  habits,  you  will 
find  that  as  you  are  tossed  on  the  billows  of 
life,  in  the  midst  of  all  manner  of  craft,  you 
who  think  you  are  so  mighty  now,  and  so 
consequential,  you  will  be  regarded  as  not 
worth  the  room  you  occupy  in  the  world, 
nor  the  water  that  the  weight  of  your  mis 
erable  carcasses  displaces  in  the  grand  old 
ocean  of  human  existence,  and  you  will  all 
be  trod  upon  by  the  throng  who  love  and 
cherish  law  and  order:  will  be  run  over  and 
ground  down  by  the  wheels  of  the  mighty 
Juggernaut  cars  of  human  decency,  proprie 
ty,  reverence,  knowlege,  power  and  progress. 
Xow  then,  in  my  parting  remarks,  I  charge 
you  to  mend  your  ways,  you  who  are  as  wild, 
reckless,  uncouth  as  the  Bedouin  Arabs  of 
the  desert,  and  study  as  it  were  for  your 
lives,  the  character  of  the  "Pilgrim  Fathers." 
Mend  your  ways  now,  immediately,  for  fear 


192  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

that  you  will  all  have  to  follow  in  the  paths, 
tread  in  the  tracks,  and  dig  in  the  vile 
trenches  of  the  galleys,  where  many  mise 
rable  wretches  like  you  are  groaning  under  the 
soreness  of  their  punishment.  You  all  stand 
in  need  of  stern  discipline,  in  order  that  you 
may  be  checked  in  your  mad  career,  and 
were  I  your  pedagogue,  I  would  without  fur 
ther  delay,  serve  you  as  the  "  Galley  Slaves" 
are  served ;  and  clap  a  ball  and  chain  on  the 
leg  of  every  one  of  you  here  this  afternoon, 
who  have  shown  yourselves  to  be  such  intract 
able  vagabonds. 

As  I  saw  that  several  of  the  toughest  boys 
in  school  were  growing  pale,  and  looked  quite 
sick,  I  thought  best  not  to  prolong  my  re 
marks,  and  informed  the  teacher  and  pupils 
that  I  had  but  just  two  more  words  to  utter, 
and  I  wanted  that  they  all  should  hear  and 
heed  them,  for  these  two  words  were  as  po 
tent  with  meaning,  as  the  great,  black  thunder 
storm-cloud  then  rolling  up  in  the  western 
sky,  was  mighty  in  its  on-rushing  wind,  and 
now  in  the  momentary  stillness  which  pre- 
ceeds  the  on-coming  storm  without,  let  me 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  193 

sound  the  words  in  your  ears,  and  may  they 
ever  reverberate,  and  re-echo  in  your  ears, 
now  so  dull  of  hearing,  like  the  distant  mut 
tering  thunder,  and  as  it  portends  a  fearful 
storm,  may  these  words  be  ominous  to  you,  of 
the  great  deluge  that  will  sweep  you  beyond 
the  grasp  of  any  straw  of  escape,  should  you 
not  heed  their  timely  warning,  and  hark ! 
hark  !  hark  !  as  I  now  give  utterance  to  them 
in  the  thunder  tones  of  my  voice :  BEHAVE  ! 
BEWARE  ! 

After  school  was  dismissed,  the  teacher 
thanked  me  for  my  remarks,  and  expressed 
the  hope  that  they  might  not  be  soon  for 
gotten  by  her  pupils. 

13 


CHAPTER  VII. 


After  leaving  the  school  house,  I  travelled 
for  a  couple  of  hours,  and  then  put  up  at  a 
farm  house  for  the  night.  During  the  eve 
ning  I  addressed  the  following  letter  to  the 
publishers  : 

EENSSELAER,  N.  Y.,  July  6th,  18 — 
LION,  SKINNER  &  Co., 
MESSRS  : 

I  propose  to  go  to  Ogdensburg  to  canvass  for  a  few 
days,  and  in  the  meantime  I  wish  you  to  ship  to  me  im 
mediately,  twenty-five  "  Galley  Slaves,"  fifty  "  Pilgrim 
Fathers,"  and  thirty  "  Deluges,"  as  I  shall  want  to 
deliver  now  as  soon  as  possible,  as  considerable  time 
has  already  elapsed  since  I  commenced  to  canvass,  and  I 
fear  that  I  shall  fail  to  find  them  all,  unless  called  upon 
without  much  longer  delay.  Please  ship  the  books 
direct  to  Canton,  N.  Y. 

Yours  &c., 

IKABOD  IZAX. 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  195 

Returning  to  Canton,  I  took  from  thence 
the  route  through  Lisbon  to  Ogdensburg, 
which  was  quite  a  long  road,  leading  through 
farming  and  manufacturing  districts.  The 
first  few  houses  that  I  came  across  were  log- 
cabins,  with  little  apologies  for  a  barn, 
situated  a  short  distance  in  the  rear.  I  called 
at  one  of  these  log-cabins,  and  showed  its 
owner  my  books,  and  although  I  exhausted 
all  my  resources  in  trying  to  get  him  to  sub 
scribe,  it  was  without  avail,  and  being 
desirous  of  accomplishing  something,  I  asked 
the  owner  if  his  buildings  were  insured. 

*'*'  No,  sir,  not  a  cent  on  them." 

"  You  are  very  much  exposed  to  fire,  I 
should  think,  and  should  your  buildings  burn 
up,  with  your  crops  just  gathered  in,  it  would 
prove  a  great  and  disastrous  loss  to  you, 
would  it  not  ?" 

"  It  would  just  ruin  me,  sir." 

"  Then,  had  you  not  better  have  them  in 
sured?" 

"  Row  much  will  you  charge  me  ?" 

"  Suppose  we  examine  your  premises  care- 


196  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

fully,  so  as  to  see  what  the  risk  is,  and  then  I 
will  determine  what  rate  to  fix  upon  it." 

"  All  right." 

"  How  many  feet  is  your  barn  from  the 
house?" 

"I  don't  know,  sir,  we  can  measure." 

The  company  being  very  particular  what 
risks  they  accepted,  required  buildings  to  be 
just  so  far  apart,  and  all  chimney  flues  to  be 
perfect,  or  else  they  were  classed  as  extra 
hazardous,  and  hence  charged  a  higher  rate. 
We  measured  the  distance,  and  found  it  to  be 
thirty-three  and  one-third  feet.  I  asked  what 
the  size  of  the  barn  was,  which  he  declared 
to  be  ten  by  seventeen  feet,  and  it  was  about 
half  full  of  hay  and  grain. 

"  What  stock  have  you  ?  " 

"  One  hog,  one  cow,  six  hens,  two  turkeys, 
and  a  mule." 

"  How  about  the  chimneys  in  your  house  ?  " 

"  Only  one,  sir,  and  that  is  outside  the 
house." 

"  Is  the  wood-work  inside,  about  the  stoves, 
well  protected  ?  " 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  197 

"  Yes,  sir,  the  pipe  runs  through  an 
earthen  tube." 

"  Well,  sir,  I  shall  have  to  charge  you  two 
per  cent,  for  one  year." 

"  How  much  are  you  going  to  insure  me 
for?" 

"  What  do  you  call  your  buildings  worth  ?  " 

"  Fifteen  hundred  dollars." 

"  Well,   as   the   company  will    insure    the 


"  Valued  at  $1,50O— Insured  for  $1,OOO." 

property  for  two-thirds  its  value,  I  will  place 
one  thousand  insurance  upon  it,  if  you  say 


so." 


Giving  his  consent,  I  made  out  his  appli- 


198  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

cation,  and  I  have  wondered  ever  since, 
whether  that  man  has  improved  his  opportu 
nity  to  make  money,  and  in  consequence 
thereof,  whether  the  company  has  ever  been 
called  upon  to  pay  the  loss.  Had  there  been 
any  insurance  board  around  in  that  vicinity 
in  those  days,  I  fancy  that  it  would  have 
criticised  that  risk  severely,  and  especially 
would  it  have  condemned  the  man  who  took 
it  for  them. 

I  noticed  another  house  a  little  ways 
beyond,  and  I  inquired  wrho  lived  there,  and 
was  informed  that  an  old  maid  lived  there  all 
alone,  and  that  she  generally  purchased  books 
whenever  any  one  called  there  with  them,  as 
she  was  called,  and  was  really,  a  woman  of 
remarkable  literary  taste. 

"  What  is  her  name  ?" 

"  Miss  Sarah  Buckminster." 

Being  rather  timid,  I  did  not  know  whether 
it  was  hardly  best  for  me  to  board  her  domicil 
and  go  in  single  handed,  or  not ;  but  finally 
mustering  courage,  in  I  went,  and  just  as 
soon  as  I  had  a  fair  glimpse  of  her,  I  readily 
saw  why  she  had  remained  an  old  maid  so 


MY    SATCHEL    AXD    I.  199 

long,  for  she  was  the  homeliest  specimen  of 
humanity  that  I  ever  saw  in  my  life  without 
any  exception,  and  I  had  travelled  some. 
As  I  walked  in,'  I  saluted  her  with  a  good 
morning.  She  looked  at  me,  at  the  same 
time  making  singular  changes  of  her  facial 
expression,  now  looking  at  me,  the  next  mo 
ment  casting  her  eyes  downward,  and  finally 
said  : 

"  Good  mornin'." 

Taking  my  satchel  in  hand,  I  unlocked  it, 
when  she  inquired  : 

"  What  have  you  there,  Mister  ?" 

"  Literature,  Madam,  books  of  great  in 
terest." 

"Are  they  religious  books,  or  sensational?" 

"  Both.  This  one,"  (handing  her  a  copy 
of  the  "  History  of  the  Deluge  "),  "  is  both  a 
religious  and  sensational  work,  and  I  am  sure 
that  nothing  could  have  created  a  more  pro 
found  sensation  than  the  Deluge  did  when  it 
occurred,  and  the  account  here  given  of  that 
is  interesting  beyond  measure." 

"I  devote  a  great  deal  of  time  to  books, 
for  they  are  about  all  the  company  I  have, 


200 


MY    SATCHEL   AND    I. 


but  I  am  very  particular  about  the  kind  of 
books  I  buy  or  subscribe  for." 

"  That  is  right,  Madam,  but  I  am  sure  that 
you  need  have  no  compunctions  of  conscience 
in  subscribing  for  this  book.  You  can  place 
the  utmost  confidence  in  what  I  tell  you?  and 
if  the  book  is  not  what  it  is  represented  to  be 
you  need  not  take  it  when  I  come  to  deliver 
it." 

She  said  she  would  subscribe  for  it  on  those 


"  MISS  SAEAH  BUCKMINSTER.' 


MY    SATCHEL   AND   I.  201 

terms,  and  so  Sarah  Buckminster  became  a 
subscriber  for  the  '•  History  of  the  Deluge." 

After  leaving  Miss  Buckminster,  I  should 
judge  that  I  had  walked  about  a  mile,  when 
I  came  upon  a  foundry,  where  they  cast  stoves 
of  various  patterns,  and  obtaining  permission, 
I  showed  the  men  at  work  therein  my  books. 
The  first  one  that  I  showed  them  to  did  not 
seem  much  inclined  to  take  them,  nor  was  he 
altogether  opposed  to  them.  The  second 
workman  who  looked  at  them  said  that  he 
would  subscribe  for  one  or  more  of  them, 
provided  two  of  his  friends  would,  so  I  labored 
hard  with  them,  when  to  my  great  gratifica 
tion  they  all  signed  their  names,  and  this  I 
considered  quite  a  good  strike,  and  I  went  on 
my  way  rejoicing. 

I  now  plunged  on,  and  did  not  secure 
another  subscriber  until  I  reached  Ogdens- 
burg.  Here  I  engaged  quarters  for  the  night 
at  one  of  the  hotels,  and  early  on  the  follow 
ing  morning  I  sallied  forth  after  victims.  I 
thought  I  would  first  call  upon  the  editor  of 
the  religious  paper,  thinking  that  if  I  could 
get  him  to  subscribe,  it  would  be  a  great 


202  MY    SATCHEL   AND   I. 

help  to  me,  through  the  influence  that  his 
name  might  exert  upon  other  people's  minds. 
Entering  his  sanctum,  I  found  him  using  his 
scissors,  cutting  out  articles  from  various  ex 
change  papers.  Waiting  till  he  had  a  mo 
ment  of  leisure,  I  informed  him  that  I  de 
sired  to  call  his  attention  for  a  moment  to 
some  historical  works,  which  were  having 
now  a  great  sale,  and  were  creating  a  pro 
found  sensation  in  the  literary  world. 

"  Indeed !     What  works  are  they  ?  " 

"  They  are  the  '  Histoay  of  the  Pilgrim 
Fathers,'  the  '  History  of  the  Deluge,'  and 
the  <  Galley  Slaves/  " 

"  Do  you  think  I  am  a  fool  ?  " 

"  I  don't  know,  sir,  whether  you  are  or 
not.  I  never  heard  anybody  call  you  one." 

"  Well,  you  will  find  out  mighty  quick,  if 
you  don't  take  yourself  out  of  here." 

"  I  beg  your  pardon,  Mr.  Boone,  but  I 
would  like  to  ask  you  one  question,  if  you 
please." 

"Well,  what  is  it?" 

"  Are  you  at  all  related  to  the  celebrated 
Daniel  Boone,  who  figured  so  conspicuously 


MY    SATCHEL    AXD    I.  203 

in  the  early  history  of  a  portion  of  this  conn- 
try?" 

"  Why  do  you  ask  that  question  ?  " 
"  Because  you  so  much  resemble  an  old  pic 
ture  of  the  hero  and  first  settler,  which  I 
have  seen  somewhere,  that  I  thought  you 
must  inevitably  be  a  lineal  descendant  from 
him." 

"  Supposing  I  was,  what  then?" 
"  Why,  I  thought  it  more  than  likely  that 
you  would  be  able  to  trace  out  the  whole 
genealogy  of  the  Boone  family,  in  the  '  His 
tory  of  the  Pilgrim  Fathers,'  provided  the 
race  was  not  too  near  cleaned  out  by  the 
Deluge.  I  never  saw  a  list  of  the  passen 
gers,  so  I  could  not  swear  that  there  was  a 
Boone  aboard. 

"  What  do  you  suppose  I  care  about 
tracing  out  my  genealogy  ?  All  the  Boones 
I  care  about,  or  can  take  care  of,  is  Boone 
number  one,  and  three  or  four  young  Boones 
at  home." 

"  The  reason  why  I  asked  you  about  your 
remote  ancestors  was,  that  I  thought  you 
might  establish  your  right  and  title  to  the 


204  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

immense  Boone  estate  in  England,  now  un 
dergoing  settlement,  preparatory  to  a  general 
distribution  among  the  Boone  heirs." 

"  Strange  I  have  not  seen  any  account  of 
the  proceedings,  if  such  is  the  case.  Where 
did  you  learn  of  the  fact?" 

"  I  am  not  positive  concerning  the  facts, 
nor  where  I  saw  the  account  of  it,  but  possi 
bly  you  may  find  it  in  a  copy  of  the  "  Buenos 
Ayres  Ventilator,"  and  to  be  sure  of  getting 
it,  you  had  better  send  for  several  back 
copies." 

"Well,  well,  young  man,  I  guess  I  will 
subscribe  for  a  copy  of  the  '  Pilgrim  Fathers,' 
in  view  of  the  valuable  information  which 
you  have  furnished  me,  although  as  a  rule, 
editors  expect  that  every  publisher  will  pre 
sent  them  with  a  copy  of  their  publications 
for  the  sake  of  having  them  noticed  in  the 
papers." 

"  I  will  make  a  liberal  discount  on  the 
book,  provided  you  give  me  a  good  notice  in 
to-morrow's  paper." 

"  Never  mind  the  discount,  I  will  see  that 
you  have  a  good  puff  for  your  books." 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  205 

After  signing  bis  name,  he  invited  me  to  call 
at  his  house,  and  wished  me  good  morning  as 
I  went  out  of  his  office. 

After  I  left  Editor  Boone,  I  felt  sure  that 
I  was  better  able  to  answer  the  second  ques 
tion  that  he  asked  me,  than  I  was  before,  to 
wit:  "  Do  you  suppose  that  I  am  a  fool?" 
Whether  he  was  a  "  fool  "  or  not,  one  thing  I 
felt  sure  of,  and  that  was  that  he  was  pretty 
well  fooled,  and  I  was  doubly  convinced  of  it, 
when  I  read  the  following  article  from  his 
pen,  in  the  next  issue  of  the  "  Ogdensburg 
Daily  Truth."  The  article  was  headed  "  The 
Boone  Heirs,"  and  "Great  Booue  Estate," 
and  read  thus : 

"  Information  has  just  been  communicated  to  the  edi 
tor  of  this  Journal,  that  an  immense  estate  has  been  left 
by  one  Boone,  an  Englishman,  who  has  left  no  direct  heirs 
to  the  property,  and  hence  it  is  to  be  distributed  among  all 
the  Boones,  who  can  establish  any  near,  or  remote  rela 
tionship  to  the  deceased  millionaire.  Having  a  personal 
interest  in  the  matter,  I  call  upon  all  those  who  bear  the 
name  of  Boone  to  unite  with  me  in  prosecuting  our  claim 
to  a  share  of  the  immense  fortune.  Come  one,  come  all, 
and  let  us  gather  together  with  one  accord,  and  pursue 
this  glorious  undertaking,  continue  our  investigations  until 
the  whole  Boone  family  can  glory  in  fortune  attained. 


206  MY    SATCHEL   AND    I. 

Reliable  information  is  expected  from  our  correspondent 
in  Buenos  Ayres,  and  soon  as  received  it  will  'be  intro 
duced  into  the  columns  of  this  Journal." 

As  I  read  that  editorial  I  laughed,  and  have 
since  imagined  the  editor  looking  over  the 
columns  of  various  exchanges  in  search  of 
items  relating  to  the  "Great  Boone  Estate." 

Looking  upon  the  inside  of  the  paper  I 
found  the  "puff"  which  the  editor  promised 
me  for  my  books.  Here  it  is  : 

"  Ikabod  Izax  has  come  to  town  to  engage  in  the  under 
taking  of  securing  subscribers  for  three  historical  works, 
and  we  bespeak  for  him  great  success.  The  books  are 
1  The  History  of  the  Pilgrim  Fathers,'  '  History  of  the 
Deluge,'  and  the  '  Galley  Slaves.'  The  '  Pilgrim  Fathers' 
is  destined  to  have  a  great  sale,  especially  if  people  once 
find  out  that  it  is  such  a  treasure  as  it  bids  fair  to  prove 
to  us.  We  would  not  part  with  the  value  it  is  likely  to 
be  to  us  for  its  weight  in  fine  gold.  Our  readers  are  as 
sured  that  these  three  valuable  historical  publications 
would  be  a  great  addition  to  their  libraries,  and  we  advise 
all  who  can  consistently,  to  patronize  our  friend,  the  enter 
prising  agent,  Mr.  Ikabod  Izax." 

That  is  a  good,  fair  and  square  notice,  I 
said  to  myself  after  reading  it,  and  I  began  to 
think  that  that  editor  was  not  so  much  of  a 
fool  after  all,  as  he  might  be ;  in  fact  I  felt 


MY    SATCHEL    AXD    I.  207 

quite  kindly  disposed  towards  him,  and  I  read 
his  paper  every  day  carefully  so  as  to  see  if 
he  had  heard  anything  farther  from  "  Buenos 
Ayres,"  (Boone-as  Ay  res,)  or  the  "  Boone 
Heirs/'  or  the  great  "  Boone  Estate." 

Breakfast  over,  I  started  out  on  my  day's 
pilgrimage  with  a  full  stomach,  a  happy  frame 
of  mind,  and  great  expectations.  The  first 
bell  that  I  rang  was  at  the  residence  of  the 
Episcopal  minister,  and  after  waiting  at  the 
door  long  enough  for  him  to  make  a  good 
many  shifts,  and  write  a  generous  slice  of  a 
sermon,  he  came  to  the  door,  and  I  immedi 
ately  asked  him  if  I  could  see  him  for  a  few 
moments  in  his  study. 

"  What  is  your  business  ?  " 

"  I  have  business  of  great  importance, 
which  I  will  communicate  to  you  during  the 
interview." 

"Well,  walk  in.  sir." 

"  As  I  entered  his  study  I  glanced  over  his 
library  shelves,  and  seeing  that  he  had  a  de 
cent  collection,  I  remarked  that  he  had  quite 
a  valuable  library. 


208  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

,  "  Fair,  to  be  sure,  but  1  desire  many  more 
books." 

I  took  the  hint,  and  taking  up  my  satchel 
I  withdrew  a  copy  of  the  "  Pilgrim  Fathers," 
and  told  Kev.  Mr.  Devine  that  I  should  take 
great  pleasure  in  supplying  him  with  one  or 
more  valuable  works  pertaining  to  matters  of 
historical  interest,  and  handing  the  "  Pilgrim 
Fathers  "  to  him,  I  said  : 

"  There  is  one  of  the  most  noted  works  of 
modern  times,  and  doubtless  you  have  seen 
the  notice  of  it  in  to-day's  "  Ogdensburg  Daily 
Truth." 

"  I  saw  something  of  the  kind  noticed  I 
believe,  but  I  seldom  pay  much  attention  to 
such  notices.  What  are  your  other  books  ?  " 

"  History  of  the  Deluge,"  and  "  The  Galley 
Slaves,"  and  I  make  bold  to  say,  that  this  is 
the  best  history  of  the  deluge  extant." 

He  looked  at  them,  and  appeared  to  be  con 
siderably  interested  in  their  contents,  so  I 
asked  him  if  he  would  not  allow  me  to  put 
his  name  down  as  a  subscriber. 

"  No,  sir,  I  think  not.     If  you  are  willing 


MY    SATCHEL   AND   I.  209 

to  give  it  to  me  for  the  use  of  my  name  you 
can  do  so,  and  write  my  name  down  on  those 
conditions." 

Not  knowing  just  what  his  standing  might 
be  in  the  community,  nor  whether  his  influ 
ence  would  be  for  good  or  evil,  I  informed  him 
that  that  was  contrary  to  my  custom,  and  I 
did  not  wish  to  do  so.  I  finally  told  him  that 
I  would  give  him  a  copy  of  the  "  Pilgrim 
Fathers,"provided  he  would  give  me  one  of 
his  sermons,  and  he  very  unexpectedly  took 
me  at  my  word,  and  brought  on  an  old  ser 
mon  and  gave  it  to  me.  and  subscribed  for  the 
promised  book.  The  text  which  formed  the 
sucbjet  of  this  discourse  was,  "  Thou  art.  the 
man."  I  did  not  know  how  high  sermons 
were  valued  on  an  average,  but  I  felt  sure 
that  some  that  I  had  heard  in  my  day  would 
not  have  brought  any  great  sum,  either  at 
auction,  or  at  private  sale.  This  discourse 

cost  me  two  dollars  and  seventv-five  cents, 

«/ 

and  I  calculated  to  get  my  money's  worth  out 
of  it  sometime,  if  it  was  a  possible  thing.     I 
placed  the  sermon  in  my  satchel,  and  started 
14 


210  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

for  the  residence  of  the  Baptist  clergyman, 
Rev.  Amos  Duinbell. 

Upon  being  admitted  into  his  house  I  found 
upon  inquiring  that  he  was  out  in  his  barn, 
as  he  had  just  returned  from  a  drive.  Think 
ing  that  I  could  handle  him  quite  as  well  out 
in  the  barn  as  in  his  study,  I  walked  out  back 
of  the  house,  and  espied  him  in  the  barn. 
He  looked  up  and  saw  me  coming,  and  looked 
at  me  with  a  curious  stare,  when  I  said,  "  good 
morning,  Mr.  Dumbell." 

"  Good  morning,  sir." 

"  A  fine  day  to  ride  out  for  one's  health." 

"  Yes,  Sir,  it  does  a  body  good  to  take  the 
air  and  sunlight  on  such  a  day  as  this." 

I  waited  a  few  moments  for  him  to  feed  his 
horse,  before  I  proceeded  to  business,  after 
which  I  said  to  him: 

"  Mr.  Dumbell,  I  have  something  here  which 
is  just  now  attracting  the  attention  of  the 
clergy  to  a  remarkable  degree,  and  the  devo 
tees  of  science  and  literature  are  outspoken 
in  favor  of  these  works,  and  are  giving  me 
their  patronage. 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  211 

"  Ha,  ha  !     What  works  can  they  he  ?  " 

"  They  are  the  £  History  of  the  Deluge/ 
'The  Pilgrim  Fathers/  and  the  <  Galley  Slaves.' 

Mr.  Dumbell  smiled  a  generous  smile,  even 
laughed  a  hearty  laugh,  and  remarked  that 
the  clergy  who  were  carried  away  v.  ith  these 
books,  must  be  rather  behind  time.  Why, 
young  man,  do  you  expect  to  sell  many  books 
upon  such  old,  worn  out  subjects,  as  these 
are  ?  " 

"  I  have  already  sold  quite  a  good  number, 
and  calculate  to  several  more.  You  call  these 
old  subjects,  but  are  you  not  aware  that  new 
ideas  are  continually  bcl.ig  developed  con 
cerning  old  subjects  ?  " 

"That  is  very  true,  but  people  in  subscrib 
ing  for  books,  generally  desire  something  re 
lating  to  current  events,  incidents  of  our  own 
day  and  generation." 

"  Do  you  always  give  your  people  sermons 
upon  modern  subjects  and  incidents  ?  Don't 
you  ever  preach  upon  a  subject  as  old  as  the 
6  Creation,'  as  dried  up  as  the  £  Deluge/  as 
worn  out  as  ( Moses'  boat  of  bulrushes  ?  " 


212  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

"  Subjects  like  these  never  become  old  and 
unseasonable." 

"  True  for  you,  and  that  is  just  the  case 
with  the  subjects  treated  of  in  these  books, 
and  I  might  say  that  that  is  the  secret  of  their 
great  sale,  and  the  remarkable  interest  they 
create.  You  have  not  carefully  examined  the 
books  yet,  but  when  you  have  done  so,  you 
may  be  as  anxious  to  obtain  them  as  your 
neighbor  clergyman  was." 

"  Who  do  you  have  reference  to  ?  " 

"  Eev.  Mr.  Devine.  He  looked  at  the  books, 
and  after  a  careful  examination  he  was  so  de 
sirous  of  obtaining  a  copy  of  the  history  of 
the  '  Pilgrim  Fathers,'  that  he  gave  me  one  of 
his  sermons  for  it,  seeing  that  he  had  not  the 
money  to  spare.' 

"  Gave  you  a  sermon  for  it  ?  " 

"  Yes,  sir." 

"  What  do  you  want  of,  or  what  can  you 
do  with  a  sermon?  " 

"  I  have  no  special  use  for  it,  as  I  know  of, 
hence  I  shall  dispose  of  it  the  first  opportu 
nity  that  presents  itself. 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  213 

While  the  conversation  continued  Mr.  Dum- 
bell  was  engaged  in  examining  the  books,  and 
finally  he  made  me  a  proposition,  to  subscribe 
for  the  "  History  of  the  Pilgrim  Fathers  "  and 
the  "  Deluge,"  provided  I  would  throw  in  the 
old  sermon.  I  could  not  do  that,  for  sermons 
cost  top  much. 

"  How  much  did  that  one  cost  you  ?  " 

"  It  cost  the  price  of  one  book  certain,  and 
how  much  more  I  shall  not  tell." 

"  I  don't  know  as  I  care  particularly  for  the 
books,  but  I'll  tell  you  what  I  will  do;  I'll 
allow  you  the  price  of  a  book  for  the  sermon." 

"  Would  you  write  a  sermon  like  that  for 
two  dollars  and  seventy-five  cents  ?  " 

"  I  should  not  want  to  make  a  business  of 
it,  but  perhaps  that  is  as  much  as  people  would 
regard  it  worth,  after  hearing  it  delivered." 

"  Well,  if  you  have  a  mind  to  take  it  at 
twro  dollars  and  seventy-five  cents,  the  price 
of  one  book,  you  may  have  it." 

He  handed  me  the  money,  and  I  departed, 
and  made  myself  whole  by  the  sermon  trade. 

Not  being  particularly  desirous  of  invest 
ing  in  any  more  sermons,  I  did  not  call  upon 


214  MY    SATCHEL   AND   I. 

any  more  of  the  clergy  that  day,  but  called 
next  upon  the  librarian  of  the  public  library. 
I  asked  him  numerous  questions  about  the 
library,  how  many  volumes  there  were  in  it, 
what  they  treated  of  mostly,  whether  upon 
historical,  theological,  medical  or  legal  sub 
jects,  or  whether  they  were  mostly  works  of 
fiction,  dealing  largely  in  romance. 

"  There  are  works  here  treating  upon  all 
of  these  subjects." 

"  In  a  public  library,  I  suppose  you  are 
obliged  to  keep  all  kinds  of  literature,  in  or 
der  to  suit  the  tastes  of  the  masses." 

"  Yes,  sir,  that  is  true." 

"  Have  you  the  celebrated  works  entitled, 
the  '  History  of  the  Pilgrim  Fathers/  '  His 
tory  of  the  Deluge/  and  the  <  Galley  Slaves'?" 

"  I  think  not,  but  you  can  ascertain  by 
looking  over  the  catalogue." 

Not  being  able  to  find  anything  of  the  kind 
in  the  catalogue,  I  told  the  librarian  that  I 
should  be  pleased  to  give  him  an  opportunity 
to  purchase  them,  as  I  was  acting  as  agent 
for  them  in  the  vicinity,  and  taking  the  three 
books  from  my  satchel,  I  requested  him  to 


MY   SATCHEL   AND   I.  215 

examine  them  carefully,  when  I  thought  he 
would  be  inclined  to  subscribe  for  them. 

"Are  these  the  books  that  I  saw  noticed  in 
the  'Ogdensburg  Daily  Truth'  this  morn- 
ing?" 

"  Yes,  sir.  The  editor  of  that  journal 
was  very  much  carried  away  with  the  *  His 
tory  of  the  Pilgrim  Fathers/  and  the  cler 
gymen  of  this  place  seem  to  appreciate  the 
books,  enough  to  give  me  their  patronage." 

"  I  suppose  you  make  a  liberal  discount  to 
librarians,  when  they  purchase  the  three,  do 
you  not?" 

"  It  has  not  been  the  custom  of  the  pub 
lishers  to  allow  it,  but  I  will  assume  the  re 
sponsibility  of  so  doing  in  this  case,  and  dis 
count  twenty  per  cent." 

"  Then  you  may  bring  me  a  copy  of  each," 
and  he  duly  subscribed  for  the  same,  so  that 
henceforth  all  who  desire  to  consult  these  re 
nowned  books  can  do  so  at  the  public  ex 
pense. 

I  did  not  tell  people  that  these  works  could 
be  found  in  the  public  library,  of  course  not, 
for  I  did  not  desire  to  injure  my  prospects  for 


216  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

securing  subscribers,  by  so  doing.  I  called 
upon  several  people  in  the  village  during  the 
day,  and  secured  several  subscribers.  It  be 
ing  Saturday,  and  nearly  night,  I  ceased  my 
labors  for  the  day,  and  repaired  to  the  hotel, 
to  remain  over  the  Sabbath. 

When  church  time  came,  I  resolved  to  at 
tend  church,  and  hesitated  for  some  time 
where  to  go,  when  I  finally  decided  to  go  and 
hear  Mr.  Dumbell,  the  Baptist  clergyman. 
His  congregation  was  not  very  large,  and  ev 
idently  the  society  was  not  in  a  very  thriving 
condition.  After  singing,  and  reading  of  the 
Scriptures,  he  announced  his  text,  and  I  was 
not  a  little  surprised  to  hear  him  give  utter 
ance  to  the  following  words :  "  Thou  art  the 
man."  I  was  convinced  at  once  that  Rev. 
Mr.  Dumbell  was  bound  to  get  his  money's 
worth  out  of  that  old  sermon,  as  I  had  my 
money's  worth  out  of  it,  when  he  bought 
it  of  me  the  day  before. 

It  being  now  about  time  for  the  books  that 
I  had  ordered  from  the  publishers  to  arrive 
at  Canton,  I  started  for  that  place,  and  reached 
it  the  same  evening.  On  the  following  day 


MY   SATCHEL   AXD    I.  217 

the  books  arrived,  and  I  immediately  set  about 
delivering  them  to  my  subscribers.  When  I 
went  to  deliver  a  book  to  my  first  subscriber, 
"Alexander  Dowsky,"  I  found  his  domicil 
deserted,  and  what  had  become  of  him  I  could 
not  imagine.  I  started  along  en  route  for  the 
residence  of  my  second  subscriber,  Rev.  Sam 
Sloan,  and  picture  in  your  mind's  eye,  if  you 
can,  the  look  of  astonishment,  as  I  beheld  a 
newly  made  grave  by  the  road  side  with  a 
head  stone,  with  the  following  inscription 
upon  it : 

ALEX.  DOWSKY. 
Died    July   25th,  18- 

AGED  38. 

I  set  my  satchel  down  by  the  road  side,  and 
leaning  against  the  fence,  I  stood  there  for 
quite  a  while,  meditating  upon  the  mutability 
of  all  things  human.  Feeling  sorely  grieved 
at  the  untimely  death  of  Alex.,  and  sadder 
still  over  the  loss  of  a  subscriber,  I  returned 
his  copy  of  the  "  Pilgrim  Fathers "  to  my 
satchel,  and  gave  utterance  to  my  feelings  in 
the  following  pathetic  apostrophe  :  "  Poor 


218 


MY   SATCHEL   AND   I, 


The  LAST  of  my  FIRST  Subscriber. 
Dowsky !  thou  art  gone  ;  yes,  thou  art  gone 
to  join  the  company  of  all  the  Pilgrim  Fathers 
who  have  gone  before.  Peace  be  to  thy  ashes. 
Thou  hadst  a  rough  time  on  earth,  and  filled 
a  lowly  sphere,  but  now  thou  hast  left  thy  mis 
erable  incumbrance  in  that  narrow  hole,  thy 
beautiful  spirit  being  no  longer  held  by  its 
mortgage  to  a  tabernacle  of  clay,  has  taken 
its  majestic  flight,  and  now, 

Poor  Dowsky  shines 
In  realms  divine. 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  219 

Yes,  poor  Alex ;  thou  art  relieved  from  thy 
subscription.  Adieu. 

Calling  next  upon  my  second  subscriber, 
Rev.  Sam  Sloan,  I  found  him  at  the  summer 
resort  where  he  was  a  regular  attendant  every 
season,  and  I  had  no  trouble  in  delivering  his 
book.  When  I  came  to  deliver  the  books  to 
Widow  Bednor  and  the  young  parson,  I  found 
that  they  twain  had  been  made  one  flesh,  and 
they  wished  to  compromise  the  matter  by 
taking  only  one  book,  thinking  that  two  was 
too  many.  I  informed  them  that  I  could  not 
relieve  either  of  them  from  their  subscription, 
for  in  taking  subscribers  an  agent  takes  them 
as  he  finds  them,  and  of  course  must  hold 
them  to  their  individual  bargains,  as  he  can 
not  well  be  responsible  for  people  who  chance 
to  get  married  after  the  contract,  or  subscrip 
tion,  is  made.  I  told  them  that  they  could 
exercise  a  benevolent  disposition,  and  give  the 
extra  copy  to  some  one  who  could  not  afford 
it  in  any  other  way. 

Some  of  my  subscribers  took  the  books  for 
which  they  gave  their  names  without  saying 
a  word,  while  others  tried  all  manner  of  means 


220  MY    SATCHEL   AND   I. 

to  avoid  taking  them,  and  there  was  no  end 
of  excuses,  and  apologies,  but,  notwithstand 
ing  all,  I  finally  succeeded  in  delivering  the 
greater  portion  of  the  books  which  were  sub 
scribed  for. 

After  I  had  delivered  books  to  all  of  my 
subscribers,  I  returned  to  Hartford,  settled  up 
with  the  publishers,  and  after  quite  a  long 
interview  with  Lion,  Skinner  &  Co.,  which 
resulted  in  a  second  engagement  with  them, 
I  departed.  It  was  my  intention  to  take  dif 
ferent  books,  provided  I  went  out  on  another 
trip,  but  seeing  I  had  had  such  good  success 
with  the  "  Pilgrim  Fathers,"  "  History  of  the 
Deluge,"  and  the  "  Galley  Slaves,"  the  pub 
lishers  were  very  anxious  that  I  should  con 
tinue  to  solicit  for  them.  It  was  decided  that 
I  should  go  to  South  Carolina,  and  §tart  Sep 
tember  first. 

As  I  had  some  little  time  to  remain  in  the 
city,  I  came  to  the  conclusion  that  I  would 
call  upon  Fox,  Bean  &  Co.,  the  publishers 
who  treated  me  so  shamefully  when  I  called 
upon  them  a  year  before,  prior  to  my  engage 
ment  with  Lion,  Skinner  &  Co.  My  appear- 


MY    SATCHEL   AXD    I.  221 

ance  having  changed  somewhat,  they  were 
quite  gracious  and  gentlemanly  in  their  de 
meanor  towards  me,  and  after  finding  that  I 
had  been  in  the  employ  of  a  neighboring  pub 
lishing  house,  and  had  met  with  commendable 
success,  they  urged  me  very  hard  to  engage 
with  them.  They  evidently  did  not  recognize 
me  as  the  young  man  whom  they  drove  out 
of  their  office  a  year  since,  and  when  I  told 
them  of  it,  they  said  that  I  must  be  mistaken. 
Although  they  made  me  a  liberal  offer,  I  in 
formed  them,  that  I  was  one  of  those  individ 
uals  who  did  not  forget  an  insult,  or  an  injury 
very  soon,  and  where  men  had  abused  me 
once,  I  generally  calculated,  that  they  would 
not  have  an  opportunity  to  do  it  again  right 
away. 

After  a  brief  period  of  rest,  I  set  about 
making  arrangements  for  my  Southern  tour, 
and  on  the  first  of  September  I  took  passage 
in  the  steamer  Savanah  for  Charleston,  South 
Carolina.  As  we  left  New  York  Harbor  about 
4  P.  M.  the  officers  of  the  ship  prophesied  a 
storm,  and  ere  midnight  their  prophesy  was 
fulfilled,  for  there  arose  a  violent  wind  from 


222  MY    SATCHEL   AND   I. 

the  northeast,  and  the  rain  poured  down  in 
torrents,  the  night  was  dark,  and  full  of  gloomy 
forebodings  and  physical  evils  to  the  storm 
tossed  passengers.  As  for  myself,  having 
never  been  used  to  the  ways  and  swells  of  the 
sea,  I  wras  considerably  discomfited.  When 
supper  time  came  I  went  for  my  rations,  and 
found  that  the  passengers  had  got  to  put  up 
with  a  picked  up  lunch,  for  we  all  had  to  hold 
the  dishes  in  our  hands,  as  keeping  them  on 
the  table  was  out  of  the  question.  I  made 
out  to  swallow  a  cup  of  tea  and  a  cold  biscuit, 
but  no  sooner  had  I  retired  to  the  cabin,  than 
the  rolling  sea,  and  the  plunging  ship  con 
quered  me,  and  I  was  obliged  to  surrender  all 
that  I  had  so  innocently  swallowed.  I  made 
one  or  two  more  attempts  to  take  nourish 
ment  with  the  same  disastrous  results,  and 
giving  up  the  contest  in  despair,  I  lay  as  one 
dead,  or  as  one  wTho  cared  not  if  he  was.  As 
I  rallied  a  little  from  my  sickness,  I  went  be 
low  among  some  of  the  ship's  crew,  and  one 
of  them  handing  me  a  pickle  I  devoured  it 
with  good  relish,  and  it  staid  where  it  was 
put.  Strolling  around  a  while  afterwards  I 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  223 

found  the  jar  of  pickles  from  whence  this  one 
came,  and  seeing  that  pickles  were  my  only 
hope,  the  only  thing  that  I  could  eat  and  keep, 
I  thought  it  was  lawful  to  do  good  on  hoard 
ship,  as  well  as  elsewhere,  so  I  confiscated  the 
pickles,  and  left  the  jar  behind  for  conscience 
sake.  Well,  pickles  put  me  on  my  feet  again, 
and  as  I  ventured  up  on  deck,  I  beheld  men 
and  women  blowing  and  staggering  about  like 
scarecrows  in  the  gale,  and  as  I  attempted  to 
walk  I  looked  down  to  see  if  my  feet  were 
really  my  own,  and  were  where  I  put  them, 
and,  behold,  they  were  not  there. 

Having  got  so  that  I  could  eat  once  more, 
and  was  able  to  navigate  on  foot  a  little  about 
the  ship,  my  fears  and  anxiety  had  pretty 
well  subsided,  which  was  not  the  case  with 
many  others,  particularly  an  old  lady  aboard, 
who  was  returning  to  her  home  in  Charles 
ton,  S.  C.,  after  several  months  absence  at 
the  North.  When  the  ship  was  doing  its 
best,  in  the  plunging  line,  this  old  woman 
tried  to  go  on  deck,  and  as  she  did  so,  she 
was  jostled  around  promiscuously,  all  the 


224  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

time  well  nigh  frightened  out  of  her  senses. 
She  inquired  of  the  Captain  if  there  was  any 
hope  of  her  reaching  Charleston  alive,  and  if 
he  thought  the  storm  would  continue  long. 
The  Captain  said  that  the  old  ship  had  out 
ridden  worse  storms  than  that,  and  he  guessed 
she  would  this.  Just  then  the  following  or 
ders  were  given  to  the  sailors : 

"Jack!" 

"  Aye,  aye  !  " 

"  Hurry  up  the  mizzen  mast,  and  adjust  the 
ropes,  and  spread  the  main  sails." 

"  Tom  !  " 

"Aye,  aye!  " 

"  Let  fly  the  spanker  sails." 

«  Pilot!" 

"  Aye,  aye  !  " 

"Bear  to  the  south  by  southwest;  keep 
sharp  watch,  and  keep  out  of  the  trough  of 
the  sea." 

The  old  woman  shouted,  "  0,  my  soul ! 
are  we  going  into  the  trough  ?  0,  what  will 
become  of  us  ?  Captain,  do  you  think  we 
shall  ever  reach  land  again  ?  " 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  225 

Losing  his  patience  with  the  aged  damsel, 
he  replied,  "  Yes,  but  it  may  be  at  the  bot 
tom  of  the  ocean." 

"  0,  dear  !  I  am  afraid  so." 

My  equilibrium  having  been  pretty  well 
restored,  and  my  worst  fears  calmed  down,  I 
sympathized  with  the  poor  woman,  and 
sought  to  comfort  her.  I  informed  her  that 
this  did  not  begin  to  be  as  violent  a  storm  as 
the  whole  world  had  experienced  years  be 
fore,  and  then  in  that  great  storm,  all  those 
on  land  perished,  while  those  at  sea  were 
saved.  I  said  to  her  that  I  was  selling  a  his 
tory  of  that  wonderful  storm,  entitled  the 
"  History  of  the  Deluge,"  and  if  she  would 
just  buy  a  copy,  and  go  down  into  her  state 
room  and  read  it,  no  doubt  she  would  have 
her  anxiety  about  this  little  tempest  greatly 
relieved. 

"  Do  you  really  think  so  ?  " 

"  Certainly  I  do,  for,  believe  me,  I  have 
your  own  good  at  heart,  as  well  as  my  own." 

"You  are  very  kind,  sir,  and  I  hope  you 
will  be  rewarded  for  your  noble  deeds  of 

15 


226  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

kindness.  If  you  have  one  of  those  books,  I 
will  take  it  now." 

Having  one  spare  copy,  I  made  a  sale,  and 
that  old  lady  took  it  in  hand,  and  made  for 
her  state-room,  as  best  she  could,  there  to 
derive  comfort  and  consolation  from  perusing 
its  pages.  The  storm  ceased  its  fury  on  the 
following  day,  and  the  remainder  of  the  jour 
ney  was  accomplished  in  peace  and  with 
pleasure. 

After  landing  at  Charleston  I  immediately 
sought  out  a  boarding  place,  and  soon  found 
myself  prepared  for  business.  I  started  out 
early  on  Monday  morning,  September  6th, 
after  my  first  subscriber  in  my  new  field.  I 
found  society  so  different  here  from  that  in 
Northern  New  York,  that  I  hardly  knew  how 
to  proceed,  and  what  tactics  to  resort  to  in 
canvassing.  I  soon  became  convinced  of  the 
fact,  that  Yankees  and  Yankee  tricks  were 
not  any  too  well  tolerated  in  this  portion  of 
the  South,  and  hence  the  necessity  of  my  pro 
ceeding  with  caution. 

I  called  first  upon  Mr.  Lovelace,  who  was 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  227 

quite  a  large  land  and  slave  owner,  and  who 
withal,  was  very  wealthy.  He  had  an  office 
in  a  large  block  on  the  principal  street,  and 
walking  into  his  headquarters,  I  bade  him 
good  morning,  and  sat  my  satchel  down  on 
the  floor,  just  as  though  I  meant  business,  and 
proposed  to  remain  a  while  to  transact  it.  I 
had  hardly  got  my  traps  disposed  of  and  fairly 
seated,  before  my  antagonist  asked : 

"  What  do  you  want  here  ?  " 

"  Nothing  special,  sir,  except  to  ascertain 
whether  or  not,  you  wanted  something  which 
I  have  here,  and  which  I  desire  to  show  you." 

"What  is  it?" 

"  Some  most  magnificent  books,  which  are 
now  exciting  the  admiration  of  the  literati  of 
the  world." 

"  Where  do  you  hail  from  ?  " 

By  his  cold,  bluff  manner,  I  felt  assured 
that  his  five  senses  had  convinced  him  that  I 
was  of  Yankee  origin,  and  that  I  hailed  from 
the  North,  so  it  behooved  me  to  answer  cau 
tiously.  In  answer  to  his  inquiry  as  to  where 
I  hailed  from,  I  replied  from  Savannah,  not 
specifying,  however,  whether  I  came  from  the 


228  MY    SATCHEL   AND    I. 

City  of  Savannah,  or  from  a  steamer  of  that 
name. 

"  How  long  have  you  lived  there  ?  " 

"  Only  a  little  while." 

"  What  are  your  books  ?  " 

"The  ' History  of  the  Deluge/  <  Pilgrim 
Fathers/  and  the  '  Galley  Slaves." 

"  Young  man,  do  you  expect  to  sell  an  in 
cendiary  work  like  the  4  Galley  Slaves  '  in  the 
city  of  Charleston,  or  the  State  of  South  Car 
olina  either  ?  " 

"  That's  what  I  came  here  for,  and  I  pro 
pose  to  try  it,  and  such  as  do  not  want  that 
work  can  take  one  of  the  others." 

"  I  reckon  you  don't  peddle  '  Galley  Slaves ' 
nor  '  Pilgrim  Fathers/  in  these  regions  a  great 
while,  for  I  reckon  you  will  find  it  a  right 
smart  hot  climate  for  you." 

"  You  certainly  can  have  no  objections  to 
the  sale  of  the  '  History  of  the  Deluge '  ?  " 

"  What  do  you  suppose  we  here  in  South 
Carolina  care  about  the  Deluge  any  way? 
All  we  want  is  enough  of  a  deluge  to  flood 
our  rice  fields,  and  that  we  can  manage  our 
selves." 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  229 

"  Well,  you  don't  call  the  '  History  of  the 
Deluge  '  an  incendiary  book,  do  you  ?  " 

"  It  is,  no  doubt,  as  most  of  the  books 
brought  here,  for  sale,  or  for  subscription,  are 
of  this  class." 

No  amount  of  persuasion  could  induce  Mr. 
L.  to  subscribe,  and  it  being  the  time  when 
the  subject  of  slavery  was  greatly  agitated, 
and  the  Southern  people  were  peculiarly  sen 
sitive  regarding  their  pet  institution,  a  man 
travelling  in  the  South  had  to  guard  well  his 
words  and  deeds,  or  else  he  was  apt  to  be 
called  to  a  strict  and  speedy  account  for  the 
same.  It  being  only  a  few  years  prior  to  the 
rebellion,  preparations  were  making  for  it, 
even  then,  although  it  was  known  only  to  the 
Southern  people,  and  if  it  was  known  that 
any  individual  from  the  North  was  stopping 
there,  he  was  suspected  of  some  mischief, 
and  closely  watched,  and  not  unlikely  was 
often  adjudged  guilty  of  offenses  which  he 
never  committed,  and  was  interviewed  by 
several  persons,  who  summarily  treated  him 
to  a  coat  of  tar  and  feathers,  or  gave  him  a 
rawhide  entertainment,  after  which  he  would 


230  MY    SATCHEL   AND    I. 

be  told  to  take  his  final  departure  in  a  short 
space  of  time,  if  he  regarded  his  life  of  any 
value. 

Failing  to  secure  Mr.  L.  as  a  subscriber,  I 
started  on,  satchel  in  hand,  and  every  one 
who  saw  me  with  the  satchel  knew  at  once 
that  I  was  a  stranger  and  a  pilgrim,  and 
treated  me  accordingly.  I  saw  that  I  had 
got  to  be  careful  what  I  said  about  my  books, 
as  well  as  about  everything  else,  so  as  to 
avoid  exciting  suspicion,  and  arousing  the  ire 
of  the  Southern  heart.  Taking  a  road  which 
led  out  into  the  cotton  and  rice  districts, 
among  the  planters  and  plantations,  I  soon 
came  upon  a  gang  of  slaves  working  in  a 
cotton  field,  under  the  supervision  of  their 
overseer,  who  was,  as  it  subsequently  proved, 
a  northern  man  with  southern  principles,  and 
who  was  some  years  before  a  Westfield  whip 
peddler,  at  another  time  a  traveling  showman, 
and  for  a  while  an  attache  of  a  wandering 
circus.  He  was  a  huge,  fat  fellow,  full  of  fun 
and  jokes,  forever  laughing  himself,  and  mak 
ing  others  laugh.  Going  out  into  the  field 
and  walking  up  to  him,  I  said  : 


MY    SATCHEL    AXD    I. 


231 


"  How  do  you  do,  sir  ?  You  must  have 
some  fine  hands  here,  or  else  you  could  not 
show  such  a  field  of  cotton  as  this." 

"  Yes,  I  reckon  they  knows  how  to  work, 
and  I  just  make  them  scratch,  too,  you'd  bet 
ter  believe." 

Just  then  an  old  negro,  hurting  his  foot  in 
some  way,  raised  it  up  and  held  it  in  his 
hands,  with  evidences  of  considerable  pain, 
when  the  overseer  drew  his  rawhide,  dealt 
him  a  smart  blow,  and  said  : 


u  Let  your  toes   alone,  and  tend  to  your 
business." 


232  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

"  Is  that  the  way  you  treat  your  slaves  ?  " 

"  Yes,  sir,  we  have  to  treat  them  just  as 
we  would  any  other  lazy,  baulky  animal." 

"  How  would  you  like  to  be  served  that 
way?" 

"  0,  I'm  a  horse  of  another  color,  and 
what  will  serve  those  black  beasts  there, 
would  not  serve  me  very  well." 

"  It  would  serve  you  just  right,  old  fellow." 

"Look  here,  young  man,  you  had  better 
keep  cool,  follow  my  advice,  and  be  careful 
how  you  carry  yourself,  and  what  you  say, 
for  this  is  a  hotter  climate  than  strangers  can 
put  up  with,  sometimes.  If  you  should  talk 
to  some  overseers  as  you  have  to  me  here, 
before  sundown  of  the  same  day  you  would 
be  waited  upon  by  a  posse,  who  would  make 
shoe-strings  of  your  hide,  and  then  apply  a 
dressing  of  tar  and  feathers,  and  set  you  up 
as  a  scare-crow  for  others  of  your  kind  and 
craft." 

"  I  did  not  come  here  to  discuss  the  rights 
and  wrongs  of  your  institutions,  but  to  show 
you  some  books." 

"  Books,  eh  !     What  are  they  ?  " 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  233 

I  first  handed  him  the  "Galley  Slaves." 
Taking  it  in  his  hand,  and  looking  at  the  illus 
trations  he  said  : 

"  Well,  well,  those  fellers  had  it  given  to 
them  hot  and  tight,  didn't  they  though  ? 
Golly  !  they  fared  worse  than  my  crew,  a  heap 
sight,  and  that's  bad  enough,  you  know. 
What  else  have  you  got?  " 

"  The  <  History  of  the  Deluge.'  " 

"  History  of  the  Deluge  !  Haw,  haw,  haw. 
Egad  !  can't  you  git  up  one  now  on  a  small 
scale  ?  It's  so  awful  hot  and  dry,  that  I  would 
just  like  to  lay  my  carcass  down  and  let  the 
old  thing  float  around  promiscuously  for  a  few 
hours." 

Looking  at  an  illustration  where  the  water 
was  running  swift  around  the  end  of  a  high 
mountain,  and  men  pictured  out  as  being 
borne  along  with  the  current,  he  said  : 

"  Them  fellers  look  kinder  skeery,  don't 
they  ?  Don't  they  just  skim  along  lively  ? 
Golly,  they  do  just  go  a  kiting."  Next,  turn 
ing  to  the  illustration  of  the  ark  resting  on 
Mt.  Ararat,  he  remarked  :  "  She  was  a  thun 
dering  great  tub,  wan't  she  ?  If  I  had  her 


234  MY    SATCHEL    AND   I. 

down  here  do  you  know  what  I  would  do  with 
her?" 

"  What  would  you  ?  " 

"  I'd  fill  her  jam  full  of  ice,  and  she  would 
make  a  refrigerator  that  would  cool  off*  all 
South  Carolina.  Glad  I  wan't  around  and 
into  mischief  when  the  deluge  came,  for  being 
too  mighty  big  and  heavy  to  float,  I  should 
have  sunk  at  the  first  pop,  for  I  never  could 
swim,  more  than  a  chunk  of  cold  bees-wax. 
What  else  have  you  got  ?  " 

"  The  Pilgrim  Fathers." 

"  Wonder  if  you  have  any  account  of  my 
old  dad.  I  never  saw  him,  but  they  all  tell 
me  that  I  had  one  once,  and  if  I  did  he  he 
has  been  a  pilgrim  father,  and  is  now  a  pilgrim 
somewhere." 

"  Perhaps  you  may  be  enabled  to  obtain 
a  remote  trace  of  him,  by  reading  the  book." 

"  I  don't  care  so  much  about  him,  but  I 
want  to  find  out  if  he  did  not  leave  a  crumb 
somewhere  for  this  child  of  his,  and  if  he  did 
I  don't  want  a  remote  trace  of  it,  but  I  want 
to  git  a  close  grip  on  to  it." 

"  Better  subscribe  for  the  '  Pilgrim  Fathers' 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  235 

then,  for  it  will  be  a  help  to  you,  I  dare  say." 
"No,  I  don't  want  anything  of  those  old, 
stray  '  Pilgrim  Fathers,'  who  were  running 
around  loose  ages  before  I  was  born.  Give 
me  the  *  Deluge  ;'  that  will  do  me  very  well." 
After  subscribing  for  the  "  History  of  the 
Deluge,"  he  invited  me  to  attend  an  enter 
tainment  in  the  evening,  in  a  large  tent  on 
the  park,  on  which  occasion  he  was  to  deliver 
an  opening  address,  which  invitation  I  cordi 
ally  accepted.  After  ascertaining  the  fact 
that  we  both  came  from  the  same  county  in 
Massachusetts,  we  had  several  jolly  interviews, 
and  revealed  some  secrets  to  each  other. 

Bidding  adieu  to  my  quondam  friend,  I 
traveled  on  until  I  came  to  a  tannery  with 
this  notice  posted  above  the  door : 

"CASH  PAID  FOR  HIDES  AXD  PELTS." 

On  entering  the  establishment  I  found  it  to 
be  an  wholesale  establishment  for  the  pur 
chase  and  sale  of  these  articles,  and  the  men 
at  work  consisted  of  one  white  man,  who 
proved  to  be  the  owner,  and  several  blacks. 
Walking  up  to  the  red-headed  Southerner,  I 


236  MY    SATCHEL   AND    I. 

made  known  my  business,  and  showed  him 

the  "  Pilgrim  Fathers." 

"  Do  you  see  that  notice  there  on  the  door  ?" 
"I  see  it  now,  but  I  did  not  see  it  before  I 


came  in." 


"It  says  'no  admission/  don't  it?" 

"I  should  .say  it  did." 

"  I  want  you  to  understand  that  I  mean  just 
what  that  notice  says." 

"All  right,  next  time  I  come  this  way  I 
will  notice  it  before  I  walk  in.  so  I  beg  you 
to  excuse  any  disobedience  of  orders  this 
time." 

Calling  me  to  the  outsiae  of  the  door  he 
pointed  to  the  notice  "Cash  paid  for  hides 
and  pelts,"  and  asked:  "do  you  see  that?" 

"Yes,  but  I've  none  to  sell." 

"You  just  leave  now,  or  you  will  find  your 
owrn  missing  mighty  soon." 

Things  really  looked  a  little  serious,  so  I 
thought  best  to  vacate  the  premises  as  soon 
as  I  could  conveniently,  which  I  did.  I  did 
not  fancy  receptions  of  this  class  at  all  well, 
and  hesitated  a  while  about  proceeding  on  the 
war  path,  but  finally  concluded  to  try  again. 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  237 

Having  gone  a  little  way  I  saw  a  nice  man 
sion,  located  some  distance  back  from  the  road, 
and  in  the  rear  of  it  were  several  log  cabins, 
which  were  occupied  by  the  slaves.  ^  went 
up  to  the  door  of  the  mansion,  and  ringing 
the  bell  I  was  soon  waited  upon  by  a  colored 
damsel,  who  showed  me  into  the  slaveholder's 
drawing  room.  I  waited  there  a  few  moments, 
when  he  made  his  appearance.  Talking  about 
everything  that  I  could  think  of  for  several 
moments,  I  began  to  grow  uneasy,  and  think 
ing  that  I  might  as  well  "let  the  cat  out  of 
the  bag"  first  as  last,  I  pulled  up  the  old 
satchel  into  my  lap,  unlocked  it,  and  dragged 
out  the  "  Pilgrim  Fathers." 

"  Mr.  Sinclair,  I  suppose  you  are  a  lover  of 
literature,  are  you  not  ? " 

"  That  depends,  sir,  very  much  upon  what 
kind  it  is." 

"  This  book,  the  '  History  of  the  Pilgrim 
Fathers,'  is  chiefly  interesting  from  the  fact 
that  we  can  gain  from  this  work  an  intelli 
gent  idea  of  our  ancestors,  and  can  thus  trace 
out  our  genealogy,  which  is  of  great  advan- 


238  MY    SATCHEL   AND   I. 

tage  to  some  people,  under  given  circum 
stances." 

"  These  are  supposed  to  be  the  old  Puritan 
Fathers,  are  they?" 

"  Just  so." 

"Well,.!  don't  think  I  should  have  any 
special  pride  in  tracing  out  and  establishing 
my  connection  with  them." 

"  I  think,  Mr.  S.,  that  you  would  be  very 
much  interested  in  reading  the  book." 

"  Perhaps  so;  what  others  have  you?  " 

"The  ' History  of  the  Deluge/  and  the 
6  Galley  Slaves/  the  latter  treating  upon  slave 
life  in  the  galleys,  and  how  to  make  them 
behave,  and  how  to  get  the  most  work  out  of 
them." 

"  That  sounds  like  it.  What  do  you  want 
for  such  a  book  ?  " 

"  The  subscription  price  is  two  dollars  and 
seventy-five  cents." 

"  Write  my  name  down  for  that  if  you 
please,"  and  please  I  did,  and  was  happy  on 
account  of  getting  one  old  slave-owner  for  a 
subscriber,  expecting  that  the  rest  would  fol 
low  his  example. 


CHAPTER  VIII. 


THE  evening  having  now  arrived  when  the 
exhibition  was  to  take  place,  in  response  to 
the  invitation  of  my  friend,  who  was  to  inaug 
urate  it  with  an  address,  I  repaired  to  the 
Park  at  an  early  hour.  The  exhibition  was  a 
mixed  affair,  comprising  as  it  did  various  curi 
osities,  such  as  works  of  art,  animals,  statu 
ary,  automatons,  £c.  My  friend,  Roger  Drake, 
was  not  only  to  give  the  opening  address,  but 
having  been  engaged  as  a  clown  in  circuses 
before,  he  was  chosen  as  chief  director  of  the 
entire  performance,  which  was  gotten  up  for 
the  benefit  of  the  village  Methodist  Church. 

The  large  tent  soon  was  packed  to  overflow 
ing,  and  promptly  at  eight  o'clock  Director 
Drake  appeared  upon  the  platform,  erected 


240  MY    SATCHEL    AND    1. 

for  his  especial  benefit.  He  was  introduced 
to  the  audience  by  the  tax-collector  of  the  vil 
lage,  Timothy  Tarbox,  in  this  -wise  : 

"  Ladies  and  Gentlemen  : — I  have  the  ex 
treme  honor,  and  inexpressible  pleasure  of 
making  ypu  acquainted  with  the  Director  of 
this  exhibition,  the  immortal  Roger  Drake, 
who  is  himself  a  marvel,  irrepressible,  invinci 
ble,  unparalleled  ;  who  turns  darkness  into 
moonshine  by  his  presence,  crying  into  laugh 
ter,  and  gives  you  the  oil  of  mirth  for  the  bit 
ter  seeds  of  sorrow  and  soberness  ;  and  how 
ever  great  may  be  your  expectations  concern 
ing  him,  greater  things  will  he  do  for  you,  and 
let  me  caution  you  to  see  that  the  buckles 
and  straps  little  more  than  meet  about  your 
clothing,  for  it  is  expected  that  the  distin 
guished  speaker  will  cause  great  strain  upon 
them  this  evening.  The  Hon.  Eoger  Drake 
will  now  address  you." 

Being  honored  with  a  seat  upon  the  plat 
form  with  the  tax-collector  and  two  or  three 
others,  I  was  amused  to  hear  Mr.  Drake,  as 
he  arose,  turned  around,  put  his  hand  one  side 
of  his  mouth,  and  said  to  the  man  who  intro- 


MY    SATCHEL    AXD    I.  241 

duccd  him,  speaking  in  a  low  voice  :  "  What 
sort  of  an  animal  do  you  think  I  am?  Pretty 
windy,  aint  you  ?  Pretty  good,  pretty  good." 
Suddenly  turning  toward  his  audience  he 
began : 

"Fellow  Citizens, — Ladies  and  Gentlemen  : 
I  am  neither  a  beauty,  a  beast,  nor  any  sucli 
a  creature  as  the  honorable  gentleman  here  in 
my  rear  has  tried  to  make  me  out,  but  such 
as  1  am.  all  1  am,  1  am  here  body  and  soul, 
and  as  you  all  see.  1  am  considerable  in  body, 
and  hope  to  show  you  some  soul  before  I  get 
through  with  the  programme.  We  are  here 
to  show  up  these  curiosities  of  earth,  air  and 
sea.  in  order  that  Methodism  may  be  advanced 
in  this  community,  and  being,  as  it  is,  a  noble 
undertaking,  let  us  all  do  our  best,  that  Meth 
odism  may  rise  in  its  glory,  and  assert  its 
power  among  us.  In  the  absence  of  any  well 
arranged  ring,  or  arena,  I  shall  be  obliged  to 
have  my  assistants  bring  the  animals  and  other 
curiosities  upon  the  stage,  one  by  one,  and  I 
will  describe  them  in  detail.  The  exhibition 
will  now  open.  Men,  trot  out  the  Baboon." 

"  Ladies  and  Gentlemen  :    Here  you  have 

16 


242 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 


before  you  one  of  your  distant  relatives,  who, 
as  you  see,  bears  a  striking  resemblance  to 
many  of  you,  in  form,  feature,  and  general 
expression  of  intelligence.  This  species,  the 


(f  Men,  trot  out  the  Baboon." 

dog-headed  baboon,  is  particularly  noted  for 
its  sparkling  intelligence,  dashing  wit,  noble 
appearance,  becoming  manners,  docile,  quiet 
disposition,  beauty  of  features,  and  its  splen- 


MY    SATCHEL    AXD    I.  243 

did  physique.  I  sincerely  hope  that  this 
audience,  wise  and  intelligent  as  it  is,  will 
have  due  regard  for  this,  one  of  its  venerable 
ancestors.  As  you  sit  here  and  gaze  upon 
its  benign  and  lovely  face,  let  your  hearts  go 
out  in  thanksgiving  toward  this  poor,  yet 
noble,  self-sacrificing  creature,  which  has  left 
its  native  heath,  the  country  it  loved,  the 
home  of  its  adoption,  in  order  to  answer  your 
call,  and  by  its  timely  aid  and  influence,  help 
on  the  great  and  glorious  cause  for  which  we 
all  have  consecrated  ourselves  this  evening. 
I  now  call  upon  the  audience  to  pass  a  vote 
of  thanks  for  the  valuable  aid  rendered  by 
their  distinguished  parent,  and  let  us  also 
give  him  three  rousing  cheers."  ("  Hurrah  ! 
Hurrah!  Hurrah!") 

The  Baboon  bowed,  and  the  Director 
shouted  to  his  assistants,  "  Come  and  assist 
the  Baboon  to  retire." 

The  audience  becoming  enthusiastic,  the 
Baboon  was  encored  and  recalled  three  times, 
and  the  last  time  it  stood  upon  its  hind  legs, 
raised  its  tail  as  high  as  possible,  brought  it 
down  upon  the  floor  of  the  stage  with  a  tre- 


244  MY    SATCHEL   AND    I. 

mendous  whack,  and  at  the  same  time  put 
ting  its  hands  upon  its  head,  bowed,  and  with 
a  most  approved  wave  of  its  hands,  retired 
with  dignity  and  grace. 

"  Waiters,  now  let  the  Orang-Outan  ap 
pear.  This  individual,  ladies  and  gentlemen, 
is  another  member  of  our  great  human  fam 
ily.  In  these  clays  of  keen  imagination,  in 
telligent  theory,  and  liberal  ideas,  we  are 
more  than  ever  before,  one  great,  universal 
brotherhood.  As  an  illustration  of  the  grand 
march  of  human  progress,  the  oneness  of  the 
races,  the  universal  harmony  running  through 
all  creation,  I  take  the  greatest  possible  pleas 
ure  in  making  you  acquainted  wi-th  the  grand 
connecting  link  between  the  beginning  and 
the  end  of  mankind,  one  more  of  your  an 
cient  patriarchs,  the  adorable  Orang-Outan. 
His  '  sands  of  life  have  nearly  run  out/  yet 
he  devotes  to  you  and  to  our  glorious  cause, 
a  few  fleeting  moments  of  his  declining  years. 
Before  he  passes,  perhaps  forever,  from  his 
earthly  pilgrimage,  and  beyond  the  river,  I 
•should  be  pleased  to  have  you  tender  him 
some  expression  of  thanks  for  his  distinguished 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  245 

services."  As  a  good  portion  of  the  audi 
ence  were  in  tears,  the  Director  said  :  "  I  re 
joice  to  see  you  manifest  so  much  fellow  feel 
ing,  and  please  continue,  and  out  of  respect 
to  your  aged  father,  let  your  tears  flow,  while 
I  myself,  as  a  mark  of  becoming  respect,  per 
sonally  conduct  the  Orang-Outan  to  the  outer 
court." 

Returning  to  the  stage,  the  Director  called 
upon  his  attendants  to  usher  in  the  Brazilian 
Jackass.  "  This,  ladies  and  gentlemen,  is  one 
of  the  most  remarkable  of  all  quadrupeds. 
This  beast  of  burden  is  famous  the  world  over 
for  its  meek,  quiet,  submissive  disposition,  and 
for  always  being  a  willing  and  obedient  ser 
vant  of  its  master,  unless,  perchance,  it  hap 
pens  to  be  wiser  in  its  own  estimation  than 
its  master,  when  it  feels  sure  that  it  is  in  the 
right  and  will  go  withersoever  it  will,  and 
there  is  no  law  that  can  stop  it.  It  is  like 
many  men  I  know,  who,  when  abused  and 
kicked,  will  return  the  compliment.  The 
jackass  being  tender  skinned,  and  tender 
hearted,  will  not  stand  and  bear  too  much 
abuse,  but  I  have  seen  one  jackass  persist  in 


246  MY    SATCHEL   AND   I. 

its  own  way,  and  stand  on  its  forelegs,  simply 
because  it  thought  it  was  in  the  right,  until  it 
tired  out  the  patience  of  more  than  six  men. 
I  know  of  no  animal  that  has  so  great  regard 
for  fixed,  '  standfast '  principles  as  the  jackass. 
The  jackass  is  also,  noted  for  its  short  ears, 
long  bushy  tail,  and  its  charming  voice,  which 
now  and  then  rises  and  swells  and  falls  upon 
the  ears  of  listening  admirers  like  sweet, 
melodious  cadences.  An  unbroken  Brazilian 
jackass  that  is  opinionated,  ambitious,  frisky 
and  head-strong,  as  a  rule,  makes  a  good  fam 
ily  carriage  creature,  and  saves  much  time 
and  trouble,  as  one  ride  after  it  will  last  the 
women  and  children  a  great  while." 

As  this  finished  the  part  which  the  jackass 
was  elected  to  take  in  this  exhibition,  it  was 
loudly  cheered,  and  the  assistants  were  now 
directed  to  escort  it  to  its  nocturnal  retreat. 
As  they  attempted  to  do  so,  and  had  succeeded 
in  simply  reversing  its  position,  so  that  its  tail 
end  was  toward  the  audience,  there  it  stood, 
and  every  time  that  they  urged  it  on  by  the 
bits  it  would  kick  high  in  the  air.  The  audi 
ence  appreciated  the  after  piece,  the  light 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  247 

comedy,  that  the  jackass  was  playing,  and  the 
Director  remarked  that  it  was  now  acting  out 
the  worst  side  of  its  human  nature.  There 
are  many  men  baulky,  obstinate,  self-willed, 
who  will  be  civil,  pliable,  and  manageable, 
when  they  see  anything  to  be  gained  by  it, 
and  I  will  show  you  now,  how  much  like  these 
men  this  jackass  is.  Waiters,  step  outside 
and  get  a  sheaf  of  oats,  and  just  shake  it  in 
side  the  door  through  which  the  jackass  is  to 
retire."  As  they  did  so,  it  reared  up  on  its 
hind  feet,  and  with  a  loud  bray  dove  for  the 
door  in  hot  haste,  bound  for  those  oats. 
"  This  jackass  has,  as  you  see.  illustrated  an 
other  peculiarity  common  to  many  people, 
viz  :  of  not  knowing  enough  to  leave  when 
they  are  not  wanted.  But  having  acted  its 
part  well,  we  will  now  introduce  to  you  the 
Hyena.  Its  habits  are  sedentary,  its  dispo 
sition  is  meek  and  mild,  its  appetite  is  not 
capricious,  nor  its  taste  fastidious.  It  does 
not  like  to  remain  a  great  while  in  one  place, 
and  hence  leads  a  roving  life.  By  a  little 
training  it  might  make  a  charming,  perfectly 
delightful  household  pet,  and  one  that  the 


248  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

ladies  of  the  first  families  would  be  proud  to 
take  with  them  when  shopping  or  making 
calls  ;  and  besides  it  has  been  noted  for  tak 
ing  kindly  to  infants  and  young  children. 
As  you  can  all  see,  it  is  not  wonderfully  pre 
possessing  in  appearance,  yet  it  has  a  noble 
look  about  it,  and  could  it  give  utterance  to 
its  feel'ngs  in  intelligible  language,  it  would, 
no  doubt,  speak  words  of  comfort  and  encour 
agement  to  you,  who  are  laboring  in  a 
r'ghteous  cause." 

After  the  Hyena  had  received  the  plaudits 
of  the  audience,  Director  Drake  called  upon 
the  waiters  to  take  it  from  the  platform,  and 
ordered  the  Eoyal  Bengal  Tiger  to  be  brought 
in.  Presently  in  came  six  men  holding  the 
Tiger.  There  were  two  ropes  around  its  neck 
and  three  men  were  pulling  one  way  and  three 
another,  so  as  to  keep  the  animal  from  cast 
ing  side  glances,  and  making  side  demonstra 
tions,  and  its  mouth  was  also  muzzled.  "  This, 
ladies  and  gentlemen,  is  a  perfect  cosset,  and 
it  has  such  a  fondness  for  mankind,  and  de 
lights  to  play  with  them  so  well,  that  should 
we  let  it  come  down  among  you  it  would  show 


MY    SATCHEL    AXD    I.  249 

its  love  for  you  by  a  fond  kiss,  and  a  strong 
and  warm  embrace.  It  would  demonstate  to 
you  how  fond  it  was  of  Methodists,  and  you 
would  be  sure  of  a  warm  reception  should  you 
seek  to  mingle  your  congratulations.  It  is  as 
you  see  a  beautiful  creature,  yet  most  people 
have  a  strong  aversion  for  them,  and  hence 
they  are  not  regarded  as  favorite  pets.  Tigers 
are  noted  for  the  dull,  listless  expression  of 
their  eyes,  poor  teeth,  delicate  appetite,  and 
clumsy  movements.  Waiters,  exit  the  Tiger." 
"  Ladies  and  gentlemen,  I  hoped  to  be  able 
to  show  you  an  Elephant,  Rhinoceros  and  an 
Hippopotamus,  but  as  the  platform  is  not  well 
arranged  for  their  exhibition,  I  have  concluded 
to  pass  by  these  minor,  insignificant  specimens 
of  natural  history,  and  instead,  call  your  atten 
tion  to  the  feathered  tribes,  mentioning  some 
of  the  most  beautiful  and  charming  species. 
Assistant,  bring  in  cage  No.  One.  This  is 
what  I  call  a  rare  bird,  of  extraordinary  plu 
mage,  charming  appearance,  and  an  exquisite 
singer.  So  neat  and  refined  in  all  its  habits 
and  in  manners,  that  it  may  seem  strange  that 
so  few  are  found  in  the  homes  of  the  wealth v. 


250  MY    SATCHEL   AND   I. 

Were  it  not  for  its  homely  name  they  might 
be  greatly  sought  after.  Should  any  of  you 
here,  who  can  afford  so  great  a  luxury  and 
such  a  desirable  novelty,  desire  to  purchase 
this  kind  of  a  bird,  please  not  forget  its  name, 
to  wit :  the  Turkey  Buzzard.  Assistant,  re 
turn  the  Buzzard  and  bring  cage  No.  2." 

"  This  bird  is  more  rarely  found  domesti 
cated  than  any  other,  which  seems  strange, 
considering  its  remarkable  beauty.  Its  neck 
as  you  see,  is  long  and  graceful,  its  body  of 
symmetrical  proportions,  its  musical  notes 
enrapturing,  its  plumage  of  surpassing  beauty, 
its  limbs  and  movements  most  graceful.  It  is 
a  troublesome  task  to  domesticate  this  bird, 
on  account  of  its  dainty,  fastidious  appetite. 
Those  who  can  devote  time  and  careful  atten 
tion  to  a  bird  of  this  variety,  will  be  abund 
antly  rewarded  for  their  pains,  and  please 
remember  to  make  no  mistake,  call  for  the 
Vulture.  Waiter,  bring  cage  No.  3." 

"  Here  we  have  a  bird  whose  plumage  is 
heavy,  of  beautiful  tints,  is  soft  and  velvety ; 
its  eyes  are  bright  and  sparkling,  its  head  of 
good  size,  its  feet  small  and  pretty.  Its  mu- 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  251 

sic  is  said  to  be  of  a  mournful  character,  and 
indeed  its  voice  in  the  stillness  of  the  night, 
resounds  through  the  woods  like  a  voice  from 
the  tombs.  This  bird,  the  owl,  '  loves  dark 
ness  rather  than  light/  for  its  deeds  are  evil, 
and  in  this  respect  it  is  exceedingly  human,  and 
no  doubt  many  of  my  hearers  here  to-night 
can  well  appreciate  this  peculiar  characteristic 
of  the  bird,  and  would,  doubtless,  be  most 
happy  to  co-operate  with  it  while  making  a 
raid  upon  any  promising  and  heavy  laden 
roost.  In  fact,  mankind  manifest  so  many 
peculiarities  that  characterize  the  beasts  and 
birds  of  prey,  that  it  is  not  unreasonable  to 
suppose  that  they  are  intimately  connected 
by  ancestral  ties.  The  great  law  of  progress 
and  development,  however,  is  most  power 
fully  illustrated  and  demonstrated  by  mankind, 
and  hence  they  have  become  more  ferocious, 
voracious,  barbarous,  blood  thirsty,  savage, 
destructive,  than  their  older  and  higher  breth 
ren  of  the  brute  creation,  so  that  now  in  this 
our  day  and  generation,  the  most  powerful, 
wily  and  terrible  of  the  wild  beasts  stands  a 


252  MY    SATCHEL   AND    I. 

poor  chance,  with  one  of  our  human  beasts 
for  an  antagonist. 

"  We  will  now  have  cage  No.  4  brought 
upon  the  platform.  I  now  have  the  pleasure 
of  showing  you  a  bird,  which  is,  and  has  been, 
the  special  delight  of  the  female  portion  of 
humanity.  It  is  a  gigantic  fowl,  one  of  the 
largest  known,  and,  as  you  see,  its  plumage  is 
rare  and  much  sought  after.  Beautiful  as  this 
bird  now  appears  in  its  shining  habiliments, 
inild  and  peaceful  as  it  looks,  yet  if  I  should 
let  it  loose  among  this  audience,  no  doubt  it 
would  be  shamefully  treated,  divested  even  of 
its  clothing,  and  left  to  roam  in  nakedness. 
Why,  I  make  bold  to  assert,  that  if  all  of  the 
ladies  here  in  this  enlightened,  civilized  and 
christianized  land,  this  favored  land  of  puri 
tanical  blessedness,  could  be  placed  where  they 
could  all  at  once  surround  all  the  African 
Deserts  where  these  birds  roam,  they  would 
contract  their  forces,  coil  in  upon  and  around 
them,  pull,  twitch,  yank,  pry,  twist,  tear  and 
rend,  until  not  one  poor  ostrich  on  all  the 
broad,  arid  deserts  of  earth,  could  boast  of 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    1.  253 

one  single  tail  feather  left.  I  have  been  cred 
itably  informed  by  the  owner  of  this  Ostrich. 
that  if  he  had  not  taken  the  utmost  possible 
pains  to  keep  it  out  of  the  reach  of  the  women, 
there  would  not  have  been  left  a  single  phi- 
feather  from  its  beak  to  its  claws. 

"  I  will  now  exhibit  to  your  bewildered 
gaze  a  bird  of  surpassing  beauty,  a  Javanese 
Peacock.  See  those  matchless  tints,  more 
.beautiful  are  they  than  the  colors  of  the  rain 
bow,  more  brilliant  than  the  flashing  varie 
gated  streaks  of  the  Autumnal  Aurora  ;  more 
beautifully  mottled  and  spotted  than  is  the 
green  earth  as  it  is  covered  with  its  diamond 
dew  drops,  sparkling  beneath  the  resplendent 
rays  of  the  rising  orb  of  day.  These  beauti 
ful  birds  used  to  be  quite  common,  but  now 
they  have,  no  doubt,  left  these  premises  in 
disgust,  seeing  that  they  have  been  put  in  the 
shade  by  the  numerous  female  peacocks  that 
strut  about  the  streets  dragging  their  long, 
shiny  trails  behind  them.  Take  the  feathers 
off  from  a  peacock  and  it  amounts  to  but  little, 
and  take  the  dress,  the  outside  show  from 
these  human  peacocks  that  parade  the  streets, 


254  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

and  they  would  be  quite  as  worthless.  The 
proudest  people  as  a  rule,  have  the  least  to  be 
proud  of. 

"  Having  hastily  described  specimens  of 
natural  history  from  earth  and  air,  I  shall  now 
call  your  attention  to  the  occupants  of  the  sea, 
and  in  doing  so  it  is  my  wish  to  show  you  the 
leviathan  of  the  deep,  but  all  attempts  to 
transport  the  whale  on  land  have  failed  of 
success,  the  monster  invariably  becoming 
so  sea-sick  that  death  followed/' 

Director  Drake  had  a  large  tank  made  in 
which  he  exhibited  a  Sea  Lion,  Walrus,  Seal, 
Porpoise  and  several  other  inhabitants  of  the 
deep,  but  time  and  space  will  not  permit  me 
to  give  in  detail  his  description  of  them. 
Time  will  also  fail  me  in  describing  the  vari 
ous  automatons,  wax  figures,  &c.,  &c. 

Having  detailed  the  history  and  description 
of  birds,  beasts,  and  manifold  curiosities  of 
various  kinds,  Director  Drake,  said  that  last 
and  not  least,  there  remained  one  more  crea 
ture  for  him  to  delineate,  viz :  himself.  Said 
he,  "  a  brief  sketch  of  my  career  may  not  be 
uninteresting  to  the  audience,  and  if  there  are 


MY    SATCHEL   AND    I.  255 

no  objections  raised  I  will  proceed."  (Cries 
of  k  go  on !  go  on !')  "  My  eventful  career  com 
menced  when  I  was  born,  and  it  was  a  matter 
of  grave  doubt  whether  I  should  survive  long 
even  that  catastrophe,  as  I  lay  some  time  on 
the  window  seat  boldly  and  manfully  strug 
gling  for  life,  until  finally  I  kicked  the  beam 
the  right  way,  and  commenced  the  grand 
march  of  human  existence.  My  nursing 
period  was  short,  my  teething  process  rapid, 
as  you  may  yourselves  judge  when  I  tell  you 
that  I  got  my  two  wisdom  teeth  at  the  early 
age  of  two  years,  and  thus  accomplished  in 
two  brief  years  what  most  people  do  in  twenty 
or  more.  After  six  months  had  passed  I  was 
no  longer  fed  on  sugar,  milk  and  water,  but 
my  nutriment  consisted  of  tripe,  bacon,  Bo 
logna  sausage,  pork  and  beans,  and  other  arti 
cles  of  light  diet.  This  diet  naturally  forced 
my  physical  development,  made  me  head 
strong  and  blood-thirsty,  but  yet  I  was  my 
father's  hope,  my  mother's  joy,  until  I  frac 
tured  my  father's  skull,  and  broke  my  mother's 
hip,  since  which  time  I  have  been  a  wander- 


256  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

ing  Jew,  roaming  over  the  face  of  the  whole 
earth. 

I  early  became  a  noted  huntsman,  and 
roamed  the  forests  in  search  of  wildcats,  and 
at  the  age  of  twelve  I  was  found  in  a  forest 
twisting  the  tails  of  a  nest  of  young  panthers. 
I  have  hunted  the  tiger  in  the  jungle,  have 
captured  many  a  catamount,  and  have  chased 
the  leopard  to  its  lair ;  I  have  followed  hun 
dreds  of  harpooned  whales  to  the  final  death 
struggle.  I  have  taken  several  aerial  flights 
in  balloons,  soaring  high  above  mountains, 
yea,  above  the  clouds,  and  onward  and  up 
ward,  toward  the  shining  sun.  I  have  been 
several  times  foundered  at  sea,  and  wrecked 
on  the  shores  of  unknown  islands.  1  have 
played  around  the  mouth  of  many  a  volcano, 
and  more  than  once  have  been  threatened 
by  earthquakes.  1  have  lived  through  many 
railroad  accidents,  and  one  or  two  lightning 
strokes.  I  have  been  severely  attacked  by 
wild  beasts  and  cannibals,  and  have  been  par 
tially  devoured  by  both,  having,  as  you  see, 
lost  two  fingers  by  a  cannibal,  and  all  the 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  257 

toes  on  one  foot  while  defending  myself  from 
an  attack  of  a  Polar  bear.  When  I  look  back 
and  see  what  I  have  passed  through,  I  am 
amazed  to  see  myself  here.  Had  it  not  been 
that  I  was  destined  to  fill  some  very  impor 
tant  sphere,  I  doubtless  should  ere  this  have 
been  gathered  to  my  fathers,  and  this  won 
derful  body,  which  has  passed  through  so 
many  vicissitudes  unbroken,  and  stood  so 
manfully  the  wear,  tear,  and  racket  of  time, 
would  have  long  ago  been  a  heap  of  smoul 
dering  ruins.  But  it  is  my,  and  your,  good 
fortune,  that  I  am  able  to  stand  before  you 
to-night,  and  render  you  my  distinguished 
services,  and  let  me  assure  you  of  my  firm 
and  candid  belief,  that  there  yet  awaits  for 
me,  and  for  the  glorious  cause  of  Methodism, 
a  glorious  future.  Good  night." 

Thus  ended  Director  Drake's  personal  his 
tory,  which  indeed  was  somewhat  remarka 
ble,  taken  altogether.  The  show  netted  two 
hundred  dollars,  which  was  quite  a  help  to 
the  young  and  rising  Methodist  society. 

The  parson  of  the  village  church  was  quite 
a  young  man,  who  had  not  as  yet  completed 

17 


258  MY   SATCHEL   AND   I. 

his  studies,  and  though  not  a  man  of  any 
very  marked  ability,  he  made  lofty  preten 
sions,  and  sought  to  set  himself  up  as  a  great 
light,  a  brilliant  clergyman.  He  felt  called 
upon  to  make  some  closing  remarks,  and  pos 
sibly  it  might  have  been  part  of  the  original 
programme.  Taking  the  stage,  he  remarked 
as  follows  : 

"  Brethren  and  sisters  :  You  know  how  it 
saith  in  the  Scriptures,  '  Let  everything  that 
hath  breath  praise  the  Lord ; '  and  again, 
6  The  earth  is  the  Lord's,  and  the  fullness 
thereof;'  and  also,  'the  cattle  upon  a  thous 
and  hills  are  His.'  It  belongs  to  us  this  eve 
ning  to  declare  that  the  beasts  of  the  forests, 
the  birds  of  the  air,  the  fowls  of  the  desert, 
the  fish  of  the  sea,  all  are  ours,  having  given 
in  their  allegiance  to  our  glorious  and  favor 
ite  cause. 

"  Yes,  we  have  witnessed  a  glorious  specta 
cle  here  to-night.  The  Baboon  has  left  his 
native  haunt,  and  come  here  to  help  on  our 
glad  work.  The  Orang  Outan  has  sacrificed 
his  home  and  pleasure  in  the  wild  woods  to 
show  his  intimate  sympathy  with  us  and  our 


MY   SATCHEL   AXD    I.  259 

common  cause.  The  Tiger  and  the  Leopard 
have  left  their  favorite  retreats  in  the  jungle, 
and  their  coveted  solitude,  to  engage  in  this 
our  noble  enterprise.  The  Vulture  and  Tur 
key  Buzzard  have  left  their  prey,  sacrificed 
their  delicate,  dainty  food,  in  order  that  they 
might  contribute  their  mite  to  help  carry  on 
the  good  work  so  proudly  begun.  The  Jack 
ass  has  traveled  from  Brazil,  and  to-night  up 
on  this  platform  has  shown  its  willingness  to 
labor  and  to  bray  for  the  consummation  of 
our  great  and  grand  undertaking.  The  Os 
trich  has  left  its  home  on  the  hot  and  arid 
plains  of  Africa,  and  now  risks  its  health  and 
life  in  this  unsettled  and  uncertain  clime,  in 
the  fond  hope,  no  doubt,  that  whatever  dan 
gers  attend  its  sojourn  here,  its  presence  may 
at  least  do  much  toward  establishing  the  found 
ations  of  this,  our  noble,  righteous  mission. 
The  Fish  of  the  sea  have,  some  of  them,  given 
up  their  lives  and  laid  them  on  the  altar  of 
Methodism,  and  sweet  be  the  memories  of 
them.  Lastly,  and  more  than  all,  above  all, 
let  us  admire  and  praise  the  grand,  central, 
incomparable  genius  which  has  been  the  guid- 


260  MY    SATCHEL   AND   I. 

ing,  shining  star  of  the  evening,  the  celebra 
ted  Director  Drake.  He  seems  to  me  to  be 
in  himself  a  walking  caravan  ;  a  traveling 
menagerie  ;  a  huge  aviary ;  a  marvellous  fish 
tank ;  a  mysterious  compendium  of  wonder 
ful  and  curious  exhibitions.  Let  us  now  with 
one  accord  shout  praises,  cheers  and  one  rous 
ing  hallelujah,  in  honor  and  in  recognition  of 
his  most  valuable  aid,  and  in  addition  I  would 
suggest  that  we  importune  the  authorities  to 
grant  him  henceforth  the  freedom  of  the  townr 
and  that  this  society  tender  him  a  free  pew  in 
its  prospective  new  church  edifice,  so  long  as 
he  shall  live  to  fill  it." 

The  cheers  were  given,  the  suggestions 
complied  with,  and  the  men,  women,  children 
and  beasts  of  all  kinds,  retired  in  good  order. 
Thus  closed  the  great  and  grand  scheme,  hav 
ing  for  its  object  the  building  of  the  village 
church. 

Meeting  Director  Drake  after  the  exhibition, 
he  inquired  how  I  liked  it,  and  I  told  him  that 
I  did  not  wish  to  flatter  him  over  much,  but 
taken  as  a  whole,  it  was  the  most  enjoyable 
and  novel  entertainment  that  I  had  ever  seen. 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  261 

The  morning  after  the  exhibition,  I  started 
once  more  on  a  canvassing  tour  among  the 
slaveholders.  I  saw  that  any  work  that  op 
posed  the  peculiar  institution  in  the  least 
would  not  be  tolerated  at  all,  so  when  I  called 
upon  my  next  man,  I  told  him  that  I  had  a 
work  with  me  which  showed  up  slavery  in  its 
true  light,  and  it  was  in  favor  of  it,  and  the 
title  of  the  work  was  "  History  of  the  Galley 
Slaves."  Any  one  in  purchasing  this  work, 
and  carefully  reading  it,  will  learn  how  to  get 
the  most  work  out  of  the  blacks,  a  people 
you  know  to  be  by  nature  and  disposition 
somewhat  lazy. 

The  slaveholder,  Mr.  Finland,  inquired  if  I 
belonged  about  there,  and  I  kindly  informed 
him  that  I  was  a  native  of  the  old  State  of 
Massachusetts,  but  had  lived  in  South  Caro 
lina  for  quite  a  while  (a  couple  of  weeks  or  so,) 
for  had  I  told  him  that  I  was  fresh  from  that 
region,  the  climate  would  suddenly  have  grown 
much  hotter  and  less  salubrious  for  me,  and 
my  chances  for  selling  books  to  him,  or  any 
one  else,  thereabouts,  most  decidedly  slim. 


262  MY    SATCHEL   AND   I. 

"  What  do  you  think  of  slavery  ?  "  he  in 
quired. 

This  question  was  a  pretty  direct  one,  and 
well  calculated  as  a  feeler,  and  to  draw  me 
out,  so  I  replied  that  I  thought  it  was  such  an 
easy  way  to  get  a  living,  this  having  other 
people  earning  it  for  you,  that  I  should  like  a 
good  large  interest  in  the  institution  myself. 
"  I  would  like  to  owrn  about  a  hundred  or  more 
slaves,  and  a  plantation  to  correspond." 

"  These  people  who  come  here  traveling 
around  the  country  with  satchels,  we  are 
mighty  suspicious  of,  for  as  a  rule,  we  have 
found  them  to  have  hailed  from  the  Northern 
States,  and  in  fact,  most  of  them  are  full 
blooded  Yankees,  who  hate  our  institutions, 
and  despise  us,  and  many  of  these  same  indi 
viduals  have  come  to  grief  for  having  given 
public  expression  to  their  sentiments." 

"  There  are  a  great  many  people  the  world 
over,  who  do  not  know  where  their  proper 
place  is,  and  are  never  content  unless  they 
can  interfere  with  other  people's  affairs ;  but 
you  know  that  they  are  of  no  account,  not 
worth  mentioning,  much  less,  thinking  about." 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  263 

"  It  won't  do  to  have  that  class  of  people 
strolling  about  our  plantations,  for  they  would 
certainly  do  no  good,  if  they  did  no  harm." 

"  Well,  Mr.  Finland,  I  have  been  greatly 
interested  in  reading  this  work  on  the  *  Galley 
Slaves,'  and  I  think  that  you  could  not  help 
but  be,  and  shall  I  not  have  the  pleasure  of 
recording  your  name  as  a  subscriber  ? '' 

Taking  the  book  and  looking  it  over,  he 
replied,  that  he  did  not  mind  if  I  wrote  down 
his  name.  Having  duly  recorded  his  name  in 
my  Prospectus,  and  feeling  as  though  I  would 
like  to  see  the  workings  of  the  '  pet  institu 
tion/  I  asked  Mr.  Finland  if  he  had  any  slaves 
that  he  would  sell  to  me  in  case  I  desired  to 
purchase. 

'•'  No,  I  have  not  a  single  one  to  spare,  and 
I  reckon  that  I  shall  have  to  buy  one  or  two 
men  to  help  gather  my  cotton  crop.  If  you 
wish  to  buy  you  some  slaves  you  had  better 
attend  the  auction  sale,  which  is  to  take  place 
in  the  village  on  the  public  square,  to-morrow 
afternoon." 

"  I  am  very  glad,  sir,  that  you  informed  me 
of  this  sale,  for  I  shall  certainly  attend.  I 


264  MY    SATCHEL    AND   I. 

must  be  going,  Mr.  Finland,  and  I  wish  you 
good  day." 

"  Good  day,  sir." 

Now,  I  had  no  more  idea  of  buying  a  slave, 
than  I  had  of  building  an  ark,  but  I  thought 
that  auction  sale,  attended  as  it  would  doubt 
less  be  by  a  goodly  number  of  slaveholders 
and  large  planters,  would  be  a  grand  place 
to  show  my  pretended  sympathy  for  and  in 
terest  in  slavery,  and  if  I  joined  with  the 
crowd  in  bidding  they  would  not  henceforth 
suspect  me  to  be  a  northern  man,  and  my 
chances  for  selling  them  books  would  be  vastly 
improved. 

After  leaving  Mr.  F.  I  called  upon  several 
more  planters  during  the  day,  and  describing 
the  book  as  one  devoted  to  the  interests  of 
slavery,  and  showing  Director  Drake's  name, 
the  slave  overseer  and  exhibition  manager, 
together  with  Mr.  Finland's,  I  had  splendid 
success,  nearly  every  one  that  I  called  upon 
giving  me  their  names. 

Night  coming  on  I  put  up  at  the  hotel,  and 
the  principal  topic  of  conversation  all  the 
evening,  was  the  forthcoming  auction  of  slaves 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  265 

on  the  following  day.  There  being  quite  a 
gathering  of  wealthy  planters,  I  made  myself 
acquainted  with  them,  and  announced  my  in 
tention  of  attending  the  sale,  and  inquired  of 
them  how  prices  were  expected  to  range. 
One  tall,  lank  looking  fellow  said,  "  that  he 
reckoned  they  would  run  right  smart  high  at 
this  season  of  the  year."  Another  one  replied, 
"  that  if  they  were  of  good  stock,  young,  and 
not  worn  out,  they  would  sell  mighty  well." 
I  inquired  if  it  was  not,  all  things  considered, 
a  poor  season  of  the  year  to  invest  largely  in 
stock  of  this  kind.  They  all  said  it  made  no 
great  difference,  provided  I  bought  good  ones, 
as  they  would  pay  for  their  keeping  at  least 
all  the  time,  and  they  might  increase  in  value 
so  that  I  could  make  a  good  profit  on  them  at 
the  spring  sale.  I  informed  the  crowd  of 
planters  that  I  had  in  company  with  Director 
Drake  and  Mr.  Finland,  bought  a  fewr  copies 
of  a  work  entitled  "  The  History  of  the  Gal 
ley  Slaves,"  and  as  it  was  devoted  to  the  inter 
ests  of  slavery,  perhaps  they  would  like  to 
secure  the  benefit^  of  it  for  themselves.  The 
idea  took  wrell  with  them,  and  you  need  not 


266  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

be  surprised  when  I  tell  you  that  every  slave 
holder  present  subscribed,  some  thirty  in  num 
ber,  and  I  felt  sure  that  I  had  made  more  out 
of  those  fellows  than  I  should  at  the  auction 
sale  the  next  day. 

I  arose  early  in  the  morning,  purchased  me 
a  newspaper,  in  which  I  saw  a  flaming  adver 
tisement  of  the  forthcoming  great  auction  sale 
of  slaves.  Taking  a  walk  about  the  streets  I 
saw  posted  up  here  and  there,  the  following 
notice  : 

OCTOBER  —  ,  18—. 
GREAT  AUCTION  SALE! 

TWENTY-FIVE  FIRST  CLASS  SLAVES  TO  BE  SOLD 
TO  THE  HIGHEST  BIDDEB. 


Being  an  Administrator's  Sale,  to  close  an  Estate. 
Sale  to  commence  promptly  at  2  o'clock  F.  M.,  on  the 
Public  Square. 

FIFTEEN  MALES  AND  TEN  FEMALES, 

ranging  all  the  way  from  twenty-five  to  fifty  years  of 
age.  About  one  half  are  full  blooded,  the  other  half 
are  of  a  mixed  breed.  They  are  all  of  excellent  stock, 
and  in  good  working  order. 

Now  is  Your  Chance  to  Invest! 
ggiP*  Remember  Time  and  Place  of  Sale  ! 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  267 

Seeing  that  I  had  made  a  good  strike  the 
evening  before,  I  determined  to  take  it  easy 
during  the  forenoon,  and  attend  the  auction 
in  the  afternoon.  Strolling  about  the  place, 
I  inquired  about  the  average  value  of  slaves, 
at  the  ages  mentioned  in  the  advertisement, 
for  I  wished  to  know  how  high  it  would  do 
for  me  to  bid,  and  not  be  in  danger  of  get 
ting  a  blasted  old  negro  saddled  on  to  me, 
for  he  would  be  a  serious  incumbrance  to  me. 
as  I  could  not  carry  him  very  well  in  my 
satchel,  with  my  other  articles  of  merchan 
dise.  Receiving  the  required  information,  I 
returned  to  the  hotel,  and  awaited  the  time 
when  the  sale  was  to  commence. 

At  two  o'clock,  P.  M.,  I  started  for  the  pub 
lic  square,  and  found  there  a  large  crowd 
around  the  pen  in  which  the  stock  for  sale 
was  confined.  They  were  talking  about  the 
size,  form,  general  appearance,  £c.,  of  the 
slaves,  and  of  their  supposed  value,  but  the 
poor  negroes  did  not  seem  to  enjoy  the  conver 
sation  particularly  well.  I  had  not  been 
present  but  about  five  minutes  when  the  auc 
tioneer  rang  his  bell,  and  announced  that  the 


268  MY    SATCHEL   AND   I. 

sale  would  then  begin.  The  slaves  as  their 
names  were  called  were  directed  to  mount  a 
large  block  where  they  could  be  readily  seen 
by  the  bystanders,  and  as  soon  as  one  was 
disposed  of  another  one  took  his  place.  The 
first  one  put  up  at  auction  was  a  full  blooded 
negro,  aged  forty-five  years. 

"  How  much  am  I  offered  for  him,  gentle 
men  ? "  shouted  the  auctioneer.  "  He  has 
been  one  of  the  most  profitable  hands  that 
ever  worked  in  a  cotton  field ;  he  is  right  in 
the  prime  of  life,  and  is  good  for  twenty  years 
hard  service.  Corne,  gentlemen,  give  us  a 
bid." 

"One  hundred  and  fifty  dollars." 
"  One  hundred  and  fifty  dollars  I'm  offered, 
who  says  three  hundred  ?  Why,  just  look 
him  over  gentlemen,  and  see  what  stuff  he  is 
made  of.  He  is  none  of  your  shiftless,  lazy 
trash,  and  won't  need,  nor  bear  the  lash  much, 
as  you  see,"  at  the  same  time  striking  him  a 
smart  blow  with  a  rawhide,  which  made  the 
poor  fellow  dance  lively.  "  He  is  a  wide 
awake  chap,  and  can  just  '  git  up  and  git ' 
every  day  in  the  year,  for  he  is  never  sick, 


MY    SATCHEL   AND    I.  269 

and  there  will  be  no  lost  time  on  him.  One 
hundred  and  fifty  is  bid,  gentlemen,  and  who 
says  three  hundred  ?  " 

Two  hundred  and  fifty  was  the  next  bid. 

"  Two  hundred  and  fifty  dollars  is  all  I'm 
offered.  This  slave  is  worth  at  least  eight 
hundred,  or  a  thousand  dollars,  so  you  need 
not  be  afraid  to  bid,  gentlemen.  Two  hun 
dred  and  fifty.  Who  says  four  hundred  ?  " 

I  did  not  like  such  slow  bidding,  so  I  bid 
four  hundred  dollars. 

"  That's  right,  man,  now  four  hundred  it  is, 
who  says  five  ?  " 

"  Five,"  shouted  a  planter  near  by  me. 

"  Five  hundred  dollars  I'm  offered  for  this 
full  blooded,  first  class,  vigorous  negro,  aged 
only  forty-five  years.  Five  hundred  will 
never  buy  him,  gentlemen,  who  says  six  ?  " 

'•Five,  fifty,"  was  now  bid  by  an  elderly 
gentlemen  opposite  me.  After  quite  a  spir 
ited  bidding  of  five,  ten,  twenty  dollar  bids, 
the  old  fellow  was  struck  off  for  seven  hun 
dred  dollars. 

The  next  candidate  for  the  auction  block 


270  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

was  a  middle  aged  negress,  quite  bright  look 
ing,  and  of  a  stout,  robust  appearance. 

"  How  much,  gentlemen,  do  you  bid  for 
Dinah  ?  Look  at  her,  and  see  what  splendid 
stock  she  is  made  of.  Whoever  gets  her  gets 
a  prize.  Gentlemen,  how  much  ami  offered?  " 

"Five  hundred  dollars." 

"  Five  hundred,  five,  five,  five,  five  hundred, 
who  says  six  ?  " 

"  Six  hundred." 

"  Six,  six,  six  hundred,  who  says  seven  ?  " 

"Seven." 

"  Seven  hundred,  who  says  eight  ?  " 

Bids  of  one  hundred  dollars  were  continued 
until  fifteen  hundred  dollars  was  bid,  and  as 
this  was  my  bid,  imagine  my  surprise,  when 
the  auctioneer  struck  her  off  to  me. 

I  expected,  from  what  was  told  me,  that  she 
would  bring  at  least  two  thousand  dollars,  and 
so  of  course  I  did  not  consider  that  I  was  in 
any  special  danger  if  I  bid  fifteen  hundred. 
What  on  earth  to  do  with  this  great  elephant 
that  I  had  got  on  my  hands,  I  did  not  know. 
Me,  a  traveling  book  agent,  and  the  owner  of 


MY    SATCHEL   AXD    I. 


271 


fifteen  hundred  dollars  worth  of  negro  !  Think 
of  it !  The  owner,  did  I  say  ?  No,  I  was  not, 
for  I  had  not  paid  for  her,  and  what  was  worse, 


MY  ELEPHANT. 

I  could  not  raise  a  fifth  part  of  it.  I  was  in 
deed  in  a  sad  dilemma,  and  how  to  get  out  of 
it  was  a  mystery.  However,  bearing  my 
affliction  with  calm  composure,  I  listened  to 
the  bidding,  until  all  were  disposed  of.  Be- 


272  MY    SATCHEL    AND    1. 

fore  I  was  called  upon  for  payment,  I  was 
offered  a  bonus  of  one  hundred  dollars  for  my 
slave,  and  I  never  made  so  few  objections  to 
trading  in  my  life,  as  I  did  this  time,  and  the 
delectable  negress  changed  masters  very 
quickly,  and  I  considered  myself  well  out  of 
what  I  called  a  bad  fix. 

After  the  exciting  scenes  of  the  sale  were 
over,  I  returned  to  the  hotel,  where  I  con 
cluded  to  remain  for  the  night,  and  seeing  that 
nearly  a  month  has  passed  by  and  I  had  not 
written  to  the  publishers,  I  made  that  my  bus 
iness  in  the  evening.  The  following  letter  is 
the  one  which  I  sent  to  them. 

CHARLESTON,  S.  C.,  Oct  1st,  18— 

LION,  SKINNER  &  Co., 
MESSRS: 

Doubtless  you  have  been  looking  for  some  tidrags  from 
your  humble  servant  for  some  days  past,  but  while  one  is 
continually  in  the  midst  of  exciting  scenes,  time  rapidly 
flies,  hence  my  delay  in  writing.  The  people  here  are 
peculiar  characters,  having  peculiar  interests,  and  have  to 
be  dealt  with  in  a  peculiar  manner.  I  have  been  com 
pelled  to  keep  the  *'  Pilgrim  Fathers  "  out  of  sight,  in  the 
background,  and  also,  to  give  the  "  Deluge  "  the  go  by. 

The  "  History  of  the  Galley  Slaves  "  is  the  only  book 
that  I  can  do  anything  with  in  this  territory,  and  I  am 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  273 

having  splendid  success  with  that,  nearly  all  of  the  large 
planters  subscribing  for  it. 

You  may  ship  me,  via.  steamer  from  New  York,  two 
hundred  u  Galley  Slaves,"  as  I  shall  no  doubt  have  that 
number  of  subscribers  by  the  time  the  books  arrive  here. 
I  shall  remain  iu  Charleston  and  vicinity,  for  some  little 
time  yet,  so  please  direct  your  communication  accordingly. 
Yours  &c., 

IKABOD  IZAX. 

I  returned  to  the  City  of  Charleston,  and 
had  been  canvassing  there  for  about  ten  days 
without  any  unusually  interesting  occurrence 
transpiring,  when  I  received  the  following 
reply  to  the  above  letter : 

HARTFORD,  CONN.,  Oct.  8th,  18— 

IKABOD  IZAX,  ESQ., 
DEAR  SIR  : 

Yours  of  recent  date  is  at  hand,  and  we  hasten  to  reply. 
We  rejoice  to  hear  of  your  splendid  success  in  selling  the 
"  History  of  the  Galley  Slaves,"  and  hope  your  good  luck 
will  continue,  but  how  is  it  that  you  cannot  sell  the  u  Pil 
grim  Fathers  "  and  the  "  Deluge  "  ?  Are  you  afraid  to 
push  them  on  account  of  public  sentiment,  or  cannot  the 
people  of  the  South  swallow  anything  but  slaves  just  now? 
You  must  cure  them  of  their  morbid  appetite,  their  liter 
ary  dyspepsia.  Don't  be  afraid,  just  "  take  the  bull  by 
the  horns,"  and  then  you  can  control  the  situation,  and 
sell  anything  you  please  and  to  anybody.  AVe  will  ship 

18 


274  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

you  the  "  Galley  Slaves"  as  directed  by  you,  and  shall 
hope  to  receive  another  order  from  you  very  soon.  It 
may  interest  you  to  know  that  we  have  just  issued  a  new 
work,  entitled,  "  The  Balance  of  Power,"  which  is  a  polit 
ical  work,  and  one  we  believe  that  is  destined  to  create  a 
great  sensation,  and  consequently  will  have  a  large  sale. 
We  propose  to  send  a  young  man  immediately  to  Charles 
ton  to  canvass  for  this  book,  and  though  having  had  but 
little  experience,  we  think  that  he  will  make  a  decided 
success,  and  prove  to  be  a  most  valuable  agent.  If  you 
can  render  him  any  assistance  by  way  of  suggestions,  as 
to  the  manner  of  conducting  the  business,  and  how  to 
approach  and  deal  with  different  classes  of  people,  we 
hope  you  will  favor  both  him  and  us.  Should  you  desire 
to  canvass  for  u  The  Balance  of  Power  "  please  notify  us. 
Yours,  &c., 

LION,  SKINNER  &  CO. 

I  had  observed  that  if  any  person  under 
took  to  play  upon  a  political  trumpet,  it  would 
not  do  for  that  individual  to  give  an  uncer 
tain  sound,  give  utterance  to  any  discordant 
notes,  or  be  unscrupulous  in  his  political  wire 
pulling ;  for  if  he  was  thus  inconsiderate,  he 
was  liable  to  be  waited  upon  by  a  band  of 
professional  trainers,  who  would  tune  him  up 
thoroughly,  and  make  him  chord  with  them, 
or  else  they  would  make  a  cord  on  purpose 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  275 

for  him,  on  the  end  of  which  he  would  pro 
duce  anything  but  musical  notes,  or  pleasant 
tones.  I  had  but  a  few  days  previous  heard 
of  an  attack  upon  a  Northern  peddler,  who 
had  unwisely  shown  up  his  political  prefer 
ences,  and  freely  ventilated  his  sentiments, 
who  was  roughly  handled,  and  finally  allowed 
to  take  his  departure  from  the  State,  provided 
he  would  commence  to  beat  his  retreat  inside 
of  one-half  an  hour  ;  and  the  marvellous  haste 
with  which  he  gathered  together  his  earthly 
effects,  and  the  rapidity  of  his  flight,  showed 
plainly,  what  he  thought  was  the  wisest  course 
for  him  to  pursue.  I  concluded  to  go  on  sell 
ing  "  Galley  Slaves,"  and  let  "The  Balance 
of  Power  "  alone. 


CHAPTEK  IX. 


TAKING  a  street  that  led  into  one  of  the 
suburbs  of  Charleston,  I  came  upon  quite  a 
settlement  of  people  called  the  "  poor  whites/' 
and  they  certainly  were  rightly  named,  for  a 
more  miserable,  ignorant,  dirty,  and  heathen 
ish  set  of  human  beings  I  never  saw  yet. 
Among  them  were  the  "  clay  eaters/'  "  snuff 
dippers/'  &c.,  and  all  of  them  were  pale,  lean, 
gaunt,  sickly  looking  beings,  with  long  red 
dish  hair  and  whiskers,  dirty  faces,  and  a  gen 
eral  filthiness  of  person.  Their  whole  time 
seemed  to  be  spent  in  idleness,  having  noth 
ing  to  do,  and  no  qualifications  for  doing  any 
thing.  Seeing  one  man  who  looked  a  little 
more  decent  and  intelligent  than  the  rest, 
standing  leaning  against  the  side  of  his  house, 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  277 

I  ventured  to  interview  him.  and  see  what 
sort  of  a  character  he  was,  and  whether  any 
thing  was  to  be  made  out  of  him  or  not. 
Walking  up  to  him  I  greeted  him  with  the 
salutation  : 

"  Good  afternoon,  sir.     How  do  you  do  ?  " 

-Hey?" 

'•  Fine  day,  sir  ." 

••  Waal,  yes,  kinder  peart,  I  reckon." 

••  Is  there  anything  new  or  exciting  with 
you?" 

••  Dunno." 

"  What  may  I  call  your  business?  " 

••  Xoth'n." 

"  I  have  some  very  interesting  and  exciting 
books  here  in  my  satchel,  which  I  would  like 
to  show  you." 

"  Ya-as." 

"  Would  you  like  to  see  them  ?  " 

"  Don't  care." 

I  thought  I  would  favor  him  with  scenes 
from  the  •*  Deluge,"  so  taking  the  history  of 
this  affair  in  my  hands  I  showed  him  the  illus 
trations,  and  told  him  all  about  the  most  inter 
esting  articles  in  the  book,  but  I  could  not 


278  MY    SATCHEL   AND   I. 

seem  to  awaken  any  enthusiasm  in  my  sub 
ject.  I  finally  asked  him  if  he  did  not  wish 
to  subscribe. 

"What?" 

"  Would  you  like  to  buy  it  ?  " 

"I  reckon  I  don't." 

"Why  not?" 

"  Haint  got  no  money." 

"  You  will  very  likely  have  some  in  the 
course  of  five  or  six  weeks,  shan  t  you  ?  " 

"Dunno." 

"  Don't  you  like  to  read  ?  " 

"  Dunno  how." 

"  How  do  you  live  ?  " 

"I  lives  by  eatin'  this  hyer  stuff,"  at  the 
same  time  taking  out  of  one  pocket  a  big 
lump  of  clay,  and  out  of  another  his  snuff-box, 
with  the  large,  dirty  swab,  which  they  call 
their  snuff  dip. 

I  became  speedily  convinced  that  all  time 
spent  among  that  crowd  would  be  worse  than 
thrown  away.  The  laziness  of  the  "  poor 
whites  "  is  pure  and  unadulterated ;  their  igno 
rance  is  complete ;  and  their  usefulness  un 
known. 


MY    SATCHEL    AXD    I.  279 

I  took  my  immediate  departure  from  the 
territory  inhabited  by  those  miserable  beings, 
and  securing  several  subscribers  among  the 
planters  that  T  afterwards  called  upon,  I  re 
turned  to  Charleston  to  spend  the  night. 
Taking  an  evening  stroll  about  the  city,  I 
learned  of  the  fact  that  there  was  to  be  a  bal 
loon  ascension  on  the  following  day,  which  I 
resolved  to  witness.  It  was  announced  to 
take  place  at  ten  o'clock  A.  M.  from  the  pub 
lic  square,  and  as  I  reached  the  place  some 
little  time  before  the  ascension  was  to  take 
place,  I  amused  myself  by  watching  the  crowd 
and  taking  note  of  the  various  side  shows, 
which  were  being  carried  on  on  a  small  scale. 
As  peddlers  of  various  kinds,  venders  of  all 
sorts  of  nostrums,  are  usually  present  on  all 
such  public  occasions,  so  were  they  present 
on  this,  and  among  them  was  the  ever  pres 
ent  patent  medicine  man.  He  was  quite  a 
genius  in  his  way,  and  in  common  with  most 
patent  medicine  proprietors,  he  enlarged  upon 
the  merits  of  his  preparations,  and  enumer 
ated  a  long  list  of  marvellous  cures  following 
their  use.  Addressing  the  crowd  he  said : 


280  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

"  Ladies  and  gentlemen  :  I  now  hold  in  my 
hand  a  bottle  of  the  wonderful  compound 
known  as  '  Dr.  Hickory's  Elixir  of  Life/  which 
has  probably  cured  more  incurable  diseases, 
and  kept  more  people  from  their  graves,  than 
any  other  agent,  or  preparation,  known  under 
the  sun.  There  is  Mrs.  Ashdown  of  Savannah, 
Georgia,  who  had  been  suffering  for  years, 
from  an  hereditary  cancer  of  the  breast,  who 
had  been  murdered  by  more  than  twenty  of 
the  best  physicians  of  the  country,  without 
the  least  benefit,  who  upon  hearing  of  the 
wonderful  cures  produced  by  the  use  of  this 
Elixir,  sent  for  a  bottle,  and  after  the  first 
dose  she  began  to  grow  strong ;  after  the  sec 
ond  dose  she  had  no  pain  and  slept  well ;  after 
the  third  dose  her  appetite  returned,  and  after 
each  succeeding  dose  she  could  just  see  her 
cancer  heal,  and  in  just  three  weeks  she  was 
entirely  well,  cancer  all  gone,  and  ever  since 
she  has  sung  praises  to  the  great  Elixir,  and 
spread  the  glad  news  of  its  power  to  save. 
Just  a  few  more  bottles  left.  Now  is  your 
best,  and  perhaps  your  only  chance.  No 
matter  what  be  your  ill,  the  remedy  is  right 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  281 

here  within  your  reach.  Who  will  have  the 
next  bottle." 

One  hump-backed  fellow  inquired  if  it  would 
cure  a  crooked  spine. 

"  Yes,  sir,  every  time.  Just  take  a  bottle 
of  it  inside,  and  rub  a  little  on  the  opposite 
side  from  the  crook,  applying  it  thoroughly 
three  times  a  day  for  three  months,  taking 
care  to  always  lie  on  the  same  side  that  the 
*  Elixir '  is  applied,  and  you  will  be  surprised 
at  the  result.  How  many  bottles  will  you 
have,  sir  ?  " 

"  Half  a  dozen." 

Rolling  up  the  desired  number  in  a  piece  of 
paper  he  remarked,  that "  he  would  be  a  happy 
man  soon,  if  he  never  was  before." 

"  Here,  ladies  and  gentlemen,  I  have  an 
article  which  probably  has  made  more  moth 
ers  happy  than  anything  else  known.  '  Dr. 
Wiggle's  Wide  Awake  Soothing  Syrup.'  It 
has  stopped  the  crying,  and  dried  up  the  tears 
of  more  babies,  than  the  whole  of  you  could 
shake  a  stick  at  for  a  thousand  years,  if  -you 
worked  night  and  day.  Rub  a  little  on  the  stom 
ach  of  a  baby,  with  bilious,  wind,  or  any  other 


282  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

colic,  and  it  will  break  them  up  to  flinders  in 
five  minutes,  and  restore  it  to  peace  and  qui 
etness.  A  few  drops  given  internally  a  few 
times  every  day  will  make  the  teething  period 
of  children  one  of  calm,  unmixed  delight. 
So  completely  does  it  relieve  infants  of  all 
pains  and  maladies,  that  in  their  maturer  years 
they  will  sigh  for  the  return  of  bygone  days, 
when  they  were  made  blessed  by  soothing 
syrup.  What  mother,  what  fond  parent,  will 
have  a  bottle  ?  " 

One  after  another  called  for  the  delectable 
fluid,  some  wanting  one,  some  six,  some  a 
dozen,  while  one  or  two  invested  in  a  gross. 
Having  sold  a  large  number  of  bottles  and 
taken  his  pay,  the  proprietor  said  that  he  de 
sired  to  congratulate  his  patrons  upon  one 
thing,  and  that  was,  that  there  would  be  more 
sound  and  delicious  sleep  in  the  City  of  Charles 
ton  to-night  than  was  ever  before  enjoyed 
within  its  limits." 

I  can  find  time  to  allude  to  only  one  more 
of  his  wonderful  drugs,  viz.  "  Dr.  Dunder- 
berg's  Celebrated  Life  Drops."  Said  he  : 

"  This,  ladies  and  gentlemen,  is  a  miracu- 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  283 

lous  remedy.  If  you  have  a  dear  friend  any 
where  on  the  face  of  this  broad  earth  who  is 
stone  blind,  no  matter  if  he  or  she  has  been 
blind  from  birth,  just  take  small  potions  of 
these  drops  internally,  and  rub  a  little  upon 
the  eye-lids,  and  if  it  be  possible  sight  will  be 
restored.  Have  any  of  you  here,  friends  who 
have  become  paralyzed  from  any  cause, 
give  them  these  life  drops,  and  life  and  vigor 
is  at  once  restored  to  the  dead  members." 

He  started  off  on  another  tirade  about  his 
wonderful  drugs,  when  the  aeronaut  requested 
him,  together  with  the  crowd,  to  stand  back 
a  little  distance  from  the  balloon,  as  they 
might  be  in  some  danger  if  they  stood  under 
it,  and  besides  they  were  rather  in  the  way. 

"  All  right,  in  a  minute,"  shouted  the  med 
icine  vender,  and  he  went  on  as  before,  dis 
coursing  upon  the  wonderful  things  which  he 
had  seen  wrought  through  the  agency  of  his 
cure-alls.  His  harangue  was,  however,  sud 
denly  brought  to  a  close,  for  the  balloon  be 
came  unfastened,  and  all  at  once  began  to  rise, 
and  as  the  grappling  iron  was  left  dragging 
on  the  ground,  it  caught  the  medicine  vender 


284  MY    SATCHEL    AND   I. 

right  in  the  small  of  his  back,  and  as  he  began 
to  rise  with  the  balloon,  he  held  on  to  his 
trunk  of  valuables,  being  determined  not  to 
part  with  his  remedies,  so  up  went  the  balloon, 
peddler,  trunk  and  all ;  the  latter  tipping  up 
side  down,  out  came  the  bottles,  which  were 
dashed  to  pieces  on  the  ground.  As  luck 
would  have  it  there  was  two  long  slender  ropes 
attached  to  the  balloon,  and  as  the  peddler 
saw  himself  going  up  he  shouted  with  all  his 
might :  "  Grab  the  ropes  !  save  me  !  pull  me 
down  !  " 

Things  looked  for  a  few  moments  as  though 
the  patent  medicine  man  would  soon  stand  in 
need  of  the  curative  influences  of  his  own 
"Life  Drops,"  "Soothing  Syrup,"  "  Elixir  of 
Life,"  &c.  It  was  an  exciting  time,  for  great 
was  the  consternation  of  the  large  crowd 
gathered  to  witness  the  ascension.  The  ped 
dler  stopped  his  traffic,  and  soon  as  things 
were  set  to  rights,  the  balloon  took  its  aerial 
flight,  and  when  it  landed,  or  whether  it  ever 
landed  at  all  or  not,  I  do  not  know. 

After  the  show  wras  over  I  canvassed  about 
the  city  during  the  remainder  of  the  day,  and 


286  MY    SATCHEL   AND    I. 

as  usual  staid  over  night  at  the  hotel  where  I 
first  engaged  quarters.  As  some  one  called 
for  me  during  the  evening,  I  was  not  a  little 
surprised  to  meet  a  young  man  who,  as  the 
negroes  would  say,  looked  "  mighty  peart/' 
and  who  introduced  himself  as  Anthony  Brown, 
from  Skowhegan,  Maine,  saying  that  he  had 
come  there  in  the  employ  of  Lion,  Skinner  & 
Co.  of  Hartford,  Conn.,  and  was  to  canvass 
for  a  book  entitled  "  The  Balance  of  Power." 
I  remembered  that  the  publishers  said  in  their 
last  letter  to  me  that  they  was  going  to  send 
a  man  there,  but  I  did  not  expect  him  so  soon. 
I  assured  him  that  I  was  very  glad  to  see  him, 
and  hoped  he  would  meet  with  excellent  suc 
cess.  He  seemed  to  be  very  sanguine,  and  I 
had  no  desire  to  dash,  or  destroy,  his  fond 
hopes  and  great  expectations,  ?o  I  helped  him 
to  look  on  the  bright  side  of  the  situation,  as 
I  never  believe  in  forever  looking  on  the  dark 
side  of  the  picture,  and  I  told  him  that  I 
should  be  happy  to  give  him  any  suggestions 
or  render  him  any  assistance  in  my  power. 

He  thanked  me  heartily,  and  said  that  when 
he  stood  in  need  of  advice  or  assistance,  he 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  287 

should  not  fail  to  call  upon  me.  After  tea, 
he  invited  me  to  his  room,  and  I  took  his 
book,  and  examined  it.  The  frontispiece  rep 
resented  a  large  pair  of  balances,  and  on  the 
tray  at  one  end  the  word  "South"  was 
printed,  and  on  the  other  tray,  at  the  other 
end,  the  word  "  North  "  was  printed  in  like 
manner,  and  the  ;;  balance  of  power  "  was 
represented  as  being  in  favor  of  the  u  North." 

I  assured  him  that  he  must  be  cautious 
not  to  let  it  be  known  where  he  came  from, 
as  the  people  in  these  regions  were  terribly 
shy  and  suspicious  of  northern  men.  "  If 
you  wish  to  avoid  trouble,  be  careful  about 
avowing  your  Northern  principles,  or  politi 
cal  sentiments,  and  agree  with  the  people 
whom  you  meet,  upon  all  subjects,  if  possible. 
If  you  go  to  standing  on  your  dignity  too 
much,  and  asserting  your  independence,  you 
will  be  apt  to  have  them  taken  away  from 
you." 

The  next  morning  we  both  started  out  can 
vassing,  he  going  one  way,  while  I  went  an 
other.  On  account  of  my  previous  good  luck 
with  the  planters,  I  determined  to  give  them 


288  MY    SATCHEL   AND    I. 

all  an  opportunity  to  purchase  all  of  the 
" Galley  Slaves"  that  they  wanted.  I  had 
very  good  success  during  the  day,  taking  no 
less  than  twenty-five  subscribers.  Nothing 
exciting,  or  especially  interesting  transpired 
on  my  route,  but  it  was  not  so  with  my  friend 
and  co-laborer,  Anthony  Brown.  There  proved 
to  be,  as  I  suspected  there  might,  a  disturbing 
element  in  his  "  Balance  of  Power,"  which 
reacted  against  him.  This  book  was  at  once 
stamped  as  an  "  incendiary  document,"  and 
of  course  the  innocent  agent  had  to  take  the 
consequences.  He  happened  to  fall  into  the 
hands  of  some  rather  merciless  fellows,  who 
took  him  to  a  tall  tree,  tied  a  rope  around  his 
ankles,  and  after  one  of  the  party  had  climbed 
up  the  tree  and  adjusted  the  rope  nearly  to 
the  end  of  a  long  limb,  the  remainder  of  the 
party  drew  him  high  up  in  the  air,  where 
they  kept  him  dangling  for  some  time,  he  all 
the  while  pleading  for  dear  life,  while  his  tor 
mentors  below  kept  shouting :  "  How  now 
about  the  balance  of  power,  where  do  you 
think  it  is  ?  " 

After  punishing  him  awhile  in  this  manner, 


MY    SATCHEL   AND    I.  289 

they  let  him  down,  and  not  being  fully  satis 
fied  with  the  punishment  already  inflicted, 
they  proceeded  to  adorn  him  with  tar  and 
feathers.  Having  thoroughly  clothed  the 
poor  fellow  with  this  horrible  dressing,  they 
let  him  loose,  and  told  him  to  just  "  git  up 
and  git,"  as  rapidly  as  he  could,  and  not  stop 
until  he  had  left  the  State.  They  stripped 
the  poor  fellow  before  they  applied  the  tar 
and  feathers,  and  as  he  took  his  extra  suit  in 
his  hands,  and  ran  for  the  nearest  woods,  he 
was  a  sight  to  behold.  What  ever  became 
of  the  fellow  after  that  catastrophe  I  cannot 
tell,  and  it  was  evident  that  the  publishers 
were  in  doubt  regarding  him  and  his  where 
abouts,  for  in  the  next  letter  that  I  received 
from  them,  they  made  anxious  inquiries  of 
me,  thinking  I  could  furnish  the  desired  in 
formation.  The  following  is  their  letter : 

HARTFORD,  CONN.,  Nov.  15th,  18 — 

IKABOD  IZAX,  ESQ., 

DEAR  SIR  : 

We  sincerely  hope  that  success  still  attends  your  efforts, 
as  it  has  done  in  the  past,  and  we  have  no  doubt  but  that 
it  does,  and  will  continue  to  do  so.  As  we  wrote  you 
some  time  since,  we  sent  an  agent  down  there  with  you, 

19 


290  MY    SATCHEL   AND   I. 

to  canvass  for  the  "  Balance  of  Power,"  and  he  was  to 
reply  without  fail,  at  the  end  of  the  first  week,  and  we 
have  received  no  tidings  from  him  yet.  Can  you  give  us 
any  information  regarding  him,  or  his  whereabouts  ?  If 
you  can,  please  do  so  without  delay,  and  oblige, 
Yours,  &c., 

LION,  SKINNER  &  CO. 

Not  wishing  to  keep  them  in  suspense  any 
longer  than  was  necessary,  I  sat  down  and 
immediately  wrote  this  reply  : 

CHARLESTON,  S.  C.,  Nov.  21st,  f8 — 

LION,  SKINNER  &  Co., 
MESSRS: 

Your  agent,  Anthony  Brown,  called  upon  me  immedi 
ately  upon  his  arrival  here,  and  spent  his  first  night  with 
me,  and  started  out  canvassing  on  the  following  morning. 
lie  evidently  followed  out  the  suggestions  that  you  made 
to  me  in  your  last  letter,  to  wit :  to  "  take  the  bull  by 
the  horns,"  for  the  people  had  him  strung  up  by  the  heels 
on  a  limb  of  a  tall  tree,  and  the  last  time  that  he  was 
seen,  he  was  running  with  all  his  might  across  lots  to  the 
nearest  piece  of  woods,  with  a  heavy  coat  of  tar  and 
feathers  upon  him.  The  "  balance  of  power"  seemed  to 
be  most  decidedly  against  the  poor  fellow,  and  I  think 
that  he  showed  a  great  deal  of  wisdom  in  his  sudden 
flight.  Had  you  been  aware  of  the  state  of  public  senti 
ment  here  at  this  time,  you  would  no  doubt  have  known 
better  than  to  have  put  such  a  work  on  sale,  and  I  am 
sure  that  you  will  soon  see  that  it  will  be  wise  for  you  to 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  291 

withdraw  it.  The  "Galley  Slaves"  still  takes  very 
well  among  the  planters,  but  as  for  my  following  out  your 
injunction  to  "•  take  the  bull  by  the  horns,"  and  try  to 
sell  the  "  Pilgrim  Fathers,"  and  the  "Deluge,"  I  simply 
say  that  I  shall  not  expose  myself  in  any  such  way.  I 
shall  continue  my  labors  here,  until  you  nil  my  last  order 
for  books,  when  I  shall  deliver  them  to  my  list  of  sub 
scribers,  and  then  I  will  determine  whether  to  remain 
here,  take  another  tour  elsewhere,  or  return  home  for  a 
period  of  rest  and  recreation. 

Very  truly  yours, 

IKABOD  IZAX. 

As  it  would  probably  be  a  week  or  more, 
before  the  books  which  I  had  ordered  would 
arrive,  I  did  not  think  it  best  to  canvass  out 
side  the  city,  so  I  continued  to  solicit  sub 
scribers  within  its  limits.  I  met  with  my 
usual  good  success  during  this  time,  but  no 
very  amusing  or  alarming  incidents  occurred 
to  make  canvassing  either  interesting  or  excit 
ing.  Towards  the  last  of  the  week  1  was  not 
a  little  surprised  to  receive  a  letter  from  An 
thony  Brown,  who  it  appeared  survived  his 
hanging  and  his  treatment  to  a  coat  of  tar 
and  feathers.  Here  it  is,  verbatim  : 


292  MY    SATCHEL   AND    I. 

NEW  YORK,  Nov.  29th,  18—. 

IKABOD  IZAX,  ESQ., 

DEAR  SIR  : 

I  am,  as  you  will  judge  by  this  letter,  still  in  the  land 
of  the  living,  but  instead  of  dwelling  in  Charleston, 
South  Carolina,  I  am  on  my  way  to  Skowhegan,  Maine, 
where  I  shall  end  my  days,  for  all  of  exposing  myself 
again  in  that  heathenish  country.  I  suppose  you  have 
wondered  what  became  of  me,  and  I  presume  you  are 
not  yet  aware  how  very  near  I  came  to  destruction,  after 
parting  with  you  at  the  City  Hotel  in  Charleston.  I  had 
read  before,  of  the  deeds  committed  by  barbarous  nations, 
of  the  horrors  of  cannibalism,  the  terrors  of  the  inquisi 
tion.  Those  abominable  savages  that  attacked  me  were 
worse  than  any  brigands  of  Greece  or  Turkey,  that  I 
ever  read  about,  more  barbarous  than  any  cannibal,  Hot 
tentot  or  Bedouin  Arab,  ever  yet  heard  of.  Why,  they 
hung  me  up  on  a  tall  tree  until  I  thought  I  was  dead,  and 
then  let  me  down  only  to  tar  and  feather  me,  and  after 
they  had  thus  served  me,  what  did  those  devils  do  but 
send  me  adrift,  telling  me  to  leave  the  State  without  de 
lay.  I  ran  for  the  woods,  and  there  I  worked  all  one 
day,  getting  the  tar  and  feathers  off,  and  it  was  one  of  the 
most  tedious  operations  that  I  was  ever  called  upon  to 
endure,  and  it  did  seem  as  though  I  never  should  get 
through  with  it.  When  I  had  got  so  I  could  put  on  my 
clothes,  which  the  rascals  left  me,  I  took  the  first  steamer 
for  New  York,  and  I  thank  my  stars  that  I  am  once  more 
in  a  civilized  country.  Will  you  have  the  kindness  to 
send  to  me  the  things  that  I  left  at  the  hotel  ?  If  you 


MY    SATCHEL   AXD   I.  293 

will  attend  to  it  at  once,  I  will  reward  you  well  for  all 
jour  trouble. 

Your  Friend, 

ANTHONY  BROWN. 

I  had  felt  considerable  concern  for  Mr. 
Brown  since  having  heard  of  his  sad  misfor 
tune,  and  I  was  happy  to  learn  that  the  "  Bal 
ance  of  Power  "  wras  not  so  strong  against  him 
as  to  completely  use  him  up.  I  gathered  to 
gether  what  few  effects  he  left  behind,  packed 
them  into  his  trunk,  and  shipped  them  to  him 
by  the  next  steamer  bound  for  New  York. 
Such  w^as  the  brief  experience  of  Anthony 
Brown,  as  agent  for  "  The  Balance  of  Power," 
and  though  his  career  was  short,  I  dare  say 
that  it  was  sufficiently  eventful  to  enable  him 
to  remember  it  for  many  a  day. 

It  being  Saturday  night  I  ceased  my  labors 
and  walked  about  the  city  to  see  what  there 
was  to  be  seen ;  and  on  the  Sunday  following 
I  listened  to  the  preaching  of  the  Methodist 
minister,  which,  to  say  the  least,  was  pretty 
fair.  I  was  looking  forward  to  Monday  morn 
ing  with  some  degree  of  pleasure  and  anxiety, 
for  I  expected  the  books  that  I  had  ordered 


294  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

would  certainly  arrive  without  fail  during  the 
day.  On  calling  at  the  Post  Office  I  found  a 
bill  of  the  books,  and  so  I  went  immediately 
in  search  of  them.  After  walking  quite  a 
distance  I  came  in  sight  of  the  railroad  depot, 
and  noticing  quite  a  crowd  out  on  the  plat 
form  hastened  my  steps  and  soon  joined  their 
ranks,  and  what  do  you  suppose  was  the  cause 
of  the  great  excitement?  It  appeared  that 
my  books  had  arrived,  and  they  came  packed 
in  one  large  box,  and  there  were  two  or  three 
men  working  away  with  a  hatchet  and  crow 
bar,  doing  all  they  could  to  open  the  box,  and 
see  what  it  contained.  The  box  came  marked 
in  large  plain  letters  on  the  top,  and  read 
thus : 

Two  HUNDRED  GALLEY  SLAVES, 

FOR  IKABOD  IZAX,  ESQ., 
So.  CAROLINA. 

There  was  a  policeman  there  among  the 
rest  when  I  appeared  upon  the  scene,  and  I 
should  judge  from  their  excited  appearance 
that  they  thought  I  had  really  got  boxed  up 
there  in  that  small  space  two  hundred  gen- 


MY    SATCHEL    AXD    I. 


295 


nine  slaves.     As  I  walked  up  on  to  the  plat 
form  I  said  to  the  men  : 

"  Look  here  !  what  are  you  doing  to  that 
box  ?  What  business  have  you  meddling  with 
my  property  in  this  way  ?  " 


"  What  are  you  doing  to  that  box?" 

The   policeman   said,   that  they  suspected 
that  this  box  either  contained  a  slave  that  was 


296  MY    SATCHEL   AND    I. 

trying  to  escape,  or  else  it,  no  doubt,  con 
tained  either  stolen  or  smuggled  goods. 

"  Well,  don't  be  too  fast,  gentlemen,  that 
box  is  mine,  and  it  contains  books  instead  of 
a  dead  or  a  live  negro,  and  I  can  assure  you 
that  the  goods  are  neither  smuggled  or  stolen/' 
Not  knowing  me  at  all,  the  policeman  demanded 
proof  to  substantiate  my  statements,  and  so 
I  showed  him  the  frieght  bill  received  that 
morning,  upon  which  the  box  was  specified 
and  described,  so  I  was  finally  allowed  to  take 
my  two  hundred  slaves,  depart  with  them, 
and  scatter  them  all  about  that  region. 

I  did  not  much  wonder  that  the  employes 
about  the  station  looked  upon  that  box  with 
more  or  less  suspicion,  for  it  was  such  a  large, 
ungainly  thing,  and  had  such  a  peculiar  ad 
dress  upon  it.  I  hired  a  drayman  to  take 
said  box  to  the  hotel,  where  I  over-hauled  it, 
took  all  the  books  out,  and  taking  a  few  at 
a  time,  I  went  out  to  deliver  them.  It  some 
times  happens  that  agents  lose  more  or  less  of 
their  subscribers  before  they  come  to  deliver 
their  books  ;  some  by  death,  some  by  removal 
to  other  places,  and  others  by  not  keeping 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  297 

their  word,  regarding  their  subscriptions  as 
not  binding,  or  placing  them  under  any  obli 
gations  to  take  the  book.  But  happily  for 
me  I  did  not  have  many  of  such  subscribers, 
and  hence  I  delivered  all  but  two  or  three  of 
the  books  engaged. 

In  speaking  of  the  treatment  of  the  agent, 
Anthony  Brown,  and  alluding  as  I  have  to 
the  fact  that  I  could  not  sell  any  book  but  the 
"  Galley  Slaves,"  I  simply  show  you  what  the 
state  of  feeling  and  public  sentiment  was  in 
South  Carolina,  even  at  this  time,  which  was 
some  five  or  more  years  prior  to  the  outbreak 
of  the  rebellion.  I  did  not  then  surmise  that 
the  squads  of  men  then  drilling  about  the 
streets  and  in  the  public  halls,  were  doing  so 
in  preparation  for  the  mighty  struggle  so  soon 
to  be  inaugurated,  and  to  threaten  our  na 
tional  existence.  Could  you,  reader,  have 
seen  the  men,  the  rank  and  file  of  those  com 
panies,  undergoing  military  training  in  the 
streets  of  Charleston,  you  would  never  have 
dreamed  that  they  would,  or  could,  have  made 
such  capable  soldiers  as  they  proved  to  be 
when  the  "  tug  of  war  "  came.  The  rich  and 


298  MY    SATCHEL   AND   I. 

poor,  the  young  and  old,  were  all  alike  en 
gaged  in  perfecting  themselves  in  the  manual 
of  arms ;  but  the  drills  which  I  witnessed 
there  were  not  strictly  in  accordance  with 
Hardee,  Upton,  or  any  other  author  of  mili 
tary  tactics  that  I  ever  heard  or  read  of.  In 
forming  a  military  company  for  the  purpose 
of  drill  and  systematic  training,  some  regard 
is  generally  paid  to  age,  size,  weight,  uniform 
ity  of  height,  &c.,  but  all  such  regulations 
were  wholly  disregarded  there,  and  hence,  in 
a  squad  of  twenty  or  more  men  you  would 
see  an  overgrown,  obese  man,  of  fifty  or  sixty 
years  of  age,  marching  beside  a  spare,  con 
sumptive  youth,  of  eighteen ;  in  the  next  file 
might  be  seen  a  fellow  six  feet  in  height,  try 
ing  to  keep  step  with  his  marching  partner, 
who  was  only  five  feet  tall,  and  about  half  as 
broad  across  his  shoulders.  Some  would  have 
on  straw  hats,  some  tall  silk  hats,  while  others 
would  go  bare  headed ;  some  wore  coats,  some 
shoes,  and  others  did  not  have  on  either  one. 
One  such  squad,  which  I  saw  out  on  drill  one 
Saturday  afternoon,  would  cause  a  good  deal 
of  merriment  now,  could  we  see  them  go 


MY    SATCHEL    AXD   I.  299 

through  with  their  military  performances,  as 
they  did  then,  though  in  later  year  they  exhib 
ited  their  skill  in  the  use  of  firearms  in  a  man 
ner  that  was  not  so  mighty  funny  for  us,  as  it 
might  have  been,  and  caused  us  to  do  any, 
and  everything  else,  but  laugh  and  ridicule. 

Having  referred  to  the  tactics  used  by  these 
embryo  soldiers,  I  will  give  you  a  specimen  : 
A  company,  such  as  I  have  above  described, 
were  drilling  on  the  fair  ground,  when  I 
chanced  to  be  an  eye  witness.  The  Captain 
of  the  company  gave  the  order  :  "  Load  your 
guns,"  and  the  way  those  guns  were  loaded 
was  hard  to  tell.  Some  put  the  cartridge  in 
one  end  first,  some  another,  and  some  were 
two  minutes  in  loading,  and  some  fully  ten. 

"  Shoulder  your  guns." 

At  the  word  of  command  up  went  the  guns, 
some  on  one  shoulder,  some  on  the  other, 
when  the  Captain  gave  them  specific  instruc 
tions  to  carry  their  firearms  on  their  right 
shoulder,  and  even  this  distinct  order  seemed 
to  puzzle  some  of  the  squad,  or  else  they  were 
in  doubt  which  shoulder  was  the  right  and 
which  was  the  left. 


300 


MY    SATCHEL   AND    I. 


"  Attention,  gentlemen.  Eyes  in  front  of 
you  all !  All  ready  !  Take  a  good  squint ! 
Now,  company,  all  fire  at  once.  Bang." 


At  the  word  "  bang  "  some   fired  into  the 
air,  others  over  the  Captain's  head ;  some  of 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  301 

the  pieces  were  discharged  that  happened  to 
be  loaded  right,  and  some  were  not,  and  one 
fellow  at  the  end  of  the  company  line,  dropped 
his  piece,  and  held  on  to  his  ears  with  both 
hands,  evidently  not  being  used  to  so  much 
noise,  and  who  no  doubt  was  a  good  subject 
for  the  "  Home  Guards  "  during  the  war. 

"  Shoulder  guns  !  About  your  faces." 

Not  seeming  to  exactly  comprehend  the  last 
order,  the  Captain  shouted  :  "  Turn  your  faces 
around.  Shift  yourselves, "  and  so  they  did, 
some  looking  to  the  North,  some  to  the  South, 
some  to  the  East,  and  others  to  the  West. 
The  Captain  looked  puzzled,  and  evidently  did 
not  know  how  to  straighten  out  his  command, 
so  he  excitedly  said  : 

"  You  miserable  heathen  !  What  are  you 
looking  at  ?  Don't  you  know  which  side  of 
your  head  your  eyes  are  in  ?  *4A11  turn  around 
and  look  at  your  superior  officer." 

After  the  commanding  officer  had  succeeded 
in  getting  them  all  to  face  him  in  regular 
order  once  more,  he  said  :  "  Now,  men,  change 
your  fronts,  and  stand  your  backs  towards 


me." 


302  MY    SATCHEL   AND   I. 

This  done,  he  said  :  "  Now,  men,  take  no 
tice — soon  as  I  give  the  order  to  about  face, 
I  want  to  have  you  turn  around  and  look  me 
square  in  the  face.  Now,  attention!  About, 
face!" 

They  all  stood  as  they  were,  only  turning 
their  faces  around  and  looking  at  their  supe 
rior  officer,  over  their  left  shoulders. 

The  Captain  swore  at  his  squad,  and  said : 

"  D n  you  miserable   suckers  ;  don't  you 

know  when  your  mother  is  out  ?  " 

Before  giving  out  the  order  again,  the  Cap 
tain  took  the  gun  from  one  of  the  squad,  and 
telling  him  to  step  out  of  the  ranks,  he  went 
back,  took  his  old  position  in  front  of  his  com 
pany,  and  said  to  his  men :  "  Look  a  here, 
gentlemen ;  I  want  to  have  you  all  stand 
mighty  quick  with  your  backs  facing  me,  and 
when  I  tell  you  4o  turn  your  faces,  I  want  you 
should  turn  youivbacks  the  other  way,  and  if 
I  catch  any  one  of  you  a  gazing  at  me  with 
your  face  over  your  shoulder  as  you  did  the 
other  time,  I  will  spoil  your  countenance  in 
less  than  no  time,  by  filling  it  jam  full  of 
buck  shot."  Suffice  it  to  say  regarding  this 


MY    SATCHEL    AXD    1.  303 

last  order  of  the  "  Superior  Officer,"  that  it 
was  speedily  and  perfectly  obeyed. 

Among  the  other  orders  given  were  these : 
"Dodge  that  ere  hole,"  "jump  that  ditch," 
"  Double  quick,"  "git,"  and  "  raise  dust  for 
your  lives/'  £c.  &c. 


CHAPTER  X. 


After  having  succeeded  well  in  securing  a 
good  list  of  subscribers,  an  agent's  trouble 
and  perplexities  are  not  always  entirely  over. 
Many  times  he  is  met  at  the  outer  door  of  the 
residences  where  his  subscribers  reside,  and 
informed  by  the  servant  girl,  that  the  lady  or 
man  of  the  house  is  not  in,  which  in  many 
cases  proves  to  be  a  falsehood,  and  it  some 
times  seems  as  though  servants  were  expected 
to  do  the  lying  as  a  part  of  the  regular  duty 
assigned  to  them. 

When  I  delivered  books  for  the  first  time, 
I  generally  took  people  at  their  word,  and 
when  a  servant  came  to  the  door  and  said  Mr. 
or  Mrs.  So-and-So  were  not  at  home,  but  I 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  305 

soon  learned  what  that  statement  often  meant, 
and  what  it  was  intended  for. 

Early  one  afternoon,  when  I  was  about  to 
enter  the  house  of  one  of  my  lady  subscribers, 
I  espied  her  at  her  parlor  window,  and  I  pre 
sume  she  recognized  me,  for  she  suddenly 
took  her  departure.  Having  caught  a  glimpse 
of  her,  I  knew  that  she  wras  at  home,  so  I  was 
forearmed.  On  ringing  the  bell,  the  servant 
came  to  the  door,  and  I  inquired  of  her  if 
Madame  R.  was  in. 

"  She  is  not  at  home." 

"  I  would  like  to  walk  in,  if  you  please, 
and  wait  for  her  return." 

Not  knowing  hardly  what  to  do,  she  finally 
admitted  me.  showed  me  into  the  parlor,  and 
retired,  as  I  suppose,  for  consultation  with 
her  mistress,  who  I  was  well  aware  was  quite 
at  home  in  some  part  of  the  house.  After  a 
few  moments  the  servant  returned  with  the 
message  that  "  the  lady  of  the  house  would 
not  return  for  an  hour  or  two." 

"  Very  well,  I  am  in  no  special  hurry.  I 
can  wait  as  well  as  not." 

Being  a  stranger,  they  did  not  exactly  like 

20 


306  MY    SATCHEL   AND   I. 

to  leave  me  alone  in  possession  of  the  best 
room  in  the  house,  for  fear,  I  presume,  that 
they  might  lose  some  of  their  valuables.  So, 
after  remaining  there  for  half  an  hour  or 
more,  the  lady  of  the  house  returned,  and 
concluded  to  see  me.  As  she  came  into  the 
room,  I  arose,  politely  bowed,  and  informed 
her  that  I  had  brought  the  book  for  which 
she  subscribed.  She  said  she  was  sorry,  for 
she  had  no  money  to  pay  for  it.  I  said  that 
I  was  sorry  also,  but  guessed  I  could  arrange 
matters  satisfactorily  to  both  parties  con 
cerned,  and  so  I  informed  her  that  I  would 
call  upon  her  the  next  afternoon  for  my  pay, 
and  would  leave  the  book. 

Well,  but  I  don't  know  as  I  shall  be  able  to 
pay  for  it  then." 

"  I  guess  you  can  obtain  funds  enough  for 
that  some  how,  but  if  you  cannot  I  will  call 
some  other  time." 

She  began  to  think  that  the  best  way  to  do 
was  to  keep  her  word,  raise  the  funds,  of 
which  she  had  an  ample  amount,  and  take  the 
book,  which  she  did  without  further  delay. 
Taking  up  my  satchel  I  bade  her  good  after- 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  307 

noon,  remarking  that  I  hoped  I  had  not  seri 
ously  discommoded  her,  yet  I  knew  that  I  had 
been  of  some  little  annoyance  to  her. 

When  people  who  had  subscribed  for  a  book 
could  offer  very  good  and  substantial  reasons 
why  they  should  not,  or  could  not,  take  it,  I 
of  course  would  not,  and  did  not  hold  them 
to  their  obligations  ;  but  I  generally  intended 
to  impress  the  fact  upon  their  minds,  that  a 
subscription  was  equivalent  to  a  written  con 
tract,  w^hich  placed  the  individual  under  special 
obligations  to  take  the  book,  and  whenever 
parties  sought  to  wholly  ignore  this  fact,  I 
considered  it  my  duty  to  try  and  impress  it 
upon  their  minds,  and  make  them  see  the  pro 
priety  of  keeping  their  word,  and  fulfilling 
their  agreement.  Before  I  had  got  through 
delivering  books,  I  was  surprised  at  the  won 
derful  revelations  made  to  me ;  to  learn  of 
the  great  misfortunes,  the  dire  calamities,  that 
had  befallen  my  patrons  during  the  interval 
between  the  time  that  I  called  upon  them  to 
subscribe,  and  the  time  wThen  they  were  called 
upon  to  take  the  works. 

Calling  upon  one  man,  he  could  not  take 


308  MY    SATCHEL   AND    I. 

his  book  because  his  only  mule  had  died,  and 
he  had  been  obliged  to  buy  another.  I  told 
him  I  was  sorry  for  the  mule,  but  I  did  not 
see  how  he  could  be  helped,  and  as  for  him,  I 
thought  he  had  better  take  the  book,  inas 
much  as  he  did  not  make  his  subscription 
upon  any  such  contingencies.  I  told  him  that 
if  he  had  stated  the  fact  in  his  subscription, 
that  he  would  take  the  work  provided  his 
mule  lived,  and  not  if  it  died,  then  I  should 
have  left  the  mule  to  decide  the  question,  but 
as  it  was  I  could  not  allow  the  death  of  the 
mule  to  have  any  special  bearing  in  the  case, 
and,  in  fact,  I  thought  it  had  better  be  left 
out  of  the  question  altogether.  Peace  to  the 
mule's  ashes  !  He  took  his  book,  paid  for  it, 
and  we  were  both  happy,  or  at  least  I  felt 
satisfied.  The  next  subscriber  that  I  called 
upon  was  a  woman,  who  offered  as  a  suffi 
cient  reason  why  she  should  not  fulfil  her 
agreement,  the  fact  that  she  had  buried  her 
grandmother.  I  was  possessed  with  a  sympa 
thetic  nature,  and  inwardly  sorrowed  for  her, 
in  her  affliction,  and  it  seemed  at  first  rather 
tough  to  press  her  to  take  a  book,  but  never- 


MY    SATCHEL    AXD   I.  309 

theless  I  did  not  see  how  I  could  sympathize 
with  all  of  my  patrons,  and  release  a  great 
part  of  them  from  their  subscription  besides, 
so  I  thought  I  would  reason  with  her  a  little. 

"  When  did  your  grandmother  die  ?  " 

"  About  a  month  ago." 

"What  appeared  to  be  the  matter  with 
her?" 

"  I  don't  exactly  know,  for  she  died  very 
suddenly." 

"  She  wa?  not  a  very  great  burden  or  ex 
pense  to  her  friends  then,  and  probably  did 
not  suffer  much  herself?  " 

"No." 

"  Did  you  attend  her  funeral  ?  " 

"  No,  I  could  not  leave  very  well,  as  I  had 
a  great  many  things  to  see  to." 

"  You  did  not  have  to  bear  the  funeral 
expenses  then,  did  you  ?  " 

"  Of  course  not,  as  it  did  not  belong  to  us 
to  do,  neither  was  it  expected  of  us." 

"It  is  sad,  indeed,  to  lose  a  grandmother,  as 
I  know  by  experience,  but  if  you  will  take 
your  book,  and  read  it  attentively,  it  will  tend 
to  divert  your  mind,  so  that  it  will  not  be 


310  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

wandering  all  the  time  after  your  deceased 
friend  and  relative." 

I  guess  she  saw  that  my  mining  process 
was  likely  to  take  her  underpinning  out  and 
leave  her  without  much  foundation  for  her 
statement,  or,  at  least,  without  any  valid  rea 
son  why  she  should  not  do  as  she  agreed,  for 
she  soon  produced  the  money,  paid  for  her 
book,  and  I  departed,  meditating  upon  the 
frailty  and  uncertainty  surrounding  the  lives 
of  grandmothers.  I  have  grave  doubts  about 
the  non-existence  of  that  grandmother,  and 
do  not  believe  that  she  has  breathed  her  last 
yet. 

Calling  upon  a  farmer  to  leave  him  his  book, 
he  said  that  he  did  not  see  how  he  could  take 
it,  as  there  had  been  a  severe  drought  and  his 
crops  were  going  to  be  very  short,  and  he  did 
not  know  but  they  would  fail  him  altogther. 
I  assured  him  that  dry  times  affected  all  classes 
of  people,  in  every  business  calling,  book 
agents  included,  and  probably  it  was  no  worse 
for  him  than  for  others.  I  told  him  that  if 
his  crops  did  partially  fail  that  year,  he  had 
the  land  left,  which  would  be  as  good  as  ever, 


MY    SATCHEL   AND   I.  311 

but  if  I  had  all  my  books  left  on  my  bands, 
tbey  would  spoil  by  age,  and  tbey  would  be 
a  dead  loss  to  me.  He  at  last  saw  his  way 
clear  enough  to  take  it,  and  so  one  more  bar 
gain  was  closed. 

One  widow  lady  among  my  subscribers 
offered  as  an  excuse  for  her  not  wishing  to 
take  the  book,  the  fact  that  her  daughter  was, 
quite  unexpectedly  to  her,  to  be  married  in  a 
few  weeks,  and  it  would  necessitate  quite  an 
outlay  on  her  part,  which  she  did  not  antici 
pate  when  she  made  the  subscription. 

"  I  feel  sorry  for  you,  madame.  but  congrat 
ulate  your  daughter  upon  her  prospects.  I  pre 
sume  your  daughter  had  nothing  to  do  with 
your  subscribing  in  the  first  place,  and  now  I 
don't  wish  to  let  such  a  trifling  thing  as  a 
marriage  contract  annul  your  contract  with 
me.  You  can  make  your  daughter  a  wedding 
present  of  it,  and  she  may  be  enabled  to  de 
rive  comfort  and  consolation  during  her  mar 
ried  life  in  reading  it,  and  finding  out  that 
there  have  been  people  in  the  world  who  were 
greater  slaves  than  she." 

The  widow  came   down  with  her  mite,  I 


312  MY    SATCHEL   AND    I. 

went  my  way,  and  I  suppose  the  daughter  was 
married  in  due  time. 

Calling  at  the  residence  of  another  of  my 
subscribers,  I  found  the  lady  of  the  house  at 
home,  but  as  her  husband  gave  me  his  auto 
graph  for  the  book,  I  desired  to  see  him,  and 
so  made  inquiry  as  to  his  whereabouts. 

"  He  is  absent." 

"  How  soon  will  he  be  at  home  ?  " 

"  About  two  months." 

"  0,  he  has  gone  on  a  journey  has  he  ?  " 

"  Yes,  a  short  one." 

"  May  I  ask  where  he  has  gone  ?  " 

"  What  business  is  it  to  you,  sir,  where  he's 
gone  ?  " 

"  I  simply  desired  to  know,  thinking  per 
haps  he  might  be  stopping  near  here,  where 
I  could  see  him  and  deliver  to  him  his  book." 

"What  book?" 

"  The  one  he  subscribed  for  a  few  weeks 
ago,  the  '  History  of  the  Galley  Slaves." 

"  I  guess  the  old  fellow  will  find  out  all  he 
wants  to  know  about  Galley  Slaves  before  he 
works  out  his  two  months'  sentence  to  the 
county  work  house." 


MY    SATCHEL    AXD    I.  313 

"  What !  you  don't  mean  to  say  that  he 
has  gone  to  jail,  do  you  ?  " 

"I  do,  just  that." 

"Why  was  he  sent  there?" 

"  On  account  of  drunkenness  and  cruelty 
to  his  family." 

"I  am  sorry." 

"  Well,  I'm  not,  and  I  hope  he  will  be  kept 
there  until  he  knows  enough  to  keep  sober." 

"  If  you  do  not  want  to  take  the  book  you 
need  not,  but  I  guess  I  will  call  upon  your 
husband  at  the  jail." 

"  Do  as  you  like,  but  he  won't  have  any 
money." 

I  finally  called  upon  her  husband  in  jail, 
and  speaking  of  bringing  the  book  for  which 
he  subscribed,  he  said,  that  the  officers  had 
got  the  best  of  him,  and  there  he  was,  with 
nothing  but  his  clothes,  so  he  could  not  pay 
for  the  book. 

"  You  see,"  said  I,  "  what  a  slave  you  have 
come  to  be  to  your  miserable  appetite,  even 
in  worse  bondage  than  as  though  you  were  a 
Galley  Slave." 

"  Yes,  I  know  it,  but  I  am  no  worse  than 


314  MY    SATCHEL   AND   I. 

those  who  sell  it,  and  they  are  all  right,  and 
no  one  disturbs  them.'' 

"  Your  statement  is  too  true,  but  they  may 
sometime  feel  the  power  of  retributive  justice 
as  forcibly  as  you  do  now." 

"I  hope  so,  but  they  never  have,  and  I 
don't  believe  they  ever  will,  for  money  can 
always  defeat  justice  and  keep  the  biggest 
rascals  from  getting  their  deserts." 

Giving  him  a  few  words  of  advice,  I  left  him 
to  meditate  a  while  longer  upon  the  evils  of 
intemperance. 

Notwithstanding  the  fact  that  my  subscrib 
ers  had  been  afflicted  by  losses  of  mules,  grand 
mothers,  and  property  of  various  kinds,  and 
also  suffered  from  the  evils  of  intemperance 
and  the  ravages  of  -marriage,  I  succeeded  in 
delivering  most  of  the  books  ordered. 

Having  delivered  the  books  to  my  subscrib 
ers,  and  settled  up  my  affairs  in  Charleston,  I 
concluded  to  return  home,  pay  a  visit  to  my 
mother,  whom  I  had  not  seen  for  many 
months,  and  enjoy  the  holiday  season  which 
would  soon  be  at  hand.  December  1st,  I  took 
a  steamer  for  New  York,  and  reached  home 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 


315 


on  the  6th.  As  I  reached  the  gate  in  front 
of  my  mother's  house,  I  saw  her  in  the  door 
way,  and  out  she  came  to  meet  me,  saying :  " 


"  Why,  Ikabod  Izax,  is  that  you  ?     Don't 
my  eyes  really  deceive  me  ?     Why,  how  you 


316  MY    SATCHEL    AND    I. 

have  changed.  You  look  ever  so  much  better 
and  smarter  than  you  did,  some  how,  and  you 
have  got  some  whiskers,  too.  Ikabod,  you 
begin  to  look  like  a  gentleman,  sure  as  the 
world.  I  told  you  you  had  it  in  you  to  suc 
ceed,  and  you  have  shown  it." 

The  old  cat  seemed  to  be  animated  by  much 
the  same  spirit  as  my  mother  was,  and  came 
purring,  and  rubbing  its  head  on  my  legs, 
and  the  family  welcome,  to  say  the  least,  was 
hearty  and  genuine. 

After  a  few  days  spent  at  home,  I  called 
upon  the  publishers,  Lion,  Skinner  &  Co.,  and 
settled  up  with  them,  paying  them  for  the  200 
"  Galley  Slaves,"  that  I  had  disposed  of  dur 
ing  my  canvassing  tour.  Some  time  after 
ward  I  took  a  tour  through  the  Eastern  part 
of  the  State  of  Massachusetts,  and  the  time 
may  come  when  I  might  like  to  relate  my 
experience  in  Prince  Edward's  Island,  Nova 
Scotia,  the  Canadas,  and  some  other  places  of 
interest.  I  have  spoken  of  the  peculiar  peo 
ple  one  comes  across  while  canvassing,  of  the 
pleasant  and  unpleasant  incidents  continually 
transpiring, — shown  up  some  of  the  peculiar- 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  317 

ities  of  human  nature  ;  and  now  I  propose  to 
speak  of  some  of  the  difficulties  an  agent  has 
to  contend  with,  and  the  obstacles  he  has  to 
overcome,  the  prejudices  he  is  obliged  to  bat 
tle  against,  &c. 

The  opposition  of  the  public  to  this  method 
of  selling  books  by  subscription  has  become 
to  be  very  great,  and  the  question  arises  how 
it  became  to  be  so  very  bitter  and  general. 
There  have  been  various  causes  for  it,  promi 
nent  among  which  are,  that  publishers  have 
often  issued  poor,  worthless  books,  such  as 
were  neither  amusing  or  instructive,  and  be 
sides  had  them  gotten  up  in  such  shape,  and 
made  of  such  miserable  material  that  they 
would  scarcely  hold  together,  and  would  not 
do  so  only  for  a  short  time.  Again,  in  secur 
ing  agents  the  publishers  often  make  false 
statements  regarding  their  works,  and  tell 
fabulous  tales  about  the  merits  of  them,  and 
the  wonderful  sale  which  they  claim  they  are 
meeting  with,  and  not  answering  the  descrip 
tion,  or  the  expectations  of  the  agents  and 
the  people  who  are  induced  to  buy,  dissatis 
faction  all  around  is  the  result. 


318  MY    SATCHEL   AND    I. 

When  it  is  announced  by  a  given  publisher 
that  he  is  about  to  issue  a  new  work  treating 
upon  a  certain  subject,  it  often  happens  that 
some  unprincipled  guerrilla  among  the  publish 
ers  will  suddenly  start  up,  invade  the  other's 
territory,  and  getting  a  little  the  start,  will 
issue  a  cheap,  unauthentic  work  upon  the 
same  subject,  and  in  this  way  the  public  is 
cheated  by  the  cheap  plunder,  so  that  they 
have  little  disposition  to  take  the  genuine 
article  when  ready  for  the  market.  It  is  this 
same  kind,  of  literary  guerrilla  warfare  that 
has  been  disastrous  to  agents,  and  worked  the 
ruin  of  more  than  one  publisher,  and  cast 
discredit  upon  all  concerned  in  it. 

It  seems  to  be  the  studied  effort  of  many 
publishers  to  see  how  cheaply  they  can  con 
struct  a  book,  and  be  enabled  to  dispose  of  it 
to  the  public  without  being  immediately  de 
tected  in  the  swindle.  Some  publishers  seem 
to  think  that  principle,  honesty,  and  fair  deal 
ing,  are  entirely  uncalled  for  in  dealing  with 
canvassing  agents,  so  it  is  not  an  unfrequent 
occurrence  that  the  same  publisher  will  sell 
two  or  three  agents  a  complete  outfit,  take 


MY    SATCHEL   AND   I.  319 

their  pay  for  the  same,  and  assign  the  agents 
to  the  same  territory,  a  fact  not  known  to  the 
agents,  until  they  meet  each  other  face  to  face 
in  the  same  town  or  city.  The  public  are  not 
only  imposed  upon  by  publishers  of  miserable 
trash,  but  it  also  has  to  suffer  from  the  doings 
of  unprincipled  agents,  who  are  forever  mak 
ing  false  statements,  and  taking  every  possible 
advantage  of  people,  that  lies  in  their  power. 
The  public  are,  however,  but  little  better  in 
their  treatment  of  agents,  and  so  have  not 
much  to  boast  of  in  that  direction.  In  fact, 
it  sometimes  seems  as  though  the  public 
thought  it  no  sin,  even  if  they  did  not  regard 
it  a  Christian  virtue,  to  lie  to,  abuse,  and  mal 
treat  an  agent,  whoever  he  or  she  might  be. 
In  entertaining  strangers,  it  is  claimed  that 
people  may  entertain  angels  unawares  some 
times,  and  it  may  be  well  to  consider  that 
good,  honest,  honorable,  cultivated  people  do 
at  times  engage  in  this  business  for  good, 
valid,  and  highly  creditable  reasons. 

It  often  happens  that  men,  by  reason  of 
some  sudden  and  overwhelming  reverse  of 
fortune  are  obliged  to  follow  some  new  voca- 


320  MY    SATCHEL   AND    I. 

tion  as  a  means  of  obtaining  a  livelihood,  and 
having  no  trade  or  profession,  quite  as  a  mat 
ter  of  course  engage  in  selling  books.  Such 
instances  were  numerous  after  the  great  fires 
at  Chicago  and  Boston,  when  men  of  fortune 
lost  every  farthing,  and  went  to  selling  books, 
hoping  to  obtain  an  honest  living  by  so  doing. 
If  the  people  do  not  wish  to  purchase  books, 
they  can  say  so,  and  be  civil  in  so  doing,  and 
they  might  do  wrell  to  consider  that  the  agent 
who  calls  at  their  door,  is  entitled  to  civil  and 
gentlemanly  treatment,  so  long  as  he  behaves 
in  a  becoming  manner  himself,  and  is  civil  in 
his  treatment  to  those  he  calls  upon.  Don't 
regard  every  lady  who  is  engaged  in  this  call 
ing  as  one  of  no  reputation,  dishonorable  in 
character,  and  without  virtues,  destitute  of 
the  nobler  traits  of  the  female  mind  and  heart, 
for  some  there  are  among  them,  who,  instead 
of  being  a  burden  to  their  parents  or  friends, 
choose  rather  to  labor  themselves,  and  work 
out  an  honorable  and  an  independent  support. 
Give  every  man  and  woman  due  credit  for 
preferring  to  work  rather  than  to  revel  in 
wealth  and  luxury,  or  being  dependent  upon 


MY    SATCHEL    AND    I.  321 

the  generosity  and  charity  of  others ;  and 
true  it  is  that  every  individual  who  attempts 
to  cast  dishonor  upon  any  such  person,  is  only 
showing  how  insignificant  in  the  scale  of  hu 
manity  they  themselves  really  are. 

Many  of  the  largest  and  first  class  publish 
ers  throughout  the  country,  who  heretofore 
have  opposed  and  ridiculed  the  subscription 
book  business,  have  now  organized  a  distinct 
department  for  the  special  purpose  of  carry 
ing  on  this  branch  of  the  business.  Xow 
some  of  the  best  books,  by  the  first  authors, 
are  brought  before  the  public  in  this  way,  and 
in  no  other,  and  individuals  who  swear  that 
they  will  never  subscribe  for  a  book,  by 
so  doing  deprive  themselves  of  many  works 
of  great  value,  and  such  as  they  would  delight 
in  if  they  perused  them. 

There  are  many  country  places  where  there 
are  no  booksellers,  and  people  have  no  oppor 
tunity  of  knowing  about  many  of  the  best 
books  published  except  an  agent  calls  upon 
them.  Ladies  can  make  as  much  in  this  call 
ing  as  men,  and  I  know  of  women  who  earn 
more  money  in  selling  books  than  any  me- 

21 


322  MY    SATCHEL   AND   I. 

chanic  does  in  the  same  time,  and  many  a 
man  has  made  this  business  a  stepping  stone 
to  a  good  fortune  and  high  positions. 

When  the  publishers  throughout  the  coun 
try  who  issue  subscription  works,  will  take 
pains  to  issue  books  of  some  interest  and  real 
value,  and  get  them  up  in  a  durable  and  sub 
stantial  manner,  and  will  secure  agents  to 
represent  them  who  are  men  and  women  of 
honor  and  principle,  and  then  stand  by  them, 
giving  them  none  but  fair  dealing,  and  when 
agents  in  their  statements  to  the  public  are 
consistent  and  truthful,  then  the  business  will 
cease  to  be  regarded  in  the  light  which  it  has 
been  in  years  past. 

There  are  now  signs  of  a  great  reform  in 
the  methods  and  manner  of  conducting  the 
business,  and  agents  recognize  the  fact  and 
hail  them  with  pleasure.  Publishers  and  au 
thors  of  the  leading  works  of  literature,  sci 
ence  and  art,  now  begin  to  realize  that  the 
best  way  to  bring  such  works  more  generally 
before  the  public  is  to  have  them  sold  by  sub 
scription.  So  now  the  gentleman  or  lady  who 
desires  to  engage  in  selling  books  can  do  so 


MY    SATCHEL   AKD    I.  323 

with  the  assurance  that  the  business  is  not 
dishonorable,  and  the  best  minds  are  contrib 
uting  their  greatest  productions  to  the  sup 
port  and  success  of  the  enterprise,  and  the 
most  successful  publishers  are  enlarging  their 
efforts  in  the  same  direction,  and  splendid  suc 
cess  will  attend  the  honest  efforts  of  the 
faithful  canvassing  book  agent,  who  truthfully 
represents  works  possessing  the  merits  and 
character  here  spoken  of.  Publishers,  Book 
Agents,  and  the  Public,  please  take  notice. 


CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER  I. 

Introduction. — Scheme  to  Fill  Mv  Pockets. — Wardrobe. — Call 
ing  upon  the  Publishers. — My  Reception. — The  Attack. — 
My  Retreat. — Parental  Sympathy. — Second  Interview  with 
Publishers. — My  Engagement. — Departure  for  the  Field. — 
The  Smith  Family.— Breaking  In.— The  Town  Clerk  and 
Postmaster. — My  First  Subscriber. 

CHAPTER  II. 

Sam  Sloan. — "I'se  a  Preacher." — Letter  to  Publishers. — Sam 
Sloan's  Sermon. — Contest  with  the  Blacksmith  and  His 
Wife. — Beggars. — My  Special  Solicitor. — His  Capture. 

CHAPTER  III. 

''Do  You  See  that  Xail,  Sir?" — The  Village  Auctioneer. — 
Scathing  Letter  from  the  Publishers. — Widow  Bednor. — 
The  Young  Pastor. — Deacon  Standish. — Deacon  Crook. — 
Deacon  Goldfinch. 

CHAPTER  IV. 

Patrick  Moriarty  and  the  Galley  Slaves. — Letter  to  the  Publish 
ers. — The  Celebrated  Scotch  Family. — The  Sunday  Morn 
ing  Carnival. — The  Family  Handkerchief. — The  Independ 
ent  Church  Communicant. — The  Dialogue  in  Church. — The 
Ingenious  Scotchman. — The  Country  Attorney. — The  Eng 
lish  Cooper. 

CHAPTER  V. 

Dr.  Charre  and  His  Irish  Patient. — My  Harangue  to  the  Doc 
tor. — Besieging  the  Deaf  Farmer.— My  Pistol  Shot. — Whoa, 
Haw,  Gee  there  Old  Daisy. — Mistaken  Identity. — The 
Dutch  Landlord. — The  Fourth  of  July  Orator,  Timothy 
Beetle,  Esq. — The  Village  Sexton  and  Hearse.— The  Great 
Procession. — Chapter  of  Accidents. — Miscellaneous  Sports. 
— Dutch  Toast  Master. — Ikabod  Izax's  Speech. — Introduc 
ing  the  Orator. — The  Great  Oration. — Fire  Works. 


326  CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER  VI. 

^Letter  from  the  Publishers. — The  Runaway  Slave. — Story  of 
His  Escape. — "  Hallelooyah !  Glory!  Golly!" — Country 
School  Marm. — The  Rebellious  Pupils. — Examining  the 
Class  in  Geography. — Ikabod's  Address  to  the  Pupils. 

CHAPTER  VII. 

Valued  at  $1500,  Insured  for  $1000.— Miss  Sarah  Buckminster. 
— Editor  Boone  and  the  Great  Boone  Estate. — The  Editorial. 
— Newspaper  Puff. — Rev.  Mr.  Devine. — Trading  for  a  Ser 
mon. — Rev.  Mr.  Dumbell. — Selling  My  Sermon. — Apostro 
phe  on  the  Death  of  My  First  Subscriber. — Departure  for 
the  South. — Storm  at  Sea. — The  Frightened  Passenger. — 
First  Interview  with  a  Slaveholder. — The  Slave  Driver. — 
"  Cash  Paid  for  Hides  and  Pelts." 

CHAPTER  VIII. 

Director  Drake. — The  Zoological  Exhibition. — Opening  Address. 
— Showing  up  the  Animals. — Director  Drake's  Individual 
Career. — Pastor  of  the  Village  Methodist  Church. — His 
Closing  Address. — Among  the  Planters. — Great  Auction 
Sale  of  Slaves. — Buying  a  Slave. — My  Elephant. 

CHAPTER  IX. 

The  Poor  Whites. — The  Patent  Medicine  Man. — The  Balloon 
Ascension. — The  Peddler's  Aerial  Journey. — "Grab  the 
Ropes  !  Save  Me  !  Pull  Me  Down ! " — Anthony  Brown. — 
"The  Balance  of  Power." — Hanging  of  Anthony  Brown. — 
Coat  of  Tar  and  Feathers. — His  Sudden  Departure. — His 
Baggage. — Novel  Military  Drill. 

CHAPTER  X. 

Calamities  Afflicting  My  Subscribers. — Ikabod  Returns  to  His 
Mother. — Conclusion. 


THE  GUIDE  BOARD 

— TO — 

Health,  Peace,  and  Competence, 

— OR — 

THE  ROAD  TO  HAPPY  OLD   AGE. 

A  HAND-BOOK  ADAPTED  TO  ALL  CLASSES,  IN  ALL 
PARTS  OF  THE  COUNTRY. 

BY  W.  W.  HALL.  M.  D..  NEW  YORK, 

AUTHOR  OF  '% HEALTH  BY  GOOD  LIVING,"  ;iFuN  BETTER  THAN 
PHYSIC,"  &c. 

1  VOL.  ROYAL  OCTAVO,  750  PAGES. 

Fine  Heavy  White  Paper,  Small  Pica  Type,  English  Muslin, 

Beveled  Boards,  Gilt  Back  and  Side  Sta-np.  Library  Style, 

and  Half  Calf,  with  Fine  Steel  Plate  of  the  Author,  and 

THIRTY-THREE  FULL-PAGE  ILLUSTRATIONS, 

BY    THE    BEST    ARTISTS. 


English  Muslin 84.00 

Library  Style 4.50 

Half  Calf,  Sprinkled  Edse 5.00 

"        "     Gilt  Back,  Marble  Edge 5.50 

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EXCLUSIVELY  A   SUBSCRIPTION  BOOK. 

ProspfctiiK.  icilh  sample  pages  and  style  of  binding,  sent  by  mail,  postage 
paid,  on  receipt  of  $2.00. 

FIRST-CLASS  EXPERIENCED  AGENTS  WANTED  in  all  sections 
of  the  country,  and  the  BEST  INDUCEMENTS  offered.  S^p3*  We 
have  Agents  who  have  been  connected  with  us  five  years,  which 
is  an  indication  of  their  satisfaction  with  our  dealings. 

D.  E.  FESK  &  CO.,  Publishers, 

Springfield,  Mass. 


VICTIMS  GF  IGNORANCE, 

OR    THE 

Perils  of  Early  Life. 


A  TREATISE  OX  THE  DISEASES  AND  DEFORMITIES 
OF  CHILDREN. 

BY  GEORGE  S.  STEBBIXS,  M.  D., 

Graduate  of  Berkshire  and  Bowdoin  Medical  Colleges ; 
Fellow  of  the  Mass.  Medical  Society ;  and  late  A.  A.  Sur 
geon  U.  S.  A.  General  Hospital,  Washington,  D.  C. 

OXE  Vol.  Octavo,  420  Pages,  Fine  Heavy  White  Paper, 
Small  Pica  Type,  English  Muslin,  Beveled  Boards,  Blaek  and 
Gilt  Back  and  Side  Stamps ;  also.  Library  Style,  Half  Calf  and 
Turkey  Morocco,  with  a  Fine  Portrait  of  the  Author,  and  nu 
merous  Full  Page  Illustrations,  from  Electrotype  Plates,  on 
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EXCLUSIVELY  A  SUBSCRIPTION  BOOK. 

This  is  the  only  book  of  the  kind  published  in  this  Country, 
and  gives  the  details  in  regard  to  all  diseases  which  children 
are  "  heir  to  "  from  birth  to  the  age  of  fifteen,  and  the  best 
manner  of  treatment. 

To  all  parents,  and  especially  to  those  whose  children  are 
"born  deformed,  or  with  disease,  hereditary  or  otherwise,  this 
Book  will  be  invaluable. 

AGENTS  WANTED  in  all  Sections. 

D,  E.  FISK  &  CO.,  Publishers, 
Springfield,  Mass. 


IR/ZEJLSOHSTS 

ALL    SHOULD 

BUY  AND  READ 

The  Guide  Board  to  Health,  Peace, 
and  Competence; 

— OR. — 

ROAD  TO  HAPPY  OLD  AGE. 


BY  W.  W.  HALL,  M.  D., 
EDITOR  OF  "HALL'S  JOURNAL  OF  HEALTH." 

1  Vol.  Royal  Octavo.    75O  pp. 

The  author  of   "40  Years'  Experience"    is  universally  known 
as  one  of  the  Best  Physicians  in  the  Country. 

The  book  contains  more  COMMON  SENSE  than  any  other  yet  published. 

Its  great  aim  is  to  pr^ctnt  sickness. 

It  is  adapted  to  every  class,  of  whatever  condition  in  life. 

It  points  the  way  to  Health.  Morals,  a  Long  Life,  and  a  Blessed  Hereafter. 

It  shows  how  to  live  in  each  of  the  Four  Seasons. 

It  shows  how  to  eat,  and  to  preserve  the  appetite. 

It  shows  how  health  is  lost,  and  how  recovered  without  expense. 

It  shows  how  to  care  for  the  sick. 

It  shows  how  to  educate  Children,  and  how  they  are  spoiled  by  education. 

It  shows  Fools  how  to  be  wise. 

It  shows  those  having  common  sense  how  to  use  it. 

It  shows  how  to  make  money,  and  how  to  lend  it,  if  at  all. 

It  shows  how  money  is  used  as  a  medicine. 

It  shows  that  food  is  the  best  physic. 

It  shows  when  and  how  to  eat  Fruit. 

It  shows  the  Farmer  how  and  where  to  biiild  Houses  and  Barns. 

It  shows  the  Farmer  what  food  is  best  for  his  Cattle. 

It  shows  how  wives  are  overtaxed. 

It  shows  how  to  live. 

It  shows  how  to  grow  old  happily. 

It  shows  how  to  die. 

It  shows  how  every  family  can  save  many  times  its  cost  every  year. 

It  is  good  for  each  day  and  for  all  times. 

It  is  free  from  Medical  Terms,  and  so  plain  that  all  can  understand  it. 

It  exposes  all  humbugs. 

It  condemns  Quackery,  and  opens  the  eyes  of  those  who  patronize  Quacks. 

It  condemns  the  indiscriminate  use  of  Medicine,  by  which  the  Stomach  is 
turned  into  a  Drug  Shop. 

It  points  to  all  the  Tnie  Path  of  Life  that  leads  to  a  peaceful  rest,  and  is  in 
dorsed  by  the  most  learned  and  best  men  of  the  country. 

J&-A  GEXTS  who  apply  for  this  work  must  send  Stamp,  stating  their 
experience,  territory  desired,  &c. 


"  A  Hearty  Laugh  Elevates  the  Spirit  and  Enlivens  the  Circulation. 


BETTER    THAN    PHYSIC: 

OR 

EVERYBODY'S  LIFE  PRESERVER. 

BY 

W.  W.  HALL,  M.  D.,  NEW  YORK. 

AUTHOR   OP   "  THE    GUIDE   BOARD,"   "  HEALTH   BY    GOOD    LIVING,"     KTC. 

One  Vol.     12mo.     333  Pages. 

Fine  Heavy  White  Taper,   Small  Pica  Type,  English  Muslin, 

Beveled  Boards,   Gilt  Back  and  Side  Stamp,   with 

Fine  Steel  Plate  Portrait  of  the  Author. 


This  hook  contains  TWELVE  HUNDRED  MAXIMS  and  PRECEPTS 
in  regard  to  HEALTH,  MORALS  and  HUMAN  HAPPINESS,  and  these 
are  made  so  plain  and  clear  that  a  child  can  see  and  feel  their 
truth.  Thus  seen  and  felt,  they  are  never  forgotten,  even  to  the 

LATEST    HOUR    OF    LIFE. 

The  great  popularity  of  the"  author  (than  whom  none  other  is 
so  often  quoted)  is  a  guarantee  that  this  hook  will  he  eagerly 
sought  for,  and  treasured  as  a  gem. 


Tlie  Best  Traveling-  and  Fireside  Companion  in  the  World. 

Those  who  wish  to  live  a  long  and  happy  life  should  call  for 
it,  buy  it,  read  it  daily,  and  follow  its  Precepts. 

Sent  to  any  address,  post  paid,  on  receipt  of  price. 

D,  E.  FISK  &  CO.,  Publishers, 
Springfield,  Mass. 


The  Man  who  makes  us  Laugh  makes  us  Healthy  and  Happy. 


F, 

FROM  THE  BRUSH  OF 


—AND— 

"Sport  from  the  Quill" 


—  OF— 


AUTHOK   OF    "Mr   SATCHEL   AND   I." 
WITH    FIFTY-SIX    FFLL-PAGE    ILLUSTRATIONS. 

THE  SPICY,   SARCASTIC  CHAPTERS  OF  IKABOD  IZAX 
Show  Up  the  Follies  and  Foibles 

Of  everyday  life,  in  a  pleasing  and  agreeable  manner,  yet  con 
taining  good  solid  advice  to  old  and  young  of  both  sexes,  in  all 
classes  of  society. 

The  chapters  on  "Ancient  Marry  -ners,"  "A  Woman  Moved," 
"Tale  Bearers."  "Human  Shoddy,"  and  "Hogs,"  and  the 
AMUSING  ILLUSTRATIONS  of  "Angelina  Turning  the 
Grindstone  "  "  The  Poor  but  Respectable  Parents."  Whittier's 
"Maud  Muller,"  (Raking  Hay  with  a  Mule.)  and  the  Antedilu 
vian  Monkey  recognizing  "Darwin  as  his  own  Son,"  are  worth 
double  the  price  of  the  book. 

As  a  Traveling  and  daily  cheerful  Fireside  Companion,  it  has 
no  equal. 


*'  The  book  must  be  seen  to  be  enjoyed,  and  we  know  of  no  work  of  th» 
kind  which  will  give  more  amusement."  —  Troy  Whig. 

"  There  is  an  much  intrinsic  fun  in  every  sketch,  that  it  is  the  JOLLIBST 
BOOK  of  the  season."  —  Springjitld  Republican. 

••We  have  not  seen  any  work  of  this  kind  so  finely  done,  and  we  advise 
every  one  who  enjoys  a  hearty  laugh  to  buy  a  copy  of  the  book."  —  Spring- 
Jield  Union. 

"The  humor  is  unmistakable,  and  many  of  the  sketches  Are  equal  to 
CRUIKSHANKS.  Time  would  fail  us  to  enumerate  the  provocatives  to  amuse- 
meut  in  this  book.  We  recommend  it  to  all."  —  Albany  Evening  Journal. 

D.  E.  FISK  &  CO.,  Publishers. 

Springfield,  Mass. 


"/'ra  sitting  on  the  stile,  Mary" 

OLD  SONG. 

(FROM  HIGH  ABT.) 


My  oatc 


lei   and   I 


.-• 

m  v 


